Asking for your prayers and thoughts! I am hurting so bad!
 

Asking for your prayers and thoughts! I am hurting so bad!

Back on March 1 I posted my first blog on this wonderful Godsent site about losing our first Yorkie on 2/21/15 unexpectedly of a bacterial infection at 10 1/2 years old. I was so distraught that i wondered how i would make through each day. I was a complete disaster. This site helped me to pass some of the time and just get my mind off of the pain for just a few minutes at a time.
However, this is the 7th week and I am still struggling really bad. I am still on medication for the anxiety and heart palpatations. I went to Easter service yesterday, hadn't been to church in a few months (non-denominational), and instead of "rejoicing" I found myself with tears streaming down asking God why he took my precious baby!
I know every single person with their personal loss is different, but should I still be in this much pain and anguish after nearly 7 weeks? I have a few wonderful and incredible people on this site who have emailed me back and I am so thankful for that! It has saved me from breaking down so many times. But I am asking you for your thoughts and prayers that I can find the strength to heal. I still have our 6 year old female to take care of, so getting another puppy is out of the question (she is not the personality for that and I wouldn't want them that many years apart like the last time). Thank you to all of you who read this! Just thinking about the caring people out there is heartwarming.
(Also, I am so new here, how do you completely start a brand new Blog?)

I'm so glad you found us, and so sorry it was this way....I know how hard it is to lose a pup as I have had my share...time does give way to happy memories, in time....there is no proper way to grieve, or wrong way...just take the time you need and know that many many of us share your grief and understand it...we feel your pain....

I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly. It's so heartbreaking to lose our little soulmate, our confidant and loyal best friend on this earth that it's hard to understand why illness, injury and life-span affect the one we care about more than almost anyone else. It never seems fair when we lose our beloved baby. Shock, grief and anger usually precede the beginnings of healing but if any of those periods are prolonged, keep talking about your baby and getting your feelings out, for starters. Keep a journal, post here, talk it out.

If you can rest, sleep, concentrate, work or interact well during any of this time, don't hesitate to reach our for some professional help just to get you past this point. Every one of us who've been around a while has been where you are - has lost our baby to disease, injury or age. Nature is nature and germs can sicken and sometimes kill, as do bad falls, liver disease, collapsing trachea, a car hitting a dog or another dog attack or even old age - many, many things go wrong with our babies as sadly, they all die of one thing or another but almost all of them die way, way too soon. Sickness, injury and death eventually catches up with every one of us on earth in one way or another. Learning some ways to cope with your great pain and loss will help you get through these next weeks and a grief support group or grief counselor can give you some coping tools to help you manage this horribly stressful time in your life so that you aren't hurting so badly. Coping tools aren't just gimmicks - they are ways people for centuries have managed to get through horrible ordeals and made it through and even helped others when they go through awful times in life. Maybe your doctor can prescribe some short term answers if you just reach out now - tell him or her you can't move past this pain and need help.

But most of us know exactly how you are feeling and how you hurt. Believe me, one day you gradually do begin to heal, life gets less painful and eventually, hope begins again in you. It really does and you just need some help getting there.

My heart truly hurts for you and I want you to know I do understand. I also lost my 6 year old yorkie baby last September and the heartbreak was truly devastating. I was unprepared for how bad it would be. Each person grieves differently and nobody can tell you how to do it the "right" way. All I can say is that I also have felt your pain. I can tell you how I responded but it does not mean it will be right for you. I have transferred all that pain into a full-blown obsession with the Yorkshire terrier breed. I spend hours and hours every day researching the breed. I have joined my local kennel club. I have got a new puppy and started researching showing her. I have started going to every dog show and event that I can. I have kept myself so busy with yorkie activities. It doesn't take away the pain of my loss but gives me something productive to throw my heart into. I almost feel that it is a legacy to my girl. I am going to do something someday with all this newfound knowledge. Just not sure yet which direction my heart will take me in. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain you are in. I know it is not something you want to hear and I know it won't help right now, but honey TIME is the only thing that really helps. When I lost my baby at age 19 (she was a Persian cat) I was devastated , she was my first pet in my life , I had gotten her as a 40th bday gift and she was my everything.
I too had to take medication , I too asked God why, I was in so much emotional and physically pain I was sick. nothing but time helped me. Since then I have had 4 fur babies since then but she is never far in my thoughts.
know we are here for you and we care very much and want you to get well.
My prayers are with you.

I know how you are feeling and it will get better but it takes time. When my first little girl died, my kids were in their teens. They had my pups around since they were toddlers and were also having a very difficult time. Some things that we did that seemed to help were to talk about our memories both the good and the difficult ones. We did this as we made memorial scrapbooks of our little girl. We also kept her collar with her tags and placed that in the book as well. Later, when we lost our second little girl, the kids automatically began the process of grieving by making another book for her as well. We look at the books when we are remembering them, even now when ai recently added a new puppy to my life. She will never replace my little girls but has her own place in our hearts. It is hard but it will get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I remember so well the day my Charlie died. As others have said, we all experience grief in different ways. It is still painful thinking about him. However, I found this site when it happened. And over the past few years, people have posted things about their yorkies that bring back memories of Charlie. It's a beautiful gift to be able to remember his funny antics and to share them on here. If you want to, try sharing stories about your baby. At least for me, it seems almost like therapy to remember him in this forum with other people who love their babies as much as I love mine and who truly understand the grief of losing a pet.

Hi, and again I am sorry. I did respond to you on your blog, and wrote so much that I can't think of any more I would add to that…..but, you are in my prayers and heart right now. I know you are in pain..Huge hugs :(

If you can, will you tell us about your 10 1/2 year old Yorkie? What was her name, how did she come to live with you and what was she like, what did she like to do and what were her favorite things? What made her so very special to you? What do you feel you can share about your life together with us?

Or, if you prefer, tell us about the 6 year old girl you still have - share what you can about her little ways that make her unique to all other dogs?

I lost my yorkie in February and I am finding that it gets easier as time goes on. I still have my moments but I am definitely smiling more. God bless you!

So sorry for your loss....I can relate too...and yes it does take time but try and think what joy and differance she made to your life.and you wouldn't have that to be thankful to look back upon if she hadn't been brought into your life....
It was only for awhile they are with us , I wish I hadn't waited so long to get another and I dread that day someday too again I will have to go thru the heart ache ...but I try to keep in mind that it was i who made a differance in THEIR lives too...be glad you were there for her and had the good times you did together for a lifetime of memories....
God bless...

dog
 

I will pray for comfort to come to you. Losing a family pet is heartbreaking . My teddy peanut went to his creator at 10yrs. I view life as a gift and all we have we must give back to the Lord when He calls. I handed little Ted back and cried so much. I know it was Teds time to go home.
It took awhile to accept this and the comfort of friends helped. I still miss that sweet dog . He did his job and left a lot of love in my heart . Even through loss we are blessed to have known this love.

How very sad
 

You grive how long it takes. I lost my first Yorkie @ one week after his 7th b- day. It's been 13 months and I still hurt badly. He had a terrible disease GME.
I still talk to his urn, kiss his pictures and cry myself to sleep. Can't hardly write this for tears now.
I'm now into my 2 week with my new Yorkie puppy. I only had one. Hopefully this will help. I love this guy with all my heat and he is quite a handful. I'm now so tired at bedtime I rest better.
Just devote all you engery, love, dictation to your little girl. She so terribly needs her mommy.
Prayers your way

I am so new to the site, that I am not sure how to reply to each individual message of love, thoughts and prayers that all of you precious people have taken the time out of your busy lives,maybe your own grief to reply to me. I thank each and every one of you from my heart. Your words of support and/or your own stories have truly made me feel better, if only for I need. Thank you all so much! This site and the incredibly compassionate and truly caring people are incredible!

Time will help, but take all the time you need. You will have good days and bad days. Grief comes in waves sometimes.
I will pray for you to feel the comfort of knowing your pup felt loved and treasured for all those years!

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like if I lost one of mine. You take all the time you need, everyone grieves differently. Sometimes local Humane societies will have pet loss support groups, maybe see if there is one by you. Speaking of the humane society you could always get another friend for your girl that wasn't a puppy by rescuing one from the pound or maybe a yorkie rescue. You will never replace the one you had but maybe you could find one that needs your love as much as you need thiers. Hope healing and comfort find you.

My heart honestly aches for you. I lost my Jingle January 15, 2015, the hardest day of my life I felt like my heart had been ripped out. Jingle and I had been through a lot together and he was my baby. I also have a poodle and she went into grieving as hard as I did, honestly it was a mess. It was a week after Jingle passed before I left the house and only then to the grocery store. Holly (poodle) did not cope while I was gone and she dug at her ears until they were bleeding. Even though I didn't think I was ready I knew Holly had to have the companionship, she howled, she cried etc. so I started looking for a new pup. I was scared to death I was doing the wrong thing, but I finally found the right one. It took a couple of weeks for holly to adjust but I instantly fell in love. Presley has brought back laughter in our home and noise as it was so quiet when Jingle died. Presley has also brought Holly out so much as well, she plays and runs like she is a puppy too! I miss Jingle everyday, tears are rolling as I am writing this, I cradle his ern before I go to bed and tell him how much he is missed and how much I love him every night. It is still hard but for me and for little Holly, Presley has been a God send. Babies keep you so busy and Presley is quite active, honestly I don't know if I would have made it through without him. I will pray for you, I do know that hurt in your heart so well. God bless you and without a doubt you are a wonderful mommy!

Thank you!
 

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy day to reach out and respond to my "cry for help." This has by far been the most difficult time of my life. I have NEVER lost anyone (I consider my Baxter a "someone") that I have loved so much in my life. I have my parents still (although they are late 70's and not in the best of health) and I have all my sibilings. Yes, grandparents are all gone, but wasn't really close to them and they were not in our daily lives. The pain was something I couldn't imagine or describe. I thought about maybe getting another loved one for my 6 year old Kaylee who is still here,, but as everyone knows their own dogs best, I just don't think introducing a new dog to her would be a good idea. It was a good idea when we had Baxter at 5 years old and decided to get him a "friend." That was his personality, but hers, not so much. Maybe in the future, but I am definitely not at that point right now. This site has already given me so much combined time of "distraction" by reading and responding to the incredibly supportive messages. It helps to get through another day. I thank you kindly!
Chrissy

Cindy, I am so sorry about losing Jingle in January. Believe me, now I can honestly say I know the excrutiating heartache and pain. I hardly slept the first three weeks and I lost 14 pounds. Had to resort to going to my doctor for anti anxiety meds for the severe heart palpations and anxiety. If you have the strength to tell me more about Jingle, how old was he and how did he "go home." My Baxter was only 10 1/2. It pains me to hear about Holly's reaction to Jingle being gone. The first 5 or 6 weeks Kaylee seemed "ok" - we kept her really busy and occupied playing a lot more with her with her toys. However, just this week she has not been eating well (very unusual because she was the chow hound!). But it might also be because last Saturday she had her teeth done and had to have an infected molar pulled. She also had some "cysts" type bumps on her hind side that the "original" vet told me were absolutely normal and akin to teenage large pimples/boils. But since I swtiched vets after Baxters passing, I didn't want to take any chances and had them removed surgically while she was having her teeth done. Waiting for confirmation of lab results which should be any day, although vet told him he is certain they are benign. I am glad that Presley is keeping you busy and hopefully has brought some comfort to Holly. I am sure she will still miss Jingle, but at least she will be distracted and hopefully like so many people on this site tell others, time does heal, no matter how you think for YOU YOURSELF it will never happen, because I feel that way too. Thank you again for your kind sincerity and taking the time to reach out to me in your time of such pain. Write as often as you like. I will always find the time to respond (although being relatively new to this site I have trouble figuring out how to reply to people one on one, etc.) Many sincere thank yous! Chrissy

Chrissy, I too am new to the site and I am still trying to learn it all too, lol. Thank you so much for your kind words. When I read your post I could relate oh so well. The first several days when Jingle passed I didn't even get out of bed. I too lost weight, couldn't eat and couldn't sleep. The pain was like a knife in my chest, devastation does not even begin to explain it. Jingle was my loud one and Holly was the quiet little girl, I honestly didn't realize how loud Jingle could be until he wasn't here and the silence was deafening. I cuddled extra tight to Holly, still do, her heart was broke and she was lost. Jingle was by far the alpha and she was happy to be his little follower, she didn't know what to do. Jingle was tragically hit by a car, not run over, just "bumped". My husband let him outside in the backyard, literally turned around to grab his phone off the end table beside the door he let him out, Jingle chased a squirrel out of the fence and got hit. It was around 9am Jan 15, the vet said it was instant but I still live the nightmare of it. My husband had to wake me to tell me what had happened. The whole thing is surreal, Holly is the one that would get up with my husband on lazy Saturday's, and Jingle would stay in the bed with me. If I could just live that day over again....Jingle was my side kick, my precious blessing, it is still hard. I'm not so sure you ever get over it, I think it is more you get use to it. Not a day goes by that he is not on my mind, I walk in my bedroom and expect to see those beautiful ears sticking up from behind the pillows where he loved to lay. Presley has made 100% difference in Holly's life. To begin with she was not to keen on Presley, he is a rough and tough little boy, but so full of energy and love. He would walk up to Holly lick her right in the face and take off running wanting her to chase him, lol his persistence paid off, she now plays with Presely all the time, he has made the biggest difference in her and in me. I still love Jingle with everything I have, couldn't imagine loving another one like that, then came Presley. It was important to me that Presley not have the same coloring as Jingle, so Presely is darker. Presley walked right in and took over my heart, our home, and Holly's happiness. While there are similarities in Jingle and Presley, there are pronounced differences too, I can honestly say I couldn't love Presley anymore than I do and he rescued Holly and me from a dark place. Your Baxter was very well loved, without a doubt he knew that very much! I do hurt for you, the pain is just unbearable at times, Jingle was only 7, he did have pancreas issues but so full of life. Kaylee is a special little girl too, they do require extra love and attention when tragedy strikes. Have you tried boiled chicken for Kaylee? I understand switching vets, since Jingle passed and the one day I went to the grocery store I have not left Holly by herself at all. I am way overprotective now, I look for anything that can happen, and Presley looks for anything he can get into, so he keeps me on my toes and keeps me laughing. All fur babies are special, but there is just something about a Yorkie, Jingle had me wrapped from the first time I seen him, and he knew it. Presley cannot fill Jingles "shoes" nor would I want him to, because there is not one that could fill Presley's either. Try not to close off the idea of a new baby, it may just be the medicine you and Kaylee needs. Baxter loved you and was devoted sweet baby, he is still with you in your heart and he is waiting with my Jingle to greet us when we enter those gates. Know he isn't hurting, and know that he is happy all the time now, I do hope this brings you peace, it is so difficult to find it at a time like this. Remember as well that God will not put more on you than you can handle even though at times it feels like we are right on the edge. Bless you and yours!!

I am so sorry for your loss, and for all who responded with their losses as well. It is so hard to deal with. I don't know if you ever 'heal' totally, but we move on. I lost my little girl, Nikki (bichon) at 17 & 1/2 years old. She had a great life with us, was so loved, and loved us so much. I think of her often and it took me 2 years to agree to get another dog. I never thought I could love one as much. We found a rescue group & adopted a Yorkie puppy 2 & 1/2 years ago. We were so lucky, it was meant to be. I was wrong, I am CRAZY in love with our Yogi. Yorkies are sure different from Bichons! Also in terms of grieving, I also started collecting and donating items to a great local rescue group near me. It was a good distraction. I didn't foster but it's an idea. Condolences and thoughts are with you

Thank you~!
 

I am so sorry about you losing your Jingle in January. Like you, I felt like my heart ripped out and still has a huge hole in it. My heart was beating so fast and the anxiety was too much. I had to for once in my life see my doctor for help with emotional issues. My 6 year old Kaylee seemed to be doing well at first with all the attention, but this is starting week 7 and we just started noticing that she isn't eating as much. I am glad that you got little Presley to help ease all the pain. Sounds like it was the right decision for you. My Kaylee is just definintely not the type that I think would take well to either a puppy or a rescue her age. So for at least now we are just going to concentrate on her.
I thank you for taking your own time to respond to me when I know your heart is still aching from Jingle. If you don't mind me asking, how old was Jingle and how did he pass? My sincerest heartfelt thank you for reaching out to me.
Hope to hear back from you.
Chrissy

Thank you
 

Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy life to reach out to me in my heartbreak. At the very least, reading messages and responding to them helps me to make it through more minutes, hours, more days. Sometimes I "think" I am getting a "teeny" bit better, and then I will be driving and absolutely break down crying. When you go through it, you truly feel like "nobody else in the world can be feeling like this because I loved my dog more than anyone could imagine!"


I sincerely appreciate yoru kind words. The people on this site are truly remarkable, selfless and compassionate. It has saved me from breaking down many times.
Chrissy

Thank you
 

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond with such heartfelt words of support. Although I realize that all dogs have a "general" or "average" amount of years on earth (depending on the breed), you are absolutely right, having them go WHENEVER is painful and hard to accept. Sometimes I feel funny saying it, but my Baxter was truly the first someone (because I consider him a someone) I loved so dearly and unconditionally that passed. Wasn't close to grandparents and all 4 have passed. Parents are still both here, thankfully, but in mid 70's nd not in best of health. And I still have all my siblings. This was TRULY the closest I have had to deal with death ever! I was raised Catholic, although not a practicing adult, and my husband is Christian so through the years our two boys went to non-denominational Christian churches quite periodically. But the acceptance of "forever and finite" is way harder to accept than I ever anticipated. I know the day will come when the tears won't easily flow and the heart won't be aching as much.


I thank you again for your words of comfort! The kindness of each and every one of you is unbelievable.
Chrissy

Thank You!
 

Thank you so much for your words of comfort and for the time you took out of your day to write me back. Some people write back even when they are currently experiencing heartache and pain of their own. I am waiting for the day when the pain gives way to happy memories. Thank you again!
Chrissy

Thank you!
 

WOW! You sure said some "magic" words, "shock, grief and anger!" I have NEVER been in shock before in my life, but I was in complete shock for two weeks after my little one passed. I can't remember a thing I did but cry. The grief was all consuming and overwhelming at times. Then I was also angry at the vet for not recognizing that very day how sick he was. Was told bacterial and dehydrated, they hydrated him and he will start feeling better tomorrow, and gave anti-biotics." I was super angry, not only with them but with myself. I saw that he was getting "worse" but I chalked it up to "feeling worse before you feel better again." I carry SO MUCH guilt for not rushing him to emergency that night, but it may or may not of mattered, and that is what I will NEVER know for sure and beat myself up every other minute about that decision.
I know I need time. I read everyone's heartache and pain beyond imagine that they went through when they lost there first, and some lost several. And they all must be right, and common sense does dictate that time will slowly help heal my heart. Right now the hole in it is so huge it seems like the impossible.
Thank you for taking the time to send your own story and thoughts and prayers. The compassion each of you have shown me is something I will ALWAYS remember.
Chrissy

Thank you!
 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. If you don't mind me asking, what took your Yorkie at 6 years old? My sweet boy was 10 1/2 and even then I felt "so cheated and unfair" that he didn't live to what I "thought more or less" he would like to - maybe 13 - 15! That is part of the devestation. That is happened so quickly and untimely. For now I do have a 6 yr old female Yorkie to take care of and that definitely helps keep a "routine" going that we had anyway. But she is very quiet and my boy was the barker, town crier, neighborhood watch dog in the living room window alerting us to every neighbor coming and go, or the DREADED U.P.S. man he just went nuts over. So the house is so quiet and hard to get used to. I work so I do have to keep my head on straight about. For now, throwing myself on this site has been my savior at times. When I want to completely break down, I get on the site and read other posts.


I am glad that you found a new passion in the Yorkie dog world! I love this breed more than any (obviously most of us on this site do). I hope you have lots of success if you get to show her. Thank you for the words of hope and encouragement! each of you are TRULY special to me to have taken time out of your day and some of you your own pain to reach out to comfort someone else. Thank you...
Chrissy

Thank You!
 

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and send me comforting words. Glad that your Nikki got to live to be 17 1/2. Sometimes that is why I feel so "cheated," is because my Baxter only lived to 10 1/2. It was just so sudden and shocking. I do still have our 6 year old Yorkie, Kaylee. But I really don't think a puppy would be good thing for her, and we definitely aren't even thinking about that at this point. But who knows what the future will hold. I am glad that you are now loving life with Yogi. Thank you again for your kindness and comfort. All the words are so appreciated.
Chrissy

Thank you!
 

Thank you for taking the time and sharing your story and sending me words of comfort. I know it is the truth and I do believe as all of you are telling me that "time does help heal." It is still hard to get through each day without crying at least a few times. The medication has helped to at the least getting nearly a full nights sleep. I still wake up and toss and turn. Thank you for your prayers. It is amazing how many thoughtful and compassionate people are on this site and take the time to reach out to comfort others. I just hope that one day soon I can be someone to give out comfort instead of looking for it.
Chrissy

Thank you!
 

Thank you for all your words of comfort and advice. I actually cant wait until the day I am strong enough to be able to put some special memories together. I haven't had the strength to even buy a proper urn or memorial box to use. I went on several sites but broke down. My husband picked up his ashes from the vet and I told him to put them in a loving and safe place in our house, where he belongs, but I just can't even look at his remains right now. It is hard to think of my spunky little sweet boy a few months ago running around full of life, and now he is ashes. I know that is life and a part of the process. But it is so hard. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and story. All of the people who have responded to my cry for help, including you, are just so compassionate and caring to take time out of your own busy day to reach out to help someone in need. Thank you!
Chrissy