I just can't get this out of my head. I wish that there was more we could do to help you. My heart is just so broken for everyone involved here. Sending more prayers for the strength to make the decision that is best for you and your family.

Wow, what an unfair decision for you to have to make!!!!!! I admire the strength you have to even talk about this with us. You are very awesome!!! I believe with your you positive attitude and strength that everything will turn out fine. I have to share that if I had a decision to make, I would have to worry about the family that is here and desperately needs their mother. You can not be replaced! You are needed and loved!!!! God speed to you and your family!

I am so sorry. You are in a very tough position. We don't know what God's plan is. I will pray that he wraps his arms around you to comfort and guide you.

I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. It seems to me that you are dealing with more than any one person should have to.

Please know that there are now a lot of people out here praying for you whatever your decision is.

I just want to say that in a year from now when you are watching your 5 children play, you will think of the babies that God will have beside him and wonder what they would be like. You will be sad, and maybe a few tears will fall. You will wonder if you made the right descision, and you will even feel guilty for choosing your own life. When this happens take another look at those 5 kids, and wonder then what would they do if you had chose the other option. Could they laugh and play like they do now whithout their mama. If they were able to make that choice for you, they would most certainly choose you. Watch those kids, and smile. Know that God will take care of those precious twins until it is time for you to join them, and know that you are not being selfish in anyway. You are not choosing YOU over the twins, you are choosing the family you already have. You are making the right descision, and while it will hurt for a very long time, you will bring smiles to the lives you touch, your children, your husband, your mom, the rest of the family, your friends here on YT, and most likely many other people you know and will meet in the future. You are an inspiration to us all, and your life is worth saving. So go give those kids a kiss, and a smile, and they will know that their mama will be there for them when they need her.

Heather I feel the same way. After reading her second post I kept looking at my children and thinking what WOULD I do. I couldn't imagine them being without me. They need me so much. This is such a tough thing for a mom to go through. I guess I would continue the pregnancy and my treatment and hope for the best.
Bailey..no matter what you do decide I will be here. I am soo soo soo very sorry for you and your family. This really bothers me to know that a mom of four and two on the way has to be faced with this. I can imagine what life is like for you now. I am here for you if you need. Being a mom I know how your heart is breaking. God bless you girl and you have all of my prayers.

i mean five ..you have five i'm the one that has four..

As with everyone else, I'm reading this with tears streaming down my face. I went through something similar over 20 years ago and while I don't want to go into it here, I'll PM you.

Please know that if we (and I feel very comfortable saying WE) can help or support you in ANY way, we are just a keyboard away. No matter what it is you might need, please don't be afraid to ask us. There are a lot of wonderfully caring and creative minds here and when we put them all together we've proven that we can really come up with some solutions!

May God give you strength and courage to see you through this. You and your family will be on the very top of my heart and prayers.

Courtney... I am so sorry you are going through this.

I am 30 years old. I was born with a large heart murmur (ASD). Dr.s didn't expect me to live but a few hours let alone many years. I was 18 when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter and the pregnancy about killed me. I had a c-section my heart stopped 3 times while on the table. However I made it and right after my Cardiologist wanted me to schedule heart surgery. Well at 18 with a new baby I was scared to death and just didn't go back to her. Then when my baby was 3 I had gotten pregnant. My husband and I were so excited. Then I went for my first visit and my OB told me to go straight to my Cardiologist's office. Scared to death I did. She then told me I had to terminate the pregnancy, or I would die. I wasn't afraid of dieing but I was concerned about my daughter. I asked what are the chances for the baby, and she told me about 15%. I left her office in tears and refused to even discuss termination. I went home and cuddle my daughter. She said mommy don't cry I will hold you. Of course I started crying even more and my baby asked me mommy are you sick? and she began to cry and said are you going to heaven? (now I swear nobody but my husband and I knew about this, and it was not mentioned from the time we left the Dr.s office)
At that very moment I knew that Stephanie was the far most important thing in my life and she needed me. As hard as it was I made the choice to terminate my pregnancy. Shortly after I got very sick and was on a couple of antibiotics but wasn't getting better. I met with my surgent on Mon. and had surgery that Thur. (at age 21) The murmur that started out the size of a quarter was then the size of a dollar bill.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done and though I still think about it. I do not regret my choice. I did get pregnant after my surgery and had another very healthy baby girl. I wanted to have more children but I was diagnosed with a unfamiliar case of RA/Rheumatoid Arteritis. I am on several meds and take a weekly shot. I was told 2 years ago that I should not have anymore children.

I don't beat myself up I am just thankful for what I have and I do believe everything happens for a reason. I still can't tell you why it happened the way it did, but I did quit my job and decided to be a stay at home mom.

Wow, this is so horrible. First of all, I wanted to say that I support you in whatever decision you make. I will pass no judgment. It was only a couple weeks ago when I came on here and told everyone that I was expecting. I remember you congratulating me and you were so excited about being pregnant with twins. I was excited for you also.
Please do NOT postpone your treatment for any reason. Do not let this cancer spread. It has to be stopped. When I first had my son someone said to me, “Take care of you first." I couldn't understand that at all, it sounded so selfish. I had a new precious little baby and I didn't mind working myself to the bone to take care of him. It wasn't until I really thought about what he said until it sunk in. If you are unhealthy, how in the world are you going to take care of those babies? They depend on YOU for everything in the womb and when they're infants. Your body needs to be healthy in order to carry and deliver those twins and to take care of your other kids. If you don't get the treatment then you could pass away or be unhealthy and then your unborn children would probably be unhealthy as well.
How far along are you? Is it possible to deliver the twins early? I do not think a hospital will do cancer treatment in the form of radiation on a pregnant woman. Please do not worry about being selfish. You sound like the least selfish woman I have ever met. Just try to think about the best possible thing you can do for your family.
Being pregnant myself, I would not postpone treatment. I also do not think I would let the baby suffer through radiation treatment. It would depend on how far along I was. My hospital will deliver a baby after 20 weeks.
Please keep us posted and if you have a good YT friend who you don't mind giving your addy to, I wouldn't mind sending a card or something your way. We will all be thinking of you during this hard time.

Hi Courtney

I don't know you and I'm probably not really at liberty to offer personal advice to someone in such an awful predicament as yourself but I'd just like to say that I feel terrible for you. It doesn't seem fair that such an obviously good person should have so many trials in a lifetime but I will say that I really agree with what someone (forgive me for not remembering the name) posting that God may have wanted you to catch the cancer earlier through the pregnancy. He does indeed move in mysterious ways but I think you are absolutely and utterly making the correct decision both morally and medically in terminating the pregnancy. You have a right to put your life first. If you carried on, your husband may have the very real risk of losing a wonderful wife and your children a lovely mother. The babies you are carrying now will suffer either through being disabled or being born orphans. Under no circumstances should you ever sacrifice your right to life for that of an unborn child. There are no exceptions no matter what anyone may tell you. The most important thing is for you to get better for your family. In time, you will no doubt have another chance for another pregnancy.

I don't pray often but I will pray for you tonight and I wish you the very best in the long and tiring battle ahead of you. Please feel very free to pm me if there is anything I can do. I'm a long way away but I would have no hesitation in offering you any support I could. Take care and lots of love and hugs, Annie x

Another Thank you to my friends here on YT
 

I am sitting here right now with hazed over eyes from crying from all of your posts, thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. I sent the kids to their grandparents house tonight so I could just be alone, think and consider my options. I have not stepped away from my computer since I got home tonight and still I have no answers. I don't want to go into another very long post as to how I am feeling right now but wanted you all to know that I so appreciate all of you. Especially those that have come back to this thread tonight since this morning to post more thoughts and prayers and to check in on me. I have not logged off of YT all day and keep coming back to read all that you all have posted. You have all given me some great insight and have to agree, although I am not a religious person, I think you are correct that maybe I got accidently pregnant for a reason.......top find the cancer sooner.

I just wanted you all to know, although I am far from being OK, I am here, managing and I cannot express my appreciation to you all enough.

~ Courtney

Naturally, you're still on my mind, and I was thinking how selfless of you to handle this on your own for now. I think my first thought would have been to call my husband, but as I thought about it I realized that there isn't anything that he can do about it from where he is, and it would be best to wait until he was safely home to tell him. Your strength amazes me. :girl_hug:

Blessings
 

Courtney,
I am still a little new here but I just wanted to let you know that I am here reading all the posts and feel heartbroken for your situation. This is a very trying time for you, and all it seems we can do is show you how much all of us care and will be here for you through both the good and bad. Whatever decision you make for yourself and your family will ultimately be the right one for you. I have my opinions but I also have learned in the past it is better to listen and give a shoulder to cry/lean on than to confuse the situation even more by giving personal opinions.
My family will be praying for you that you will feel secure with your final decision and that you will have love and support surrounding you throughout your treatment.
Blessings with love,
KimberlyAnn

Dear Courtney,
I pray for God to give you strength and courage in which ever decision you make. I will be praying for you. Keep leaning on the Lord for HIS daily guidance and strength, HE LOVES YOU no matter what decision you and your husband make. Lots of :hug:'s to you, husband and children. Patti

Courtney,
I am so sorry you are going through this...
You have such a tuff decision to make.
Hugs to you, your husband and children.

Courtney, I am so terribly sorry that you are faced with this. The only words that come to me are those that my sweet Dad said to me when faced with any difficult decision, "Whatever your decision, I will stand behind you"! And he always did, regardless ... so that is the only thing I can offer. We, your YT family, love you and will be here standing behind you, whatever your decision. We will be praying for God's will and if there is anything, anything that we can do, you only need ask!!

:( I am so very sorry to hear about this difficult situation you are faced with...Please know you are in my prayers...

Courtney my heart aches for you and your family. You all will be in my prayers. I admire your strength and courage and wish you only health and happiness in the near future. :hearts-xx :hearts-xx

Im glad that you can see how much love is here for you. I want you to know that if there is anything that anyone here can do for you please don't fail to ask. I will be here at the drop of a hat. As will everyone else who has posted here I am sure. Maybe the hospital can get you in touch with other people who have been in your shoes. That way they can help educate you, and support you in ways that others just don't have the ability. I really think it would help so much to have someone that has been there before. I hope that you are feeling a little better today. I have been praying last night and this morning that God would give you the strength to make a good decision. I have also been praying that he will rid you of all this cancer. I wish you nothing but happiness and health for many years to come. God Bless you and your family. Love, Heather

I wanted to come back and let you know that I am still thinking about you.

I just found this thread tonight and sat here and read from the beginning to the end. I'm sobbing here and I am here to tell you that I will be here for you what ever you and your family decides to do! I will pray for you all. This just breaks my heart. I had a big scare a few months ago and the only regret I had was keeping it to myself. Of course I told my husband but that was it. I wanted to make sure either way before I told anyone else. I am so glad you have your mother with you and that you are not alone till you husband gets back!

I was on here late last night and read most of this thread. I wanted to come on today and let you know I too will keep you in my prayers.

There are simply no words that I can say to make you feel better. I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I cried and cried as I read your initial post. May you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you right now. Bless your heart. You are such an amazing woman.

I feel the same. Well said.

I couldn't say it any better...our prayers are with you in whatever you decide.

Well as I am sitting here at work, once again not getting anything done, I was thinking about what I could do differently to prepare this time for chemo that I wasn't so prepared for last time. I have asked Lil Mis Magic to make me a Breast Cancer Ribbon Blanket like the one she made my furbabies and she is on top of it so I will have my blankie to take with me :) So now I need to find someone that can sew some fancy scarfs. I have trashed all of my old ones in hopes to never need them again, plus they weren't that stylish. If anyone knows me they know I am a fashion queen and love clothes and my favorite colors are pink and purple and turquois. I guess I was wondering, since there are so many wonderful sewers on here, if anyone would be willing to make me some new head wraps (scarfs) for me to wear on my soon to be hairless head? I'd be willing to pay top dollar.

Again, to all of my friends and family here on YT........Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart.

Oh, and an update........my nosey mom got ahold of my husband and he will be home tonight (2 days early). Oh well, I guess he would probably be more mad if I had actually waited until he returned to tell him.

Love you guys!!

Courtney...It is good to hear from you! You have such a good attitude and I've always heard that is half the battle. I bet you will have more scarves than you can use by the time all the wonderful people on YT read your post...and I would be the first one to sign up for that, but believe me, you wouldn't want anything I could make :rolleyes:
I got this poem from the cancer center here in town...I have to go there because I see a hematologist there...anyhoo...I sent it to my cousin that had cancer and she really appreciated it, so I thought I would share it with you too!

I have it in a pretty decorative print that you can print out that I would be glad to email you if you would like. Just PM me with your email addy!!

Yay for nosey mothers. I was beginning to think we were gonna have to do that for ya ;) Good. I think you're needing some of his hugs.

Btw, if your post didn't say how fashion consciences you were, I'd have happily sent you some scarves....they wouldn't be very fashionable, but they would make a statement, I'll say that :rolleyes:

Do I even want to ask??.................... :laugh: