How do I deal?

[Bizzymammabee]

Originally Posted by linz06

I have found the most perfect guy. We fit so well into each others lives. He adores Layla and we've become a little family together. He is completely respectful to me and treats me like a princess. He fits in so well with my family and can visit them for hours without me even being around. And my family loves him and wants him to be around as much as possible!
His family is a different story. I am always always always loved by parents. I am polite and courteous and friendly. I dress respectably, I don't smoke, I'm not a big partier, I like to think I'm generally a good person. But apparently as soon as I date this mother's son I am the devil.
I have met her twice and both times I have felt nothing but coldness. I feel like she's constantly trying to find something wrong. She will outright insult me. I went to church with her this weekend to make her happy but after getting dressed she had to point out my "ugly puke-green purse" and say how much she hated it.
My boyfriend was looking outside to see if Layla could get out of the fence anywhere if I brought her next time. She asked if she's an inside dog and I said yes... she asked if she pees outside and I said half the time but she's pad trained while I'm at work, and she freaked out. She told me how disgusting that is and that I just need to kick her outside. I said I don't have a fenced yard and need to take her out on a leash everytime and she told me just keep a leash attached all the time I am never taking my dog there.
She insulted my small-town upbringing by saying she would never raise a kid in a small town because they don't get an education. Really? I suppose that's why I was 4th from the top of my class in college. I got everything I needed from my small town, including a community that still cares about me and life long friends I still keep in touch with no matter where they are in the world! But I kept my mouth shut to be polite.
As we were leaving I brought up my little lime green and black suitcase up from downstairs and she said "Oh that's the perfect suitcase for traveling!" I agreed, thinking she was commenting on the size because it's perfect for a carry-on. She realized I wasn't asking why so she said "It's that ugly green color so nobody at the airport would try to steal it!" and she laughed at me. My boyfriend immediately said "What's with your 'ugly green' comments this weekend???" she said it doesn't matter what color it is, it could be pink for all she cares, but "obviously she likes green so if i buy her a present i'll make sure it's a green present" and on that note I thanked her for letting me stay the weekend and we left.
I cried in the car on the way home. I really really like him but I can't handle feeling like this. He said it's the same way with all his girlfriends, she will insult and insult and insult to try to drive them away.

Thankfully he stood up a bit for you. That is a big plus for him. Honestly she is one of them old bags that think no one is good for their son. Nasty kind of obsessiveness on their part. Pay her no mind and do you. Don't let her ruine what can turn into something great. She wants her boy for herself..so unhealthy. Your good because I would have let her have it full barrel. I can and will only take but so much snarkiness.

Good luck.

[linz06]

Okay AGAIN on msn she just told him that she was up all night feeling bad about it and she wanted to know if he talked to me about it. She said she doesn't want to be the bad mother in law if it came to that point.

[phfgkl]

Is he an only son? For her b-day I would wrap that suitcase and give it to her. All she's doing is pushing her son away. Try not to let it bother you. Heck, I have 4 dogs(going on 5) that use pee pads, tell her she is more than welcome to come and stay with me for awhile, I'll straighten her out for you.
Seems like the only thing she has done was raise her son well enough that he has found the perfect woman for himself. Is this lady married? I didn't see anything about her hubby, unless I missed it. I only read your first post

[amandawash]

Oh.... I so feel for you. I have a horrible mother-in-law. Thank GOD she lives all the way across the country and refuses to visit

I tried to be nice, but when I got NOTHING, I just started to ignore her. I don't really care if she likes me or not, and we only see her once a year.

If I had to see or deal with her often, I don't know what things would be like.

I guess give her another couple of chances. Maybe if you are the first gf your boyfriend stuck up for, she will recede I hope it works out for you, he sounds like a great guy.

Oh, and if anyone says anything else about your dog peeing inside, just say that you are lucky she pees on the pad because everyone else's yorkie just pees wherever the hell they feel like!!

[linz06]

Originally Posted by phfgkl

Is he an only son? For her b-day I would wrap that suitcase and give it to her. All she's doing is pushing her son away. Try not to let it bother you. Heck, I have 4 dogs(going on 5) that use pee pads, tell her she is more than welcome to come and stay with me for awhile, I'll straighten her out for you.
Seems like the only thing she has done was raise her son well enough that he has found the perfect woman for himself. Is this lady married? I didn't see anything about her hubby, unless I missed it. I only read your first post

He is her only son, but he has two older sisters. He is the baby of the family. She is married but her husband doesn't really do or say anything. She's definitely the head of the household. Her husband was pretty absent most of the weekend that I was there. He was out working on things in the garage or at work doing his own thing, or on one of his 29347192381982314 computers. Seriously, they have rooms with just stacks of computers that they don't use anymore, plus about 4 or 5 that are always up and running. It's just such a totally different lifestyle than I'm used to.

[linz06]

Originally Posted by amandawash

Oh.... I so feel for you. I have a horrible mother-in-law. Thank GOD she lives all the way across the country and refuses to visit

I tried to be nice, but when I got NOTHING, I just started to ignore her. I don't really care if she likes me or not, and we only see her once a year.

If I had to see or deal with her often, I don't know what things would be like.

I guess give her another couple of chances. Maybe if you are the first gf your boyfriend stuck up for, she will recede I hope it works out for you, he sounds like a great guy.

Oh, and if anyone says anything else about your dog peeing inside, just say that you are lucky she pees on the pad because everyone else's yorkie just pees wherever the hell they feel like!!

I would love to live further away, but I don't want to be too far away from my own family! Right now we are smack dab in the middle of both... 2 hours in opposite directions to both sets of parents.
He told me he also stuck up for his ex too. He dated her for 4 years and he said it eventually got better. But she still had the same problems as I am having. I don't understand why every girlfriend needs to go through that!

[amandawash]

Originally Posted by linz06

I would love to live further away, but I don't want to be too far away from my own family! Right now we are smack dab in the middle of both... 2 hours in opposite directions to both sets of parents.
He told me he also stuck up for his ex too. He dated her for 4 years and he said it eventually got better. But she still had the same problems as I am having. I don't understand why every girlfriend needs to go through that!

Luckily, we live across the country from his family, and about 30 minutes from mine I know it sounds selfish that I LOVE it that way, but his family (mother and sister) are certifiable. His father is great and it is too bad we don't see him more often.

I just *truly* think there is something wrong with mothers like this. What? Do they seriously think their son should take care of them his whole life? If you love someone, don't you want them to be happy? I just don't get it.

I really hope it gets better for you. Good luck!!

[linz06]

Yeah I really don't get it. She told him last night that the number one thing for her is his happiness and she doesn't mean to hurt me. I don't know. I don't know how she could just say "Oh I didn't realize she would find that rude" or whatever. Really? You don't just tell someone their stuff is ugly. I'm less than half her age and even I know that. If you don't like something, don't mention it! Common sense. Why go out of your way to hurt someone's feelings? It is not "just teasing"
She wants him to be around constantly and I know if that starts changing now it will be my fault in her eyes.

[amandawash]

Originally Posted by linz06

Yeah I really don't get it. She told him last night that the number one thing for her is his happiness and she doesn't mean to hurt me. I don't know. I don't know how she could just say "Oh I didn't realize she would find that rude" or whatever. Really? You don't just tell someone their stuff is ugly. I'm less than half her age and even I know that. If you don't like something, don't mention it! Common sense. Why go out of your way to hurt someone's feelings? It is not "just teasing"
She wants him to be around constantly and I know if that starts changing now it will be my fault in her eyes.

I think you have to be good with the fact it will always be your fault. My M-I-L does not outwardly insult me, but if you consider not addressing me ever I guess she does. She wouldn't talk to me at my freakin' wedding! After the ceremony I had to go up to HER and she still never said congrats or anything. Plus, she caused HUGE drama the night before the wedding so at that point I was DONE.

I told dh that if he wants to use me as an excuse as to why we don't go there more often, that's fine. I rather her be mad at me that my husband, who I know cares more than he says.

[MsFamousHepburn]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I dated one of my best guy friends during high school for a little over 2 years and his mom never let up on me. In fact, she ended up being the main reason we broke up. She loved to talk about how I was a witch, and a whore. (Neither of which was true.)

Luckily, my MIL is amazing and we both love each other very much! I think the trick is to have a man who will stand up for you...as long as he's willing to do that, then you'll be good!

[Potter]

As long as your bf backs you up, things will get better. I don't know what is with mothers having to compete with gfs and wives. Can't we all just co-exist happily together. They love to compare and find something to be jealous about.

[cinigee]

I think your boyfriend needs to have a talk with his mother. If he doesn't, then he is a mama's boy and runnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. LOL She will torture you cause she knows she can get away with it. Smack the snot outta her, that should shut her up.........just kidding......but am I. LOLOLOL

[linz06]

Okay well his mom has been all over him lately and everytime she calls or talks to him on msn or whatever she always tells him to say hi to me for her. I don't know how to take it.
BUT... we both understand that there will be a time where we can have our own family and it can be just us. There will be a time where his mom isn't calling every day. He has promised me that too. He said if things work out between us, his mom will be around for the wedding and for christmas every so often, but we don't really NEED to visit beyond that.
He also said that he loves dogs and if we lived together I am allowed to have as many yorkies as I want
So, what can I say? I'm gonna stick with it and hope things get better...

[phfgkl]

Originally Posted by linz06

He is her only son, but he has two older sisters. He is the baby of the family. She is married but her husband doesn't really do or say anything. She's definitely the head of the household. Her husband was pretty absent most of the weekend that I was there. He was out working on things in the garage or at work doing his own thing, or on one of his 29347192381982314 computers. Seriously, they have rooms with just stacks of computers that they don't use anymore, plus about 4 or 5 that are always up and running. It's just such a totally different lifestyle than I'm used to.

Well, being the only son is most likely why she's doing that, for some reason, there is something about Mothers and their "only" sons. I know, I have one brother and 2 sisters. Then throwing in being the "baby" of the family. I feel for you. Give her another chance, maybe she will see how good of a person you are. Like I said, if she doesn't like the "1" dog peeing in the house, have her come visit me!

[phfgkl]

Originally Posted by amandawash

I think you have to be good with the fact it will always be your fault. My M-I-L does not outwardly insult me, but if you consider not addressing me ever I guess she does. She wouldn't talk to me at my freakin' wedding! After the ceremony I had to go up to HER and she still never said congrats or anything. Plus, she caused HUGE drama the night before the wedding so at that point I was DONE.

I told dh that if he wants to use me as an excuse as to why we don't go there more often, that's fine. I rather her be mad at me that my husband, who I know cares more than he says.

I'm sure your hubby does care, it's terrible when they get pulled from wives and parents. I did that years ago when I was in my 20's and hubby worked for his parents. They wanted him at the office on weekends and I wanted him home with me and the kids. It ended up costing us a lot of problems in our marriage, and we actually did separate for awhile. I look back now and see what he went through, I'm just glad he never put me through what I put him through