Am I being unreasonable? - YorkieTalk.com Forums

LunasMomma · 03-06-2007, 06:36 AM

I'm asking for honest opinions here, so don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, I'm a tough ol' broad anyways

I have three stepsons that I love dearly. One of them lives with us (he'll vbe 20 soon), one lives with his girlfriend, he's almost 20 too, twins, and the youngest one is 17 and supposedly lives with his mother. He's here all the time though, anout 2 weeks of every month. I love having him here for the most part, and I can live with that, though I feel it's wrong we're ordered to keep paying the bimbo since she allowed him to drop out of school (we had NO say in that).

Here's my issue. He came over about 10 days ago and was SICK as can be with the most terrible cough. Hacking up a lung! He said he'd been sick for a long time. Okay, so we take him to the doctor and turns out he has strep throat and brochitis. Poor kiddo

So when him and my hubby get home from the doc and tell me the diagnosis, I asked my husband to please take him home. Come to find out, his mother and brother are sick too and went to the doctor the day after he came over here. So they are already sick and on antibiotics. I wanted him to just go home until he had a few days of meds in him, so we all don't get sick too. My husband BLOWS UP at me and says he doesn't want to hurt his son's feelings

He thinks I'm an uber bitch for wanting him to go home

Anyway, sorry for the novel. My other stepson is now sick, as is my daughter. I am not YET< but I take tons of vitamins and wash my hands like an OCD person

I am LIVID that my husband thought that our health was less important than this kids feelings. And I think truly that he would have understood if we sent him home for a few days. He's 17 forgodsakes, he's not 3

So, am I an uberbitch, or what? Was I totally wrong for asking hubby to please send him home? We fought like crazy this morning over this because now my daughter and son, and other stepson, are all sick and we have to take them to the doctor now too$$$$$$$$$$. Missed school, missed work, and tons of money. *sigh*

LunasMomma · 03-06-2007, 07:00 AM

wow, I guess I AM being a bitch

mistyinca · 03-06-2007, 07:12 AM

No...not an uberbitch! (LOL, I've never heard that one!)

I understand your not wanting everyone to get sick...

...but...

He =IS= family. And family has to stick together whether sick or not. It was inconsiderate of his mother to send him over like that

. But once he's there, and he's sick, he needs to feel like he is where he is wanted, and he needs some TLC.

I think you're really just fed up with his mother, and I can understand that. But, you don't want your feelings toward her to rub off on him.

Your husband is in an awkward position too. It is his son. He loves him. His baby is sick, and he probably wants what is best for him. I'm sure it doesn't feel right to send his sick son away.

So, put on a pot of chicken soup, and stock up on kleenex.

This too shall pass.

hth,

LunasMomma · 03-06-2007, 07:18 AM

Thanks. I guess I need some unbiased people to help me.

I've been doing this for 15 years, btw. Every time those kids needed anything, I've been there for them. Whenever they'd get sick she'd send them here to make sure we all get sick too. And I would baby them and care for them like my own. We have had them every weekend, school holiday, and all summer long every year all this time. I guess I resent them a little because my husband spends no time with me at all. He's even cancelled our vacations because she'd find out about it and drop them off unnannounced. I probably should get some therapy or something I think I'm finally at my breaking point here

I have been taking care of all of them and I guess I'm just worn out after 15 years of this. Thanks for being honest, I guess I owe my husband an apology.

Reesie · 03-06-2007, 07:35 AM

Wow you have had alot on your plate sounds like. It also sounds like your step sons mother has tried to make your like miserable for the last 15 years. You should feel proud though that the boys want to be at your house. Strep is very contagious as I'm sure you already know and I do understand you do not want everyone getting sick, but you seem to be the "preferred" mom which I think is very special. You should be commended for all of your hard work. Good Luck!

FlDebra · 03-06-2007, 07:41 AM

Sounds like he knew where he might get the best care. Just love him and nurse him back to health, mom. They are all grown and on their own way too fast. Cherish the times you're needed now. Even if you get strep -- a small price to pay for the love and caring he will feel. It is small things like this that form a person's attitude about those around him -- and in turn will affect how he treats others too.

On the bright side, it seems like when I am nursing kids, I never get sick. It is like an inborn immunity. God says, someone has to stay healthy to nurse the others. Then when they are all recovered, watch out -- that's when I catch the next bug in town. But I have been known to get some of that pampering back when its my turn.

Bizzymammabee · 03-06-2007, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LunasMomma

Thanks. I guess I need some unbiased people to help me.

I've been doing this for 15 years, btw. Every time those kids needed anything, I've been there for them. Whenever they'd get sick she'd send them here to make sure we all get sick too. And I would baby them and care for them like my own. We have had them every weekend, school holiday, and all summer long every year all this time. I guess I resent them a little because my husband spends no time with me at all. He's even cancelled our vacations because she'd find out about it and drop them off unnannounced. I probably should get some therapy or something I think I'm finally at my breaking point here

I have been taking care of all of them and I guess I'm just worn out after 15 years of this. Thanks for being honest, I guess I owe my husband an apology.

I do agree that most of the frustration stemmed party from the bimbo. Honestly count yourself as loved and blessed...he chose to be with you when he was down and sick because of who you are and how good you are to him. Please don't beat yourself up too much.

Any family situation where there is a step anything has issues. Your doing well if you ask me.

Hugs

Hokule'a · 03-06-2007, 07:49 AM

Being a step-mom can be rough, you always feel like the 'bad guy'. I totally understand why you got upset and the feelings of resentment. Take some time just for 'you'! I find that if I get away from all of the caretaking once in a while it gives me better perspective and helps me refill my cup

Hopefully you and hubby can 'sneak' away if only for a mini-vacation!

Shadow · 03-06-2007, 08:20 AM

WE CAN ONLY SAY WHAT WE WOULD DO IN OUR SITUATION, YOURS IS DIFFERENT FROM OURS,NATURALLY.
If it was one of my kids or grandkids they would be welcomed and cared for by me,unless me or my husband had some compromising heath issues.

browniesmom622 · 03-06-2007, 08:22 AM

the germ is already in the house
i would let him stay its not gonna make any differernce

Lexi Rae · 03-06-2007, 08:36 AM

your a great stepmom already and those kids surely know you are.
it sounds like your more of a real mom to them than their own mom...
sounds like you have a huge heart. 15 years is a long time... hubby needs
to thank you for being there and hanging in there...

Morkie4 · 03-06-2007, 08:38 AM

From one tough ol' Florida broad to another tough ol' Florida broad: You are in a tough situation, always one there with step situations and I understand where your actions and thinking were coming from! BUT, he was smart enough to come over where he new he was loved and would get help. To some people, their kids are everything and put above the spouse. I feel differently, the tough ol' broad in me perhaps, Hubby comes first and then the kids (adults)! Sounds like the "bimbo" could have prevented the whole thing by stepping up and getting the boy to the doctor. She didn't, you did! Be proud you did the right thing! Cut the hubby some slack, men don't think like we do..........I think he was right THIS time about keeping the boy at your home. JMO

JCarlson2004 · 03-06-2007, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexi Rae

your a great stepmom already and those kids surely know you are.
it sounds like your more of a real mom to them than their own mom...
sounds like you have a huge heart. 15 years is a long time... hubby needs
to thank you for being there and hanging in there...

I agree.

Patti · 03-06-2007, 08:49 AM

I know it must be so frustrating to be in this situation for such a long time. I htink he belongs at your house becasue he will get the love and care he needs (17 year olds still need their "moms"). Besides you were already exposed to the germs. I do not feel you are being a B just a concerned mom who looks like she is not appreciated for all you have done for hubby and his kids. I commend you for treating those kids like your own especially when your husband doesn't seem to realize how hard it is. Hope you are all feeling better soon.

lily · 03-06-2007, 08:51 AM

I know how you feel ! Been a stepmom for 36 yrs. I love him as much as my daughter. My husband said one time to me well i'm in themiddle they are both my kids!!Made me feel real bad! I have great relationship with my stepson! He comes to me before his own mother! That was not right of mother to let him to come to you sick! But that part of it! I think your man need to say he is sorry for calling that nasty name too! lily you and hubby need to be on the same page when it comes to the kids.

03-06-2007, 06:36 AM	#1
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	Am I being unreasonable? I'm asking for honest opinions here, so don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, I'm a tough ol' broad anyways I have three stepsons that I love dearly. One of them lives with us (he'll vbe 20 soon), one lives with his girlfriend, he's almost 20 too, twins, and the youngest one is 17 and supposedly lives with his mother. He's here all the time though, anout 2 weeks of every month. I love having him here for the most part, and I can live with that, though I feel it's wrong we're ordered to keep paying the bimbo since she allowed him to drop out of school (we had NO say in that). Here's my issue. He came over about 10 days ago and was SICK as can be with the most terrible cough. Hacking up a lung! He said he'd been sick for a long time. Okay, so we take him to the doctor and turns out he has strep throat and brochitis. Poor kiddo So when him and my hubby get home from the doc and tell me the diagnosis, I asked my husband to please take him home. Come to find out, his mother and brother are sick too and went to the doctor the day after he came over here. So they are already sick and on antibiotics. I wanted him to just go home until he had a few days of meds in him, so we all don't get sick too. My husband BLOWS UP at me and says he doesn't want to hurt his son's feelings He thinks I'm an uber bitch for wanting him to go home Anyway, sorry for the novel. My other stepson is now sick, as is my daughter. I am not YET< but I take tons of vitamins and wash my hands like an OCD person I am LIVID that my husband thought that our health was less important than this kids feelings. And I think truly that he would have understood if we sent him home for a few days. He's 17 forgodsakes, he's not 3 So, am I an uberbitch, or what? Was I totally wrong for asking hubby to please send him home? We fought like crazy this morning over this because now my daughter and son, and other stepson, are all sick and we have to take them to the doctor now too$$$$$$$$$$. Missed school, missed work, and tons of money. sigh __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna Last edited by LunasMomma; 03-06-2007 at 06:38 AM. Reason: typo

03-06-2007, 07:00 AM	#2
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	wow, I guess I AM being a bitch __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna

03-06-2007, 07:18 AM	#4
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	Thanks. I guess I need some unbiased people to help me. I've been doing this for 15 years, btw. Every time those kids needed anything, I've been there for them. Whenever they'd get sick she'd send them here to make sure we all get sick too. And I would baby them and care for them like my own. We have had them every weekend, school holiday, and all summer long every year all this time. I guess I resent them a little because my husband spends no time with me at all. He's even cancelled our vacations because she'd find out about it and drop them off unnannounced. I probably should get some therapy or something I think I'm finally at my breaking point here I have been taking care of all of them and I guess I'm just worn out after 15 years of this. Thanks for being honest, I guess I owe my husband an apology. __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna

03-06-2007, 07:35 AM	#5
Reesie Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 374	Wow you have had alot on your plate sounds like. It also sounds like your step sons mother has tried to make your like miserable for the last 15 years. You should feel proud though that the boys want to be at your house. Strep is very contagious as I'm sure you already know and I do understand you do not want everyone getting sick, but you seem to be the "preferred" mom which I think is very special. You should be commended for all of your hard work. Good Luck! __________________ Reesie, Abbie, Kit Kat In Memory Of Trixie... A Faithful Friend & Companion

03-06-2007, 07:41 AM	#6
FlDebra Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: FL Posts: 7,651	Sounds like he knew where he might get the best care. Just love him and nurse him back to health, mom. They are all grown and on their own way too fast. Cherish the times you're needed now. Even if you get strep -- a small price to pay for the love and caring he will feel. It is small things like this that form a person's attitude about those around him -- and in turn will affect how he treats others too. On the bright side, it seems like when I am nursing kids, I never get sick. It is like an inborn immunity. God says, someone has to stay healthy to nurse the others. Then when they are all recovered, watch out -- that's when I catch the next bug in town. But I have been known to get some of that pampering back when its my turn. __________________ FlDebra and her ABCs Annie, Ben, Candy Promoting Healthy Breeding to the AKC Yorkshire Terrier Standard

03-06-2007, 07:12 AM	#3
mistyinca No Longer a Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: USA Posts: 4,143 Blog Entries: 2	No...not an uberbitch! (LOL, I've never heard that one!) I understand your not wanting everyone to get sick... ...but... He =IS= family. And family has to stick together whether sick or not. It was inconsiderate of his mother to send him over like that . But once he's there, and he's sick, he needs to feel like he is where he is wanted, and he needs some TLC. I think you're really just fed up with his mother, and I can understand that. But, you don't want your feelings toward her to rub off on him. Your husband is in an awkward position too. It is his son. He loves him. His baby is sick, and he probably wants what is best for him. I'm sure it doesn't feel right to send his sick son away. So, put on a pot of chicken soup, and stock up on kleenex. This too shall pass. hth,

03-06-2007, 07:49 AM	#8
Hokule'a Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Salt Lake City, UT Posts: 4,591	Being a step-mom can be rough, you always feel like the 'bad guy'. I totally understand why you got upset and the feelings of resentment. Take some time just for 'you'! I find that if I get away from all of the caretaking once in a while it gives me better perspective and helps me refill my cup Hopefully you and hubby can 'sneak' away if only for a mini-vacation! __________________ Eva and her keikis: Hokule'a, Kalani & Pi'ilani

03-06-2007, 08:20 AM	#9
Shadow No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 5,368	WE CAN ONLY SAY WHAT WE WOULD DO IN OUR SITUATION, YOURS IS DIFFERENT FROM OURS,NATURALLY. If it was one of my kids or grandkids they would be welcomed and cared for by me,unless me or my husband had some compromising heath issues.

03-06-2007, 08:22 AM	#10
browniesmom622 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: ny Posts: 11,253 Blog Entries: 5	the germ is already in the house i would let him stay its not gonna make any differernce __________________ We Love our Yt Angel! My Website< > FB page

03-06-2007, 08:36 AM	#11
Lexi Rae Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY Posts: 10,455	your a great stepmom already and those kids surely know you are. it sounds like your more of a real mom to them than their own mom... sounds like you have a huge heart. 15 years is a long time... hubby needs to thank you for being there and hanging in there... __________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ...

03-06-2007, 08:38 AM	#12
Morkie4 Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 4,549	From one tough ol' Florida broad to another tough ol' Florida broad: You are in a tough situation, always one there with step situations and I understand where your actions and thinking were coming from! BUT, he was smart enough to come over where he new he was loved and would get help. To some people, their kids are everything and put above the spouse. I feel differently, the tough ol' broad in me perhaps, Hubby comes first and then the kids (adults)! Sounds like the "bimbo" could have prevented the whole thing by stepping up and getting the boy to the doctor. She didn't, you did! Be proud you did the right thing! Cut the hubby some slack, men don't think like we do..........I think he was right THIS time about keeping the boy at your home. JMO __________________ CAROL ~ Krissie ~ Toby ~ Brandy ~ Buffy Proud member of Maltesetalk and Yorkietalk

03-06-2007, 08:49 AM	#14
Patti Donating YT 30K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 35,509 Blog Entries: 6	I know it must be so frustrating to be in this situation for such a long time. I htink he belongs at your house becasue he will get the love and care he needs (17 year olds still need their "moms"). Besides you were already exposed to the germs. I do not feel you are being a B just a concerned mom who looks like she is not appreciated for all you have done for hubby and his kids. I commend you for treating those kids like your own especially when your husband doesn't seem to realize how hard it is. Hope you are all feeling better soon. __________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html

03-06-2007, 08:51 AM	#15
lily YT Addict Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: paris crossing,indiana Posts: 377	I know how you feel ! Been a stepmom for 36 yrs. I love him as much as my daughter. My husband said one time to me well i'm in themiddle they are both my kids!!Made me feel real bad! I have great relationship with my stepson! He comes to me before his own mother! That was not right of mother to let him to come to you sick! But that part of it! I think your man need to say he is sorry for calling that nasty name too! lily you and hubby need to be on the same page when it comes to the kids.