Family /Friend (F&F) Dissapointments? - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Patti · 06-11-2007, 07:10 AM

I can so relate to what you are saying. Since I have met my birth son for the first time in 36 years and we have been seeing each other every weekend and talking on the phone, my sister never asks how he is doing and my best friend is jealous as she had an abortion 4 months before I gave birth to my birth son and regrets it and she has adopted a dtr 9 years ago from Russia and never wants her to locate her birth mother. So I have decided to not talk about him to them and it makes me sad but people are strange even friends and family.

red98vett · 06-11-2007, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patti

I can so relate to what you are saying. Since I have met my birth son for the first time in 36 years and we have been seeing each other every weekend and talking on the phone, my sister never asks how he is doing and my best friend is jealous as she had an abortion 4 months before I gave birth to my birth son and regrets it and she has adopted a dtr 9 years ago from Russia and never wants her to locate her birth mother. So I have decided to not talk about him to them and it makes me sad but people are strange even friends and family.

oh wow Patti - that sucks and I know what a huge thing this is in your life. I'm happy for you !! (you already know that cause we talked) but if you ever need to share anything - you know where i am !! I think it's SO cool that you found each other

jp4m2 · 06-11-2007, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patti

I can so relate to what you are saying. Since I have met my birth son for the first time in 36 years and we have been seeing each other every weekend and talking on the phone, my sister never asks how he is doing and my best friend is jealous as she had an abortion 4 months before I gave birth to my birth son and regrets it and she has adopted a dtr 9 years ago from Russia and never wants her to locate her birth mother. So I have decided to not talk about him to them and it makes me sad but people are strange even friends and family.

It's all about them isn't it?...That's so sad they the very people that should be happy & excited for you are the very people who you have to avoid issues with...I know on one level it's a reflection of of the disappointments & unhappiness they are feeling in there own lives, but still,I have the same disappointments.. we all do.. that's life...what they really need an attitude adjustment...

AngelWorks · 06-11-2007, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patti

I can so relate to what you are saying. Since I have met my birth son for the first time in 36 years and we have been seeing each other every weekend and talking on the phone, my sister never asks how he is doing and my best friend is jealous as she had an abortion 4 months before I gave birth to my birth son and regrets it and she has adopted a dtr 9 years ago from Russia and never wants her to locate her birth mother. So I have decided to not talk about him to them and it makes me sad but people are strange even friends and family.

My son's GF just recently found her birth father and I was one of the first 3 people she called.

Why---- because I hooted and hollered and asked a bizzilion questions and listened to her talk about it for an hour and a half when she suddenly releasied she had to go to work.

So Patti---if you want to share--give me a call----I'm a very enthusiatic listener.

Ozzie'sperson · 06-11-2007, 09:02 AM

[QUOTE=Yorkie3;1170686]I think some people want to hear the bad news more, that way their own life may not seem as bad. When they hear the good news, they just get jealous instead of being joyous to be a part of your good news. QUOTE]

THESE people are NOT friends. I shuddered when I read how you don't talk about "personal" things with friends. REally? Man, that would devastate me if I couldn't talk to my dearest friends about what's happening -- or if they felt uncomfortable doing the same with me.

Friends cry with you and FOR you. Laugh with you and AT you, cheer you on and celebrate your successes-- and you love them for it. Life is short. Eliminate or minimize the time you spend with those other folks.

And you at least get to choose your friends! Family -- that's a whole 'nother story.

However, you do get to choose how you DEAL with family. It can be difficult and very hurtful but sometimes you just have to "write them off," too. Unfortunately, I've had to do this because people can only continue to make you miserable if you allow them to. Genetics is not license to abuse.

AngelWorks · 06-11-2007, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Genetics is not license to abuse.
__________________

AMEN sister!

Lou · 06-11-2007, 09:36 AM

So B.J.
Tell us the good news so we can all celebrate with you!
Forget about your acquaintances and family.
We are your friends!

jp4m2 · 06-11-2007, 09:59 AM

[QUOTE=Ozzie'sperson;1171110]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yorkie3

I think some people want to hear the bad news more, that way their own life may not seem as bad. When they hear the good news, they just get jealous instead of being joyous to be a part of your good news. QUOTE]

THESE people are NOT friends. I shuddered when I read how you don't talk about "personal" things with friends. REally? Man, that would devastate me if I couldn't talk to my dearest friends about what's happening -- or if they felt uncomfortable doing the same with me.

Friends cry with you and FOR you. Laugh with you and AT you, cheer you on and celebrate your successes-- and you love them for it. Life is short. Eliminate or minimize the time you spend with those other folks.

And you at least get to choose your friends! Family -- that's a whole 'nother story.

However, you do get to choose how you DEAL with family. It can be difficult and very hurtful but sometimes you just have to "write them off," too. Unfortunately, I've had to do this because people can only continue to make you miserable if you allow them to. Genetics is not license to abuse.

I've had unfortunate experiences over the years to have some of the personal things come back to haunt me, it would be used as a weapon, so gradually over the years the personal stuff was held on to & in ...now it's basic: hi , how ya doing stuff, nothing heavy...I do have one sister that knows EVERYTHING. lol.. so that helps

Ozzie'sperson · 06-11-2007, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jp4m2

I've had unfortunate experiences over the years to have some of the personal things come back to haunt me, it would be used as a weapon

Understand perfectly why you're gunshy. Trust is such a sacred thing.

I have had it happen a few times, too, but it wasn't my friends who did this. It was people I mistakenly believed were my friend.

patty58 · 06-11-2007, 10:11 AM

I feel you pain. I have a mother like that. I always envy people who can telll their mother anything and have them GET it. With my mom it is always about her and I have heard from day one how I was raising my kids wrong and my house was never clean enough and to top it off now I'm FAT. Then she wonders why I never tell her anything. I am really close to my immediate family...hubbby and kids....and she doesn't get why she's not close to us. If we ever cross her, we hear about it FOREVER. One good thing that has come out of this is I am really close to my kids and I don't judge them and they can tell me anything. I don't have a lot of close friends but the one close friend I have gets me and is excited or sad with me. And I also feel like I have friends here on YT. I guess what I'm trying to say is we are here for you. Patty

jp4m2 · 06-11-2007, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lou

So B.J.
Tell us the good news so we can all celebrate with you!
Forget about your acquaintances and family.
We are your friends!

That's so nice of you thanks......My son got his first job in an automotive factory a few months ago & is making pretty good money (that's a big plus) , so he's elated, unfortunately good jobs are few & far between around here ( I guess it's everywhere) so there's a lot of attitude when it's brought up, believe me we don't bring it up , he's been working for two months & I've only told my one sister, my MIL who lives in the same town, doesn't even know .... I knew my son was not destined for collage, it just wasn't him, I'm ok w/ that, it's not for everyone,so I was a little worried for him, this has been a blessing for him...I have told him to keep the job but look into skilled trades training at school for a Journeyman's card, down the road it may come in handy...the second proud moment was he went to apply for a truck at a dealership ( we didn't think he had much of a chance w/ only two months work under his belt & very little credit at this point) but it went through, all by himself, he was elated....he only told 5 people & only two where positive remarks....he felt bad....he didn't seek these people out to brag they came to the home & asked who's truck...I felt bad for him....this is his truck...

AngelWorks · 06-11-2007, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jp4m2

That's so nice of you thanks......My son got his first job in an automotive factory a few months ago & is making pretty good money (that's a big plus) , so he's elated, unfortunately good jobs are few & far between around here ( I guess it's everywhere) so there's a lot of attitude when it's brought up, believe me we don't bring it up , he's been working for two months & I've only told my one sister, my MIL who lives in the same town, doesn't even know .... I knew my son was not destined for collage, it just wasn't him, I'm ok w/ that, it's not for everyone,so I was a little worried for him, this has been a blessing for him...I have told him to keep the job but look into skilled trades training at school for a Journeyman's card, down the road it may come in handy...the second proud moment was he went to apply for a truck at a dealership ( we didn't think he had much of a chance w/ only two months work under his belt & very little credit at this point) but it went through, all by himself, he was elated....he only told 5 people & only two where positive remarks....he felt bad....he didn't seek these people out to brag they came to the home & asked who's truck...I felt bad for him....this is his truck...

OMG--don't let my son see that truck---he's a couple years away from realising his drteam of a truck like that.

Good for him, he must be so proud of himself!

jp4m2 · 06-11-2007, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patty58

I feel you pain. I have a mother like that. I always envy people who can telll their mother anything and have them GET it. With my mom it is always about her and I have heard from day one how I was raising my kids wrong and my house was never clean enough and to top it off now I'm FAT. Then she wonders why I never tell her anything. I am really close to my immediate family...hubbby and kids....and she doesn't get why she's not close to us. If we ever cross her, we hear about it FOREVER. One good thing that has come out of this is I am really close to my kids and I don't judge them and they can tell me anything. I don't have a lot of close friends but the one close friend I have gets me and is excited or sad with me. And I also feel like I have friends here on YT. I guess what I'm trying to say is we are here for you. Patty

That's really got to hurt when it's coming from the very person who is supposed to be there for no matter what....especially when they 10 years & they just won't let it go....It's hard to hug a porcupine....That's all I have in my life at this point is the immediate family, DH & kids, I'm in my safe little word at home.lol
I talk to my Daughter EVERYDAY, sometimes several times a day she has three kids & one on the way, when she tells me things I try to advise & listen as if she where my friend, I don't fly off the handle , but boy oh boy, sometimes if she heard what was in my head.lol

jp4m2 · 06-11-2007, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelWorks

OMG--don't let my son see that truck---he's a couple years away from realising his drteam of a truck like that.

Good for him, he must be so proud of himself!

He is proud, every time he goes out to look at it he smiles.lol

patty58 · 06-11-2007, 10:50 AM

He should be very proud of himself...and I know you are. I have one son who graduated from college and one son who didn't even go. And my daughter who is 32 and has just started nursing school. I am SO there for all of them. My daughter and I are best friends and talk several times a day. In fact she and her girls livied with us for the last 5 years. She just moved out with her boyfriend a couple of months ago but just told me today that she is moving back in....and you know what...I just said ok and I am NOT going to lecture her about it....and when or if she gains weight I WON'T point it out and tell all my friends how she used to be a size 6!!! My opinion is that people need to accept me for who I am and if I have to walk on eggshells around them they can just move on. Now with my mom since I am and only one around to take care of her, I guess I jusat have to live with it and keep my mouth shut. I've had years of practice. Sorry, I seem to be rambling. Patty

06-11-2007, 07:10 AM	#16
Patti Donating YT 30K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 35,509 Blog Entries: 6	I can so relate to what you are saying. Since I have met my birth son for the first time in 36 years and we have been seeing each other every weekend and talking on the phone, my sister never asks how he is doing and my best friend is jealous as she had an abortion 4 months before I gave birth to my birth son and regrets it and she has adopted a dtr 9 years ago from Russia and never wants her to locate her birth mother. So I have decided to not talk about him to them and it makes me sad but people are strange even friends and family. __________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html

06-11-2007, 09:02 AM	#20
Ozzie'sperson Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Metro St. Louis Posts: 2,809 Blog Entries: 1	[QUOTE=Yorkie3;1170686]I think some people want to hear the bad news more, that way their own life may not seem as bad. When they hear the good news, they just get jealous instead of being joyous to be a part of your good news. QUOTE] THESE people are NOT friends. I shuddered when I read how you don't talk about "personal" things with friends. REally? Man, that would devastate me if I couldn't talk to my dearest friends about what's happening -- or if they felt uncomfortable doing the same with me. Friends cry with you and FOR you. Laugh with you and AT you, cheer you on and celebrate your successes-- and you love them for it. Life is short. Eliminate or minimize the time you spend with those other folks. And you at least get to choose your friends! Family -- that's a whole 'nother story. However, you do get to choose how you DEAL with family. It can be difficult and very hurtful but sometimes you just have to "write them off," too. Unfortunately, I've had to do this because people can only continue to make you miserable if you allow them to. Genetics is not license to abuse. __________________ Nicole RIP my sweet boy, Ozzie 1997-2011 http://thisdmnhouse.blogspot.com/ Last edited by Ozzie'sperson; 06-11-2007 at 09:04 AM.

06-11-2007, 09:36 AM	#22
Lou Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: A little town south of Chicago Posts: 4,525	So B.J. Tell us the good news so we can all celebrate with you! Forget about your acquaintances and family. We are your friends! __________________ http://www.its-a-yorkie-thing.com Gracie Skeeter Adie Tyler

06-11-2007, 10:11 AM	#25
patty58 Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: texas Posts: 5,272	I feel you pain. I have a mother like that. I always envy people who can telll their mother anything and have them GET it. With my mom it is always about her and I have heard from day one how I was raising my kids wrong and my house was never clean enough and to top it off now I'm FAT. Then she wonders why I never tell her anything. I am really close to my immediate family...hubbby and kids....and she doesn't get why she's not close to us. If we ever cross her, we hear about it FOREVER. One good thing that has come out of this is I am really close to my kids and I don't judge them and they can tell me anything. I don't have a lot of close friends but the one close friend I have gets me and is excited or sad with me. And I also feel like I have friends here on YT. I guess what I'm trying to say is we are here for you. Patty

06-11-2007, 10:50 AM	#30
patty58 Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: texas Posts: 5,272	He should be very proud of himself...and I know you are. I have one son who graduated from college and one son who didn't even go. And my daughter who is 32 and has just started nursing school. I am SO there for all of them. My daughter and I are best friends and talk several times a day. In fact she and her girls livied with us for the last 5 years. She just moved out with her boyfriend a couple of months ago but just told me today that she is moving back in....and you know what...I just said ok and I am NOT going to lecture her about it....and when or if she gains weight I WON'T point it out and tell all my friends how she used to be a size 6!!! My opinion is that people need to accept me for who I am and if I have to walk on eggshells around them they can just move on. Now with my mom since I am and only one around to take care of her, I guess I jusat have to live with it and keep my mouth shut. I've had years of practice. Sorry, I seem to be rambling. Patty