Not feeling the "bond" - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

joyce evans · 01-04-2015, 02:18 PM

Way too many people do not know what they are getting into when they get a pup and that is a big reason why there are so many homeless and shelter dogs (cats too). I'm glad you gave your baby a chance as there are so many that do not!

Graneet · 01-04-2015, 02:27 PM

I dont know if your younger or older. But when my kids was home i had a momma pailon who i loved. Butshe had two puppies one died and the lady didnt want to care for the baby . Momma had to be spayed and just wouldnt nurse the baby. So i did. She was really small maybe 4 lbs. so bevcause she was the baby i attatched to her not the mom as much.but i felt i coud not love two dogs i favored one. The puppy. Had the mom 12 years because of the two years i gave hertomy sisterinlaw, she. Left her outside. Which we neverdid. No misquito treatment. I gother back loved onher babied her till she died. Then baby died 13 years. So after that i became a one dog person a doxie 17 years. Got a papilon an recently got a yorky and guess its my age i have noproblem with two. Maybe your in that phase now. Can children or hubby pick up and make him their fav?

Graneet · 01-04-2015, 02:48 PM

I also thank you for being so up front and those responding being kind and not judgmental. Its so easy to get wooed by babies. They draw us in but they get bigger and more to handle, i hear of people taking them to the pound. Which i would rehome instead. Or give the pup to someone free. Ijust can't understand how they could get rid of such sweet babies, now this could be one reason, no pets allowed then to ill to care for them and no one to take them.it broke my heart my bro. Went to the pound. A senior lady was crying holding her yorky. The pound lady asked if she was ready. Broke my heart. I find because im a senior i look at my babies as my kids. I have got so frustrated with my papilon. She is testy and a barker and can be nipy if she dont want to do something. BUT i cannot get rid of her no more than i can an un ruly child. But thats me now. If it isnt working and no way can you handle it. Then find a loving home for him. Nothing wrong withthat.

gemy · 01-04-2015, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddieluca

I don't know if I'm crazy but with my first pup I felt immediately attached to. But the second pup I got a few months ago, I'm not feeling the same way. They're different and I should expect that I should feel differently, but I almost want different dog. I don't even think I'd Miss him too much if I gave him away!
Doesn't that sound a bit cold? But for some reason, my heart's not going there.
Have any of you felt the same way?

Allright no judgement here, and so glad you are honestly sharing your feelings.

First of all, don't expect to *feel differently*, I know that you do and I believe you, and it is what it is; but the question you ask yourself is why do I feel differently? Your answer is what-ever it is.

Now I will share, that I bond differently with each dog. And when you have multiple dogs, the second dog owned, has to hoe a different road. A different road to your heart. And you have to give a different way in.

He/she will always be different to the first who captured your heart. And bonding doesn't happen (usually) overnight, especially with a second dog. You see, you consciously or un-consciously have the expectations for your second dog to live up to your first dog.

I think you should give yourself and your new puppy a true chance. Have you worked on your relationship with your second dog? Took him in your car, walked him separately, played with him separately, set him on your lap, looked deep into his eyes, watched him move and play, and tried to understand what makes his little heart tick? Have you massaged him all over? Tickled him pink, played with his feet, and snuggled him close to you? Have you treated him as you did your first dog???

To bond with a second dog, is quite frankly different to the first. You have all this *other stuff* going on. Introducing new pup to current dog, making sure they interact safely with each other. You now have multiple responsibilities that are just now penetrating your consciousness. Vet visits, exercise, playtime, vacation, etc etc.

After all above is said and done; if you gave it your best shot, then act soon to return to your breeder.

DBlain · 01-04-2015, 05:52 PM

I don't think you said much about the personality of the pup and how he reacts to you, like people and like kids not all pups are the same. Does he show you the same type of love and attention the first pup did or perhaps he is more attached to your other dog or person in the house

I never felt that bonded or connected with my last yorkie, and it was pretty much like that from when I got him at 4 months old and I felt it was a result of his personality. He never acted like he cared that much about me, and after having three other yorkies that acted like I hung the moon I could feel and see the difference and it was a big disappointment. He would never sit in my lap, or even near me on the couch, he would run when I tried to pick him up, if I cradled him in my arms he would turn away from me, it was like I had this dog that I took good care of that was constantly giving me the cold shoulder. I really felt like he did not like me and that he was never happy. I knew early on something was not right but since I bought him from a show breeder and cut his bangs and gave him a trim shortly after I got him home I knew I would have a hard time getting my money back so I hung in with him, but believe me I thought a lot about bringing him back. He also turned out to be high maintenance , he was not easy to train and extremely aggressive with other dogs, and in spite of having access to his potty pad 24/7 he still wet in various places in the house. He peed a lot 8 times or more a day, I felt like I spent half my life on my hands and knees cleaning the area around the litter box his pads were kept in, he was hard to groom his 4 lbs turned in to 40 lbs and heaven forbid he got some burrs or something in his hair, 2 neighbors would have to come over to help me hold him down, forget about brushing his teeth, simply impossible. I have no problem with taking care of a pup but it made it harder that he never showed affection towards me, I felt like he spent his whole life mad at me, it really was very sad. After he passed I said no more dogs I went a year until I realized I missed having a pup, but boy was I worried that I would get another one that had the same quirks, luckily I am very happy with Lola and both of us share a strong and happy bond and I think she hung the moon. Good luck because I know how conflicted you must feel

DBlain · 01-04-2015, 06:02 PM

to this day you would not believe how many friends and neighbors have and still say to me, how lucky I am with Lola that I deserved a good dog, isn't that odd, I never realized how other people did not like Kirby (my last yorkie) I honestly feel embarrassed that I had a dog that I swear never liked me, I know many will think< well they can sense it, but he was distant from the beginning, I still wonder to this day what would make me not like him when I loved with all my heart all my others dogs. And I think most know how crazy I am about Lola.

chickensmith · 01-04-2015, 06:44 PM

I have this relationship with our senior weenie. Don't get me wrong I love her and I take care of her just like I do every other pet in our house....but I don't have a bond with her like I do with Winnie. She does get that from my husband though! We adopted her from a friend because my husband felt sorry for her!

TxVicki · 01-04-2015, 06:48 PM

I do have to ask is this because you now not sure about the breeder that you bought him from and the problems you have had with him since you got him from the Breeder?

I just ask because of what you posted about him. Your posts are the last two at the end of this page.

http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/gen...yorkies-5.html

I am sorry you are feeling this way.

ShowGirlLola · 01-04-2015, 07:17 PM

Maybe you're feeling the way you're feeling because of all the problems he's had since you got him and your fear that more will go wrong.

You expected a happy puppy experience and got a puppy that's too young, has ear mites and kennel cough, and he gave your other dog ear mites.

I'd give him a little more time, let him get healthy, then see how it goes. If your contract allows it I'd rehome him myself rather than sending him back to that dirty place.

Lovetodream88 · 01-04-2015, 07:46 PM

Could it from being tired? When I first got Callie I was 19 an although having grown up with dogs did not realize how much work they really were when you are doing it all on your own. I reached a breaking point where I cried and cried and moved Callie crate into the living room and told my mom I couldn't do it. After calming down I moved the crate back and changed my mind. If your tired is there someone who could puppy sit every once and a while? If he came from a bad breed I would not send him back.

Lovetodream88 · 01-04-2015, 07:50 PM

Are you just scared this puppy is going to have genetic issues?

maddieluca · 01-04-2015, 07:54 PM

Thank you everyone. I agree with a lot of you and thank you for sharing your experiences- it puts me more at ease about how I feel.
Luca is healthy now and I havent had any other problems with him. I love having another dog. Maddie and he play together all the time. They are 4 months apart. He's almost there with the wee wee pad and that is definitely not the reason I'm not feeling as close to him.
I'm a stay at home mom and dreamed all my life of getting dogs (my family growing up didn't like animals). I'm unbelievably excited to have them now - not just one, but TWO!
But as someone mentioned here, I think it is his personality. He's affectionate, but other than the licking he doesn't have much of a personality. My husband feels the same way and jokes he was inbred b/c we got him from a questionable breeder.
The reason I love yorkies is their soulful eyes, their people-like personality, I fell in love with the breed instantly.
But I guess Luca is a bit of a disappointment. I feel I'm treating the puppies more or less the same way. I even think I give Luca more attention since he's younger.
Don't get me wrong - He's adorable - but I guess I'm just a bit disappointed. After so much waiting to finally get dogs, I have one that I'm not that crazy about. Hence the disappointment.
Thanks again sweet ladies/guys!

joyce evans · 01-04-2015, 08:48 PM

I am so sorry. It sounds like you and your DH suspect something is wrong with Luca. Have you discussed this with your vet? I'm hoping he's just the quite/shy type which I'm sure a lot of people would love to have. I so wish I lived closer to you so I could see him in person. Maybe other Yorkie owners who have babies with the same personality you described will chime in and shed some light. If you are truly unhappy with him please consider rehoming him while he's young. It will make it much easier on him. I'm wondering if there are test you can have done to see if he is in fact inbred? I wish I could help more!

MarkFromSea · 01-05-2015, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gemy

Allright no judgement here, and so glad you are honestly sharing your feelings.

First of all, don't expect to *feel differently*, I know that you do and I believe you, and it is what it is; but the question you ask yourself is why do I feel differently? Your answer is what-ever it is.

Now I will share, that I bond differently with each dog. And when you have multiple dogs, the second dog owned, has to hoe a different road. A different road to your heart. And you have to give a different way in.

He/she will always be different to the first who captured your heart. And bonding doesn't happen (usually) overnight, especially with a second dog. You see, you consciously or un-consciously have the expectations for your second dog to live up to your first dog.

I think you should give yourself and your new puppy a true chance. Have you worked on your relationship with your second dog? Took him in your car, walked him separately, played with him separately, set him on your lap, looked deep into his eyes, watched him move and play, and tried to understand what makes his little heart tick? Have you massaged him all over? Tickled him pink, played with his feet, and snuggled him close to you? Have you treated him as you did your first dog???

To bond with a second dog, is quite frankly different to the first. You have all this *other stuff* going on. Introducing new pup to current dog, making sure they interact safely with each other. You now have multiple responsibilities that are just now penetrating your consciousness. Vet visits, exercise, playtime, vacation, etc etc.

After all above is said and done; if you gave it your best shot, then act soon to return to your breeder.

yavenay · 01-05-2015, 10:17 AM

I know when I bought Dutch home (my second adopted yorkie), I didn't feel close to her at first. I thought it was too soon after Brandi had passed and I couldn't stop making the comparisons to her. But over time the bond between us has gotten so close that now I can't imagine life without her.

One of the things I stopped doing was comparing their personalities. When I stopped doing that I saw Dutch completely differently. I absolutely fell in love with her quirks and instead of trying to change Dutch so that I would bond with her I changed so that she could learn to bond with me. I made special time to play with her with no interruptions (at first I didn't even answer the phone). I get on the floor every night and wrestle, play tag and hide and seek with her every day. She has such a high energy level, it was kind of hard to calm her down to cuddle. Then I got to thinking why should I try to change her youthful exuberance? Instead I encourage it and channel it into positive energy for her (so she doesn't destroy the entire house) I accepted her quirks and let her be who she is.

As a result a very standoffish kind of pup now is beginning to seek me out for cuddles. I just sort of let it happen without forcing it or being disappointed because she isn't what I want her to be. If you do decide to keep her, try to make alone time for just the two of you on a regular basis if it's possible. Play her favorite games and let her learn bond to you instead of concentrating on you bonding with her

01-04-2015, 02:18 PM	#16
joyce evans YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: houston Posts: 1,519	Way too many people do not know what they are getting into when they get a pup and that is a big reason why there are so many homeless and shelter dogs (cats too). I'm glad you gave your baby a chance as there are so many that do not! __________________ Hannah's Mom

01-04-2015, 05:52 PM	#20
DBlain Donating YT Addict Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Oakland County MI Posts: 6,190	I don't think you said much about the personality of the pup and how he reacts to you, like people and like kids not all pups are the same. Does he show you the same type of love and attention the first pup did or perhaps he is more attached to your other dog or person in the house I never felt that bonded or connected with my last yorkie, and it was pretty much like that from when I got him at 4 months old and I felt it was a result of his personality. He never acted like he cared that much about me, and after having three other yorkies that acted like I hung the moon I could feel and see the difference and it was a big disappointment. He would never sit in my lap, or even near me on the couch, he would run when I tried to pick him up, if I cradled him in my arms he would turn away from me, it was like I had this dog that I took good care of that was constantly giving me the cold shoulder. I really felt like he did not like me and that he was never happy. I knew early on something was not right but since I bought him from a show breeder and cut his bangs and gave him a trim shortly after I got him home I knew I would have a hard time getting my money back so I hung in with him, but believe me I thought a lot about bringing him back. He also turned out to be high maintenance , he was not easy to train and extremely aggressive with other dogs, and in spite of having access to his potty pad 24/7 he still wet in various places in the house. He peed a lot 8 times or more a day, I felt like I spent half my life on my hands and knees cleaning the area around the litter box his pads were kept in, he was hard to groom his 4 lbs turned in to 40 lbs and heaven forbid he got some burrs or something in his hair, 2 neighbors would have to come over to help me hold him down, forget about brushing his teeth, simply impossible. I have no problem with taking care of a pup but it made it harder that he never showed affection towards me, I felt like he spent his whole life mad at me, it really was very sad. After he passed I said no more dogs I went a year until I realized I missed having a pup, but boy was I worried that I would get another one that had the same quirks, luckily I am very happy with Lola and both of us share a strong and happy bond and I think she hung the moon. Good luck because I know how conflicted you must feel __________________ Lola my amazing little yorkie-pom Donna Last edited by DBlain; 01-04-2015 at 05:55 PM.

01-04-2015, 06:02 PM	#21
DBlain Donating YT Addict Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Oakland County MI Posts: 6,190	to this day you would not believe how many friends and neighbors have and still say to me, how lucky I am with Lola that I deserved a good dog, isn't that odd, I never realized how other people did not like Kirby (my last yorkie) I honestly feel embarrassed that I had a dog that I swear never liked me, I know many will think< well they can sense it, but he was distant from the beginning, I still wonder to this day what would make me not like him when I loved with all my heart all my others dogs. And I think most know how crazy I am about Lola. __________________ Lola my amazing little yorkie-pom Donna Last edited by DBlain; 01-04-2015 at 06:04 PM.

01-04-2015, 06:48 PM	#23
TxVicki Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: At Home Posts: 8,386	I do have to ask is this because you now not sure about the breeder that you bought him from and the problems you have had with him since you got him from the Breeder? I just ask because of what you posted about him. Your posts are the last two at the end of this page. http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/gen...yorkies-5.html I am sorry you are feeling this way. __________________ [SIZE="3"VICKI & ALLIE[/SIZE]

01-04-2015, 07:46 PM	#25
Lovetodream88 Yorkie mom of 4 Donating YT Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: LaPlata, Md Posts: 23,249	Could it from being tired? When I first got Callie I was 19 an although having grown up with dogs did not realize how much work they really were when you are doing it all on your own. I reached a breaking point where I cried and cried and moved Callie crate into the living room and told my mom I couldn't do it. After calming down I moved the crate back and changed my mind. If your tired is there someone who could puppy sit every once and a while? If he came from a bad breed I would not send him back. __________________ Taylor My babies Joey, Penny ,Ollie & Dixie Callie Mae, you will forever be in my heart!

01-04-2015, 02:27 PM	#17
Graneet YT Addict Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Marion ohio Posts: 476 Blog Entries: 2	I dont know if your younger or older. But when my kids was home i had a momma pailon who i loved. Butshe had two puppies one died and the lady didnt want to care for the baby . Momma had to be spayed and just wouldnt nurse the baby. So i did. She was really small maybe 4 lbs. so bevcause she was the baby i attatched to her not the mom as much.but i felt i coud not love two dogs i favored one. The puppy. Had the mom 12 years because of the two years i gave hertomy sisterinlaw, she. Left her outside. Which we neverdid. No misquito treatment. I gother back loved onher babied her till she died. Then baby died 13 years. So after that i became a one dog person a doxie 17 years. Got a papilon an recently got a yorky and guess its my age i have noproblem with two. Maybe your in that phase now. Can children or hubby pick up and make him their fav?

01-04-2015, 02:48 PM	#18
Graneet YT Addict Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Marion ohio Posts: 476 Blog Entries: 2	I also thank you for being so up front and those responding being kind and not judgmental. Its so easy to get wooed by babies. They draw us in but they get bigger and more to handle, i hear of people taking them to the pound. Which i would rehome instead. Or give the pup to someone free. Ijust can't understand how they could get rid of such sweet babies, now this could be one reason, no pets allowed then to ill to care for them and no one to take them.it broke my heart my bro. Went to the pound. A senior lady was crying holding her yorky. The pound lady asked if she was ready. Broke my heart. I find because im a senior i look at my babies as my kids. I have got so frustrated with my papilon. She is testy and a barker and can be nipy if she dont want to do something. BUT i cannot get rid of her no more than i can an un ruly child. But thats me now. If it isnt working and no way can you handle it. Then find a loving home for him. Nothing wrong withthat.

01-04-2015, 06:44 PM	#22
chickensmith YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Eden, NC USA Posts: 550	I have this relationship with our senior weenie. Don't get me wrong I love her and I take care of her just like I do every other pet in our house....but I don't have a bond with her like I do with Winnie. She does get that from my husband though! We adopted her from a friend because my husband felt sorry for her!

01-04-2015, 07:17 PM	#24
ShowGirlLola YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,354	Maybe you're feeling the way you're feeling because of all the problems he's had since you got him and your fear that more will go wrong. You expected a happy puppy experience and got a puppy that's too young, has ear mites and kennel cough, and he gave your other dog ear mites. I'd give him a little more time, let him get healthy, then see how it goes. If your contract allows it I'd rehome him myself rather than sending him back to that dirty place.

01-04-2015, 07:50 PM	#26
Lovetodream88 Yorkie mom of 4 Donating YT Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: LaPlata, Md Posts: 23,249	Are you just scared this puppy is going to have genetic issues? __________________ Taylor My babies Joey, Penny ,Ollie & Dixie Callie Mae, you will forever be in my heart!

01-04-2015, 07:54 PM	#27
maddieluca Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: madison, nj, usa Posts: 26	Thank you everyone. I agree with a lot of you and thank you for sharing your experiences- it puts me more at ease about how I feel. Luca is healthy now and I havent had any other problems with him. I love having another dog. Maddie and he play together all the time. They are 4 months apart. He's almost there with the wee wee pad and that is definitely not the reason I'm not feeling as close to him. I'm a stay at home mom and dreamed all my life of getting dogs (my family growing up didn't like animals). I'm unbelievably excited to have them now - not just one, but TWO! But as someone mentioned here, I think it is his personality. He's affectionate, but other than the licking he doesn't have much of a personality. My husband feels the same way and jokes he was inbred b/c we got him from a questionable breeder. The reason I love yorkies is their soulful eyes, their people-like personality, I fell in love with the breed instantly. But I guess Luca is a bit of a disappointment. I feel I'm treating the puppies more or less the same way. I even think I give Luca more attention since he's younger. Don't get me wrong - He's adorable - but I guess I'm just a bit disappointed. After so much waiting to finally get dogs, I have one that I'm not that crazy about. Hence the disappointment. Thanks again sweet ladies/guys!

01-04-2015, 08:48 PM	#28
joyce evans YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: houston Posts: 1,519	I am so sorry. It sounds like you and your DH suspect something is wrong with Luca. Have you discussed this with your vet? I'm hoping he's just the quite/shy type which I'm sure a lot of people would love to have. I so wish I lived closer to you so I could see him in person. Maybe other Yorkie owners who have babies with the same personality you described will chime in and shed some light. If you are truly unhappy with him please consider rehoming him while he's young. It will make it much easier on him. I'm wondering if there are test you can have done to see if he is in fact inbred? I wish I could help more! __________________ Hannah's Mom

01-05-2015, 10:17 AM	#30
yavenay Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Delaware Posts: 2,663	I know when I bought Dutch home (my second adopted yorkie), I didn't feel close to her at first. I thought it was too soon after Brandi had passed and I couldn't stop making the comparisons to her. But over time the bond between us has gotten so close that now I can't imagine life without her. One of the things I stopped doing was comparing their personalities. When I stopped doing that I saw Dutch completely differently. I absolutely fell in love with her quirks and instead of trying to change Dutch so that I would bond with her I changed so that she could learn to bond with me. I made special time to play with her with no interruptions (at first I didn't even answer the phone). I get on the floor every night and wrestle, play tag and hide and seek with her every day. She has such a high energy level, it was kind of hard to calm her down to cuddle. Then I got to thinking why should I try to change her youthful exuberance? Instead I encourage it and channel it into positive energy for her (so she doesn't destroy the entire house) I accepted her quirks and let her be who she is. As a result a very standoffish kind of pup now is beginning to seek me out for cuddles. I just sort of let it happen without forcing it or being disappointed because she isn't what I want her to be. If you do decide to keep her, try to make alone time for just the two of you on a regular basis if it's possible. Play her favorite games and let her learn bond to you instead of concentrating on you bonding with her