Breaking up... and breaking down.

[GinosMommy]

Originally Posted by vainchick5

I know it's hard and I'm so sorry you're going through. No offense but your ex sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't waste any more time with him. As hard as it must be cut your losses and run QUICK! His true colors are showing and it's not a good thing. You are an intelligent, beautiful girl who deserves someone who will treat you like a Princess. Please don't sell yourself short. YOU WILL NOT END UP ALONE SO DON'T SETTLE. I think that is always the biggest fear. Good luck.

I AGREE!! I was with someone for almost 5 years. I will never settle. YOU, YOUR HAPPINESS, YOUR HEALTH ( because they can make us emotionally and physically sick ) are the most important. DOnt stay in a poor relationship. I agree thats its hard right now living together still, but try to make it bearable for the term, then part ways.
I wish you the best of luck, you WILL get better, it WILL get better, trust, me ive been through it more than once, and I am 34 STILL waiting for my Prince Charming!

[missj2007]

Originally Posted by GinosMommy

I AGREE!! I was with someone for almost 5 years. I will never settle. YOU, YOUR HAPPINESS, YOUR HEALTH ( because they can make us emotionally and physically sick ) are the most important. DOnt stay in a poor relationship. I agree thats its hard right now living together still, but try to make it bearable for the term, then part ways.
I wish you the best of luck, you WILL get better, it WILL get better, trust, me ive been through it more than once, and I am 34 STILL waiting for my Prince Charming!

I also agree it can make you emotionally and physically sick, and you are to sweet of a person to settle for less. You deserve much better! Hey you may be single for a while and you may always have feelings for him but right now it is all about you so enjoy it have fun, and like a friend I made on here told me now is the time to spoil yourself!

[TommiGirl]

Originally Posted by bizzbeth

Thanks guys...

It i freakin so hard. I can't kick him out... we share an apartment here at school. I'll be done in March and I can move out if this is still too painful for me.

He doesn't realize (maybe he does??) that he is being an A*S to me because he always says that it's my fault in the first place. There are a lot of things wrong with our relationship... but there were so many good things too...

I've suggested counseling (awhile back) but we never looked into it...
At this point I don't know if he's willing to put in the effort. He just acts like he's so sick of me. It makes me feel like trash. I hate this...

I want to thank you all for your support and sharing your stories. It heps me to realize that I'm not alone and these things do happen, to good people, all the time.

I have such sad feelings for you while reading this.
You should know this much though. There is NO such word as CAN'T.

If you are having problems like this now, what do you expect in the future?
A leopard does not change its spots.

Your only smart move at this moment is to kick him to the curb and get on with your life.
Dating is the time to find out if you will be compatible with your mate.
Marriage is a long time commitment.

This does not sound like a 'compatible' union at all.
But you do not need me to tell that to you.
You already know this.

If he treats you shabby now, why would he change?
Especially since you hang around no matter what?
I know this may sound cruel to you, but it is factual.

Make evaluations and look to the future, not just to the next weekend or the next month.
I am saying these things for your benefit.

Trust me, he is not the only fish in the sea.
You need to broaden your horizons and get on with your life.

I am in a happy marriage, but I had to kiss many frogs to get here.
And when I look back, I am SO glad I did not stick around for some of the questionable relationships I had been in.

Can't you find a girlfriend to move in with for the next 2 months?
Do what is BEST for you in the long run. You do not deserve this treatment.

Stand tall and be proud of what you do. Do not let him destroy your self esteem.
You deserve MUCH better.

[lilfoot]

I was also in a relationship for 5.5 years and was actually engaged to him for 2 of those years. All we did was fight and break up then get back together then fight and break up...so on and so on for the last 2 years. Finally I said enough was enough...I think we were staying together because we were a habit for one another and we were each others first love and the first for many things...We stayed close friends (after the intial hurt of breaking up) even had some rendevous... 6 months after breaking up with him I found my husband whom I have been married to for 18 years. Its hard breaking up with someone that you have had in your life for so long....sometimes you have to be mean to get the point across... I know I had to be mean with my ex to get him to realize that this is over...but that didn't last long....hang in there. Take some time to really think why you are still with him....is it because you are each others "habit" and you are aftraid to be alone???

[MissSophie]

I am so very sorry! I went through divorce after an 18 year marriage and two daughters. I was a mess to say the least, and he seemed to just not care. Of course there was another woman. Now, 15 years later, I am married to a wonderful man and will celebrate our 12th anniversary this year. I can't take away the pain. Unfortunately, you have to go through it. Let yourself grieve. Maybe even get some counseling. That does help. But there is life on the other side. No matter how much I don't believe that, it is true! Cling to that, and take care of yourself. Do nice things for yourself, and please, whatever you do, don't beat yourself up! Take care, sister.

[bizzbeth]

I appreciate everyones' advice.

Here is an update...

I initially thought this break-up steamed from some long-term problems we both have... but I don't think that is the case.

He says that no matter how much he wants to be with me, he can't because he isn't sure who the heck he is right now. He's not proud of himself or happy with where his life is heading...

I don't know if that have a lot to do with me or not. I'm beyond heartbroken. We've had our ups and downs but I know that I want him... there is no question in my mind. He says he knows he wants me but can't bring himself to do it right now.

I really don't know what to do now. I'm trying to be supportive of him finding happiness in his life... it just breaks my heart that I am not his happiness anymore. I'm trying to remain a good person about this and support him in finding the things that makes him happy-- it's just so hard when those things seem to be rooted in hurtful circumstances (parties, drinking with other people, allowing girls to hang all over him)... I hope he realizes that those are the things that are distractions and won't really make him happy or proud...

But it's hard to be there for him AND try to protect my heart. He holds so much of it in his hands and his actions affect me deeply. They hurt. Sorry I'm rambling... I just don't know what else to do anymore. I've broken down more than anyone can count, I can't eat, I can't go to class, I can't even be a cheerful person around my friends.


Thanks for listening.

[bizzbeth]

Originally Posted by lilfoot

I was also in a relationship for 5.5 years and was actually engaged to him for 2 of those years. All we did was fight and break up then get back together then fight and break up...so on and so on for the last 2 years. Finally I said enough was enough...I think we were staying together because we were a habit for one another and we were each others first love and the first for many things...We stayed close friends (after the intial hurt of breaking up) even had some rendevous... 6 months after breaking up with him I found my husband whom I have been married to for 18 years. Its hard breaking up with someone that you have had in your life for so long....sometimes you have to be mean to get the point across... I know I had to be mean with my ex to get him to realize that this is over...but that didn't last long....hang in there. Take some time to really think why you are still with him....is it because you are each others "habit" and you are aftraid to be alone???

I think at some points it was like that. It was so hard for so long and we both stuck it out because we are eachothers best friends... but he is not my habit. I went the whole summer without him. I'm blessed to have him in my life and I shouldn't ever have taken him for granted and made him feel unimportant. I think that is why he's going through what he is right now-- I didn't make him feel like he played a crucial role in making me happy.

[cariblonde]

oh hun I am so sorry you are going through this right now Please be strong and I know this is very cliche but it cant rain everyday and you are such a beautiful girl, inside and out, and you will find someone who trully loves you and appreciated you for you and who doesnt make you feel like trash.....

[bizzbeth]

Originally Posted by cariblonde

oh hun I am so sorry you are going through this right now Please be strong and I know this is very cliche but it cant rain everyday and you are such a beautiful girl, inside and out, and you will find someone who trully loves you and appreciated you for you and who doesnt make you feel like trash.....

I know that this hurt won't last forever. Who knows... 6 months down the road we could be back together or we could both be seeing other people. But It will ALWAYS hurt that I've lost my best friend. We have grown up together and it's sad to cry over those memories now... they were such a huge part of my life and I don't want to be sad about them.

There is just nothing else I can give and there is nothing else I want. I know it'll just take time and you're all so right... it just hurts.