Crushed and Heart Broken!!!

[Sharonandtink]

After spliting up with my husband I started seeing Don, he was sweet, kind, had a great family, believed in God. Everything that I had ever hoped for. I thought that he was too good to be true. I fell hard for him like no one else. I was on Cloud Nine and there wasn't anything that could bring me down. I loved him and always will.

We started seeing each other and for the first few months we did everything together. Went fishing, driving everywhere, watching movies, playing board games, and everything that you can think of. We just had the best time together.

I needed a place to stay when I moved to Anchorage. I did not have a job, money was tight, I was still helping my exhusband, Matt get on his feet. Moving in with my best friend wouldn't work, so I moved in with Don. That is when things started to change. We still did everything but he did not want anyone to think that we were dating. Everything had to be secretive. He told me that his parents could not know that we were dating(his excuse was he did not want his parents to hate me if we broke up, they loved me already). I could usually talk to my ex about anything still but I could not tell him about Don (which broke my heart). Don did not want to have any pictures of us together and we could not go shopping together, he did not want to have anyone know that we were dating. These are two things that I need in a relationship. But I was willing to accept this and went along with it, thinking that things would change.

My divorse was final in September and I thought that everything would change between Don and I. I thought he would bring me to his parents and tell them that we were dating and we could go shopping together and everything. It did not happen. So I waited and waited. Months and months. He started to ignore me more and blame it on school. I accepted that and started doing my own things. So I started rock climbing with friends and going to movies. Everything with out him. He did not seem to care. It hurt. I even had dates and he just told me to "be careful and call me if you need anything."

So I met this great guy (the one that I am seeing now, Mike). Great everything except he does not believe in God, we are totally on the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to politics, he does not know what he wants to do with his life and blaa. He does have a great heart and I love him, but I just don't think that he is "The One." We take tons of pictures, I have met his family, and we go shopping together and all the stuff that Don did not do. I love that. He wants to be with me.

After a few months of seeing and staying with Mike, I fully moved out of Don's house and in with Mike. Don's plan was to move back in with his family. It is not the perfect idea that I had in mind but I went along with it but I do not regret it at all.

After I started dating Mike, Don became the man that I would have loved for him to be when we lived together. I still hung out with him and we were still good friends. I loved that. One night his brother, a friend of mine also, was turning 21 and wanted us to go out and celebrate. So we all went out to eat. I am not a drinker and neither is Don. Don and I were having a great time hanging out together and someone came up with a camera wanted to take a picture of us. Don grabbed me and held me close. I could have just melted. We had our first picture together. I loved every minute of it but it broke my heart to see that he was being the man that I wanted him to be.

I broke up with Mike and I went back to Don. I still loved him and I still do today. I was there a week and everything went back to the horrible way it was before we broke up. So I left again. It hurt so much, but Mike was there to comfort me.

Don and I are still friends and we would hang out occasionally. I loved the time we spent together. We had conversations that would last for hours and never get bored. I was great. I thought that we could do this for a while and maybe try it again sometime to make it work.

Don called me about a month ago and said that he had met a girl on the internet and that he would like my opinion about her. She said that she knew me. I was like okay. She was one of his friends on facebook and she had requested that I add her as a friend. So I did. I had worked with her in the past. She was very cute and I loved that he was trying to get out and date. She seemed very nice and I only had one reservation about her. Her best friend is a heartless gold digger and she was going to be her maid of honor. That scared me.

He talked to her olnline and over the phone for two weeks. He did not meet her in person until he came back home. She was going to pick him up and they were going to meet. I thought that was so awesome for him.

From watching facebook I found out that she did not go to her friends house that night to sleep like planned. She stayed the night with Don. This bothered me. After just meeting a few hours ago they desided to have sex?!!!??? It just ripped my heart out. I thought that they were both better than that.

I never told Don what I knew. I did not want to hurt whatever he had with this girl. Most of this information I found on her facebook page and put it all together. Don and I would talk on the phone about once a week and just update eachother on what we were doing. Something that we have been doing for the past 2 years. Nothing unusual in anyway. We never talked about his girl.

Then I had this dream about his girlfriend. The one day the only day that we worked together, years ago. I remember it like the back of hand. We were working in Dementia/ Alzheimers and she was suppose to be my partner to take care of many patients. She just sat on her butt the entire time and talked about shopping, traveling and the things that she had done with guys. These things were not great things. But the worst thing of all is she did not take care of her residents that were helpless and needed her. So I requested to never work with her again. And I never did.

So I called and I told Don the memory that I had and how scared I was for him. I told him that she is very controling and that she was going to hurt him. He just said that she is a great and that they have a great time together. So I told him to be careful.

Recently a new picture of the two of them was loaded on her facebook. I thought that was great, he started taking picture with his girlfriend. I made a comment on it and said that he was so cute with his new girlfriend.

The next thing that I know I got a call from Don telling me that she is mad that I made a comment on her picture and that I said they were dating in the comment. Then she took down the picture and was mad that I made that comment. I wrote an apology. In response, she told me that they were not dating and were just seeing eachother 'on and off'.

I believe when you sleep with someone there is a commitment.

The next thing that I know she does not want Don to talk to me anymore. So Don stands up for our friendship and say that I am just his friend and that there is nothing going on. She does not want him to talk to me. So he breaks up with her.

The next week he called just to see what I was up too and I find out the news, he broke up with her. I had no idea. He choose our friendship.

After agreeing not to talk to her, I recieved an email from her telling me that I was the reason that they were not together and how bad I was. I apoligized and said everything I could but that would not help, she would not read my emails. I called her and tried to explain my side, that Don and I were only friends. She thanked me for being so honest. And then I hung up.

Then I got a call from Don and he was mad. He asked me if I had called her. I said yes. It turns out that she called him and complained that called her and got mad at her. Which I did not. I told him everything that happened. He told me that he understands and to have a goodnight.

The next day (Friday) I get this text message from him asking me to meet him at Starbucks. I said okay and I went there after work. I expected him to be mad at me for calling her and I would have been totally okay with that. But instead he told me that he was going to get back with her. I asked him if he knew what this ment? He said yes. I told him that I could no longer be his friend any longer. Mostly out of respect for her.

I got back in my car balling my head off and went home. I don't know how I was able to drive. He did not even so much as call to find out if I was okay or to tell me that everything was going to be alright. He just left me heart broken. Mike helped me a lot.

The next day I check my facebook and I saw that I had a message. Thinking that it was Don I went to check it. No, it was from his girlfriend. I opened it, shocked to read,

"You LOST and I WON!!!!"

It broke my heart and is still breaking my heart knowing that he is with this heartless woman that is just using him. And he will not talk to me. I don't know what to do. All weekend I felt terrible in the middle of the night and mornings. After talking to Mike and other friends in the evenings I felt better. But it just hurts every morning. I still love him so much. I thought that he was the one.

Mike does not know what to do and I don't really know what to tell him. He is not the one for me, but he is trying so hard to be. He even wants to go to church with me. He is so sweet and everything. But we just don't have what it takes to make it for a life time.

I just don't know what to do. Don gave up our friendship for a girl that he has known for less then 2 months. I don't know what to think. Thank you for reading and I would love any input you can provide.

In need of support,
Sharon

P.S.
Names have been changed for all party's feelings with exception of mine.

[celstu1]

Hi! I don't know how I missed this...

Im sory you are not very happy these days...

please go to www.brokenheartedgirl.com... I am an admin on that site and there are a lot of GREAT women who can give you some advice and sympathy!

Ive been in a similar situation with guy friends and their jealous b*tch girlfriends. I never had anything more than a friendship with the guy though and had NO romantic feelings either.

I wouldnt have done this when I was younger, but I do it now for sure....

Id email that to Don ... forward her email to you onto him and say "this is what you picked, CONGRADULATIONS! Im sure you'll be very happy together, betraying friends and sticking out your tounges! Good Luck to you both" Then block his email!!! LOL

[littlewhip]

Wow Iam sorry you are going thru such bad times, BUT I think he is not very nice to just end a friendship with you over a girl he barley knows, It sounds like you love Don and want to be with him ( correct ) He will find out in his own time just what a snot she really is, and then he will do what most guys do, want to come back to you, Thats where you need to stay STRONG and remind him that he had his chance and choose her, good luck to you I hope you meet the man of your dreams and put this behind you

[ellie81]

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. My opinion is that you have to try to get away from Dan and try to forget him. I'm sure it will be hard, but I think that is the best for you. Guys that go back and forth like him shouldn't be trusted. When you meet "the one", you will try to hold to that person. He let you go twice, he can let you go again, and break your hear again and again. Keep looking, you need somebody that loves you and won't break you heart again.

[Yorkiekids]

I would stay away from Don, because he's using you like a yoo-yoo. He'll find out in time what she's all about, and then come running back to you. Don't let him back in your life this time no matter how much it hurts. As far as Mat goes, atleast he trys, and if he really cares for you imagine how much you hurt him everytime you run back to Don. If you're not happy with Mat I'd call it off, and find someone who wants to be with him. This way you can get a fresh start, and so can he. It's only fair to both of you.

[Sharonandtink]

Thank all you guys so much for all the kind words. It has been hard since last Thursday, but I am starting to feel much better about things.

On Tuesday I dropped of the key to the storage unit at his work in an envelope including the conversation that his girlfriend and I had on Thurday. I text messaged him in worry that she would find it stuck to his truck instead of him. He texted me back "Thanks." I had no idea if he had read it by then or not. So still no word and I am not really searching for anything either. The last couple of days I have been thinking......Someone who would sleep with someone after just meeting them does not have the morals that I would like it the man that I marry. Also someone who would give up a 4 year friendship for someone that they have just met less then 2 months is not someone that I would like to even have as a friend.

I am not sure if this is going to happen when he comes back and tries to be my friend again. But that is my thinking as of the last couple days.

So do you think that I am right in my thinking or am I being too harsh?

Thanks again for all your support.
Sharon

[Bruce's_Mom]

Hey I am someone who knows a lot about dysfunction a-hole guys these days. Try your best to stay away from Don, and move on. I know easier said than done, but as I am in a sort of heartbroken wierd state as well. I know it is easier said than done.

[Sharonandtink]

Originally Posted by Yorkiekids

I would stay away from Don, because he's using you like a yoo-yoo. He'll find out in time what she's all about, and then come running back to you. Don't let him back in your life this time no matter how much it hurts. As far as Mat goes, atleast he trys, and if he really cares for you imagine how much you hurt him everytime you run back to Don. If you're not happy with Mat I'd call it off, and find someone who wants to be with him. This way you can get a fresh start, and so can he. It's only fair to both of you.

I am doing my best to do this. Don is smart enough (at least I thought so) to make his own dicisions. Just when he comes back I have already made it for him. I can't trust someone like that.

About Mike (current boyfriend). Finacially neither of us are able to make it on our own. But we are working together twords that goal. I just have not made it that far after the divorse. Blaa. We both know that it is not going to work so we are forfilling our lease and then we are going to split up. And yes we are going to split up as friends. I love it.

Thank you for your advise and I will do my best to keep with it. I know that it is true and what I need to do.

[Sookie]

I don't want to sound like Dr. Laura, but my advice is this: You started dating two guys, back and forth living with two guys, while and soon after being married to your husband. I think you should put all men out of your life for a couple of months. Take that time to just be with female friends, shopping and rock climbing and doing the things you enjoy doing. This will give you time to reflect on your life and what you want in life. Don't rush into anything, just have fun for a while. Things will turn around for you eventually, but right now this is all too much.

[Anna Banana]

Originally Posted by Sharonandtink

Thank all you guys so much for all the kind words. It has been hard since last Thursday, but I am starting to feel much better about things.

On Tuesday I dropped of the key to the storage unit at his work in an envelope including the conversation that his girlfriend and I had on Thurday. I text messaged him in worry that she would find it stuck to his truck instead of him. He texted me back "Thanks." I had no idea if he had read it by then or not. So still no word and I am not really searching for anything either. The last couple of days I have been thinking......Someone who would sleep with someone after just meeting them does not have the morals that I would like it the man that I marry. Also someone who would give up a 4 year friendship for someone that they have just met less then 2 months is not someone that I would like to even have as a friend.

I am not sure if this is going to happen when he comes back and tries to be my friend again. But that is my thinking as of the last couple days.

So do you think that I am right in my thinking or am I being too harsh?

Thanks again for all your support.
Sharon

You are absolutely right in your thinking. You also need to keep in mind that being harsh with him is the only way to protect your heart, which is very important. He has broken your heart too many times, don't let him do it again.

[Anna Banana]

Originally Posted by Sookie

I don't want to sound like Dr. Laura, but my advice is this: You started dating two guys, back and forth living with two guys, while and soon after being married to your husband. I think you should put all men out of your life for a couple of months. Take that time to just be with female friends, shopping and rock climbing and doing the things you enjoy doing. This will give you time to reflect on your life and what you want in life. Don't rush into anything, just have fun for a while. Things will turn around for you eventually, but right now this is all too much.

Sounds good!

[yorkiegirl83]

I totally agree with Sookie.

I think you need to be by yourself for a while, know what you really want and need.. then when you are strong enough go out and find it.

When your emotions are kicked into high gear, dating can be a disaster.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now, it will get better!

[JCarlson2004]

Originally Posted by yorkiegirl83

I totally agree with Sookie.

I think you need to be by yourself for a while, know what you really want and need.. then when you are strong enough go out and find it.

When your emotions are kicked into high gear, dating can be a disaster.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now, it will get better!

I agree. Best of luck to you.

[Sharonandtink]

Originally Posted by Sookie

I don't want to sound like Dr. Laura, but my advice is this: You started dating two guys, back and forth living with two guys, while and soon after being married to your husband. I think you should put all men out of your life for a couple of months. Take that time to just be with female friends, shopping and rock climbing and doing the things you enjoy doing. This will give you time to reflect on your life and what you want in life. Don't rush into anything, just have fun for a while. Things will turn around for you eventually, but right now this is all too much.

I am so with you there. That is my plan. In December, this is what I am shooting for. I would like to just live by myself and get to know me again. Thank you for your input. And I love Dr. Laura. She may be harsh, but sometimes she does have voice of the hard truth.

Thanks for you input.
Sharon

[AngelWorks]

Originally Posted by Sookie

I don't want to sound like Dr. Laura, but my advice is this: You started dating two guys, back and forth living with two guys, while and soon after being married to your husband. I think you should put all men out of your life for a couple of months. Take that time to just be with female friends, shopping and rock climbing and doing the things you enjoy doing. This will give you time to reflect on your life and what you want in life. Don't rush into anything, just have fun for a while. Things will turn around for you eventually, but right now this is all too much.

Two up!