I was in shock!! My 14 year old daughter called me and told me what she did today!

[waistfull]

Well first of all I miss her so much. This is her third time away from me this summer. She is with my SIL's family. I knew about them going to the beach, and the water park and Old Town Williamsburg, even the Rock Concert. I'm not into all that rock music like she is. Well today was the concert called The Warp Tour. My SIL promised she would not let her out of her site!!! Well my 14 year old daughter just called and said she was "crowd surfing". Okay I'm old I guess. What's that I ask. It's where they pick you up and they pass her all around!! WHAT???!!! I said no mosh pit, but I had no idea about crowd surfing. This is a hard rock concert with a group called 9 inch nails and many other bands. She got all the way up to the stage! She said it was the best! I felt like fainting.

Is it just me or is she way too young for that kind of stuff?? She told me about all the tattoos she got okay after I screamed, she said they were not permanent. She said she got one right above her butt!! Omg, I'm going to kill my hubby's family!!!

Am I overreacting?? I never did anything like that. Okay I will try to calm down and wait for your responses.

[OLIVIA_KARHIS]

As long as the tat where not permanent , I thinks its ok.., she is just being a kid. I did the non permanent tats thing when I was younger. Dose not always mean she is going to get one that will never come off. I dont have any.

if you rased her right. And she knows right from wrong. I think she will be ok... Plus She is not going to act as you did when you where a kid. AND she was there with family. But 14 is young to go to a Concert, but she had some one there with her so...

Your not overreacting, your just being a mom

[red98vett]

I hate to say this - but that sounds like FUN ....14 is still young - but not young - you know ? If she had a good time and is a good kid - it can't hurt her to let loose once in a while. But I do agree - no tats - That IS too young to premanently mark your body - I got mine at that age and really regretted it. Especially after having kids. (it was on a place that GREW) Try to stay calm if you talk to her - you dont want her NOT telling you stuff....and look at it this way - NO drugs right ? As long as she stays away from that stuff - she should be ok

[Jaspermom]

Really, you are reacting like a concerned mom SHOULD react, but this is a good time to have her do a reality check... ask what she would have done if the surfing had gone bad. (They don't usually, but it's a good thing for her to think about it). Ask her if she had gotten totally separated from whomever drove her to the show, what would she have done? Ask her if she thought she was making the best choices. Tell her you love her and you don't want anything crazy to happen to her. Tell her that you respect her wanting to have fun, but you also expect her to make the best choices while considering safety. And she will probably say "oh mom, don't be so old fashioned," but then she may think twice next time.

NO WAY is 14 too young to go to the show!! OMG, I would have loved to have been there myself! NIN are terrific!

[Patti]

It is so scary raising teens these days. My dtr is going to be 21 in a month and I am still a nervous wreck when she's out and about. But she did call you and tell you and you definatley want her to feel like she can tell you things. Maybe in a week or two talk to her about the concert and express your concerns but no lecturing, they just tune you out.

[Dan & Corinne]

Just be thankful she can talk to you about it. I would think many 14 year olds will think they need to hide things like that. It's wonderful you two can talk openly.

[yougetthesmiles]

Originally Posted by waistfull

Well first of all I miss her so much. This is her third time away from me this summer. She is with my SIL's family. I knew about them going to the beach, and the water park and Old Town Williamsburg, even the Rock Concert. I'm not into all that rock music like she is. Well today was the concert called The Warp Tour. My SIL promised she would not let her out of her site!!! Well my 14 year old daughter just called and said she was "crowd surfing". Okay I'm old I guess. What's that I ask. It's where they pick you up and they pass her all around!! WHAT???!!! I said no mosh pit, but I had no idea about crowd surfing. This is a hard rock concert with a group called 9 inch nails and many other bands. She got all the way up to the stage! She said it was the best! I felt like fainting.

Is it just me or is she way too young for that kind of stuff?? She told me about all the tattoos she got okay after I screamed, she said they were not permanent. She said she got one right above her butt!! Omg, I'm going to kill my hubby's family!!!

Am I overreacting?? I never did anything like that. Okay I will try to calm down and wait for your responses.

I guess I would have went balistic as well! my daughter is 16 and begging me to get her belly button peirced and I say NO WAY!!! She has asked for a tat as well and I just keep saying NO.
I'm way to over protective but I have to be like that, got to keep them safe!

[lolabella]

I have just turned 23, and loved those kinds of activities since I was 13. The only difference is my parents had no clue what I was doing. The only thing I can say as a younger person is please please do not react in a manner that would alienate her. Bite your lip, hold your tongue, but don't let her feel like she cannot tell you certain things because you would flip out and faint or something. It is normal for her to go through this stage, and it is normal for you to flip out as a caring parent. I know it's easy to say, but try not to show how scared or concerned you are. Things would only get out of control if your daughter does not feel comfortable talking to you. As long as she calls you up and tells you all about her crazy experiences, everything will be fine.

[kalina82]

i'm 23 now and at 14 i was going to concerts too. Warped Tour is AWESOME and i'm mad i didn't get to go this year. My friends went tho and said it was hot. Your dtr was just having some good clean, removable fun. don't get on her case too much about it. just tell her next time, you would prefer if she stayed with the people she went with because concerts like that are easy to lose people in. Tell her girls need to stick together and that she shouldn't go anywhere with out her friends or whomever she is with cause there are a lot of jerky guys out there.

[RowdysMom]

I totally agree with those that say you are so lucky that she felt comfortable in telling you everything - she may have been looking for what you would say, so I think talking to her about possibilities like Jaspersmom suggested is a great idea. But don't freak out and don't say anything that will make her want to hide other things from you because of your over the top reaction. You are very lucky to have a daughter who is open with you. The most important thing you can do is facilitate those open communication lines.

[peanut]

Michele, I don't know what to tell you, but this, if it helps, my 22 & 21 tell me about pretty much everything, and the reason I know they do, somethings I don't want to hear..but I try not to get very upset but let them know I am concerned but they feel they can come to me with anything...my parents were very very religious strict I made a promise to myself I wouldn't be that way with my kids...you just need to tell her what if any of the dangers of things like that, but be glad she told you..she trust you enough to tell you...I use to hide everything from mine...

[doortego]

That would scare me to death. Like you, I would be worried sick. I told my daughter the other day that I don't need to know everything my grandchildren do. It would only worry me & I can't do a thing about it, so why do I need to know?

Just pray constantly for her & entrust her to the Lord's care. If you ask, HE will tell you where to draw the lines. I know you want to keep them talking to you but you cannot always be their buddy.

[cheryl000]

I remember my first real concert when I was 21, it was an Eminem concert. I am from a small town so I was shocked from what I saw. LOTS of people were openly doing drugs and I just couldn't believe it. I was with my husband and it really upset me. I looked down the aisle and there were 3 little boys about 10 years old standing on their seats cheering with a young lady watching them. Then I was watching Eminem on stage pretending to shot a dummy of some guy with a gun, cussing, and rapping about drugs. It's just not something kids should watch. I got really upset about it because I have a son myself. I honestly had tears streaming down my face. I wondered if the kids were getting the contact high also.
I am all about people having the freedom to express themselves artistically, but I also feel some of it is too much around a younger audience. Kids/young teens shouldn't see people openly doing drugs which is what happens at some of the rougher concerts. I was just amazed that the facility wasn't doing anything to stop it, as if it was just okay or acceptable to do. Personally, I won't allow my son to go to a concert like that until he's over 18. If he wants to go to other concerts that don't push violence and drugs that's fine. To me it depends on the type of concert. I will definitely try to listen to the type of music first.
I'm really surprised that she crowd surfed. It is usually something young men do. I would never do it because some men "take advantage" of the girls physically if you know what I mean. I remember watching something on tv where Courtney love crowd surfed in her audience and some man pulled her shirt down to touch her. I definitely agree with the person who said that it would be dangerous if she got lost. Lots of the men there will be older, drunk, or even on drugs. I would try to explain to her that it's tough being a young women these days. You have to be VERY careful about what situations you put yourself in. You always have to think ahead, watch your back, and only be with people you trust. It's a more dangerous world out there for women because guys are stronger and they don't think with their heads sometimes. But it's mostly the outside events that play over days or "Woodstock" like concerts that women are known to be taken advantage of.
I wouldn't worry too much about the fake tat thing. But talk to her about anything you're concerned about. Just let her know that you love her and care about her safety. Let her know that it's your job to warn her about these things. She's now at the age where her parents can't protect her at all times. So let her know that she has to learn how to make the right decisions to protect herself. It sounds like you have a great relationship with her, which is wonderful. Good luck.

[waistfull]

Originally Posted by doortego

That would scare me to death. Like you, I would be worried sick. I told my daughter the other day that I don't need to know everything my grandchildren do. It would only worry me & I can't do a thing about it, so why do I need to know?

Just pray constantly for her & entrust her to the Lord's care. If you ask, HE will tell you where to draw the lines. I know you want to keep them talking to you but you cannot always be their buddy.

Okay I slept on it. I did not over react when she called because she was not here with me. We had the phone on speaker and my hubby and I were looking at each other in shock. I grew up in a very strict home. We are Christian's and I am afraid this music is sending her the wrong message. Hubby tells me he listened to heavy metal and he turned out okay. I just told her that I missed her and couldn't wait until she came home. We will talk calmly when she gets home. I always tell her that she can tell me anything and she does. I am her buddy most of the time, but when she is showing that she needs bounderies, I lay them down and she even thanks me for it. She tells me that she knows I love her because I show that I care. We have a very loving relationship. Okay she can be a brat sometimes but it would there would be something wrong if she weren't. LOL I just can't wait for her to get home!!!!

[kalina82]

Originally Posted by waistfull

Okay I slept on it. I did not over react when she called because she was not here with me. We had the phone on speaker and my hubby and I were looking at each other in shock. I grew up in a very strict home. We are Christian's and I am afraid this music is sending her the wrong message. Hubby tells me he listened to heavy metal and he turned out okay. I just told her that I missed her and couldn't wait until she came home. We will talk calmly when she gets home. I always tell her that she can tell me anything and she does. I am her buddy most of the time, but when she is showing that she needs bounderies, I lay them down and she even thanks me for it. She tells me that she knows I love her because I show that I care. We have a very loving relationship. Okay she can be a brat sometimes but it would there would be something wrong if she weren't. LOL I just can't wait for her to get home!!!!

i can honestly tell you that the music she heard at warped tour is OK. Most of it is rock music and i believe there were a couple emo bands there too. Nothing really promoting drugs, sex, and killing people, like the before mentioned eminem concert. I have to agree with her that would never let a child go see eminem, heck, i wouldn't even go. However, the bands at warped tour are ok, and its good music. nothing to worry about. its ok to be worried because that was your daughter's first big concert, and she did do something that was a bit reckless (crowd surfing and losing her way). Encourage her to tell you these things. I tell my mother lots of things, even what i did while i was away at college. She wasn't always thrilled to hear it, but she'd rather me tell her then not. besides its fun for me to see the look on her face LOL

so in the words of your daughter, chill out mom (or whatever they say these days LOL)

go easy on her. just remind her that you would prefer that she stay with whom ever she went with instead of going off by herself. there are lots of things that can happen to a young girl on her own, and its best to always stay with your friends when your out. that's a rule i stick by hardcore.