Can I vent

[Gigi485]

Need a place to vent. I have been a victim of sexual harassment at work 3 times over the last 8 months. Most recently last week. I work in a company that is male dominated and has a very "male locker room" atmosphere. One guy slapped my butt (he was written up - but then 2 months later promoted and transferred to the office I work in!). The second guy came up from behind me, attempted to give me a back rub and then when I asked him what he thought he was doing, he replied with, "you look like your stressed out so I thought I'd give you a back rub", when I told him that "yes, I'm stress out but don't need a back rub from you!", he responded with...."well when I get stressed out there's only one thing that helps me out"....he then grabbed the back of my head (I was sitting, he was standing) and attempted to pull my head into his crotch simulating an oral sex act. I reported this and he was fired. (thankfully). The third guy, while I was standing at the front desk of our reception area came up from behind me, wrapped his arms around me and made a mocking hand motion as if he were going to grab my breasts. I have reported this guy too and I'm still waiting to hear the outcome of his disciplinary action.

I have been told by our HR department that I'm not allowed to talk to anyone about this. I am ripping mad and I thought writing it down on this forum would at least make me feel better. I really feel like calling the wives of these jerks and telling them what kind of crap their husbands are up to. I've been looking for another job, but with the economy the way it is, I can't find anything. My husband wants to come here and settle it "his way" by just punching them each in the mouth. Other women have been harrassed, but no one wants to complain.

I'm as mad as hell and I feel like crap.

[celstu1]

Oh yuck! I feel for you. I was sexual harrassed at work when I was younger a lot. One guy went so far as to lift me up, seat me on a folding table and ask me if he could do 'things' to me. It was after hours and we were alone in the store. I reported it to the assistant manager and she made sure I never had to work alone with him again. He had the guts to ask me weeks later if I were mad at him or something. I was 17 and very young and he scared me. If it were now, I'd have kneed him someplace appropriate and reported his butt to the company immediately! Thats the thing with some guys, they think because you can hang with the guys and work with the guys means you are "cool enough" to be treated like 'one of the guys' by ways of their humiliating behavior towards women. ugh... jerks! I hope it all works out for you though. Good Luck finding another job!

[BLEU BOY BARBER]

This is horrible and you DO not have have to put up with it just make sure you follow the chain of command and I am sure justice is coming your way. I would feel so uncomfortable and it does make you wonder if they will treat you differently after reporting such cases but you are a woman stand up to them as you are doing and move forward. I bet you will have a great out come hold your head high! I admire you for coming forward most people hide it and live in a world of their own scared of what to do and deal with it. I being much like you would put a stop to it immediately.Keep good notes and write everything down you may need it in the future as our mind fails us at times
HUGS
Vicki

[ashleere]

I feel so bad for you. I am an HR Manager and you DO NOT have to put up with this. Make sure you keep a diary of all the remark, events etc. Any one witness these events? Make sure to write down what, when, where and who was present. I would follow up with your HR department for a status. He should at least be put on a temporary leave pending an investigation. Good luck.

Clelia

[abby2473]

I am so, so sorry that you are experiencing this ! Cudos to you for reporting it though and I am glad that these men are being held accountable for their actions! Hang in there and vent here all you want!!! Hugs to you!!!

[Gigi485]

Originally Posted by ashleere

I feel so bad for you. I am an HR Manager and you DO NOT have to put up with this. Make sure you keep a diary of all the remark, events etc. Any one witness these events? Make sure to write down what, when, where and who was present. I would follow up with your HR department for a status. He should at least be put on a temporary leave pending an investigation. Good luck.

Clelia

I have been writing things down and I DO have witnesses. I told them today that I am done protecting them and the "boys club" and that most people would have called a lawyer by now. I told them that in my book, this was the 3rd strike and that if one more person puts his hands on me I will call a lawyer and I will call the wives of these morons. I feel like I'm in some bad movie from the Oxygen channel.

He hasn't been put on any temporary leave. Our HR Manager, in my opinion, is giving me lip service and told me that she's here for me. I told her I really don't buy that and that I know she's really there to protect the company. I know she didn't like hearing that but I believe it's true.

[Gigi485]

Originally Posted by abby2473

I am so, so sorry that you are experiencing this ! Cudos to you for reporting it though and I am glad that these men are being held accountable for their actions! Hang in there and vent here all you want!!! Hugs to you!!!

Thanks - it's been a little rough and I knew once I opened Pandora's box so to speak, it was going to get and is getting ugly. I hate that when this is all over that I'm most likely going to be looked at as a trouble maker but right now I just don't care. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate and I've been holding this in because I'm being told to pretty much keep my mouth shut. If my husband EVER came home and told me he was being disciplined for touching another woman - I'd kick his ass to the curb. The thing is......my husband wants to call their wives and rat them out. He feels since I won't let him go down to my place of work and kick their ass, he should at least be able to drop a dime on these losers. Part of me wants to say - screw it! Call them and let them deal with it.....another part of me says leave it be. Any opinion on that? Call the wives or not? Would I want someone to call me and tell me what my husband was up to?

[westieboy]

Originally Posted by Gigi485

My husband wants to come here and settle it "his way" by just punching them each in the mouth.

I would actually go this route. Guys just like to act tough until they get backed down.

[Sunnie]

I think at this point I would be talking to a lawyer. It is the COMPANIES fault that this is allowed to continue. After the first time they should have brought everyone in the entire company in for some sexual harrassment training and should have stressed that it will NOT be tolerated. The second time should have never happened and the third time is unexcusable!

[FlDebra]

I think you need to talk to the owner of the company and demand some training for all workers on sexual harrassment immediately. Everyone groaned and bellyached in the military when they had to go to all the seminars on it but the point finally was made and people finally started understanding that it was not going to be tolerated any more. It has to come from the top. You can't make the stand all alone although it sounds like you are doing an outstanding job of reporting and ensuring some sort of discilpine happens. There is a lot to be said for the training that has the Red light, yellow light and green light behaviors. Makes it simple to understand. I had to teach the seminars years ago and you can make them interesting and it is rewarding to see lights go on for some of those guys. So many just did not realize women were not complimented by their inappropriate crudeness. Occasionally the harrassment was the other way around too. It is even more difficult for a male to report inappropriate behavior. Hope it all works out for you. If nothing else, you may be paving the way for a better working environment for future employees.

[erickajm]

That is crazy! I really don't think some of these guys understand how demeaning it can be. Girl, you keep doing what your doing and stay strong! Too many times it is not reported. We've got your back here!

[megansmomma]

I am so sorry that this is happening to you at work. If I were you I would stand my ground and not let them bully you into silence. I know how horrible it is to go to work and be subjected to these conditions as I was just there not all that long ago.

It has been one year since I reported sexual harrassment by the CEO of the company that I use to work for toward someone under me that reported his behavior. I was put into a position that I knew would make me lose my job but if I didn't report what was going on and she went with it further they would have pointed the finger at me. Not only was I retaliated against, my hours were cut and I was eventually fired for this complaint. This horrible man went around and told everyone that was still working for him that if they didn't like what he was doing he would get rid of them too. I just found out Friday that the EEOC complaint that I file is being dismissed. They never even spoke to any of the witnesses and left me a VM that the complaint was unfounded. I spoke to 2 different attorneys and they both felt I had a very good case but wanted a $5000 retainer which of course not being employed I could not afford. I just don't understand how this could be allowed to happen when I went to a federal agency for help. I just recently went back to work for a competing company but I lost an entire year of wages over this jerk and I am worried if he finds out I am working for his competition he will go after me legally.

If you would like to talk about it more I have a great listening ear and would be a willing support system. Please feel free to PM me anytime. You poor thing.

[lil fu fu girl]

Sorry you are going through this. Let me just say you are not alone.
Been through it on several different occasions, having been in a male-dominated field. Report to your superiors, make notes of dates and witnesses. Most important, do not beat yourself up.
Some of the men of this generation leave a lot to be desired.

If your HR department refuses to do anything about it, there are laws about having to work in "hostile environments", speak with an attorney about what your options may be.

Most importantly, hang in there. You have a lot of people sending positive thoughts your way.

[Gigi485]

Thanks for the words of encouragement and welcome to my nightmare.

I lost it yesterday and wigged out on our HR Manager. I mean WIGGED OUT. Oh man, I really went off on her and completely lost my cool. The F bomb was dropped several times, I made the poor woman cry. I feel bad that I went there but I just exploded, when I was told that this most recent guy said that he was "just being playful" and "it wasn't really meant in a sexual way".....I'm like...."REALLY? Playful?....well then I guess his wife won't mind it when she finds out that he's already cheated on her with another female employee?" She almost fell on the floor. I was like - "you have NO idea what is going on. He took advantage of one young female employee who was 23 and he's almost 40, is married and has 2 children! And now, he's looking for his next conquest!" I said, this is war and this pig is not going to make me out to look like some prude who took a "playful gesture" out of context and is making a big deal out of nothing. F Him!

She called me this morning and I thought I was going to get in trouble for insubordination and the foul language....but before she could say anything, I apologized for using that language - I felt bad cause she started crying again and told me she is really working on this for me and that she promised this would NEVER happen again. I told her that this was strike 3 in my book and if any man EVER touches me again that this company...which is a very LARGE Corporation is going to have a HUGE problem and it's going to be ME! I will call the Mass Dept of Labor and file a charge against the company. I will call the Boston Globe and I will contact the CEO in the US and in Japan and my nightmare will become their nightmare. My Sicilian blood is boiling...I got a long fuse, but when I've reached my limit. It ain't pretty.

[Yorkiekids]

I'd talk to the owner, and if he's a member of the boys club I'd have to follow up with a lawyer.