Personal Question - Need Some Ideas :( - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Susanbee51 · 06-14-2006, 04:26 PM

I was married to a man for 11 years. Every year, close to Christmas he would tell me he wanted a divorce, so of course this did not help the Holiday season. One year when he threatened divorce, I called his bluff and said okay. He backed down. One year when he did this, he took all access to our accounts and told me I was not allowed any money, yet had to find a different place to live. I worked and so of course was contributing to the accounts. So it ended up that I was physically pulled out of the car, thrown onto the ground where he proceded to kick me in the head. The police were called. He went to jail and I to the hospital. Restraining order time. Charges dropped. We were apart for a couple of months. When he would call and want to talk, I would beg for him to come back, I would be better. Smart, huh. What is so pathetic here is that I put my children through this. He was mentally and verbally abusive. Occasionally physically abusive as well. The last time we parted, I came home, he was loading his truck with lots of stuff and moving out. I was devastated once again. This time however, when he called, I resisted the urge to answer the phone. When he would send a letter, I would return it. That was the most difficult thing I had done. It took me along time before I got over him. But I did and boy was I glad that I did not repeat my past by letting him back. My satisfaction came a few years ago. I needed him to sign a paper about the house. So we met and he was quite friendly, telling me that he and his wife were not happy and he was going to get a divorce. Then at Christmas time he showed up wanting to get together. He wanted back in my life and I could smile and say no way. I had changed for the better. He had remained the same. My family was quite concerned that I would fall for his BS, but I don't need to be hit in the head with a rock the second time around.

Please realize that your dad will and needs to go through a grieving process. It can't be rushed. My kids would get upset with me because I didn't do it fast. Each person grieves their own way. Let him do it his way. But don't leave him alone for days on end. My kids lived with me, so I did have family around. I isolated myself from the outside world. If I don't let anybody in, then I can't get hurt. Reassure your dad that he has your support. The pain and the tears will subside, I guarantee it. And at some point, your dad will realize that he does deserve better and you will see once again that the smile on his face is real, not painted on.

Sometimes, I think it is harder for those of us that are older. Will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

Susanbee51 · 06-14-2006, 04:29 PM

One thing I forgot to add. I didn't go in for counseling. I had just started a painting class that met once a week. There were times I would go and just sit and cry. And other times I would actually paint. That was my therapy. Encourage your dad to maybe take a night class, go to a gym, something that would be positive and make him feel good about himself.

StewiesMom · 06-15-2006, 05:20 AM

Good for you for getting out of that relationship, Susan

I am sure everyone close to you is very proud! No one deserves to be treated like that.

Peters · 06-15-2006, 05:54 AM

i just don't understand how someone could get so attached to a crazy person! persoanlly i would have called the police and had that woman's behind tossed into jail. as for the crazy sons in & out of jail well i guess they got it honestly from their crazy momma i guess she gets away with more stuff well because shes a older woman i don't know it doesn't make sense to me! he should get on with his life ! i would be VERY angry at all the years wasted but that's in the past and it cannot be changed but as for the future it's all in his hands! he really shouldn't let such people hold him back and pretty much try to ruin his life just because they can't manage thier own! i say cutt all ties immeditely.

deb4air · 06-15-2006, 06:47 AM

Kristy I feel for you , nothing worse than seeing the people you love in pain , The only advice I have is this ..Men need to take action to feel better do you think you could convince him to do some charity work of some kind Or maybe get involved in a project if he is handy ? I know when people get depressed its hard to get them motivated but Action is the key ..even if he can take action in expressing his feelings he is doing something good ..but it is hard to watch and harder still to let it be ..Good luck with it all ..your dad is human broken hearts mend ..and your love can see him through .Do take care of you in this ok ..ya can't help anyone if your finding yourself without air ,,,you know what i mean ..? Sending you and yours much love and light ..Mini sends Stewie kisses ..hehe

Susanbee51 · 06-15-2006, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StewiesMom

Good for you for getting out of that relationship, Susan

I am sure everyone close to you is very proud! No one deserves to be treated like that.

Thankyou. And likewise, your dad does not deserve to be treated the way he is. It would have been so easy for me to give in to my emotions and let him back while we were going through our stuff, but I held my ground and that was difficult. My only advice for your dad is that he hold his ground and when she calls, don't answer the phone. If her kids come over to visit him, he should not be at home. It will be sooo difficult at first, but it does get easier. He deserves only the best.

chele · 06-15-2006, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peters

i just don't understand how someone could get so attached to a crazy person!

it's been my experience that crazy people aren't always crazy 24/7. everyone has good points and sometimes we don't see it until someting "sets them off".

Doesn't exactly like she was crazy all the time to me sounds like she got really mad about something (real or imagined who knows). sounds more like a rage thing. Could it be that it wasnt' so out of the blue? If he is her supervisor could something have happened at work that she blames him for?

He is probably more upset over this breakup than the others because he knows this time it's REAL. The other times he could have thought of it as just another fight and they would be back together soon enough, but now he knows never again.

chattiesmom · 06-15-2006, 07:47 PM

Kristy sending hugs to you and your dad

06-14-2006, 04:26 PM	#16
Susanbee51 Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 197	Sorry this is so long, wasn't meant to be. I was married to a man for 11 years. Every year, close to Christmas he would tell me he wanted a divorce, so of course this did not help the Holiday season. One year when he threatened divorce, I called his bluff and said okay. He backed down. One year when he did this, he took all access to our accounts and told me I was not allowed any money, yet had to find a different place to live. I worked and so of course was contributing to the accounts. So it ended up that I was physically pulled out of the car, thrown onto the ground where he proceded to kick me in the head. The police were called. He went to jail and I to the hospital. Restraining order time. Charges dropped. We were apart for a couple of months. When he would call and want to talk, I would beg for him to come back, I would be better. Smart, huh. What is so pathetic here is that I put my children through this. He was mentally and verbally abusive. Occasionally physically abusive as well. The last time we parted, I came home, he was loading his truck with lots of stuff and moving out. I was devastated once again. This time however, when he called, I resisted the urge to answer the phone. When he would send a letter, I would return it. That was the most difficult thing I had done. It took me along time before I got over him. But I did and boy was I glad that I did not repeat my past by letting him back. My satisfaction came a few years ago. I needed him to sign a paper about the house. So we met and he was quite friendly, telling me that he and his wife were not happy and he was going to get a divorce. Then at Christmas time he showed up wanting to get together. He wanted back in my life and I could smile and say no way. I had changed for the better. He had remained the same. My family was quite concerned that I would fall for his BS, but I don't need to be hit in the head with a rock the second time around. Please realize that your dad will and needs to go through a grieving process. It can't be rushed. My kids would get upset with me because I didn't do it fast. Each person grieves their own way. Let him do it his way. But don't leave him alone for days on end. My kids lived with me, so I did have family around. I isolated myself from the outside world. If I don't let anybody in, then I can't get hurt. Reassure your dad that he has your support. The pain and the tears will subside, I guarantee it. And at some point, your dad will realize that he does deserve better and you will see once again that the smile on his face is real, not painted on. Sometimes, I think it is harder for those of us that are older. Will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

06-15-2006, 05:20 AM	#18
StewiesMom Stewie Rox the Sox Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Chicago Posts: 6,306	Good for you for getting out of that relationship, Susan I am sure everyone close to you is very proud! No one deserves to be treated like that. __________________ Kristy & Stewie

06-15-2006, 06:47 AM	#20
deb4air Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: new york Posts: 3,168	Kristy I feel for you , nothing worse than seeing the people you love in pain , The only advice I have is this ..Men need to take action to feel better do you think you could convince him to do some charity work of some kind Or maybe get involved in a project if he is handy ? I know when people get depressed its hard to get them motivated but Action is the key ..even if he can take action in expressing his feelings he is doing something good ..but it is hard to watch and harder still to let it be ..Good luck with it all ..your dad is human broken hearts mend ..and your love can see him through .Do take care of you in this ok ..ya can't help anyone if your finding yourself without air ,,,you know what i mean ..? Sending you and yours much love and light ..Mini sends Stewie kisses ..hehe __________________ Deb and Miss Mini

06-15-2006, 07:47 PM	#23
chattiesmom Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama Posts: 17,674	Kristy sending hugs to you and your dad __________________ Silk Step-In Harnesses www.foxypups.etsy.com

06-14-2006, 04:29 PM	#17
Susanbee51 Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 197	One thing I forgot to add. I didn't go in for counseling. I had just started a painting class that met once a week. There were times I would go and just sit and cry. And other times I would actually paint. That was my therapy. Encourage your dad to maybe take a night class, go to a gym, something that would be positive and make him feel good about himself.

06-15-2006, 05:54 AM	#19
Peters YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,225	i just don't understand how someone could get so attached to a crazy person! persoanlly i would have called the police and had that woman's behind tossed into jail. as for the crazy sons in & out of jail well i guess they got it honestly from their crazy momma i guess she gets away with more stuff well because shes a older woman i don't know it doesn't make sense to me! he should get on with his life ! i would be VERY angry at all the years wasted but that's in the past and it cannot be changed but as for the future it's all in his hands! he really shouldn't let such people hold him back and pretty much try to ruin his life just because they can't manage thier own! i say cutt all ties immeditely.