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10-30-2006, 04:16 PM | #1 |
BANNED! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: AL
Posts: 55
| can someone proofread this for me? its supposed to be like a persuasive essay. for school. Why People Should Own Dogs Whether the purpose be companionship, protection, or sports, every family should own a dog, if they are able to keep up with the costs and like dogs. Dogs can help them overcome stress and hard times during life, and they make great companions. Many studies show that dogs have a very positive effect on the health of most people. Most seniors who own dogs go to the doctor less than those who do not. Seniors who own or have owned pets at one point in their lives can also cope better with stress. Dog owners also have lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels than people who do not own a dog. Having a dog may also decrease heart attack mortality by 3%, and a higher one-year survival rate following a heart attack, according to a study. Dog owners also have better physical health due to exercising and walking their dog. People who own dogs are also more involved in activities such as sports, also making their overall physical health much better than if they weren’t involved in these activities. Dogs also have a very positive affect on children. The companionship of a dog helps children in families adjust better to the serious illness or death of a close relative or parent. Children who are exposed to dogs during their first year of life also have a smaller chance of developing allergies and asthma. Owning and caring for a dog also develops responsible and caring behavior in children, who then grow into responsible adults. Positive self esteem is also boosted in children when they own a dog. Studies show that children who own dogs feel less afraid of being victims of bullies and other crimes when walking or sharing a home with a dog. In a survey, seventy percent of families showed an increase in family happiness after getting a dog. Dogs are great pets to have for adults as well. Some adults who are lonelier than others never have to feel as if they are ‘alone’, because their dog will always be happy to see them after they get home from work. Dogs can also be what many adults call their ‘fitness trainer’, because they need to be walked a few times every day. They also make great alarm clocks for most people, because they are up early in the morning, always ready for their morning walk. However, some people cannot experience the joy that a dog can bring into their lives because they are allergic to them. If they are not severely allergic to them, they may want to consider getting a hypoallergenic dog breed, such as a Poodle, Yorkshire Terrier, or a Maltese. Some people may also be scared of dogs. These people, however, can choose to adopt a smaller or older dog to get over their fears. Some people also cannot have a dog because they live in an apartment that is too small for a dog. However, there are many tiny dogs that would be easy to care for in a small living space. This is why a dog would make a good pet for most people. They are never judgmental, and love their owners no matter what. They are always happy to see them, and even are helpful when it comes to dealing with health problems, which is why everyone should consider owning a dog. |
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10-30-2006, 04:36 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member | If I didn't have a dog now, I would be ready to after reading your essay. The health benefits alone are great, but the companionship and returned love are worth more than money can buy!
__________________ ~Ruby, Reno, Razz, & Jack~ |
10-30-2006, 05:43 PM | #3 |
Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,855
| Okay, I'm a teacher (hehehe) so I might be a little more critical. When you mention these studies, you should support your statements with references. Is this for college or high school? Or maybe middle school? Getting ready for the Gepa test? If you have any questions, let me know! I fixed some mistakes, added things, etc. Please remember, this is NOT bad, it just needs a little more work. Okay? Why People Should Own Dogs Whether the purpose be companionship, protection, or sports, every family should own a dog. (if they are able to keep up with the costs and like dogs.) Dogs can help most people overcome stress and hard times during life, and they make great companions too! There are many studies that show that dogs have a very positive effect on the health of many people. Most senior citizens who own dogs go to the doctor less than those who do not. Seniors who own or have owned pets at one point in their lives can also cope better with stress. Dog owners also have lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels than people who do not own a dog. Having a dog may also decrease heart attack mortality by 3%, and a higher one-year survival rate following a heart attack, according to a study. (<----reword that sentence). Dog owners also have better physical health due to exercising and walking their dog. People who own dogs are also more involved in activities such as sports (Where did you read this? Or is it an assumption?), also making their overall physical health much better than if they weren’t involved in these activities. Dogs also have a very positive affect on children. The companionship of a dog helps children in families adjust better to the serious illness or death of a close relative or parent. Children who are exposed to dogs during their first year of life also have a smaller chance of developing allergies and asthma. Owning and caring for a dog also develops responsible and caring behavior in children, who then grow into responsible adults. Positive self-esteem is also boosted in children when they own a dog. Studies show that children who own dogs feel less afraid of being victims of bullies and other crimes when walking or sharing a home with a dog. In a one survey, seventy percent of families showed an increase in family happiness after getting a dog. Dogs are great pets to have for adults as well. Some adults who are lonelier than others never have to feel as if they are ‘alone’ because their dog will always be happy to see them after they get home from work. Dogs can also be what many adults call their ‘fitness trainer’ because they need to be walked a few times everyday. They also make great alarm clocks for most people because they are up early in the morning, always ready for their morning walk. However, some people cannot experience the joy that a dog can bring into their lives because they are allergic to them. (This sentence brings negativity to your argument. Restate to something like this as it seems more positive: Some people feel as though they may never be able to enjoy to luxury of owning a dog because of pet allergies suffered by themselves or loved ones. Luckily there are many breeds of dogs categorized as hypoallergenic!) such as a Poodle, Yorkshire Terrier, or a Maltese. If someone has a fear of dogs they can choose to adopt a smaller or an older dog to get over their fears. Some people also cannot have a dog because they live in an apartment that is too small for a dog. However, there are many tiny dogs that would be easy to care for in a small living space. (Okay, you might want to revamp this whole paragraph about small dogs. Speak about allergies, fears, and space, and then talk about small dogs. You are repeating "small dogs" too many times. Not only that, but think about this...does this paragraph really support "why" people should get dogs? It's just saying how people who thought they couldn't, really could. You know what I mean?) So you see, dogs are never judgmental, and love their owners no matter what. They are always happy to see them, and even are helpful when it comes to dealing with health problems, which is why everyone should consider owning a dog. PS. Some things I put in parenthesis I think should be removed completely.
__________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!" Last edited by BabyFidgette; 10-30-2006 at 05:45 PM. |
10-30-2006, 05:53 PM | #4 |
BANNED! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: AL
Posts: 55
| high school... thankss i was hoping someone would be like more critical lol |
10-30-2006, 06:09 PM | #5 | |
Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,855
| Quote:
Just make sure that when you are 100% finished, the essay flows from one paragraph to the next. Keep all your thoughts and topics together. Children, seniors, adults, etc. Only give the positives because you are persuading someone. Stay away from the negatives b/c that defeats the purpose! You don't want to scare anyone away by accident b/c they "hadn't thought about that." Now the BIG parent/teacher question. When is this due...tomorrow!?!
__________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!" | |
10-30-2006, 06:10 PM | #6 |
BANNED! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: AL
Posts: 55
| yup of course its due tomorrow. thank you so much for helping me though |
10-30-2006, 06:12 PM | #7 | |
Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,855
| Quote:
__________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!" | |
10-30-2006, 06:15 PM | #8 |
BANNED! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: AL
Posts: 55
| i noticed now that you live in nj what part do you live in ? i live in north |
10-30-2006, 06:29 PM | #9 | |
Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,855
| Quote:
__________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!" | |
10-30-2006, 06:30 PM | #10 |
BANNED! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: AL
Posts: 55
| i live in bergen |
10-30-2006, 06:37 PM | #11 | |
Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,855
| Quote:
__________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!" | |
10-30-2006, 06:50 PM | #12 |
BANNED! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: AL
Posts: 55
| yupppp ive heard of it i live in wallington but youve probably never heard of it because its so small.. i go to school in paramus though its a big town so youve probably heard of it, right ? |
10-30-2006, 07:04 PM | #13 | |
Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,855
| Quote:
__________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!" | |
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