Ashamed but Feeling Cheated

[monicajean55]

Hi -

We got our dog 2 years ago when my youngest headed off to college. She was a gift to me for being an empty nest Mom
I watched shelter sites every day seeking out the perfect companion. I expanded my search to 100 miles after nearby didn't return anything after a few months.
That led me to our Bailey -
I fell in love with her photo, took the afternoon off work and went to visit her by myself. My husband couldn't get the time off work.
When I held her I knew I'd found my dog.
She was terrified in the beginning, of course.
On the 4th day we had her, my husband developed a horrible flu and had to stay home for 1 1/2 weeks. Due to that, Bailey bonded to him.
He's a big dog person and didn't like her in the beginning but softened.
Now, 2 years later, she's his dog. Sits next to him all the time. Follows him everywhere.
I know it's not Bailey's fault. I know it's not my husband's fault. It is what it is and no matter how much time I spend with her, walking, playing, etc. She still looks everywhere for my husband to enter the room. We've tried all kinds of tricks - my husband even rejecting her. That was worse and made me feel terrible - I made him stop.
So here we are - as I said it's no one's fault - but the whole purpose of this was to fill a hole in me for being an empty nest Mom.
Technically in my husband's eyes she is still my dog - so I get to walk her 2 times a day, clean up her accidents, feed her, give her medicine, take her to the vet. All the responsibilities w/o any of the rewards. Feels
unfair.
That hole is still there - so questions.
Would it be horrible to look for another dog (in addition to Bailey - not to replace her)
Would it be horrible to ask my husband to take over all the responsibilities since Bailey has chosen him?
I feel cheated and hurt and angry and ashamed for feeling all of those things.
Please help.

[Lovetodream88]

I have four so getting another as long as your current dog is dog friendly seems like a good idea. With both of y’all living in the same house and stuff I would think sharing responsibilities any way would be better. Like all four of my dogs are mine I make all the decisions ( I share a house with my parents and grandmother) but if the food or water is empty whoever sees it fills it. We all keep our eyes out for them getting into trouble and stuff. If my dad goes for a walk he will take the two middle pups. I think if you get a second your going to want to walk them together and stuff like that. Some how all of mine know I’m mom even though like my dad will also do training with Joey and stuff. They all sit with everyone in the family but know I’m mom at the end of the day.

[maxdog]

Maybe look for a male this time? It seems to me that females tend to lean toward the male in the house. I know that Max and Sasha both love Toni and I but Sasha absolutely favors me.

[matese]

Get another dog, I had a 3 female pack all now have passed. I suggest another female. I now have a rescue male, he is just perfect, he squats to pee, no marking in the house, I was blessed with this boy but I miss my tom boy girls. I wouldn't ask your husband to take over all responsibilities of Bailey but you can work him into sharing the responsibilities of both dogs, like feeding time in the morning and you feed at night, sharing the walking, bathing, grooming etc. There is nothing you should feel guilty about wanting another dog, gezzzz if I couldn't swoop up my fur baby and smother him in smooches I'd be feeling blue too.

[Maximo]

If you have the time and resources to handle 2 dogs, I say do it. However, be prepared for the possibility that you might have the same 'problem' with the second dog.
As you know, these little dogs are very smart and in tune with our emotions, almost like they can read our minds. I believe that sometimes dogs are intimidated when they sense a human wants or expects affection in a demanding sort of way. It's difficult to explain. Your doggy likely knows exactly what you are thinking and goes to your husband because he is "easier."
Best way to avoid or overcome it is to not force anything on the dog. For instance, I have always given my dogs a quick bit of affection like a kiss or a hug and then let them go on their way. They know that I am not going to hold them against their will, so they come back for more.
I tease them with "Give me some loving!" and walk toward them with my hands reaching for them. Sometimes they playfully run from me and I pretend to be disappointed and walk away -- keeping it playful. Then they run up for a kiss or a hug and I let them go. They come back for another.
I believe this is why they will come and sit with me for extended periods for petting or snuggling -- that is, after their regular activities.
Best wishes in your decision.

[Dayswalters]

I now have 4 dogs as well. My 2nd pup totally bonded with my husband. He is definitely her human but she still loves me, she just prefers him. My other pups usually prefer my attention but have moments when they want to be with him. I agree about sharing responsibility. It’s never fun to be the only one doing the care taking. Lastly, yes you should get another dog if you have the resources to care for one. Dogs bring so much love and joy into our lives. Each has such a different personality as well. There’s always something to look forward to.😁

[DvlshAngel985]

I agree with others, if you have the financial resources, yes get another! I vote for a boy. In my experience, boys are cuddly and affectionate and just love their mom!

I've only had boys (2 so far) and I was/am their world. Kaji (RIP) and I bonded because I was an undergrad that studied at home. Lots of research papers with my best bud by my side. Everyone teased me that my second, JakJak, would bond with my parents and not with me because my parents have recently moved in with me and are unemployed. I work all day, yet, JakJak only has eyes for me. He sleeps with me and has since day one, we train together, play together, and enjoy cuddles together when he's finally tired enough to take a brake. JakJak does know that I provide structure for him, while the grandparents are where he goes for extra snacks and bending of all rules.

[magicfan]

Penny was supposed to be my dog but she took immediately to my husband. Like you, I had all the responsibility of her care but he got her love. I used to say he was "Daddy" and I was "The Help". Long story short, my husband passed away and now she is just my baby but she still loves men.

[yavenay]

It isn't it funny how we get a little hurt when our furbabies prefers someone else. One thanksgiving I had my entire family over. My yorkie started following around by niece and would not come to me. I would call her and she would just ignore me.


Everywhere my niece went, Brandi went and I was starting to feel really weird about it. In my case, I later found out my niece was feeding her turkey but I remember feeling really bothered by the fact that my baby seem to prefer my niece.

[maxdog]

I am still sticking to my theory that most of the time a female will gravitate to the male member in the house.

[Lovetodream88]

Originally Posted by maxdog

I am still sticking to my theory that most of the time a female will gravitate to the male member in the house.

I have some exceptions lol. Although both my girls love my dad Penny gravites more toward my mom but comes to me if she doesn’t feel good or gets scared. Callie has always gravitated to me and only me.