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02-15-2008, 08:05 PM | #1 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: texas
Posts: 563
| Moral Delemia(SP) longish Is it best to turn her into CPS? I know a lady who in my opnion is neglectful of her kids but means well and I cant decided if its in the childrens best intrest to turn her in. First she keeps a FILTHY house. Not a dirty house FILTHY. Dishes everywhere with food in all states of decay, laundry clean and dirty covering 90% of the floor, Dog pee and poo from 6 dogs all over, every piece of paper the family has ever seen collected, its just the worst house Ive ever seen. Shes a horder as well. Their are 2 adults, 3 adult children, and 4 young children living in this house. Soon to be 5 kids, the 22yr old daughter is due in 28 days. I wont do more than walk into the entryway and my kids ARE NOT allowed inside. She has fleas and cockroackes too. The house its self is sliding off the foundation and has begun to seperate into 2 pieces. Now for her good side. She LOVES her kids. They LOVE her. They do get feed and to school. She keeps them in after school activities.She means well and genunally doesnt see a problem with her lifestyle. She has been turned in to CPS twice before. Once for the dirty house, CPS gave her 2 weeks to clean the house. They came saw it was clean and then left them alone. The second time was for the 22 yr old daughters first child. The neighbor claimed neglect. CPS called them made and appointment to come visit. They cleaned then and did some shopping to have the house stocked, CPS came looked over the house and said everything is OK. I dont have much faith in CPS now and Im not sure its best for the kids emotionally to be removed from their Mom but I dont think anyone should live in such filth and be taught its normal. The 3 year old eats out of the trash an or rotting food off old plates and no one sees this as wrong. Sitting in dog poop is a constant event. She made thanksgiving dinner with a pile of Golden retriver poop in the center of the galley kitchen floor and never even skipped a beat. The laundry room floor is a good 2 feet deep with poo and pee covered clothes that everyone just walks on. Does the disgusting house or the strong love of their Mom win? Would cPS do anything constructive? Is foster care better for them? Please tell me your opions I think Im just to close to see clearly. |
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02-15-2008, 08:13 PM | #2 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 1,840
| Go ahead and report her. I think they can keep your identity confidential. PLUS, I doubt they would take away her kids at this point. (They might threaten to, however) They would just help her clean up the place. This is a health hazard and not fair to the kids or the animals. Hoarding is a mental illness--maybe this will convince her that she needs help. |
02-15-2008, 08:18 PM | #3 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Anaheim
Posts: 588
| It is one thing to be messy and sometimes dirty. I'll admit it, I live alone, and there will be dirty dishes in the sink for a week sometimes!. I have a pile of dirty and clean clothes piled up together right now. BUT I don't have children, and its just me and my furbutt- who by the way gets bathed weekly and any time he has as accident it is cleaned immediately with 2 different kinds of cleaners! Let me ask you one thing, and not in a mean, sarcastic way! I know you said that she means well and loves her kids, but what kind of mother would let a 3 year old eat rotten food? The adult children are one thing, they have a choice to live that way or leave. But the 3 year old?? I say you report her, you never know what else goes on if she allows other people to see what you have seen! If she doesn't think any of that is embarrassing or wrong, how does she feel about things that are worse? What else is going on with those kids? |
02-15-2008, 08:25 PM | #4 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Stuart, Florida
Posts: 1,094
| As someone who has worked for Children and Families and now is a child advocate for Guardian ad Litem I would recommend you report her. I know CPS didn't really do anything previously when they came out (this tends to happen a lot) that doesn't mean they won't this time. It doesn't necessarily have to go to the extreme of removal, they could put services in the home. Unfortunately there are a lot of mothers out there that love their kids but still subject them to abuse and neglect. If I were you I would call it in.
__________________ Monica and Madeleine Member of the Spoiled Rotten Club |
02-15-2008, 08:33 PM | #5 |
With Indy In My Heart Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Texas
Posts: 8,442
| I would call it in if it were my decision. It's painful to realize that there is the possibility the children can be removed from the home for awhile. But this is not how socialized intelligent people live and she knows that by her actions in the past of cleaning when she had to. As the other poster said, I doubt if CPS will take the children, but with a new baby coming into that environment, they may move the young mother to a different situation and the small child and the baby should have regular follow-ups for health reasons too. Sad that you have to think about doing this, but glad you care enough to consider it. Good luck with your decision. |
02-15-2008, 10:51 PM | #6 |
Gizzy & Kandi spoil me Donating Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Waco, Texas
Posts: 8,477
| I would report it and recommend a surprise inspection. I don't know if they can do that or not, but maybe. Hey, even if it's just cleaned up a little as a result, that would be better than nothing.
__________________ The fullness of our heart is expressed in our eyes, in our touch, in what we write, in what we say, in the way we walk, the way we receive, the way we need. -Mother Teresa ( RIP Gizmo 3/9/07-8/18/12) |
02-16-2008, 12:48 AM | #7 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Up North, further up north
Posts: 771
| horrifying report her whenever you see things deteriorating again. At least it forces her to clean the place and get food in there. I hate to hear about children having to live in those severely dangerous conditions. Especially when it sounds as if she can afford to get food. This is so sad.
__________________ When you hear hooves, think horses, not zebras. |
02-16-2008, 05:55 AM | #8 | |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: upstate ny
Posts: 5,847
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02-16-2008, 06:10 AM | #9 |
Furbutts = LOVE Donating Member Moderator | I would call. And then, when it gets out of control again, I'd call again. And, repeat. Under the hoarding and the filth are alllllllllllll sorts of other issues, including OCD (so obvious) and then just basic living skills. The MORE you call and the more CPS is forced to go there, the more services they must provide - the more classes/therapy/help she'll be enrolled in. So, bravo to you for getting involved - those children have a chance of NOT picking up those habits.
__________________ ~ A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn. ~ °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨° Ann | Pfeiffer | Marcel Verdel Purcell | Wylie | Artie °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨° |
02-16-2008, 08:57 AM | #10 |
Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Iowa
Posts: 9,493
| I'm wondering how you know so much info - like the Thanksgiving story? And the 3 yr old & the trash story? This lady needs help. Taking her children away from her is not going to help her. But I agree the home situations is not good for the children. I don't how anyone lets their child eat out of the trash. She needs counseling and some skills training. Is she a single parent? Are the kids overloaded in activities & she can't make time to do the things she needs to do? The answers for the long-term health & well being of the family aren't easy. But if you call CPS, they need to provide assistance for her in the form of teaching some skills to keep the house picked up. If she is a friend of yours, even in the least, you could maybe direct her to an online forum for messies or hoarders. She needs to get help for the long run not just short term in how to keep a clean house. Does she care or talk about not knowing what to do or how to do it better? Really, people who are cleaning fanatics, can not probably help her. This lady's brain works differently and she has different standards then others - but it's true and she needs some help. It sounds like she emotionally loves her children, but neglect and improper care don't balance out the situation
__________________ yorkiesmiles Loved by Bubba & Roxy Holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come |
02-16-2008, 09:09 AM | #12 |
Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida
Posts: 8,799
| I'd report her, as in the past she does clean up and stuff. Keep reporting her and she'll keep cleaning, and maybe JUST maybe she might find it less trouble to KEEP the place clean rather than have to bust her ass whenever CPS comes around Poor kids
__________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna |
02-16-2008, 01:14 PM | #13 |
Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: texas
Posts: 5,272
| With a brand new baby coming in 28 days, I would report her. I know that is a terribly hard thing to do but that is no way for children to have to live. I agree that maybe you could suggest a surprise inspection.
__________________ Decide To Make It A Good Day |
02-16-2008, 01:38 PM | #14 |
I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 37,147
| I would definitely report her.
__________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427 |
02-17-2008, 04:19 PM | #15 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: texas
Posts: 563
| I feel torn. Ive known her for just over a year. Our girls are in the same dance classes and girlscout troop. When I first meet her I was kept at arm distance and didnt realize how bad it was. As time went on and I learned more I tried EVERYTHING I could think of to help. My Mom says Im drawn to people who are broken. Ive run out of ways to try and help, and Im worried for her kids. Ive looked up the CPS info. for my area and will be calling Monday morning. I pray they will help her and not tramatize the kids. Shes not a BAD person. She really loves her kids and I want to defend her, but there really is no good defence. Please pray with me that this will be a positive move for the family and the outcome will be good. |
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