Not feeling the "bond" - YorkieTalk.com Forums

maddieluca · 01-04-2015, 10:50 AM

I don't know if I'm crazy but with my first pup I felt immediately attached to. But the second pup I got a few months ago, I'm not feeling the same way. They're different and I should expect that I should feel differently, but I almost want different dog. I don't even think I'd Miss him too much if I gave him away!
Doesn't that sound a bit cold? But for some reason, my heart's not going there.
Have any of you felt the same way?

Rachael1983 · 01-04-2015, 11:11 AM

You know what that's perfectly normal especially after the loss of a dog. My Troy died May 2013, somewhat rapidly after being diagnosed with a neurological disorder. He was only 3.5, almost 4. It was hard.

I went a while without a dog, then baby sat my cousins boxer puppy for a while. I loved him but he was big and wild. Then I got notice that I was approved for a yorkie breeder in March2014. I had been on that waiting list for a year and forgot I was on the list.

So in May I brought home Emma. I loved Emma but wasn't sure she and I would connect like Troy and I did. He was so different personality wise. I did think Emma should have been more "Troy like" but even with human kids we know we can't necessarily compare.

Emma has become my dog compared to my daughters. She's sweet and has her own personality which I'm happy with. When I looked for a new yorkie, I wanted a healthy, happy dog and that's what I got. We will all have that special animal that has that spot in our hearts that will be hard to move but that's the importance of memories. We will always have them.

With your new puppy, it will come in time. You will build a relationship that's special for the two of you. Unique in kind but nonetheless significant than the other. Hang in there. It helped for me.

maddieluca · 01-04-2015, 11:21 AM

Thank you for sharing your experience. I totally understand the why you'd feel that way.
But I haven't lost a dog - I just got a second puppy. So I have two dogs now.
I want to get a different dog!

Rachael1983 · 01-04-2015, 11:40 AM

Oh you might have bit off more than you can chew. LOL
Do you want to stay with two dogs or you think your new puppy just doesn't fit your lifestyle and household? It's nothing wrong with knowing that and returning back to the breeder/finding a new home. Better you know now that later when you've made some attachments and the dog may be harder to rehome as it gets older.

Yorkiemom1 · 01-04-2015, 11:50 AM

Did you go through a breeder and go through an interview/approval process with the breeder? If you did, contact the breeder and tell her of your problem. She should be able to give you some guidance in this area.....I am concerned you may "talk yourself" into getting rid of this second baby....try to think on a more positive aspect, rather than not wanting this particular baby and wanting another dog instead. I can not honestly say I have ever had an owner that did not "bond" immediately with their baby....it may be because the majority of my owners have been on a waiting list for a year or more may have a more positive effect with anticipation, excitement, etc....it could be any "vibes" I may pick up on with a prospective owner are addressed before they ever get the puppy....I dont know. Give this baby a chance to work its magic on your heart....concentrate on the emotional connection you made with the baby when you initially picked it out, and work on that aspect. What drew you to that particular baby initially....you were attracted to something about that baby or you would not have selected it! Give it a chance......I hope you can work through this......that baby deserves your unconditional devotion!

maddieluca · 01-04-2015, 11:51 AM

I am definitely more impatient with the second puppy when it comes to pad training. I think having dealt with it with first pup, I'm a bit tired of cleaning up the mess.
I do want two dogs. I would have more if I could! He's almost there with the pad training.
But do breeders take them back for another pup? I think if I do get another dog, I'll look for an older one.
I'm sure owners have different affinities Toward their dogs. Some are just more special to them than others....

Jkpal · 01-04-2015, 12:06 PM

There's nothing wrong with you or how you're feeling~~for whatever reasons, you two may not be a match and if that's the case, it's only fair to your new puppy that you find her the right home as soon as possible. However, maybe you just need to take a breath, observe, and enjoy what your new pup brings...And perhaps you'll feel the connection. I do believe that it is critically important you think of your new puppy first and foremost and do what is right for her, because she deserves to be everything to someone who will feel the bond and the love. You'll make the right decision as long as you put what's best for her first!

"You may have a dog that won't sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to bother."

Maximo · 01-04-2015, 12:12 PM

My Yorkie boys are very different, but I love that about them. Can't imagine one without the other.

Look beyond the frustration of potty training and focus on positive things. He is probably sensing your frustration and apathy and that can cause behavioral problems and distance between the two of you.

What is your second dog's name? Are both your dogs boys?

margaritaville · 01-04-2015, 12:19 PM

I'm sorry you and this pup are not bonding. Could he be bonded to your other dog? And just sees you as someone who lives there.
My daughter has 2 cavs. And they are bonded. The male is very affectionate to my daughter but not her husband and the female is affectionate when she wants to be but mostly not and rarely with my daughter.
I feel bad for the pup if he is not attached to anyone. Maybe he just wasn't the right fit for you. I am having trouble saying this. ? Maybe he needs someone else. I just don't know.

navillusc · 01-04-2015, 12:27 PM

I would say it can happen that you don't "connect' immediately with a pet. I brought home a kitten many years ago, when I was 19-21, that needed a home because northern New England winters are harsh for animals surving in barns in warmer months. The lady who told me about the kitten loved its double paws...turned out, I didn't, but it wasn't because of his paws. It was because I grew up with lap sitting, shoulder riding cats, super personable and rub-a-dub-dub ankle rubbing, super loving cats...heck, I was raised by a cat we had for 16 years until the exterminator sprayed her with poison...and this kitten turned out to be an outdoorsy hunter, not an indoorsy snuggler and we didn't connect in the same way I wanted and thought we would. He also wasn't well socialized and would attack hands after only a few seconds on petting. But that cat would leave a second floor balcony to go hunt, then run at the side of the house, right up the wall to the second story, and leap and twist and turn, flying through the balcony fence rails, onto the balcony to be let back in, then yell until I opened the glass slider for him. I have never seen anything like it...LOL. He answered only to the can opener. Then one day, he curled up one shoulder while my baby boy slept on his daddy's other shpulder ... So sweet..I still have the photo. That cat was phenomenal with my infant son, slept with him to protect him, just like when I was growing up...but he was never a lover kitty although he possessed great love.

I thought I disliked double paws until a feral mom delivered a double pawed kitten many, many feral moms later. This kitten was my baby...his choice...was a lover, lived in my lap or on my chest, ran through the house calling 'mum-mawh, mum-mawh' if I got out of his sight, loved paper balls to play with beside my chair while I worked, loved to watch paper go into the printer, then come out the top, etc. I lost him at 13 months old tragically and I was inconsolable!!! My hubby tried to cheer me up with another tiny kitten, which we fostered and he stayed with us forever, despite having three siblings of my double pawed kitty already. Their mommy let herself out of the kennel at the vet's office between her spay and her vaccinations and was never seen again. Of course, it didn't work to console me. The 'replacement kitty' just required me to work at a new relationship for which I was not ready or seeking.

My point is, if you don't connect now, you may in the future, even if it is acceptance of the new pet for its own special attributes...not because it is the picture of our prior expectations.

I cannot tell you how to handle the situation...only relate my own experiences. I am sure you will figure out what to do...hugs.

MarkFromSea · 01-04-2015, 12:40 PM

Is there something wrong with the new pup from your perspective? Does it seem to be happy and devoted to you? Give it some time. They do pick up on any moods so, I'd be careful with the pups emotions.... that might sound corny... but they are very perceptive.

Just a thought, work this out for yourself maybe, pick out the positive characteristics of your new pup that make him unique, admire those characteristics, praise him for those characteristics out loud, spend a little extra time with just that pup in your lap while watching a movie or something.... put a little extra effort in to developing a relationship with your new guy.... you both deserve to be be happy. If this pup is of good character and demeanor and you do decide to "trade" him in... please don't get another dog. I believe, it just doesn't work that way. Obviously, they are not a pair of shoes or an article of clothing or a car.. There's something about moving them from one home to another that is or could be very detrimental to their little psychies for the rest of their life. I wish you and your new guy all the best!

KazzyK810 · 01-04-2015, 01:42 PM

After a few months the bonding should be there. I'd be concerned that if it's not there by now, it's not going to be.

I'm surprised we don't read about this more often on YT. We meet hundreds to thousands of people in our lives, but only a few we 'click' with and become friends. I'd assume it would be the same with animals.

Jkpal · 01-04-2015, 01:48 PM

Excellent point; I totally agree!

joyce evans · 01-04-2015, 02:11 PM

I might be different from some but I usually bond instantly with my animals especially a baby. If you feel no real bond/love for this pup then I say go back to the breeder and or rehome this pup so he can feel the love he needs and deserves. You are being honest by admitting the lack of bond with this pup and it happens but just make sure your heart is really in it before you get another one. Make note of why you are not bonding and avoid those puppy features in the future. Do the right thing by this pup if you do not bond soon. Is someone else in your household bonding with him?

diva_vida · 01-04-2015, 02:11 PM

My puppy Reese is my first dog ever! I never had any dogs while growing up. So when I first got him almost 2 months ago, I literally almost returned him to the breeder (didn't do that because I wanted my money back and she would only give it to me if she was able to sell him) and almost sold him to someone through my job. People would ask me if I loved him and I couldn't answer. I was just so so so tired of watching him 24/7 and cleaning up his mess and regretted what I got myself into. I guess it was buyers remorse? Now after 2 months and getting into a flow and schedule, I can truly say that I love everything about him even when he gets on my last nerve! I really think it just took both of us time to get to know each other. Hopefully everything works out!

01-04-2015, 10:50 AM	#1
maddieluca Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: madison, nj, usa Posts: 26	Not feeling the "bond" I don't know if I'm crazy but with my first pup I felt immediately attached to. But the second pup I got a few months ago, I'm not feeling the same way. They're different and I should expect that I should feel differently, but I almost want different dog. I don't even think I'd Miss him too much if I gave him away! Doesn't that sound a bit cold? But for some reason, my heart's not going there. Have any of you felt the same way?

01-04-2015, 11:11 AM	#2
Rachael1983 Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Burbs of DC Posts: 2,198	You know what that's perfectly normal especially after the loss of a dog. My Troy died May 2013, somewhat rapidly after being diagnosed with a neurological disorder. He was only 3.5, almost 4. It was hard. I went a while without a dog, then baby sat my cousins boxer puppy for a while. I loved him but he was big and wild. Then I got notice that I was approved for a yorkie breeder in March2014. I had been on that waiting list for a year and forgot I was on the list. So in May I brought home Emma. I loved Emma but wasn't sure she and I would connect like Troy and I did. He was so different personality wise. I did think Emma should have been more "Troy like" but even with human kids we know we can't necessarily compare. Emma has become my dog compared to my daughters. She's sweet and has her own personality which I'm happy with. When I looked for a new yorkie, I wanted a healthy, happy dog and that's what I got. We will all have that special animal that has that spot in our hearts that will be hard to move but that's the importance of memories. We will always have them. With your new puppy, it will come in time. You will build a relationship that's special for the two of you. Unique in kind but nonetheless significant than the other. Hang in there. It helped for me. __________________ Owned by Troy(RIP) & Emma

01-04-2015, 11:40 AM	#4
Rachael1983 Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Burbs of DC Posts: 2,198	Oh you might have bit off more than you can chew. LOL Do you want to stay with two dogs or you think your new puppy just doesn't fit your lifestyle and household? It's nothing wrong with knowing that and returning back to the breeder/finding a new home. Better you know now that later when you've made some attachments and the dog may be harder to rehome as it gets older. __________________ Owned by Troy(RIP) & Emma

01-04-2015, 11:50 AM	#5
Yorkiemom1 Rosehill Yorkies Donating YT Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Houston Texas Posts: 9,462	Did you go through a breeder and go through an interview/approval process with the breeder? If you did, contact the breeder and tell her of your problem. She should be able to give you some guidance in this area.....I am concerned you may "talk yourself" into getting rid of this second baby....try to think on a more positive aspect, rather than not wanting this particular baby and wanting another dog instead. I can not honestly say I have ever had an owner that did not "bond" immediately with their baby....it may be because the majority of my owners have been on a waiting list for a year or more may have a more positive effect with anticipation, excitement, etc....it could be any "vibes" I may pick up on with a prospective owner are addressed before they ever get the puppy....I dont know. Give this baby a chance to work its magic on your heart....concentrate on the emotional connection you made with the baby when you initially picked it out, and work on that aspect. What drew you to that particular baby initially....you were attracted to something about that baby or you would not have selected it! Give it a chance......I hope you can work through this......that baby deserves your unconditional devotion! Last edited by Yorkiemom1; 01-04-2015 at 11:51 AM.

01-04-2015, 12:12 PM	#8
Maximo ♥ Maximo and Teddy Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 25,041	My Yorkie boys are very different, but I love that about them. Can't imagine one without the other. Look beyond the frustration of potty training and focus on positive things. He is probably sensing your frustration and apathy and that can cause behavioral problems and distance between the two of you. What is your second dog's name? Are both your dogs boys? __________________ Kristin, Max and Teddy

01-04-2015, 11:21 AM	#3
maddieluca Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: madison, nj, usa Posts: 26	Thank you for sharing your experience. I totally understand the why you'd feel that way. But I haven't lost a dog - I just got a second puppy. So I have two dogs now. I want to get a different dog!

01-04-2015, 11:51 AM	#6
maddieluca Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: madison, nj, usa Posts: 26	I am definitely more impatient with the second puppy when it comes to pad training. I think having dealt with it with first pup, I'm a bit tired of cleaning up the mess. I do want two dogs. I would have more if I could! He's almost there with the pad training. But do breeders take them back for another pup? I think if I do get another dog, I'll look for an older one. I'm sure owners have different affinities Toward their dogs. Some are just more special to them than others....

01-04-2015, 12:06 PM	#7
Jkpal YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Lake Geneva, WI Posts: 2,776	There's nothing wrong with you or how you're feeling~~for whatever reasons, you two may not be a match and if that's the case, it's only fair to your new puppy that you find her the right home as soon as possible. However, maybe you just need to take a breath, observe, and enjoy what your new pup brings...And perhaps you'll feel the connection. I do believe that it is critically important you think of your new puppy first and foremost and do what is right for her, because she deserves to be everything to someone who will feel the bond and the love. You'll make the right decision as long as you put what's best for her first! "You may have a dog that won't sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to bother."

01-04-2015, 12:19 PM	#9
margaritaville Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: west long branch, n.j. Posts: 4,457	I'm sorry you and this pup are not bonding. Could he be bonded to your other dog? And just sees you as someone who lives there. My daughter has 2 cavs. And they are bonded. The male is very affectionate to my daughter but not her husband and the female is affectionate when she wants to be but mostly not and rarely with my daughter. I feel bad for the pup if he is not attached to anyone. Maybe he just wasn't the right fit for you. I am having trouble saying this. ? Maybe he needs someone else. I just don't know. __________________ Joan, Bubba and Sissy-BEWARE OF PUPPY MILLS breathe in, breathe out, move on -jb

01-04-2015, 12:27 PM	#10
navillusc Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: FL, USA Posts: 2,767	I would say it can happen that you don't "connect' immediately with a pet. I brought home a kitten many years ago, when I was 19-21, that needed a home because northern New England winters are harsh for animals surving in barns in warmer months. The lady who told me about the kitten loved its double paws...turned out, I didn't, but it wasn't because of his paws. It was because I grew up with lap sitting, shoulder riding cats, super personable and rub-a-dub-dub ankle rubbing, super loving cats...heck, I was raised by a cat we had for 16 years until the exterminator sprayed her with poison...and this kitten turned out to be an outdoorsy hunter, not an indoorsy snuggler and we didn't connect in the same way I wanted and thought we would. He also wasn't well socialized and would attack hands after only a few seconds on petting. But that cat would leave a second floor balcony to go hunt, then run at the side of the house, right up the wall to the second story, and leap and twist and turn, flying through the balcony fence rails, onto the balcony to be let back in, then yell until I opened the glass slider for him. I have never seen anything like it...LOL. He answered only to the can opener. Then one day, he curled up one shoulder while my baby boy slept on his daddy's other shpulder ... So sweet..I still have the photo. That cat was phenomenal with my infant son, slept with him to protect him, just like when I was growing up...but he was never a lover kitty although he possessed great love. I thought I disliked double paws until a feral mom delivered a double pawed kitten many, many feral moms later. This kitten was my baby...his choice...was a lover, lived in my lap or on my chest, ran through the house calling 'mum-mawh, mum-mawh' if I got out of his sight, loved paper balls to play with beside my chair while I worked, loved to watch paper go into the printer, then come out the top, etc. I lost him at 13 months old tragically and I was inconsolable!!! My hubby tried to cheer me up with another tiny kitten, which we fostered and he stayed with us forever, despite having three siblings of my double pawed kitty already. Their mommy let herself out of the kennel at the vet's office between her spay and her vaccinations and was never seen again. Of course, it didn't work to console me. The 'replacement kitty' just required me to work at a new relationship for which I was not ready or seeking. My point is, if you don't connect now, you may in the future, even if it is acceptance of the new pet for its own special attributes...not because it is the picture of our prior expectations. I cannot tell you how to handle the situation...only relate my own experiences. I am sure you will figure out what to do...hugs. __________________ - Cat Brody Mia BriaStormy

01-04-2015, 12:40 PM	#11
MarkFromSea YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: King County, WA Posts: 3,817	Is there something wrong with the new pup from your perspective? Does it seem to be happy and devoted to you? Give it some time. They do pick up on any moods so, I'd be careful with the pups emotions.... that might sound corny... but they are very perceptive. Just a thought, work this out for yourself maybe, pick out the positive characteristics of your new pup that make him unique, admire those characteristics, praise him for those characteristics out loud, spend a little extra time with just that pup in your lap while watching a movie or something.... put a little extra effort in to developing a relationship with your new guy.... you both deserve to be be happy. If this pup is of good character and demeanor and you do decide to "trade" him in... please don't get another dog. I believe, it just doesn't work that way. Obviously, they are not a pair of shoes or an article of clothing or a car.. There's something about moving them from one home to another that is or could be very detrimental to their little psychies for the rest of their life. I wish you and your new guy all the best!

01-04-2015, 01:42 PM	#12
KazzyK810 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Michigan USA & Sheffield UK Posts: 4,119	After a few months the bonding should be there. I'd be concerned that if it's not there by now, it's not going to be. I'm surprised we don't read about this more often on YT. We meet hundreds to thousands of people in our lives, but only a few we 'click' with and become friends. I'd assume it would be the same with animals. __________________ Karan & ZoE (Chelsea )

01-04-2015, 01:48 PM	#13
Jkpal YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Lake Geneva, WI Posts: 2,776	Excellent point; I totally agree!

01-04-2015, 02:11 PM	#14
joyce evans YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: houston Posts: 1,519	I might be different from some but I usually bond instantly with my animals especially a baby. If you feel no real bond/love for this pup then I say go back to the breeder and or rehome this pup so he can feel the love he needs and deserves. You are being honest by admitting the lack of bond with this pup and it happens but just make sure your heart is really in it before you get another one. Make note of why you are not bonding and avoid those puppy features in the future. Do the right thing by this pup if you do not bond soon. Is someone else in your household bonding with him? __________________ Hannah's Mom

01-04-2015, 02:11 PM	#15
diva_vida Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Elkridge, MD, USA Posts: 41	My puppy Reese is my first dog ever! I never had any dogs while growing up. So when I first got him almost 2 months ago, I literally almost returned him to the breeder (didn't do that because I wanted my money back and she would only give it to me if she was able to sell him) and almost sold him to someone through my job. People would ask me if I loved him and I couldn't answer. I was just so so so tired of watching him 24/7 and cleaning up his mess and regretted what I got myself into. I guess it was buyers remorse? Now after 2 months and getting into a flow and schedule, I can truly say that I love everything about him even when he gets on my last nerve! I really think it just took both of us time to get to know each other. Hopefully everything works out!