Steve here, Newbie in desperate need of help for my baby boy

[MauiGirl]

Steve, you and Riley are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a very frightening and uncertain time for you, and I hope with all my heart there is a way that you two can remain together.

I feel that the unconditional love of a pup can help calm and heal you, and that feeling a sense of responsibility for Riley can give you more or a reason to fight the hard battle to beat the cancer. I do hope you can get some temp help for him, or a foster, and can continue to love each other the special way that you do already.

[sherrera66]

I've been thinking of getting Spartacus a friend but I'm in Texas if I could afford it Steve I'd
Get your baby and care for him I hope u better and find a good home for Riley

[celstu1]

I'm so sorry you are going through this Steve. What a terrible situation. I pray that your treatments go well and you can live a long & healthy life with Riley. More than anything Riley wants to be with you. He'll lay with you and keep you company when you need him the most. Sometimes things happen for a reason, you found Riley at this time, after 5 years of searching because the universe knew you'd need him right now. If at all you can afford it, look into a dog walker, a pet sitter and a good kennel. I hope and pray that all works out and you can keep Riley for the rest of his life, he'll be happiest with you and you with him. He'll also be fine home alone a few hours everyday for you go through your treatment. A dog walker/pet sitter will come in handy for any hospital stays or surgeries or longer treatment times. Prayers to you Steve!

[PuppyQuestions]

I am so sorry I could not get to the computer to write you all yesterday. I was feeling the side effects of chemo - unfortunately, all too familiar to so many of us - and my now 'team' of doctors had to change my medication at home. I promise to update you daily/as frequently as possible, as just a mere token of my gratitude.

I also feel very guilty telling my story here, when I know there are so many things and situations worse than mine. I feel as though I am typing a bit too much about myself, and hope it is not being construed in any manner that devalues others; if so, please do let me know, and I will stop immediately. I have never been able to ask for help until it is absolute necessary, and I apologize, sincerely, if I have made anyone uncomfortable. I'm not sure if this is the case, as you all have been so loving and overwhelmingly gracious. However, I care more about people and pups than I do myself, and am overly sensitive to others' feelings, so I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overstepping any boundaries in any way, shape, or form, by sharing here.

The resources you all have provided me with, I had never knew or thought of. I just thought I should send Riley back to his breeder, which would crush my spirit and shatter my heart into millions of tiny pieces (I tremble as I think about not having my sweet, loving, little buddy beside me everyday. I have moved my mattress low to the ground, next to Riley, so he won't fall off and onto his knees, and use the extender claw (theporkieyorkie - I love this name by the way - thank you for suggesting this same device, and making me feel less alone knowing others have to use it too, everyday, to play with him). I believed doing this was the only responsible thing to do: my baby boy deserves all the happiness and love in the world, and more. As his Dad, I promised myself and him I would provide him with any and everything I could, and now that I see my body beginning to fail me, I never thought there were options that existed to help people who like me, never foresaw being in similar circumstances, stay together with their animals - to me, Riley is my family. I just retired from teaching HS Chemistry and Psychology in the Bronx, NY almost a year ago, where I loved my students - the kids I never had - so very much, and did everything in my power to help them, as I taught in what'd most people would consider a "rough area." (All my friends have moved away or untimely passed away, and I never stop mourning for them and praying for their families, and I have no family here, which I never thought was hard until things got hard now. I am grateful for my own life, and am fighting for me, my dear friends and family who are no longer with me, and now, for Riley, and for you all. I just don't want this little angel who has my entire heart, to have to see me change so radically from the person I was for the first three months of his life after coming home).

To add onto my interminable heap of guilt, he is just over seven months old, and to put him through this all so young, I feel as though I am scarring him for the rest of what I pray, will be a happy, healthy, joyful, long life. I never knew that there was a possibility that he could spend those years with me, with a broken body and a bleak prognosis, after digesting the information and the course of treatment the doctors have mapped out for me. I also know that soon, Riley will have to undergo surgery of his own: being neutered, and I want to be strong for him, just as he has for me every step of the way, and not leave him for a moment in his recovery (I try to internalize and mask my pain, but I know these amazing little ones feel it). I will never not have him neutered, although I have read much debate about this, but it is in my contract, which I take extremely seriously; I have spayed/neutered all of cats and pups since I was out on my own after college, so that's a long time ago.

I am typing this to you all after week 3.5 (doozy of a winter we're having) of 6 of round one of my chemotherapy treatments, in the rest area. When I am here, I miss Riley beyond measure, and feel SO guilty that he is home alone (I used to be out of the house for <2 hours maximum daily, if that much); I had to work with him reintroducing a pee pad and keeping him in his playpen (which I feel as though I'm limiting him), and not being able to go on our "real walks" - now they are just short walks morning and evening, as I am growing weaker physically. I just wanted to let you know, and I mean this with all sincerity, had it not been for every single one of your replies, I would be so much weaker emotionally, along the path I'd been going. You gave me a booster shot which was just what I needed.

I want to try to send personal messages of thanks to you all individually, but please know, I am so beyond grateful for your prayers, thoughts, advice, information, and love. I don't want to single anybody out, but the offers you have so graciously and generously made to foster little Riley, the stories of strength and resilience and positivity you have openly shared with me (I have read through them all), the option of starting a thread to see if anyone on here lives in my community (I wouldn't even know how to go about doing that; I have just learned to post correctly, thanks to you all), have touched my heart in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. Every message truly has meant so much, and you have all motivated me to research these options, and then ask myself (and you all, if that'd be ok) what is best for Riley, realistically, long-term. I hope to be able to pay it forward it any way I can, as soon as I can get Riley and I to a better place, God willing, soon. I am honestly still in awe from the content of every single one of your replies (for me? I didn't think anyone would respond to me, honestly), as I have and will always continue to do the same for others (even if it puts me in a more challenging situation, I have always done so at the drop of a hat - no explanations necessary), but at my age, I never thought anyone would do the same for me. I am humbled and grateful beyond measure. Thank you is not adequate enough to express how I feel for your outpouring of love and support. Truly.

I didn't know so many options could be available to us, and just thought of Riley's well-being longterm with me as a single Dad - whose body is failing him, and however much it eats me up inside, his best interests come first and foremost. Those being, I thought, to send him to his breeder, so a new family (tears rolling down now) could provide a home for him to live forever, in the best hands possible, something I still fear I will not be able to do for him.

With all of your messages embedded on my heart, I was able to muster up the courage to call her yesterday. I'm a very open person, so I'm not going to lie, I was crying and shaking with each ring of the phone. I left a brief message, as I didn't want to overwhelm her with my story. Typically, I would have left it at that out of fear, but because of you all sending strength and love my way (I felt it), I decided to call her home. She was traveling back from a show overseas for one of her pups, and her husband, who I was blessed to meet for a short while, when I came to pick up Riley, told me she'd call me back as soon as she could. She is taking care of a new litter, which is so exciting, so thinking totally selfishly, I now sit with much anticipatory anxiety. He had told me that she was actually in NY in mid-January, but I would have never been able to give Riley to her so hastily, as that is when I was first diagnosed and my tests were evaluated to reveal that I have Stage III cancer. I didn't know what lay ahead, and yes, although it would have helped me knowing she had my angel back in her arms directly with me there, I could never have done that. I have saved five years, and have been looking for the same amount of time, for a little guy to love and spend my retirement with - giving him everything I could - and couldn't give him up just like that. He is the love of my life, and just being away from him for my daily treatments, having to have him use a pee pad again, decreasing his socialization skills - we used to go on car rides to parks with other animals for walk and play time, and now having to shorten our morning, afternoon, and evening walks to AM and PM walks, which are shorter as well, has made me feel I have failed him as a parent. I sit here and know he is whimpering at home, miserable (before my diagnosis, I used to be leave home 1-2 hours maximum, or I took him with me in my "puppy attache"). Now that I cannot provide him with this human and animal contact as frequently, I again feel like a failure.

I'm so sorry if I repeated anything; the computer here crashed, and I tried to retype my original message from memory, without leaving anything out.

Again, I promise to keep you all posted, and cannot thank you all enough for being your wonderful selves. You have restored my faith in humanity (and a bit in myself: baby steps for me), and words fail me when I try to even verbally thank you all. Riley and I are eternally grateful, please know this. We will be in touch, my wonderful YorkieTalk family. Blessings to you all, and I am sending lots of thanks, laughter, love (and puppy kisses) to you all.

[Charlies Mamma]

I will be praying for you, this seems to be such a hard time for you and it is very clear that Riley is first on your mind. that is not a failure in my book. I believe that God will send you a plan something maybe you had never considered, with everyone praying for you I am sure that this will work out for you. Please stay strong in faith.

God Bless

[yorkiemom76]

In my opinion, little Riley couldn't have asked for a better Yorkie Dad. Please don't feel like you've failed him. It's obvious in your posts how much you love this little guy, he's lucky to have you. There are more important things than being able to take him on his walks. I'm sure he's happy just to be with you and you can always do those things later when you're feeling better. I know you feel guilty about leaving him for your chemo treatments but honestly we all have to leave our babies sometimes.
As far as getting him neutered, it's a pretty simple procedure and he's young. He'll probably be sore for a couple of days but they bounce back so quickly especially when they're young.
I hope you work something out with your breeder and you're able to keep him. I'm sorry again that you're going through this and I hope everything works out for you.

[pink66]

Riley is so fortunate to have you for a dad. I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you.You have friends here that you've never met, but you can be sure we are all pulling for you.
Hugs,
Shannon

[KeeganRiley]

Steve, I just wanted to add to the chorus of sincere wishes for your peace of mind and strength as you face these rough days, and wishes for your precious boy, Riley. He must be one of the most loved pups ever--you prepared so well for him and have been keeping his needs at the forefront of your thoughts even while facing frightening medical concerns. You must be a man of deep convictions and devotion. There is no doubt that, with support and optimism in the face of hardship, you will make the very best decisions for yourself and Riley. Surely he knows by subtle cues that Daddy is fighting a battle right now. The time you spend together--even without many outside adventures for now--is valuable for both of you. He is currently your tiny wingman and a loving spark who won't let your spirits dip too low. (My puppy chooses odd moments to do the same for me--sometimes with a surprise kiss on my ear or, worse, a slurp up the nose!)
Whatever arrangements need to be made to provide you and Riley supportive care or to make plans for his future, bear in mind that you've been building a beautiful, strong foundation for him and teaching him important skills. Whether he makes new friends who take him for walks for you or perhaps lives with another human companion, he will be ready to greet each day and each challenge with the confidence you've been helping him establish and with the Yorkie attitude that will win him admirers wherever he goes.
I hope your pain will ease and your worry will lessen. And that you'll keep showing Riley what love and perseverance is all about! Wishing you both health and happiness.

[crystalsmom]

Steve, you have a beautiful way with words that leave no doubt in my mind how much you love Riley and how much you want only the best for him.

As others have said being with you no matter how sick you are is the best but only you can know how much you can handle.

I can put myself in your shoes since my Crystal was my life after I retired, I had loving family but she was the unconditional love I had every day. It is a hard decision to know what to do however, I hope some of the options given to you here can work out to keep him with you or a time away until he is back with you.

You are going to make it through all this and any way we can help, just let us know.

Don't worry about trying to get here every day, we love hearing from you with your posts and updates but also realize you need your rest. Bless You!

[ritapatt]

I pray that you will find a situation where you can keep Riley by finding someone to foster him and visit you. My husband finished his treatments last spring and the yorkies were a godsend to his recovery. Altho Abby was 1 1/2 and still puppy-crazy she sat for hours "guarding" him.We were amazed at the change in her! The cancer care center might have some ideas, the staff are usually so resourceful/helpful if you ask for anything. I wish I was close by...

[ladyjane]

Steve, I just want you to know that I am praying for you and Riley. Sounds like you may be holding on to him and honestly, I think that is a great idea for both of you. None of us have more than today promised to us. If you keep that in mind and take it a day at a time you will get through this. I went through my own personal battle with cancer last year and had so many worries for my pups; but things are much better now. Sure, it all could turn badly for me in the future but to worry about that will ruin this day that I have.

I do encourage you to reach out to people close by. Perhaps there is someone around who would love to help you out by checking on Riley when you are out of the house for extended periods. You might even want to reach out to Yorkies, Inc. as they might know someone in your area who is trustworthy who would love to help you with your boy.

If I can help you in any way, feel free to message me.

[Wylie's Mom]

Steve - just wanted to drop off some good thoughts and wishes for healing. I'm thinking of you and Riley and hoping for the best. Don't give up yet on keeping him, bc I'm kind of thinking you two belong to each other already. Keeping fighting the fight and know that you've touched many people here who are truly pulling for you.

[lisaly]

Your heart is filled with such love, and you are a perfect dad for Riley. I pray that you both can stay together and that you get well. I believe our babies do so much to heal us and give us a reason to keep going, even when we might want to give up. I hope we can help support you and give you strength.

[connie3dogs]

Sending big hugs and best wishes from across the pond....I am sure Riley will be such a comfort to you when you are going through your chemo. Dogs are very adaptable and live for the moment. I know it must be hard trying to do the right thing, but remember you are feeling so low right now and maybe trying to jump too far into the future. Take each day as it comes and give lots of hugs and kisses to Riley .




Shirl

[Teegy]

Porkie Yorkie your last line hit a nerve..
Steve, why don't you contact your breeder and see if she knows of anyone who perhaps can help you out, or can recommend a service she may use to ship dogs.

I'm so terribly sorry to hear this, my friend became extremely ill a couple of years ago and through his illness his little Yorkie was a huge comfort to him.