Tell me what you would do....

[rubymoon2072]

k im sorry going on and divulging more information than intended. im not trying to come off as a sob story or what not its just hard to understand unless you are here. every work environment is different and im just trying to be a good employee and do a good job and stay afloat in the shark tank.

[gemy]

Ummm... How intelligent is this woman? Does she usually make quips, the office bon vivant? Where I am going with my ruminations is/was this some sort of deliberate ploy or play, to create a situation of difficulty for you? If you believe this to be true, then carefully weigh your decisions. IN my experience which at one time was a lot in the business world, this kind of comment would never have been expressed in a "formal" business meeting. How-ever this was years ago, and mayhap office policy etc has changed.

Now you've already approached HR, they have given you a response, and you are to meet on the Monday. Think carefully on how and what you want to say. In fact script it out. I'm not saying to be untruthful, but to present the truth in as clear and factual a manner as possible. You already know HR thinks it was a joke and on the outside looking in, I certainly can see how this could be so. How-ever in your explanation of the sequencing of events; and I am assuming you expressed aloud in the meeting that your Nana died in the winter, you were very close etc; that if indeed expressed to the group at large, should have indicated her death is one that you are still mourning. And given that understanding, any jokes on her behaviour or heaven forfend her death, would have been incredibly offensive.

You do know exactly what transpired at that meeting. We don't.

My point is to tread carefully, most especially if you think this trouble maker has a specific agenda against you.

You may need to re-think resigning from both committees. There maybe good, practical value for your career to continue to be a member of one or both.

[gemy]

The minute taker, is actually a very powerful, behind the scenes influencer. You have the responsibility to record the meeting. The words you chose to use, the punctuations, can slant everyone's contribution in meaningful ways.

[navillusc]

IMHO...regardless of the woman's intent, or how anyone other than you took it (joke), if you mentioned that your late Nana only needed 5 hours of sleep before this woman commented, it seems to me to be extremely disrespectful of someone completely unable to self-defend...besides being hurtful to you because you've recently lost your beloved Nana...which you know would NEVER have done crack (I assume...mine would not have either, but where I am, they bust 'granny/grampy labs' with relative frequency, sad as that sounds).

That this woman appears to have no inkling that different people need different amounts of sleep WITHOUT BEING ON CRACK puts not only her manners and dignity on display but shows her intelligence...or lack thereof...as well. Since you've already talked to HR, and she's been there a while and everyone knows her, word will probably trickle back to her anyway, even if you can get HR to leave it be and just dis-associate yourself from her. I would do my best to stay 'politely aloof' from her myself just because I would not want to 'feed her machine'...lol

DBlain's observations may be spot on as to why the comment was taken as a joke...outrageousness, etc. by the rest of the group, but IMHO, if everyone knew your Nana had recently passed, I'd consider them 'insensitive' and disrespectful as well. It would 'feel' different to me if everyone there knew your Nana was a sweet sensitive straight lady who'd never consider doing drugs and still alive WHEN the comment was made, but the context under which it occurred feels really 'inappropriate' to me.

I hope it gets resolved and you have no more issues of this nature.

[rubymoon2072]

thank you so much everyone for all the advice and letting me vent. i feel like i should just let it go and sit on the opposite side of the room from this person. i have to be me but also i have to conform the reality of the shark tank. i appreciate being able to have different perspectives and im glad that im not crazy to think it was outta line. something to help me remember how easy a persons feelings can be hurt. thanks again have a fab weekend. xo

[Millies mamma]

I don't think anyone should ever use someone loved ones who has passed to make a joke. if I had been you she'd probably still be picking her teeth off the floor

[marcie]

Actually, I think the lady was totally out of line. However, Monday when you go into HR make certain to have a calm voice and a fact sheet. Be
more professionable than the lady who slammed your Gma.
Seems we all work with someone like her.

[swilson0053]

Well that was rude and un called for people have no empathy anymore or well somepeople

[Yorkiemom1]

I am very sorry....NO one in my family is to be used as a joke or for the amusement of a crowd. You can laugh at me and make all the stupid, crass, rude, crude, idiotic comments you want, but you leave my family off your "List of Comical Things To Laugh About', especially my deceased family members. You will get on the fighting side of me in a real big hurry. What this person said was in NO way, humorous. If you speak to her on Monday, I would look her dead in the eyes, and I would tell her, "I have NO intention discussing your rude, crass, insensitive comment you made regarding my beloved, deceased grandmother. I will tell you this....my family members are NOT a topic for comical relief to be used by ANYONE in this office, for any reason. Do not ever go there again, for any reason. PERIOD!" I would turn on my heels and walk away. Do not even dignify her immature, unprofessional, insensitive, STUPID effort at creating a joke, at your deceased grandmother's expense, with a discussion of her merrits for doing so.

[yorkieusa]

I would have been offended as well. I totally understand your sensitivity to this remark. It seems there are more and more people out there today who lack the necessary manners to understand when and when not to joke about certain subjects.

[mamaj]

Originally Posted by southernbelle04

I would be very offended! That was out of line and in very bad taste!!!! I would have to say something. I mean, there are jokes, but that is not a joke. That was rude and uncalled for! I would talk to the head people at that committee and let them know that type of behavior was unprofessional, unacceptable, and they need to think twice before making jokes like that...or what they call a joke. I do not find it funny at all. I would be very upset, but now I do tend to get upset about anytime someone makes a comment about a close loved one.

I agree. That was uncalled for. I would have lost it.

[Teresa Ford]

OMG what was she thinking ? It was in bad taste or just because of stupidity. What she said was just mean and a sick attempt to draw attention to herself. People laughed, because we often do that in uncomfortable situations. I feel bad that this happened. I would stay away from her too. If you need to, go ahead and confront her with something truthful but, non threating like, 'what you said about my beloved Nana offended me, I don't respect or like you, please stay away from me from now on.'

[Tayluvheryorkie]

1- I also would be offended 2- I would not let anyone run me from anything because they say dumb things. Go back to you committee.