[Susanbee51]

I was married to a man for 11 years. Every year, close to Christmas he would tell me he wanted a divorce, so of course this did not help the Holiday season. One year when he threatened divorce, I called his bluff and said okay. He backed down. One year when he did this, he took all access to our accounts and told me I was not allowed any money, yet had to find a different place to live. I worked and so of course was contributing to the accounts. So it ended up that I was physically pulled out of the car, thrown onto the ground where he proceded to kick me in the head. The police were called. He went to jail and I to the hospital. Restraining order time. Charges dropped. We were apart for a couple of months. When he would call and want to talk, I would beg for him to come back, I would be better. Smart, huh. What is so pathetic here is that I put my children through this. He was mentally and verbally abusive. Occasionally physically abusive as well. The last time we parted, I came home, he was loading his truck with lots of stuff and moving out. I was devastated once again. This time however, when he called, I resisted the urge to answer the phone. When he would send a letter, I would return it. That was the most difficult thing I had done. It took me along time before I got over him. But I did and boy was I glad that I did not repeat my past by letting him back. My satisfaction came a few years ago. I needed him to sign a paper about the house. So we met and he was quite friendly, telling me that he and his wife were not happy and he was going to get a divorce. Then at Christmas time he showed up wanting to get together. He wanted back in my life and I could smile and say no way. I had changed for the better. He had remained the same. My family was quite concerned that I would fall for his BS, but I don't need to be hit in the head with a rock the second time around.

Please realize that your dad will and needs to go through a grieving process. It can't be rushed. My kids would get upset with me because I didn't do it fast. Each person grieves their own way. Let him do it his way. But don't leave him alone for days on end. My kids lived with me, so I did have family around. I isolated myself from the outside world. If I don't let anybody in, then I can't get hurt. Reassure your dad that he has your support. The pain and the tears will subside, I guarantee it. And at some point, your dad will realize that he does deserve better and you will see once again that the smile on his face is real, not painted on.

Sometimes, I think it is harder for those of us that are older. Will keep you and your dad in my prayers.