Tell me if we were wrong - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

EarthAngel · 08-14-2010, 09:09 AM

In any case whether is was joking or whatever...your daughter didn't find it funny. She was scared enough to tell you about it. You did the right thing and I would keep my ears and eyes open about what is going on there...maybe through your older son.

I was 17 when I got my first job. I had to go by guys on break when I got to work. I'd hear whistling and whatever and it scared me...I wasn't used to any of that. I told my boss and he put a stop to it right away.

miabellaamoure · 08-14-2010, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmdt

My 19yr old daughter works at a day camp for the summer. Well one of the older councilors has a hand problem. He tickles all the girls (but I tell her we don't care about all the girls we care about her) Well the other day he started with her. She was sitting on a bench and she had her foot up on the bench trying to protect herself and telling him to stop. There were other councilors there but they didn't know what to do. Now yesterday he put his arm around her. Well she was very uncomfortable with this. She doesn't like drama and won't tell her boss. She likes to just lay low and go with the flow.
Well my husband called her boss and told him that if this doesn't stop he will have the guy arrested for harassment. I said something to the older councilors yesterday when I was there. Apparently they talked to this guy with his supervisor today.
Now she is mad at us. Telling us she can handle it and to stay out of her business. Why do we have to get in her business. She is our business and I had all to do to keep my husband home and not go talk to this guy personally!!
This wasn't like she had a problem at work and we got involved. Someone made my daughter feel uncomfortable and we stepped in.

Were we wrong??

Absolutely NOT! Do you want to know why?

1. Even tho' your DD is an adult by age, you are still her parents and you are the only ones who will ever have her utmost interest & safety in mind.

2. Most importantly, this is a person who is violating your DD's space and has advanced now from tickles to hugs...very big red flag.

3. Your DD was not able to stop the first advance or the second...you stepped in probably right in time!

Good job Mom & Dad!

talkalot · 08-14-2010, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmdt

My 19yr old daughter works at a day camp for the summer. Well one of the older councilors has a hand problem. He tickles all the girls (but I tell her we don't care about all the girls we care about her) Well the other day he started with her. She was sitting on a bench and she had her foot up on the bench trying to protect herself and telling him to stop. There were other councilors there but they didn't know what to do. Now yesterday he put his arm around her. Well she was very uncomfortable with this. She doesn't like drama and won't tell her boss. She likes to just lay low and go with the flow.
Well my husband called her boss and told him that if this doesn't stop he will have the guy arrested for harassment. I said something to the older councilors yesterday when I was there. Apparently they talked to this guy with his supervisor today.
Now she is mad at us. Telling us she can handle it and to stay out of her business. Why do we have to get in her business. She is our business and I had all to do to keep my husband home and not go talk to this guy personally!!
This wasn't like she had a problem at work and we got involved. Someone made my daughter feel uncomfortable and we stepped in.

Were we wrong??

Of course you were not wrong, you were scared something bad would happen.

My take on this is a little different though. I think whether it is a boy or a girl we need to make them feel more secure in telling another adult or peer, Stop That, Leave Me Alone, I do not like that!

Our kids unfortunately, in this world are faced with problems like this and bullying everyday and we don't even know about it.

We must in our parenting give them the tools to find strength to speak up and not allow people to cross their boundries.
Tell them
don't let others intimidate you
face your fears
speak up loudly
do not let yourself be disrespected

That is our job as parents, to give them the security that they can face anything in life because they have our unconditional love and support.

MauiGirl · 08-14-2010, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmdt

They do do fingerprinting and background checks on their employees. I know because my older son works there also. It doesn't mean to say that they aren't criminals they just didn't get caught yet.!!! She keeps saying that he was just joking around and he is not a pedophile. Either this guy is just VERY freindly

or there is something more. Anyway the supervisor is aware of it and so is the head guy. So they will watch him.
He could just be an immature idiot who doest know right from wrong.

There is a very thin line between being playful/friendly and being a molester. If it is uninvited, it is molesting! Teach your daughter how to set boundaries and stand up for herself, and you will give her the greatest gift.

I only wish my mom had intervened when I was a kid and had to endure a crazy uncle who got a kick out of tickling me and all the females at family gatherings; or my 6th grade teacher who made all the girls sit on his lap as he tried to get a feel. They were both creeps, and as an adult now I wish I'd had the guts to stand up to them back then.

talkalot · 08-14-2010, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MauiGirl

There is a very thin line between being playful/friendly and being a molester. If it is uninvited, it is molesting! Teach your daughter how to set boundaries and stand up for herself, and you will give her the greatest gift.

I only wish my mom had intervened when I was a kid and had to endure a crazy uncle who got a kick out of tickling me and all the females at family gatherings; or my 6th grade teacher who made all the girls sit on his lap as he tried to get a feel. They were both creeps, and as an adult now I wish I'd had the guts to stand up to them back then.

You are so right! Why did it take us so long to stand up for ourselves!

chattiesmom · 08-14-2010, 01:46 PM

You did EXACTLY the right thing. I'm afraid I would have called the police first and talked later.

Way to go, Mom and Dad. Your Dear Daughter is young - she will understand your position when she is a bit older - perhaps after she has a child of her own.

Deuce · 08-18-2010, 02:48 AM

When I was 19 if my mother had stepped in and done that I would have been seriously offended so I can see her side of things. She is at the brink of becoming an adult and she doesn't want to feel like someone that needs mommy to step in and solve all her problems. I totally get it.
However, what you did was not wrong, something as inappropriate as that needed to be brought to management's attention, and I don't understand why they haven't fired him yet. Considering it is a summer camp he should have been given the boot as soon as it was reported, because if he "tickles" a minor and she tells her parents would the company be held liable knowing that he has a history of this conduct? I don't know how the legal system works, but if I had a councelor that someone else had reported as touching him/her innapropriately they would be out immediately.
I would imagine they are briefed as to what is innapropriate upon being hired?

BamaFan121s · 08-18-2010, 06:24 AM

Oh that's a tough call.

As a parent myself, you did what I probably would have done. (Actually, what I would have done would probably have been worse.

) From the sounds of it someone needed to say something. Your child is your child and you have an insinct to protect them no matter how old they are. (My mom is this way.)

On the other hand, she's 19...barely and adult legally, but still, an adult. You stepped in and interfered against her wishes. Especially considering her persepective of the situation--at that age, I had parents who stepped in and tried to control situations when it wasn't their place. It's like you are doubting her ability and judgement. Even if she does appreciate and understand later in life why you did what you did, I think she's totally justified in being really po'd with you.

I can see and understand both sides.

Roccosmommy · 08-18-2010, 07:18 AM

I think that our senses and gut tell us so much more than we care to realize. Because your daughter was so uncomfortable and she felt the need to tell you speaks volumes...something is unsettling about this person. Perhaps down the road, if a different person does something similar and it doesn't really bother her that much, it will ring a bell for her and she'll tune into her gut feelings more. And by the way, YES, I think you did the right thing in this situation, but do your best to refrain from getting invovled with every little problem she has. THIS situation sounds like your intereference was warranted.

08-14-2010, 01:46 PM	#21
chattiesmom Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama Posts: 17,674	You did EXACTLY the right thing. I'm afraid I would have called the police first and talked later. Way to go, Mom and Dad. Your Dear Daughter is young - she will understand your position when she is a bit older - perhaps after she has a child of her own. __________________ Silk Step-In Harnesses www.foxypups.etsy.com

08-18-2010, 07:18 AM	#24
Roccosmommy Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 1,293	I think that our senses and gut tell us so much more than we care to realize. Because your daughter was so uncomfortable and she felt the need to tell you speaks volumes...something is unsettling about this person. Perhaps down the road, if a different person does something similar and it doesn't really bother her that much, it will ring a bell for her and she'll tune into her gut feelings more. And by the way, YES, I think you did the right thing in this situation, but do your best to refrain from getting invovled with every little problem she has. THIS situation sounds like your intereference was warranted. __________________ "The little furry buggers are just deep, deep wells you throw all your emotions into." ~ Bruce Schimmel

08-14-2010, 09:09 AM	#16
EarthAngel Donating YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: New York Posts: 18,134	In any case whether is was joking or whatever...your daughter didn't find it funny. She was scared enough to tell you about it. You did the right thing and I would keep my ears and eyes open about what is going on there...maybe through your older son. I was 17 when I got my first job. I had to go by guys on break when I got to work. I'd hear whistling and whatever and it scared me...I wasn't used to any of that. I told my boss and he put a stop to it right away.

08-18-2010, 02:48 AM	#22
Deuce No Longer a Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Virginia Posts: 1,717 Blog Entries: 1	When I was 19 if my mother had stepped in and done that I would have been seriously offended so I can see her side of things. She is at the brink of becoming an adult and she doesn't want to feel like someone that needs mommy to step in and solve all her problems. I totally get it. However, what you did was not wrong, something as inappropriate as that needed to be brought to management's attention, and I don't understand why they haven't fired him yet. Considering it is a summer camp he should have been given the boot as soon as it was reported, because if he "tickles" a minor and she tells her parents would the company be held liable knowing that he has a history of this conduct? I don't know how the legal system works, but if I had a councelor that someone else had reported as touching him/her innapropriately they would be out immediately. I would imagine they are briefed as to what is innapropriate upon being hired?

08-18-2010, 06:24 AM	#23
BamaFan121s Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 11,432	Oh that's a tough call. As a parent myself, you did what I probably would have done. (Actually, what I would have done would probably have been worse. ) From the sounds of it someone needed to say something. Your child is your child and you have an insinct to protect them no matter how old they are. (My mom is this way.) On the other hand, she's 19...barely and adult legally, but still, an adult. You stepped in and interfered against her wishes. Especially considering her persepective of the situation--at that age, I had parents who stepped in and tried to control situations when it wasn't their place. It's like you are doubting her ability and judgement. Even if she does appreciate and understand later in life why you did what you did, I think she's totally justified in being really po'd with you. I can see and understand both sides.