My BF called me very hurtful names :(
 

We were having an argument and he called me a b**** psycho and bipolar (on a text) We were together for only 3 months! I broke up with him and 2 days later he apologized and he's been trying to get me to forgive him for the past couple of weeks.


Now he's saying he was falling in love with me and he loves me (I'm not sure if this is true or not? Maybe he's using the word "love" to manipulate me)

Anyway, I lost my respect for him and I also dont trust him: how can I ? What if he does it again?

He's asking for a second chance and I dont know if I should... He was really sweet to me before those words. I'm really confused and I have no idea how can he snap like that!

I would really appreciate any advice from you ladies ...

I told him we could talk next friday, he wants me to come over to his apt to talk, but I told him it's better in a public place :-/ ...

I'm no therapist, but he sounds like a mess to me and has a control issue. I think you are right to question this relationship.

I would certainly walk away from this and fast. He has already shown in true colors, who is to say what he will do next.

:( Plus, in my mind, verbal abuse is the same - if not worse - than physical abuse.

Bently's Mom, sometimes these things are really a gift if one looks hard enough.

What if you were married and this part of his personality showed itself or married and pregnant.

Run away as fast as you can.

A decent person doesn't call anyone names. We been married 33 years and never used name calling to express our anger. It's huge red flag, as others have said a gift...run.

Bet you he's a narcissist.

Also listen to your instincts, you said you don't trust him or respect him.

This type of behavior is "classic" in domestic violence cases. It is one of the very first signs and only gets worse over time. As the person becomes more confident in the relationship, they become more abusive and again will ask for forgiveness and say they won't do it again. Your best bet is to walk away and don't look back. Nothing good can come from this type of behavior, especially so early in a relationship.

After *only* 3 months of being together, this is concerning...bc this should be the honeymoon, elated period. If you, for some reason, think he is still worth exploring - I'd make an appt w/ a counselor/therapist and talk this over with a professional with him present. That's the only way I can see really getting to the bottom of this outburst.

Run, do not walk away from this man. Today name calling, tomorrow physical abuse. I stayed in a marriage for 17 years because after the name calling I believed he would never do it again, then the physical abuse began, again always forgave because I believed it would never happen again. I left him from the ER after having 7 stitches to close the gash in my head. Name calling can be forgiven, but never forgotten, once the words leave the mouth and reach the ears it is always remembered. If the name calling was not meant, then why do it? Why? because he MEANT it. NO MEETING, NO TALKING over. Good luck (((HUGS)))

I wouldn't meet this guy anywhere. I agree with everyone - name calling is just the first step, and at three months. Do yourself a favor and don't waste another minute on this loser.

And another thought. He could hurt little Bently to get at you. I knew a couple that the husband threw her little cat into the wall because he was mad at her. Get rid of the guy for both of your safety.

This is over!! He meant to hurt you....hurt you with his words....that will escalate....next time he will hurt your pup to hurt you, and if you were to marry him and have kids, he will hurt the kids, then finally, words wont hurt enough, you need a good beating.

He will beg and plead and look sooooooooo sincere and you will think he wont do it again....."hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me.....".

Right now, you have NOTHING holding you to this man....drop him like a hot rock!

After he called me all those names, plus general cursing while saying other things (like the f word and sh**)I broke up with him. I made it clear that it was over and I will never forgive him. That's when he started to tell me he was in love with me, so I was considering giving him a second chance. he never mentioned love before, thats why I'm thinking he's manipulating me.

He has shown attitudes before, like one time we had an argument and he told me that we are not going out anymore so I stayed home. The other time he went into his room and never came out again, living me alone in the living room (this was in his apt so I grabbed my keys to go home, as soon as he heard I was leaving he came out quickly and said sorry and pls stay)

The last fight was about milk spilling, I was making a protein shake and milk started spilling from the blender, he got really upset and was talking to me with an attitude.

He also has a very bad road rage

*sigh* honestly when he called me all those names, I thought "wow all this time I've been having this weird feeling this guy might have anger issues, and I was right, I kept ignoring my instincts because I really wanted it to work"

No one has ever cursed at me in my life, even when I really deserve it lol and I was actually behaving like a crazy person, no guy has ever said anything really bad like that.

Thank you for all the advice, I'm having a lot of anxiety about meeting him and he insisted to meet in his apt, but I told him better in a public place, now I'm reconsidering even meeting him.

My fear is that he's going to be able to hide his anger until we are married or I'm pregnant. What am I going to do when he calls me names while I'm pregnant?


It could be a one time mistake too, maybe he's not a bad guy, but maybe he is. It's just a big risk to take for a 3 month relationship.

I also thought about seeing a counselor, it's sad that we have been together for only 3 months and already in need of counseling :(

I also think about Bentley, what if one day he gets angry at him and hurts him and I'm not around to see it ...

This guy clearly has emotional regulation issues / emotional intolerance issues and those things can truly lead to dangerous situations...no exaggeration there.

Bottom line: you deserve better. You deserve to be treasured, appreciated, treated kindly and gently, be supported, be cared for. He doesn't sound capable or ready to do those things. He has milessssssss to go and it's not your job to fix it or live with it.

It sounds like he is a very controlling man. If he's doing this to you now it will only get worse. It isn't worth it. Walk away now. Don't meet him anymore. In my opinion, you haven't seen anything yet as far as what he is capable of doing. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

Girl...RUN.

Unless you want to spend a good chunk of your life, walking on egg shells, tip toeing around his jagged edges so he doesnt get mad and lash out, you need to dump him....and I would not meet with him...there is NO excuse good enough to negate fear and hurtful anger directed at you. Tell him you have decided this is over, and you do not have the time nor inclination to psychoanalyze his rage issues.....HE is the one that needs professional help, not you, and you have no qualifications to give him that.

If you feel like you said your peace and he has accepted that than leave things as they are. You said that you made it very clear to him that it is over, so stand your ground and do not allow this man to sweet talk you into getting back together, it will only get worse. He will say Im sorry I wont do it again... but he will and like you say by that time it may be too late.

Anger issues, road rage, flips out over spilled milk!!! follow above advise, he can use your puppy to hurt you. When a hurtful person knows what you love the most they know the way to really hurt you is through what you love deeply, be it a child or a pet, they will hurt it to cause you the most pain. Heed all the advise you have been given. Men like this never change.

You already know what to do! We are only mirroring back to you, the concerns you have already expressed!


I would only text him or email and say, no meeting now, no meeting in any future between you and I. Quite simply you are not the man for me.

This guy has major issues that are showing up very early in the relationship. Don't waste your time on him, he will only hurt you worse as time goes on.

Have some self respect.... you deserve to be treated a lot better than that. Don't meet him, don't talk to him, and block him from your phone.

There has been a lot written about domestic violence and abuse. Look up cycle of abuse and I think you will find he fits this model. He appears to have a need to control and I think he is going to get worse. Hope you'll cut your losses now while the relationship is new. Sorry you had to experience this.

No time for anyone who would use seriously cruel words to hurt or belittle me and then expect me to forget it. Not! I've no time for a man who would call a woman names - never has happened to me and if it ever did, that person would be an instant part of my past. Who needs any man that bad?

I agree with everyone else. Leave the jerk asap and don't meet him anywhere! I've had the unfortunate luck to have been with a guy like this. We were together not even one year and after we broke up (HE broke it off with me after I worked a 16 hr day!) and left my self esteem totally messed up. I still have nightmares about him to this day and it's been more than 12 years. Totally controlling. He liked me for my slim figure when we first started seeing each other, then once we got together he sabotaged my diet. Gave me weight lifters protein shakes telling me it was healthy. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I thought great way to jump start losing weight for a week only soft foods, soups, etc. My medication kept me knocked out most the day. He would wake me up and feed me: mashed potatoes, with mayo, spam and butter. I was too out of it to know, just that I should eat. Didn't even let me wear regular bras bc my boobs looked too big. Made me wear sports bra styles that flattened out my C cup. He could have attitude or say mean things, but if I so much said anything with sass, he cussed me out. Told me I have no say in anything bc I didn't have a job (I was a full time student at the time, he worked at an auto parts store). I could go on. Even after we broke up, he wanted to be friends. But when I would call him to chat, he would brag to me about his new younger girlfriend, that her parents are wealthy like his. He even called my sister to ask if he could stay at her place while he visited his gf at college bc he was not allowed to stay in her dorm room! Can you imagine the nerve!

Leave the A-hole now! Do NOT give him another chance. He is only manipulating you. After only 3 months you should not be seeing this behavior. Actually never. This is scary. I don't have anything against people who use cuss words. I mean I do. But the way he said it, over spilled milk?! OMG who is really the psycho?

Another thing I am worried about is if you say no to him, he may become a stalker. Keep notes of if he ever threatens you. I was going to say to tell him you will meet him and stand him up, but I think that will piss him off a lot and might want to get even, so don't do that. Just cut the cord. Don't talk to him at all. No text no nuthin.

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My momma (who was the smartest woman I have ever seen!) always said, "You cant change the spots on a leopard"......"If he did it once, he will do it again"...."If he did it to HER, he will do it to you!"

I agree with everyone else. Run away...and fast! If he truly cared about you, he would never have called you those names, no matter how angry he was. You don't need to meet with him, you don't owe him anything. As the saying goes, their are plenty of other fish in the sea, go find one that respects you.

Many members on here are nurses and we attend a lot of seminars. The last one I attended was on Domestic Violence and I want to share this website with you.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

When I was married to my abusive husband, he would say horrible things to me, then say he didn't mean it, forgive me and I did. For each time this happened, the verbal, mental, emotional, physical abuse got worse, my forgiving him to him was a sign I was weak, reason for the continued harsher abuse. I had the better education, the better job, higher salary then him. He was very controlling, I couldn't have any friends, if I was talking on the phone with a co-worker friend he would disconnect the call, tell me I was on the phone long enough. Back in those days lol, the was no such word as "abusive, controlling, low esteem husband". It was years after I left him married women had rights against abusive husbands. I didn't know I was being controlled lol, after leaving the marriage, abused married women now having shelters for battered women, I realized I had been married to a man that had low esteem for his lack of education, and low paying job, this he took out on me. Thank god I had no children with him. Tell this man you will NOT meet up with him, and YES, block his number, have nothing to do with him. Him saying he LOVES you is just a PLOY to get you back, he knows the word LOVE is what women want to hear, if you forgive he will take this as a sign of weakness, the verbal abuse will escalate, 3 months of a relationship is nothing. He is showing early signs of no self esteem, no respect for woman. Stop it now. Have no contact with him, no text, no chat, NOTHING. Put it behind you as a learning experience. There are fine men out there, that will respect you as a woman, this man does not. All the RED FLAGS are up. (((HUGS))) Move on.

Many times after an abuser does or says something nasty they become the sweetest person for awhile afterwards, and then they do it again.

That's how they keep you trapped, they make you think they've changed so you'll stay.

This reminds me he was starting to mention certain tops that I wore or dresses that were showing too much. He was very subtle about it though, didnt think about it much.

He also said he was a jealous person, he never showed signs of it while we were together.

He said last relationship ended because he wasn't very tolerant (but he was different now) and they had too many disagreements.

Now it all makes sense. :confused: