Cold Shoulder Treatment

[docmartin]

Background;
Girl 'Crystal' aged 24 weeks, we re-homed her June 18th this year, to a quiet retired couple home, with no other pets. Good natured little soul, who desperately wants to please.

Strange, I've been home with her all day, she's rarely moved from my wife's room, apart of course for her lunch and I'm definitely 'persona non grata'.

When my other half returned she was galvanized into a molten ball of energy, a complete mood chamge. Think I'm just another pack member now?

Wish I was a canine shrink, like the 'Dog Whisperer'?

[yorkietalkjilly]

Originally Posted by docmartin

Background;
Girl 'Crystal' aged 24 weeks, we re-homed her June 18th this year, to a quiet retired couple home, with no other pets. Good natured little soul, who desperately wants to please.

Strange, I've been home with her all day, she's rarely moved from my wife's room, apart of course for her lunch and I'm definitely 'persona non grata'.

When my other half returned she was galvanized into a molten ball of energy, a complete mood chamge. Think I'm just another pack member now?

Wish I was a canine shrink, like the 'Dog Whisperer'?

Just begin to walk in and drop a treat or two every so often with a big smile on your face and leave. Eventually she should begin to feel a lot friendlier and then you can start to train her and work with her, which will create a wonderful bond.

[gemy]

Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly

Just begin to walk in and drop a treat or two every so often with a big smile on your face and leave. Eventually she should begin to feel a lot friendlier and then you can start to train her and work with her, which will create a wonderful bond.

Although it will take some time. And some dogs, and in some breeds, there is a genetic tendency to bond closest to one individual. That is not to say they don't love you, or respect you.

For our home, all our dogs and our cat for that matter, have bonded closest to me. It is just the way it went.

I will tell you that even now at almost seven years old, Magic doesn't truly like to leave home on a walk with Dad, if I am staying inside. But walk on he now does. As a puppy hubby could not get him farther than the end of the driveway That lasted a good month or so. And our home is the only one he has known.

Mostly the dogs stay in what-ever room I am in, although if Dad has an afternoon nap, they might wander into our bedroom for a lay down.

So don't you think it is something necessarily you are doing wrong. Follow the suggestions above and see how it goes for you.

[Gillykat]

Our cat George is like this with Neil He's always been very much a Mummy's Boy and I'm sure he just tolerates The Ginger Idiot Who Lives With Mummy Neil cannot even feed George as he will look at the bowl and sniff and then walk away with a flick of his tail....I'm sure he thinks Neil has poisoned it or something Yet if I stir the very same bowl with a spoon and put it down for George he will clear the plate!!!!

I've told Neil that Yorkie Puppy WILL love him unconditionally....not like THAT ungrateful snotty cat

Aren't animals great!

[Verbena]

Originally Posted by Gillykat

Our cat George is like this with Neil He's always been very much a Mummy's Boy and I'm sure he just tolerates The Ginger Idiot Who Lives With Mummy Neil cannot even feed George as he will look at the bowl and sniff and then walk away with a flick of his tail....I'm sure he thinks Neil has poisoned it or something Yet if I stir the very same bowl with a spoon and put it down for George he will clear the plate!!!!

I've told Neil that Yorkie Puppy WILL love him unconditionally....not like THAT ungrateful snotty cat

Aren't animals great!

cats are a whole lot of special. My Moon Shadow used to walk over my ex just to get to me to give me loving

[docmartin]

Originally Posted by gemy

Although it will take some time. And some dogs, and in some breeds, there is a genetic tendency to bond closest to one individual. That is not to say they don't love you, or respect you.

For our home, all our dogs and our cat for that matter, have bonded closest to me. It is just the way it went.

I will tell you that even now at almost seven years old, Magic doesn't truly like to leave home on a walk with Dad, if I am staying inside. But walk on he now does. As a puppy hubby could not get him farther than the end of the driveway That lasted a good month or so. And our home is the only one he has known.

Mostly the dogs stay in what-ever room I am in, although if Dad has an afternoon nap, they might wander into our bedroom for a lay down.

So don't you think it is something necessarily you are doing wrong. Follow the suggestions above and see how it goes for you.

I've tried this before as its been a tendency with her we've noticed. I don't really want to 'buy' affection with treats. We'll be alone together tomorrow and apart from feeding her lunchtime, I intend to let her make the running. If there's no change, then I suppose she's just mummy's girl and that's that, a shame for me, but at least she'll be happy.

[yorkietalkjilly]

Originally Posted by docmartin

I've tried this before as its been a tendency with her we've noticed. I don't really want to 'buy' affection with treats. We'll be alone together tomorrow and apart from feeding her lunchtime, I intend to let her make the running. If there's no change, then I suppose she's just mummy's girl and that's that, a shame for me, but at least she'll be happy.

Providing food to a dog isn't buying affection. If the dog doesn't like you, all the treats in the world won't work to bring about affection. But treating a dog will help speed up her trust in you for your providing what she sees as nutrition and food and if you are a person she can trust, she will come to love you in her own time. Dogs value food in a far different way than we do, most will take it almost anytime - hungry or not - and those that dispense this vital need in their lives become caregivers and providers in their minds and, as such, it is a quicker way to get a dog who is otherwise perhaps uncomfortable around someone to look at them in a different way.

Think of it this way - treats and food are words to dogs. With a person, you can use easy conversation of funny stories, kind words, or flattery to break the ice but with a dog, food is often is used in place of words to communicate your care, consideration and kindness that they understand far better than words. It is a basic concept saying I am helping you stay alive and to a dog, that has far more meaning than talking or even stroking with hands at first when the dog is getting comfortable with you. Once a stand-offish dog decides to like you, then you can use your hands and other ways to communicate with them but early on, providing food is the way to a dog's trust in you.

[smithj1000]

Lexi used to hide under the bed from my son. He was fine with it and didn't really bother her much. One day he called me and told me her hair clip popped when he picked her up. My baby would NEVER allow him (or anyone else for that matter) to pick her up. When I got home, sure enough, she ran to him, jumped up on his legs and waited for him to pick her, smiling and wagging her tail. I was flabbergasted. She won't even let ME pick her up without trickery.

I don't know when she changed her mind, but she absolutely adores him, and he adores her. Give her time, I'll bet she'll come around.

[docmartin]

Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly

Providing food to a dog isn't buying affection. If the dog doesn't like you, all the treats in the world won't work to bring about affection. But treating a dog will help speed up her trust in you for your providing what she sees as nutrition and food and if you are a person she can trust, she will come to love you in her own time. Dogs value food in a far different way than we do, most will take it almost anytime - hungry or not - and those that dispense this vital need in their lives become caregivers and providers in their minds and, as such, it is a quicker way to get a dog who is otherwise perhaps uncomfortable around someone to look at them in a different way.

Think of it this way - treats and food are words to dogs. With a person, you can use easy conversation of funny stories, kind words, or flattery to break the ice but with a dog, food is often is used in place of words to communicate your care, consideration and kindness that they understand far better than words. It is a basic concept saying I am helping you stay alive and to a dog, that has far more meaning than talking or even stroking with hands at first when the dog is getting comfortable with you. Once a stand-offish dog decides to like you, then you can use your hands and other ways to communicate with them but early on, providing food is the way to a dog's trust in you.

Thank you very much for your post and time, I certainly heed your analysis and will persevere with the chicken strips and the nibble treats. She always comes when I shake the jar, so early on, seemingly I've achieved something positive? Tonight the usual sea front walk was thronged with day trippers even at 8pm. She is always nervous on the lead, no matter which of us is in accompaniment, indeed if anything it's easier with me. But within this evening's noisy environment she was apparently terrified, ears down, tail curled right into her legs and quivering badly, pulling on the lead to get back as fast as she could. We don't of course know her background and she's only been with us 18 days. Late this evening at bed time, we put her little box in my room and surprisingly she seemed quite happy to stay with me at first. After half an hour she began getting a bit anxious, so I returned her to the normal place with my wife! Perhaps this little person just needs many, many more weeks of time and love. To be honest, I never stop talking to and loving her, treats etc and was worried in case i'd been spoiling her. For sure we would never give up on her...

[docmartin]

Originally Posted by smithj1000

Lexi used to hide under the bed from my son. He was fine with it and didn't really bother her much. One day he called me and told me her hair clip popped when he picked her up. My baby would NEVER allow him (or anyone else for that matter) to pick her up. When I got home, sure enough, she ran to him, jumped up on his legs and waited for him to pick her, smiling and wagging her tail. I was flabbergasted. She won't even let ME pick her up without trickery.

I don't know when she changed her mind, but she absolutely adores him, and he adores her. Give her time, I'll bet she'll come around.

Thanks for your post, what a lovely story. We've only had her 18 days and anything could have occurred in her past, to manifest these little traits. I'll keep on treating and persevering. She's responded brilliantly with toilet training, now really almost 100%. She's withdrawn socially and very apprehensive with other dogs and doesn't always co-operate well with being picked up either?

[yorkietalkjilly]

Originally Posted by docmartin

Thank you very much for your post and time, I certainly heed your analysis and will persevere with the chicken strips and the nibble treats. She always comes when I shake the jar, so early on, seemingly I've achieved something positive? Tonight the usual sea front walk was thronged with day trippers even at 8pm. She is always nervous on the lead, no matter which of us is in accompaniment, indeed if anything it's easier with me. But within this evening's noisy environment she was apparently terrified, ears down, tail curled right into her legs and quivering badly, pulling on the lead to get back as fast as she could. We don't of course know her background and she's only been with us 18 days. Late this evening at bed time, we put her little box in my room and surprisingly she seemed quite happy to stay with me at first. After half an hour she began getting a bit anxious, so I returned her to the normal place with my wife! Perhaps this little person just needs many, many more weeks of time and love. To be honest, I never stop talking to and loving her, treats etc and was worried in case i'd been spoiling her. For sure we would never give up on her...

It sounds as if you are committed to having an excellent relationship with her and feared maybe cheapening it somehow with the treats. But your dog doesn't see them as "treats", only as you providing vital food and it is the loving, selfless act of a leader to her. In the pack setting, the killers/providers of food are highly esteemed by all members and given pride of place. "Talking" to your dog with food treats will gain you any number of trust and honor points in her eyes and help her to see you as a brave hunter who is sharing your find with her. "Treating" a dog to humans sometimes is trivialized in our minds but to a dog, it is a noble gesture of food sharing.

If walking her during times when she is nervous is easier with you, it says to me that she is beginning to see you as the stronger of the family outside in the dangerous "wild" and might be thinking of you in terms of the protector. Keep up the good work and you will become a trusted and beloved pack leader in her eyes.

[docmartin]

Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly

It sounds as if you are committed to having an excellent relationship with her and feared maybe cheapening it somehow with the treats. But your dog doesn't see them as "treats", only as you providing vital food and it is the loving, selfless act of a leader to her. In the pack setting, the killers/providers of food are highly esteemed by all members and given pride of place. "Talking" to your dog with food treats will gain you any number of trust and honor points in her eyes and help her to see you as a brave hunter who is sharing your find with her. "Treating" a dog to humans sometimes is trivialized in our minds but to a dog, it is a noble gesture of food sharing.

If walking her during times when she is nervous is easier with you, it says to me that she is beginning to see you as the stronger of the family outside in the dangerous "wild" and might be thinking of you in terms of the protector. Keep up the good work and you will become a trusted and beloved pack leader in her eyes.

Thank you for this valuable help once again. Over the years, I'm now approaching 70, I've known quite a few Yorkies, indeed I used to look after my late neighbours little girl for up to two weeks at a time. Specifically lets take my stepdaughter's pair, a mum and daughter duo, aged 28 and 12 months. Their very different as characters, that said, both never leave you alone in a room and cry at the door if denied access, especially when their mum is away. If I'm on the computer, they insist on snuggling into my lap, effectively preventing my use of it, by forcing their attention upon me and their an absolute delight to be with.

Today, "Crystal's'" returned to my wife's bed, once more on lone sentinel duty. She played for about 40 mins this morning and I keep popping in and giving her little pieces of boiled chicken and bits of my (and now her) favourite biscuits. This 'guardian' watch scenario, has only materialised in the last week or so. Prior to that, if one of us wasn't here, she'd automatically be with the other. Does she now see this place as her 'natural' den or nest and prefers that over my company? My wife shut her door when she left this morning, but following serious crying and scrabbling I let her in, where she now resides as usual head down with the Yorkie hang dog look on. Please, understand we're both worried and upset about this from her angle, are we selfishly causing her angst and stress? Whilst she's still a young dog would she be happier with a lone keeper (she was with an older lady before)? We're also worried that when my wife travels to see her daughter in Russia in a few months time, for a 3 week stay, she will become really confused and suffer even more?

Happy days...

[Harrysmum]

Originally Posted by docmartin

Thank you for this valuable help once again. Over the years, I'm now approaching 70, I've known quite a few Yorkies, indeed I used to look after my late neighbours little girl for up to two weeks at a time. Specifically lets take my stepdaughter's pair, a mum and daughter duo, aged 28 and 12 months. Their very different as characters, that said, both never leave you alone in a room and cry at the door if denied access, especially when their mum is away. If I'm on the computer, they insist on snuggling into my lap, effectively preventing my use of it, by forcing their attention upon me and their an absolute delight to be with.

Today, "Crystal's'" returned to my wife's bed, once more on lone sentinel duty. She played for about 40 mins this morning and I keep popping in and giving her little pieces of boiled chicken and bits of my (and now her) favourite biscuits. This 'guardian' watch scenario, has only materialised in the last week or so. Prior to that, if one of us wasn't here, she'd automatically be with the other. Does she now see this place as her 'natural' den or nest and prefers that over my company? My wife shut her door when she left this morning, but following serious crying and scrabbling I let her in, where she now resides as usual head down with the Yorkie hang dog look on. Please, understand we're both worried and upset about this from her angle, are we selfishly causing her angst and stress? Whilst she's still a young dog would she be happier with a lone keeper (she was with an older lady before)? We're also worried that when my wife travels to see her daughter in Russia in a few months time, for a 3 week stay, she will become really confused and suffer even more?

Happy days...

You're such a sweet, caring man who obviously wants to do what's very best for your little girl...I don't think you're causing her anxiety and stress....you're trying every angle on how to deal with her obvious issues.

From the way I'm looking at it - you've still only had her for such a very short time, so much has changed in her little world....all for the best, but she doesn't KNOW that yet!!

Is it worth putting a little blanket, or something that smells of your wife, in your room with you? Or getting a little bandana for her collar, get your wife to wear it for a while, then attach it to Crystal's collar so that your wife's smell is constantly with her?

And again, just a thought, but when your wife goes to Russia for 3 weeks - would it be possible for you to maybe sleep in her bedroom? I realise that doesn't really resolve anything, but it's just an idea.... I continue to wish you luck! Sally + Harry x

[yorkietalkjilly]

Originally Posted by docmartin

Thank you for this valuable help once again. Over the years, I'm now approaching 70, I've known quite a few Yorkies, indeed I used to look after my late neighbours little girl for up to two weeks at a time. Specifically lets take my stepdaughter's pair, a mum and daughter duo, aged 28 and 12 months. Their very different as characters, that said, both never leave you alone in a room and cry at the door if denied access, especially when their mum is away. If I'm on the computer, they insist on snuggling into my lap, effectively preventing my use of it, by forcing their attention upon me and their an absolute delight to be with.

Today, "Crystal's'" returned to my wife's bed, once more on lone sentinel duty. She played for about 40 mins this morning and I keep popping in and giving her little pieces of boiled chicken and bits of my (and now her) favourite biscuits. This 'guardian' watch scenario, has only materialised in the last week or so. Prior to that, if one of us wasn't here, she'd automatically be with the other. Does she now see this place as her 'natural' den or nest and prefers that over my company? My wife shut her door when she left this morning, but following serious crying and scrabbling I let her in, where she now resides as usual head down with the Yorkie hang dog look on. Please, understand we're both worried and upset about this from her angle, are we selfishly causing her angst and stress? Whilst she's still a young dog would she be happier with a lone keeper (she was with an older lady before)? We're also worried that when my wife travels to see her daughter in Russia in a few months time, for a 3 week stay, she will become really confused and suffer even more?

Happy days...

You sound like a true doglover and may be expecting too much too soon since other dogs haven't behaved this way. It could be as simple as something you said or did reminded her of a situation that scared her in the past and she's wanting some space until she can come to trust you again. Probably she's just claiming a space where she feels most comfortable for the time being. Or it could be in her former life, when her person left for the day, she spent her day on the bed of that person and is trying to reconnect to that experience. Maybe she senses you are a bit overly concerned and is trying to work it out as it is said dogs can read our state of mind. The first year I had Tibbe, he would leave the den area of our house and go into the bedroom at times when he heard certain sounds coming from the surround-sound system, such as a doorbell on TV or some high-frequency sounds such as the sound of a circle-saw coming from a neighbor's garage. In time that completely stopped unless he is feeling ill - then he can revert right back to that old fear and go to the bedroom. He isn't trying to get away from me - just the TV or ambient sounds he didn't like.

Knowing that she is possibly attempting to isolate from you or unsure of something in the rest of the house she is uncertain about - such as some noise or scent that she's farther from in the bedroom, I believe she is one I might continue to work on for a couple of weeks or so simply with walks and with food occasionally during the day when your wife is away, as in her eyes, food is perhaps the most basic currency of love a dog can be shown, in many ways. For the time being I might just patiently wait her out and start her training when she is a little more comfortable being around you when your wife is gone and begins to wander into the room where you spend much of the day on her own. The rest of the time, you might just appear smiling in the bedroom, toss her a treat every so often and leave her, door open, and go about your business. This will slowly desensitize her to your being around her but will only last for seconds and she can soon determine that you aren't going to hurt or yell at her or try to make her leave her sanctuary for now. It also will tell her you have the right at any time to walk into the bedroom so she won't begin to guard that room and eventually growl/bark when you enter.

You could also try this: when she is around you in the rest of the house, you might want to avoid eye contact with her for the time being and take no pains to touch or call her to you or talk to her for now. Just let her sense you as she's in the room and you might wait for her to start to approach you and stick her head under your hand for attention. Letting what may be an unsure dog approach you in their own time and way can be so empowering to them. Once the dog is fully settled in, knows you and is comfortable with the new life, then you can start to assume the roll of the real leader, which at that time will be fine with her. Happy, healthy dogs do love a leader to take care of their basic needs and keep them safe and when they have a strong one, they rarely find the need to try to assume any portion of that roll themselves.

The playing-hard-to-get technique just one school of thought for a dog that is somewhat avoiding us at times. Others say intensify your efforts and work with them playing challenging games, going for fun, energizing walks and getting them into upbeat, short, positive-reward training and bonding sessions x3 daily. But you are the one around her and can quickly sense which way is making her more comfortable and go with whichever works for you and your dog.

Still, more than likely she's just claiming some of her own territory for the time being as a new coping mechanism and this phase could last or could be transient. Only time will tell. But I would continue to walk in and treat her, all the while making your statement that the bedroom is very much yours and you enter whenever you wish and she'll come to love that as for now, she is probably going to get some food in the process.

All of these things we work on the first 6 - 9 months after we get an older puppy or dog we bring home can seem insurmountable and hard to understand at the time but it is amazing how one at a time, eventually 99% these things all have a way of working themselves out and the dog eventually accommodating itself to what we want. Once they begin to trust you and then care for you as a gentle, loving, patient pack leader, they usually begin to work hard to learn what makes you happy and do all those things often. Dogs have mostly all learned that in the end they benefit far more when we are completely happy with them. They are very smart that way.

It sounds as if she has two caring owners and trust a dog to eventually come to understand and know that with more time, despite whatever their past may have been. Given time, your sweet girl will very likely begin to become your laptop "blanket" during the day, rather than staying in another part of the house.

[docmartin]

Originally Posted by Harrysmum

You're such a sweet, caring man who obviously wants to do what's very best for your little girl...I don't think you're causing her anxiety and stress....you're trying every angle on how to deal with her obvious issues.

From the way I'm looking at it - you've still only had her for such a very short time, so much has changed in her little world....all for the best, but she doesn't KNOW that yet!!

Is it worth putting a little blanket, or something that smells of your wife, in your room with you? Or getting a little bandana for her collar, get your wife to wear it for a while, then attach it to Crystal's collar so that your wife's smell is constantly with her?

And again, just a thought, but when your wife goes to Russia for 3 weeks - would it be possible for you to maybe sleep in her bedroom? I realise that doesn't really resolve anything, but it's just an idea.... I continue to wish you luck! Sally + Harry x

Hello Sally & Harry,

Thanks for the post, today I've persevered with treats and play sessions, but she returns always to her room. Again tonight, its as if I'm not here! We'll try the smell formula, but I have the feeling she's going to be Mummy's girl. Maybe, we get a 2nd puppy for me?

My late wife and I gave gave a little beach stray from Spain a home back in '81' He endured, no home, begging for a living, hunting from Dog wardens, who rounded strays up and gassed them, six months quarantine, and then a new country.

As if not enough baggage, Christine used to breed Burmese and 'Paco' accepted all these things, learnt to love cat food and never once did he reject either of us?

Indeed he had a repertoire of little tricks he'd perform to get food from tourists, which we had to convince this little virtuoso were not necessary, just to get his dinner every night, when he became a citizen.

I suppose I'm expecting too much to ever have that relationship again, but I must admit to feeling a bit depressed at the moment...