A very tough decision.........
 

I am writing about a very personal thing that has just happened in my life. As many of you know I am pregnant with twins, due in September, and I also have 5 children ranging in ages from 10 - 18 months. Some of you also know that I am a breast cancer survivor and was diagnosed when I was only 19. Last week I went for my check up and the doctor suggested I go in for a mammogram which showed two very large masses in my right breast. Last Thursday (the day we brought Morgan home) I had a needle biopsy of both masses and this morning got the news that I am in a stage 3 of breast cancer again. I am sobbing as I write this to you and am actually telling you all first as my husband is gone all this week in training for work with no cell phone service.

I spoke to my doctor at length this morning as to what my options are and really, there are only two and neither are acceptable to me. There is no doubt that I will have to go through extensive chemo and radiation and that the chances of the babies making it through that are very slim but it has happened. So my options are to either take the chance, and possibly end up with two very unhealthy or disabled children or terminating my pregnancy. I don't know if I can go through having another disabled child. My oldest daughter, Mikayla, is disabled with a very rare disorder and she takes more time than I have in one day. I don't know what I would do if I had two more children that needed me as much as she does. Is that selfish?

I know I am blessed with 5 children already and that the twins were a complete surprise (my husband had a vasotomy some time ago) but me, my husband and kids and my entire family are just so excited.

I then think about what if I don't make it this go round with cancer. That would leave my husband with the kids, alone, and grieving. I have this dilemma, do I do what is best for me and my family by going through the treatment now, risking the lives of my babies, terminate my pregnancy now to avoid the risk of disabled children or wait it out until the babies are born in September, and then have the chemo, but risk that by then the cancer will have spread even more.

I am writing this more to find out, if you were in my shoes what would you do? I know many of you will not want to respond because this is a very sensitive subject but I am leaning on you, my online family, to provide me with whatever information or suggestions you may have.

Please keep us in your prayers as we make this very difficult situation.

Oh my gosh, i have tears in my eyes for you!! I am so sorry to hear all this. (((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))) to you!
I know you are looking for advice but i honestly can't say what I would do..we can only imagine the heartache that you feel.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing and we are behind whatever decision you choose.

I'm so very sorry to hear this! I wish i could be of any help to you. I don't know what i would do if i was in your position. You need to do what's best for you and your family. Right now i think you need to put your own health upfront. I honestly don't know girl...

Just remember that we are only a "screen" away, you can turn to us anytime, we are here for you OK!?

Wishing you all the best & keeping you in our prayers and thoughts!!

God Bless you!

Oh My! I am so sorry you are in this place, I am speechless and can only cry for you!

I honestly do not know what I would do but I can give you advice from a personal friend who went through something very similar. She was only 28 and pregnant when she found out she had cancer. She has a child already and chose her life over her unborn childs. It wasn't an easy decision (as it never is) but she does not regret it to this day. She wanted more than anything to be around for her other children and her husband. She still thinks what might have been but then looks at her children today and wouldn't make a different decision if she had to do it all over.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts during this difficult time. I wish you nothing but love and peace with whatever decision you make.

my heart breaks reading this but Im not sure how I could make that decision on my own first i would wait and talk this over with your husband. your Family will be in my prayers at this difficult time .

Gosh I am so sorry to hear this news. I know this isn't what you want to hear but I have no clue what I would do if I was in your shoes. No clue at all. I am just speechless. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. You are strong enough to get thorugh this and we are all here for you.

Wow. What a sad time you must be going through. Make the decision that's right for you and know that you're not being selfish for wanting to keep your life. I will keep you in my thoughts. :'(

Oh Sweetie...I am so sorry to hear this. First and foremost you and your husband are the only ones that can make this decision. I don't know how strong your faith is, but do you have someone on a church staff that you can talk to? A Christian Counselor maybe? God is the almight healer and sometimes we don't want to hear it, but he never gives us more than we can handle. I don't know if you saw my post in the thread about children, but I also had a "suprise" child after I had my tubes tied and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it is because it was God's plan. By you getting pregnant after your husbands V makes me think these children are His plan too. But that still doesn't answer your question I know. I often wish God would just give us a very small window to peep through to see what is in store for us, but since He didn't we just have to step out on faith.
I am not familiar with Washington state but are you anywhere near Centralia, WA. I have a cousin there that has 13 (yes I said 13) children and I think it might could help you to talk to them. Please pm me if you would like for me to put you in touch with them.

Louise

I'm so very sorry and this is a heartbreaking thing to read...Well you asked what we would do if we were in the situation...I believe I would do whatever was nesessery to keep myself healthy because of the other 5 children who are here and needed me. I don't know how to say it or even try to sugar coat it. You should do whatever your heart tells you to do. But you asked what we would do and please know you will be in my prayers.

You are in my prayers. :(

Oh honey, I am so sorry.
All I can say is that what ever decision you and your husband make we will be here to support ya'll in that decision!
I will be praying for you and your family....
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

I am so sorry, I too don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes, I wish I did. I will be saying prayers for you and your family to have the strength and support you need to go through with whatever decision you make. You are not being selfish, the fact that you are worried that your oldest will not get as much of the care that she needs just shows you are careing mother who is worried for your children's health and well being.

Michelle

i will pray for you and i know that any decision that you make will
be the right one.. you take care of yourself and we are here for you sweetie
ok ?.... anytime...

i will make this quick...choose your life--your family needs you

i am so sorry to hear about this. you are definitely in my prayers. this is such a difficult decision and i would be a total sobbing mess if i were you. you are so strong for being able to even breaking down the difficult decisions that lay before you.

i'm not sure what i would do if i were in your shoes, but definitely wait until your husband gets home and discuss it with him. but i have a feeling, chances are, your husband and your family would rather have you here, with them, than to risk your life and the quality of your life in hopes that the twins may be born without birth defects and you may survive chemo if you waited until september to start treatment.

big hugs to you!!!! we'll all be here for you whatever decision you make!

Courtney I am so sorry to hear of the ca reoccurance. I am not a survivor but a RN who works with Cancer pts. & Palliative care. I am replying to your question ...What would I do??.....with the heaviest of hearts & my family's support I would probably kiss my angels good bye & let the good lord care for them. This is what I Think I would do!! I do know how the chemo tx. could affect them and you have alot to think about, and huge decision to make. You must know though that the only right decision will be the one you make for yourself & your family, you need to be accepting of your decision...this doesn't mean you can't grieve or cry about it! With the heaviest of hearts I send you a huge...HUG!! I also stand in your corner with support for you.
Terrilyn (lynnt34)

I PMed you Courtney

Gosh i am soo sorry you are going through this, i dont know what to say other then i will keep you in my prayers, hugs !

I am so sorry. This is a decision you and your husband need to make and God will guide you. While I can only surmise what I would do I would do what was necessary to make sure I would be around for my 5 children. 6 months is a ling time with Stage 3 to go without treatment and to have treatment and risk having children that may have exstensive needs while you need to be recuperating may be difficult at best. What ever decison you make you will have everyones support. I will keep you in my prayers.

My heart is breaking for you and the decisions that you have to make. I will certainly be praying that the Lord will help you in those decisions and that you will know without a doubt which way to turn. I will also pray that He will place people around you to help you with those decisions and to support you and your family. I will pray that God's presence will be with you and that you will feel His comfort. I know that this was said once before, but God never gives us more than we can handle. If He cares for the birds of the air then how much more does He care for us. Please keep me posted if you need me to pray for something more specific.

Oh My,............................................
My heart is breaking for you. :hug:
This is a very big decision, how I wish your husband was there with you.
I really don't know what I would do. Just about everyone on my side of the family has had cancer. It scares me, they wanted me to have some more tests when I was sick with the flu, something about white blood cells, but I wouldn't do it. I just don't want to know. I haven't had a mammogram, because I'm scared of that too.
God has bleesed you with twins. And now they are at risk. Have they told you all the options? Is there a way, no I guess not.
This is so hard, I really feel for you. Do you have family there with you? It's times like this I wish my Mom was still here.
Your five children are not going to understand what is going on. They are excited, about the twins. I have no idea how you would tell them either way.
If I was in your shoes, I would wait for my husband to come home, and go in and meet the Doctor. Find out all the options you have, and do what would be best for your health. Find out if the Chemo can wait that long, and if not what are all the risks for you and your twins.
Having a disabled child is very hard, most people don't realize just how hard it is. I really thought I had it hard with the three children we adopted who are all Mentally Disabled. But I was way off, I have a friend who's son is Disabled by Brain Damage and is also Blind. We visit with him all the time, it's very sad,
but he knows we are there, and he's happy.
We will keep you and your Family in Our Thoughts and Prayers.
I walk the Avon 3 Day walk every year, If it's ok with you, I would love to add your name to my shirt, I made it in honor of Family and Friends who have breast cancer.
Hang in there, Your YT Family are all here with you. :2hearts2: :2hearts2: :2hearts2:

Courtney...I am so so SO SORRY to hear this. :(

I will answer only because I would have no second thoughts if in your position.....you have a family who loves you and needs you....You have to think of YOU ...

I know you must have the heaviest heart thinking about this kind of decision... but they can cure you and that should be #1. I feel so bad for you....I don't know what to say that can make this easier but you have my prayers.......

What a hard hard thing you're going thru....and I will pray you can get thru this and lead a long long life with your family.

I am so sorry to hear this awful news! You need to make the decision that you and your hubby knows is right! I can not imagine what you are going through! I am so sorry! I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! Please let us know if you need anything!

Just pm me if you need anyone to talk to!
Hugs to you and you family

I am so sorry to hear this awful news, its is so sad your husband isnt with you. My sister is a breast cancer survivor (grade 1), her sister in law (grade 3) as well as her mother inlaw (grade 3). they are all suvivors and her mother inlaw passed about 20 years later from a heart condition.

I may be misinformed but cant you have a massectomy, while pregnant without harming the babies and do chemo/radiation after birth, or is this even a possibility?

I hope you have your family around to support you and youre able to get in touch with your husband, those 5 kids need you and him.

I wish god speed what ever your decision.

i am so sorry to hear your bad news, i would call my husband where he is ? don't he have any phone service where he is at?
and get a second opinion, maybe a cancer hospital where they specialize in this kind of treatment and pray, you will be in my prayers, good luck hon

As before wishing you much needed strength and positive healing blessings.

My heart is breaking for you- God Bless You and your family

I'm so sorry for the decision you have to make. You and your family are in my prayers. I'm not going to give my two cents b/c you and your husband will know what to do when the time comes. It will be hard on whatever you choose but all of YT and myself will be behind you whatever you decide..

HUGS, Crystal