I'm wondering how you know so much info - like the Thanksgiving story? And the 3 yr old & the trash story?
This lady needs help. Taking her children away from her is not going to help her. But I agree the home situations is not good for the children. I don't how anyone lets their child eat out of the trash.
She needs counseling and some skills training. Is she a single parent? Are the kids overloaded in activities & she can't make time to do the things she needs to do?
The answers for the long-term health & well being of the family aren't easy. But if you call CPS, they need to provide assistance for her in the form of teaching some skills to keep the house picked up.
If she is a friend of yours, even in the least, you could maybe direct her to an online forum for messies or hoarders. She needs to get help for the long run not just short term in how to keep a clean house. Does she care or talk about not knowing what to do or how to do it better?
Really, people who are cleaning fanatics, can not probably help her. This lady's brain works differently and she has different standards then others
- but it's true and she needs some help. It sounds like she emotionally loves her children, but neglect and improper care don't balance out the situation