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-   -   My BF called me very hurtful names :( (https://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/off-topic-discussions/281330-my-bf-called-me-very-hurtful-names.html)

Bentleysmom1985 01-31-2015 12:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa and Pic (Post 4525711)
There has been a lot written about domestic violence and abuse. Look up cycle of abuse and I think you will find he fits this model. He appears to have a need to control and I think he is going to get worse. Hope you'll cut your losses now while the relationship is new. Sorry you had to experience this.
Thanks I did look up the cycle of abuse and looks like he fits this model in many of the phases.

I guess I should be thankful for finding out about his true colors early in the relationship.

Dayswalters 01-31-2015 01:31 PM
I really hope that you stay away from this guy. Watch "One Last Hug" on Dateline. The guy wanted her to meet him for one last hug and he swore he would never bother her again. She barely survived the attack. He intended to kill her, and thought he did. By a miracle she lived. Please stay away from him.

Maximo 01-31-2015 01:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 4525678)
This guy clearly has emotional regulation issues / emotional intolerance issues and those things can truly lead to dangerous situations...no exaggeration there.

Bottom line: you deserve better. You deserve to be treasured, appreciated, treated kindly and gently, be supported, be cared for. He doesn't sound capable or ready to do those things. He has milessssssss to go and it's not your job to fix it or live with it.
:thumbup::thumbup:

Don't see him again, not even in a public place. Cut all ties and move on. It's what is best and safest for you. Also, if every woman did this (not give this guy the time of day), it might force him to do what he needs to do to fix his personal problems.

yorkiemini 01-31-2015 02:41 PM
It IS OVER!

He is manipulating you with the LOVE word that we all want to hear.
Don't let that act erase the pattern that has very clearly emerged!

Text and tell him you are unable to meet him - THEN BE VERY CAREFUL!
THESE TYPES DO NOT TAKE NO WELL!

They lack the ability to manage their controlling emotions/actions for very long AND CAN BE DANGEROUS!

Cherie6446 01-31-2015 02:43 PM
Look into the eyes of your little Bentley and imagine how you will feel if he is injured because you did not dump this heel.

capt_noonie 01-31-2015 02:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by matese (Post 4525737)
I couldn't have any friends, if I was talking on the phone with a co-worker friend he would disconnect the call, tell me I was on the phone long enough.
Just made me remember, he told me who to be friends with too! There was a girl I absolutely despised in high school, and she was his best friend. He made us hang out together! He always compared me to her. I always thought he really liked her but she didn't like him back, so instead he became her "best friend" so he could spend time with her.

He didn't want me hanging out with my best guy friend either, and that guy friend was a mutual long friend of both of ours! Telling me he was a bad influence. Even told me that another girl friend of mine (who I am still very close to) was a bad influence, when in reality I was the bad influence!

Even after we broke up, he told me to call this girl and hang out with her, and I did! Can you believe that! I think so he could still keep tabs on me. I went on a diet after we broke up and he heard about it, and called me, and said, Oh I heard you lost weight? :rolleyes: It's so crystal clear now, but then...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bentleysmom1985 (Post 4525740)
This reminds me he was starting to mention certain tops that I wore or dresses that were showing too much. He was very subtle about it though, didnt think about it much.

He also said he was a jealous person, he never showed signs of it while we were together.

He said last relationship ended because he wasn't very tolerant (but he was different now) and they had too many disagreements.

Now it all makes sense. :confused:
I'm sure he didn't mind you wearing those tops before "you were his", huh???

May I ask you how old you are? I was young when I was with the A-hole. Well not even that young. 21. Still I was easily manipulated.

matese 01-31-2015 02:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by yorkiemini (Post 4525783)
It IS OVER!

He is manipulating you with the LOVE word that we all want to hear.
Don't let that act erase the pattern that has very clearly emerged!

Text and tell him you are unable to meet him - THEN BE VERY CAREFUL!
THESE TYPES DO NOT TAKE NO WELL!

They lack the ability to manage their controlling emotions/actions for very long AND CAN BE DANGEROUS!
:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Bijou2014 01-31-2015 02:52 PM
Run and do not look back!

capt_noonie 01-31-2015 02:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie6446 (Post 4525785)
Look into the eyes of your little Bentley and imagine how you will feel if he is injured because you did not dump this heel.
:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: End of story!

matese 01-31-2015 03:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie6446 http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/ima...s/viewpost.gif
Look into the eyes of your little Bentley and imagine how you will feel if he is injured because you did not dump this heel.


Quote:
Originally Posted by capt_noonie (Post 4525790)
:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: End of story!
:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

GuinnessStout 02-01-2015 07:59 PM
At times I really think verbal is worse than just hitting me and getting it over... The words just stick and play over and over and over again in your head.

Be thankful it was only 3 months and RUN!!

BorderKelpie 02-01-2015 09:35 PM
One of the lessons I've had to learn the hard way: When you do let him know that it over, block his numbers. Do not ever reply to a phonecall, text or message. Once you break down and respond to him, he will see that as a crack in the wall and start to work on it.

I tried to end it nicely with someone once. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. There is now over 20 years of police reports, threats, poisoned pets, vandalized vehicles - two moves and a new car later, I am still running from him. The police told me that most women end up with stalkers because they're too nice. Break up with him the same way you would rip off a bandaid. Be polite but firm. Take a friend if you need to. Be careful. Oh, and never let your guard down. Start watching for him to show up in strange places or following you. I don't want to cause a panic, but I'd rather you be a little bit paranoid than dead.

It's a scary, scary world out there. Just watch your back. I'll be thinking of you.

sandy simpson 02-01-2015 09:51 PM
dog
 
Hurting people hurt other people. This man does Not love you. He will bring you down. You are precious and deserve to be treated with love and respect. Close that door and send him on down the road. A lot of hurt in your future if you dont. All you need is the love of a dog right now. They show true love .

Lisa and Pic 02-02-2015 02:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bentleysmom1985 (Post 4525746)
Thanks I did look up the cycle of abuse and looks like he fits this model in many of the phases.

I guess I should be thankful for finding out about his true colors early in the relationship.
I'm glad you looked up cycle of abuse. I just wanted to post this link (which is one of many) about this subject in case anyone is interested. In our area, this is one of the classes taught at the Women's Crisis Center and also taught to volunteers going through CASA training.

Cycle of Abuse

capt_noonie 02-02-2015 09:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BorderKelpie (Post 4526132)
One of the lessons I've had to learn the hard way: When you do let him know that it over, block his numbers. Do not ever reply to a phonecall, text or message. Once you break down and respond to him, he will see that as a crack in the wall and start to work on it.

I tried to end it nicely with someone once. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. There is now over 20 years of police reports, threats, poisoned pets, vandalized vehicles - two moves and a new car later, I am still running from him. The police told me that most women end up with stalkers because they're too nice. Break up with him the same way you would rip off a bandaid. Be polite but firm. Take a friend if you need to. Be careful. Oh, and never let your guard down. Start watching for him to show up in strange places or following you. I don't want to cause a panic, but I'd rather you be a little bit paranoid than dead.

It's a scary, scary world out there. Just watch your back. I'll be thinking of you.
I don't want to downplay your post, but my ex was similar, though didn't have to resort to the police thankfully. He disappeared for years, then when social media stuff started getting popular, I signed up for Friendster (anyone remember that? LOL) and then guess who tried to friend me. I blocked him. Then I swore off social media but I needed to sign up for FB for my business. Guess who showed up again after a few years. Then he started following me and "liking" all my photos from my business (I didn't put much info on my personal page) but now he knew where I worked! Blocked again, and blocked everyone else with his name, even spelled differently. I was always afraid that I would run into him somewhere. In fact I had a nightmare last night about running into him. Even though I blocked him, he still follows a friend of mine and can still "like" my posts to her page.


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