Odd question... need feedback

[Claire]

I am at a stand still as to what to do with my x-husbands things. When he left, he only took a suitcase full of clothes with him. I had boxes upon boxes of his things. His family took a good chunk of it, but I still have some things left over. What should I do with it? We had a child together, she is 9 months old, should I save things for her? Should I pawn his wedding ring or keep it? Should I burn the letters/cards that he saved???? AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! I just don't know what to do.
I'm sure that ya'll think I am crazy, this should not be a hard decision, but right now, we don't even know if he is dead or alive, last time anyone heard from him was over 3 months ago, he was homeless, strung out on drugs, living on the streets in Kansas, he was doing REAL BAD. She may NEVER get to see her daddy ever again. I would feel bad for her if she did not get to have some things of her fathers but in saying that, I never want her to know what type of man her father became.... I just don't know what to do! I have 3 picture books full of pictures of him for her to have when she starts asking about him. Should that be enough, just pictures, or should I save more things of his for her to have??
Really, in all honesty, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Any feedback would be GREATLY apreciated!

[orinskye]

i cant really tell you what to do... but maybe keep precious stuff that will fit in ONE reasonable sized box that way you have only one box and not a whole lot of stuff to move around. I would keep the wedding ring and anything else that she might treasure later on.
A lot of parents these days that are divorced dont usually remain single, maybe you will remarry someday and if that is the case youre daughter will know another man as "daddy"
that is a tough question though

[I luv my pups]

That has to be hard, I am sorry to hear what you are going though. I know when my mom and dad got divorced on my graduation day my mom gave me a ring. She had the diamond set in a new ring for me. I have never taken it off!! It meant so much to me. Maybe you could do something like that, get something made out of it. As for all the other stuff I wish I had more to tell you. I will keep you in my prayers!! I am raising my boys on my own and it is hard but so rewarding. I am so happy to have them and it is hard at times but I love it (I say this as they are beating each other up!! haha)
Well best of luck to you if you ever wanna talk I am a good listener!!
Melissa

[YorkiesX2]

Wow that is really tough! I'm going to give an answer I found through reading about adoption..(I know it's not the same) I would say pictures is good and some things in a small box that she may find important that are hierlooms (if any) would be nice. Do you keep in touch with his side of the family? Grandparents, etc. they may be able to help answer questions as well when she's older so if they are still in contact I would keep that up. I'm so sorry for you and your future together now being squashed...

[Claire]

Originally Posted by I luv my pups

That has to be hard, I am sorry to hear what you are going though. I know when my mom and dad got divorced on my graduation day my mom gave me a ring. She had the diamond set in a new ring for me. I have never taken it off!! It meant so much to me. Maybe you could do something like that, get something made out of it.

I thought about doing that for her. It's good to know that you treasured it so much, Thanks.

[Claire]

Originally Posted by YorkiesX2

Wow that is really tough! I'm going to give an answer I found through reading about adoption..(I know it's not the same) I would say pictures is good and some things in a small box that she may find important that are hierlooms (if any) would be nice. Do you keep in touch with his side of the family? Grandparents, etc. they may be able to help answer questions as well when she's older so if they are still in contact I would keep that up. I'm so sorry for you and your future together now being squashed...

His family is kind of wishy-washy. I am the one that keeps in touch with them. They rarley call and they all live out of state. No one in his family has even seen her or bothered to visit since she was born. They are not much help when it comes to this. His parents are divorced, his sister 3 x's divorced, they really don't care either way.

[mylittletigger]

I agree with all the others. Save the ring, It's a symbol of love and shows that at one point her dad was someone you cherished. Save whatever is precious to you, chances are it'll be precious to her too. Like his cards he saved, she may enjoy reading them one day.

My real mom (Sandra) has been dead to me since I was nine. She was abusive in almost every way,excluding sexually. I don't have anything of hers nor would I want any. I look like her twin. I did like that my dads side of the family saved pictures of her for me though.

My real Daddy died when I was eleven. He remarried two years prior and she adopted us shortly afterward. I was very close with my daddy(listen to me I'm 23 and I still call my dad my daddy). The only thing I got from my step mom(now adopted mom) was some inheritance he left us. She sold/gave (I'm not sure which one) my dads truck to one of her ex boyfriend. I don't know what she did with his ring. She gave her ex boyfriend my dads tools, and I'm sure other stuff of his. Long story short.... I wish she would have given my brother his tools, and his clothes. My dad was six foot four and my brother's six foot two. My dad wore a size fourteen shoe and my brother wears a twelve. Weight wise they're right about the same. I wish I would have gotten my daddy's ring. He was my hero. One other similarity My daddy and brother have is they're both truck drivers.

Your daughter will one day ask about daddy. When she does just tell her the positive and tidbits of the bad. Remember what it was that made you fall in love with him. Girls tend to follow in their moms footsteps so dont' worry about her going down his same road. Just save what's precious to you and stuff that at one point meant a lot to him.

[YorkieShadow]

I agree with the pictures you have I would also keep the ring and a few other small things that can be boxed up and put away untill later.

[alona1]

Hi Claire,

I would keep all the stuff that means/meant something to you. As a girl, I think we need to understand alot more thoughts and feelings around why things happen. I think when your daughter is older, perhaps in her teens, she'd like to see more sentimental things of her dad. I would keep the cards and the wedding ring, even just for your daughters sake in 16 years time. Thats just my opinion anyway as I have never been in a situation like this. Only you can decide whats best. Good Luck!

[rrosenberry]

I agree with what others have said, Ring, pictures, letters, stuff to fit in a nice box, for her to treasure,when she's old enough.
Other things, Yard Sale and donation box.. time for OUT with the old,and be done with the baggage, he left. I admire what your doing, it can't be easy.

[red98vett]

How sad !! I hope he gets his life together if only for the sake of his daughter...but you don't need that in your life .....

I guess your decision can go both ways - when I left my husband... I really needed money and did sell the rings....I had made them myself and got quite a bit of $$ at the time...but I would def keep the pictures and maybe get rid of the rest.....

[Claire]

Thank you very much to everyone for the advice! I am going to pack up a small box of stuff. I can deal with a small box! That was a great idea. THANK YOU!!!!