Crazy Parents!

[megansmomma]

I normally don't come down here and post my "problems" but boy I feel like I was just hit by a brick! Here's the story and I would like your opinion.....

My daughter who is in 8th grade had her new friend from school over today. They asked to go to a boy's house who was having friends over and lives about a mile from us. So I drove them over and dropped them off at about 6:30 tonight. The family of this boy is really nice and they have a finished basement that they allow the kids to hang out in with a pool table and other fun stuff for the kids to do. I have never had a problem with my daughter going there and I allow her to stay out until around 10 or 1030 on a weekend. My older son (22) also knows this family and he also sent a lot of time there when he was younger too so I am very comfortable with her going there to hang out with her friends.

The girls hung out last weekend together and I spoke to the dad. I gave him my cell number and told him that our house phone is pretty much used just for faxing and if they wanted to reach me ANYTIME to call my cell. So tonight as I am walking out the door to pick up them at 10:30, I see a car parked in my driveway. I don't think much of it figuring it is one of my older son's friends blocking me in the driveway I begin backing out. All of a sudden I have a woman that I have never met in my entire life at the window of my car screaming that she is looking for her daughter. She goes on to say that she has been calling my house phone for 5 hours and nobody answers. I am totally stunned by the fact she is screaming at me in front of my house while I am sitting in my car. She asks me were her daughter is at since she is not answering her cell phone and I am not answering my house phone~~~that we only use for faxing. I tell her that I am on my way to pick the girls up and that sends her into another screaming fit that I am now a bad mother allowing my daughter to stay out until 10:30. I had no idea that my daughter's friend had not told her parents were she was going. I assumed that since they were here getting dressed, straightening hair, makeup, etc that her parents knew she was going with my daughter over to the boys house to hang out. I tried to calmly explain that the girls were fine, I knew the parents of where they were at and that I was on my way there to pick them up. After trying to talk nicely to her and just getting screamed at I told her that I had had enough and didn't appreciate being spoken to my like this. She told me that she could talk to me any way she wanted, jumped into her new Mustang and speeds off by no exaggeration~100 mph going home after telling me that I am a bad parent.

*If this was my daughter and I was upset that she was not were she told me she was I would have told the parent that I would follow them to pick my kid up. But she jumped into her car and sped away?????

Now I am furious and almost in tears! I cannot even tell you how many of my sons friends consider me their second mom. I coached cheer leading, was team mom for football, cub scout and girl scout leader, volunteered for all of the kids stuff when they were growing up and all of those young adults still see me and hug me and tell me how much they miss me and how I was always good to them. I was just a chaperon for my daughter cheer leading competition and the kids fought over who would be in our room. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs~but I do swear There have been times that both my sons friends have stopped by just to say "Hi" to me. I have never in my 44 yrs been told I am a bad parent! I have taken my kids friends with us on vacations because I am just a nice normal person and all the kids parents trust myself and my husband. I have always been told by other parents that I have very well mannered children who are always polite and they can tell they were raised right.

So thinking that maybe the dad will be more reasonable, I pick the girls up and tell her friend that she needs to go home and I will explain to the dad what happened. I go to the door thinking we are going to have a civil adult conversation and now he is yelling at me! He won't let me get a word in to even remind him that I gave him a different number to reach me ANYTIME and that HIS daughter didn't tell them she was going out for the night. He then yells at me, says that I allowed them to go to a PARTY of someone I didn't even know and that he will never see my face again because his daughter is never going to be allowed at my horrible home again! That they have trust "issues" with their daughter and that since she has been coming to my house (last weekend and today) that they are not able to reach her by phone and there is "something up with this house" MY HOUSE!

I am so upset right now! Seriously, my daughter is now in tears because she has lost a friend and because of the way I was treated. I am in tears because of the way that I was talked to. WTH! These kids are not babies and I do not feel that 10:30 on a Friday night is unreasonable for 14 yr old kids. I dropped them off, I know the parents and I picked them up. They were not at a party or wondering the streets. My daughter has a cell phone and I talked to her several times during the time she was gone at 7, 8:30, 9:15 and then again at 10 when she asked to stay a little longer. How was I suppose to know their kid lied to them and was avoiding their phone calls? BTW~she has had other friends here before plenty of times and I have not had to make phone calls to parents about them going to a friends house. The kids always just do it themselves~they are 14 yrs old not 5! I feel they need to be responsible and should be capable of letting their parents know were they will be at.

Now what am I suppose to do after having the door SLAMMED in my face after being told what a horrible parent I am?

[sandyapk]

It is not your fault if your daughters friend did not tell her parents where she was going.

If they treated you this way just think how they must treat their daughter.

My kids are grown, but I was the stay at home mom that drove the kids. NO other parents drove kids around. I had an expedition that was always full driving all of the kids.

You are a mom that has a good relationship with your daughter. Take a big breath and be thankful for that. There is nothing wrong with you and your daughter, and since you can't control how you are being treated, breathe and be thankful for what you have.

It seems like there are always one or two parents that are on another planet when it comes to raising kids. I just always tried to avoid them after these types of situations. I once had a man screaming at me, at my front door because his son told him he would be at my house. I didn't know where his son was.( Mind you the kid was 16.) I hear the son now is selling drugs at 18.

Don't feel responsible for other peoples problems. We always want other people to like us. They don't know you, or they would not behave this way. They are screaming at you be cause they have lost control of their daughter and they are scared. How sad they don't have an idea of how to parent or how to treat others.

[hviola]

It sounds like they are taking out the frustration they have, since they can't control their daughter, on you. Their daughter's self control problems are not your problems, even though they seem to think so. Just the fact alone that they would not listen to you proves that.

I would just let it go in one ear and out the other. I wouldn't take it personally, they just have problems. No wonder the girl was too afraid to answer her phone, lol. I would be too if someone was just going to scream at me.

[megansmomma]

Thank you both for making me feel a little better. I really feel sad for this girl because her parents are so over the top. I forgot to mention that this girl has an older step sister and brother that no longer live at home. They are my sons ages and have both moved to another state because of these parents. My daughter told me that they have had this girl drug tested and also tested to make sure she was not sexually active Not because they thought she was doing drugs or having sex but because her siblings were out of control when they were younger. I guess some how this is this poor girls problem.

[IluvLucy]

What a terrible experience for you! Unfortunately, in today's society, bad behavior (the parents) often seems to be readily accepted. They never should've acted the way they did to you. Any problems seem to be between them and their daughter. You had no way of knowing she didn't tell them where she'd be.

It's such a shame your daughter lost a friend, but it sounds like she would've been exposed to behavior by them that wouldn't be healthy for her. She sounds like a good kid with a level head and I know I wouldn't want my kid exposed to people like that. How sad (not to mention embarrassing!) for their daughter!

Chin up! You haven't done anything wrong and NEVER believe the opinion of ignorant people who insult your parenting skills. It sounds like you have a loving, trusting relationship with your daughter and that is to be envied today!

[manolos mom]

Jodi, Nothing you can do will change their minds so you need to let it go. I would not even reason with these people that think there daughter walks on water. THATS who they needed to go after, not you. I have been in your situation and I just dont let my daughters hang out with kids like that. The daughter was not honest with her parents and her parents probably think she would never do anything wrong so you are the bad guy in their eyes..You and your daughter did nothing wrong but You need to just let it go.

[julietimothy]

this is so bad for you but mostly the girls. I hate this, you may try to give it a few days and then call them, and ask if you can talk. Just see if you can fix things for the girls.

My little girl had a friend over that had not been around dogs very much and she got snaped at by my Golden, which he had never done before. The little girls was crying and wanted her my so I called her. It was not a big bit or anything, but they took her to the ER and later she told her little girl that she could never play with Bre again not even at school. She did not invite Bre to her B-day party. (the only girl left out) So some parents do not think how bad they hurt feels. It is crazy!!

[megansmomma]

I just found out that she left her purse and cell phone at my house, which would be the reason that she was not answering her phone when her parents were calling her. I don't think they have lost control of their daughter she was just trying to hide from them because they are so unreasonable~I actually feel sorry for this girl being treated this way by her nutty parents. I just told my husband the entire story ~he was in bed because he had work this morning. He always seems to sleep through the good stuff! He told that if she wants her purse back that her dad needs to come to pick it up when he is home I love my husband

[ldvpool7]

Originally Posted by megansmomma

I just found out that she left her purse and cell phone at my house, which would be the reason that she was not answering her phone when her parents were calling her. I don't think they have lost control of their daughter she was just trying to hide from them because they are so unreasonable~I actually feel sorry for this girl being treated this way by her nutty parents. I just told my husband the entire story ~he was in bed because he had work this morning. He always seems to sleep through the good stuff! He told that if she wants her purse back that her dad needs to come to pick it up when he is home I love my husband

Wow....the other parents behavior was horrible and rude. Tearing down the street and screaming at you got them know where. If the mother was truly worried why didnt she thank you and quickly get in her car and folllow you to the girls? They seem to have a warped since of responsibility for their daughter.

This happened to me once with my son's friend when the boys were ll. The mother screamed at me in my face to the point I sat there stunned,
and speechless. It really hurt my feelings. You sound like a wonderful parent. I would have been thrilled for my kids to be friends with you and your kids. Dont take this to situation to your heart, the other parents are the people with a problem not you.

Your husband, right on.

[sandyapk]

I love your husbands response. LOL I hope he does get a chance to talk to those crazy people. Oh but they may just keep on with their craziness!
I hope you can laugh about it today. Sounds like you got a good man!

[Nikki+2]

I am so sorry you had to deal with such lunatics. I am also the mother of a 14 yr. old daughter and IMO you did absolutely nothing wrong (but you know this). I feel sorry for that girl too and the parents will end up paying in the long run when she's had her fill of their ridiculousness and goes wild. I can imagine how incredibly hurtful it would be to be called a bad mother. Just remember the insult was coming from screaming crazy people who don't seem to have much communication or trust with their own child and no control over themselves. I don't think they're opinion on parenting would mean a wole lot to me. Hugs!

[dinolover]

You sound like a great parent so don't let these people get to you. Honestly, they are doing more harm than protecting their daughter. Most of the time when girls have overly strict parents, once they get some freedom (like going off to college), they will go crazy and end up doing things that they are really not supposed to be doing. Just don't let them get to you

[manolos mom]

Jodi, I agree with you but the girl knows her parents rules and she knows the consequences, its got nothing to do with the way you raise your child and the parents had no right cutting you down. Its our choice the way we raise our children..

[RIPMyLittleCase]

I agree that 10:30 on a Friday is not late plus you had contact with your daughter. You knew where your daughter was because your relationship with her is strong enough that she feels comfortable telling you where she is going. This other girl's parents are not rational enough for her to be comfortable like that. They need to look at the way they raised the older kids and learn from their mistakes. As the oldest sibling, I was not able to get away with anything. As each of my sisters came along, the more they were allowed to do.

I kind of think this girl's parents were in a state of panic and took it all out on you. They probably would have reacted the same way if it would have been your husband going to pick the girls up. Angry at their daughter, relieved she was okay, angry that you knew where they were and they didn't.

Bless your husband for his stance. YOU did nothing wrong!

[spr377]

Originally Posted by hviola

It sounds like they are taking out the frustration they have, since they can't control their daughter, on you. Their daughter's self control problems are not your problems, even though they seem to think so. Just the fact alone that they would not listen to you proves that.

I would just let it go in one ear and out the other. I wouldn't take it personally, they just have problems. No wonder the girl was too afraid to answer her phone, lol. I would be too if someone was just going to scream at me.