HELP!!!!!!!!!!! Am I really this big of a jerk?

[Mardelin]

Originally Posted by manolos mom

You have given me some HOPE...I have 3 daughters and cant wait for our friendship to begin.

It'll happen. But, a bit of warning....when the first grandchild arrives....the bucking heads starts again. I had to remind myself that this was her baby, she had to do it her way. And when the light bulb went on in her head that I'd raised 3 children, that she didn't need to reinvent the wheel, she could ask me questions without feeling threatened.

[manolos mom]

Bottom line, it's your moms home and her dog's. You need to find a way that you both can train together. Have you tried watching or reading Cesar Millan?

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

Although, the home is very well her mothers', that is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that this is very well a communication gap. Mother and daughter need to close that gap for the sake of the dogs. An undisciplined dog is not one that is easy to live with. I'm familiar with the city of Westminister, it's a very populated city and constant barking dogs can be annoying to neighbors.

I'm guessing there is way more going on behind the scenes. If the child is not working, not contributing, but tries to tell the mother how the dogs should be handled, there is most likely some resentment, which is why the mother will not listen to the child.

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

It'll happen. But, a bit of warning....when the first grandchild arrives....the bucking heads starts again. I had to remind myself that this was her baby, she had to do it her way. And when the light bulb went on in her head that I'd raised 3 children, that she didn't need to reinvent the wheel, she could ask me questions without feeling threatened.

Oh I know how that goes. Try to explain to them that babies are babies, their needs have not changed in thousands of years.

I now have 18 grand children and have learned to just make suggestions, and then let them do it their way.

[Mardelin]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

I'm guessing there is way more going on behind the scenes. If the child is not working, not contributing, but tries to tell the mother how the dogs should be handled, there is most likely some resentment, which is why the mother will not listen to the child.

We can't assume anything, but adding fuel to an already volitale situation, isn't the best thing. We don't know the age of this young lady, we don't know if she's lived there all her life....we don't know the particulars and shouldn't assume. While the home is her mothers and yes, when we live in our parents home there are rules that we must follow. What this young lady is really asking is help in bridging the gap, to help them come to the meeting of the minds. Whatever the situation is in their home, bottom line is the dogs.

[Mardelin]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

Oh I know how that goes. Try to explain to them that babies are babies, their needs have not changed in thousands of years.

I now have 18 grand children and have learned to just make suggestions, and then let them do it their way.

What I've learned is not to offer an opinion unless asked for it. They are now adults with their own lives, I have no business infringing on it. I can only hope that I fulfilled my responsibility as a parent. The definition of "parent" " Is teaching our children to leave".

[Lou]

I'm not going to or cannot comment on anything but the dogs barking when Mom comes home.

My husband is home all day with my four little ones and when I come home it is music to my ears to hear how excited they are to hear the garage door opening.

Now having said that the also STOP barking when I tell them "quiet". But I let them voice their joy!

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

We can't assume anything, but adding fuel to an already volitale situation, isn't the best thing. We don't know the age of this young lady, we don't know if she's lived there all her life....we don't know the particulars and shouldn't assume. While the home is her mothers and yes, when we live in our parents home there are rules that we must follow. What this young lady is really asking is help in bridging the gap, to help them come to the meeting of the minds. Whatever the situation is in their home, bottom line is the dogs.

Was't trying to add fuel to anything. and wasn't assuming, just suggesting that there is likely more to the story than we know. And any suggestion that is made, without knowing the entire story, is futile.

If the mother was open to suggestions, from the daughter, the daughter would not be on here asking for help.

I'm am telling her, from a mother's point of view, how the mother might feel regarding the daughter trying to tell her how to handle the dogs.

the issue, as I see it, is not about the dogs, it is about the mother not listening to the daughter.

Cesar Milan would tell her, that if the entire household is not involved, nothing will work.

I can tell you, that I would not take kindly to my daughters telling me how to handle MY dogs, if the daughter was living with me and not paying her way.

Now if the daughter is working and contributing, then they are roommates, and it is her domain also, and she should be allowed to express her opinion. However, if the mother still chooses not to listen, her only other option would be to move.

It does not pay for you and I to argue over the advice being given. You have your opinion, I have mine. We are looking at the issue from different points of view.

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

What I've learned is not to offer an opinion unless asked for it. They are now adults with their own lives, I have no business infringing on it. I can only hope that I fulfilled my responsibility as a parent. The definition of "parent" " Is teaching our children to leave".

You are right on that point, which might actually be the whole issue in this thread. said with a !!!!

[Mardelin]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

Was't trying to add fuel to anything. and wasn't assuming, just suggesting that there is likely more to the story than we know. And any suggestion that is made, without knowing the entire story, is futile.

If the mother was open to suggestions, from the daughter, the daughter would not be on here asking for help.

I'm am telling her, from a mother's point of view, how the mother might feel regarding the daughter trying to tell her how to handle the dogs.

the issue, as I see it, is not about the dogs, it is about the mother not listening to the daughter.

Cesar Milan would tell her, that if the entire household is not involved, nothing will work.

I can tell you, that I would not take kindly to my daughters telling me how to handle MY dogs, if the daughter was living with me and not paying her way.

Now if the daughter is working and contributing, then they are roommates, and it is her domain also, and she should be allowed to express her opinion. However, if the mother still chooses not to listen, her only other option would be to move.

It does not pay for you and I to argue over the advice being given. You have your opinion, I have mine. We are looking at the issue from different points of view.

Exactly, that's why we shouldn't assume and stick to the issue at hand. The training of the dogs.

As a mother, I wouldn't be putting that "this is my house" attitude up. The younger generation is not stuck in their ways, they are a bit more up on what's new. They can offer a lot of insight to new ways of training.

[kdreamson]

I have this same problem. I live 5 miles from my mom, she shares a house with her sister & brother inlaw(both in their eighties) My mom still works as a nurse 4 days a week(7p to 7a) My aunt has alzheimers,she cannot be left alone as she has been known to wander off or let strangers selling pine straw into the house! Anyway, they have a huge house with 6 bedrooms so i have one and my son has one so we stay there quite a bit. My dh works nights so he is ok with this. So basically me, kids and dog live there about 4 days a week. The problem is my aunt feeds the dogs(they have a jack russell & a poodle) and forgets then feeds em again! This goes on all day and night! Table food,dog yummies,leftover meats, you name it! My uncle is no better...he gives em huge amounts of cheese! I cannot make these folks understand this is sooo bad for them! all their dogs have lived to be 16 plus years so they swear it doesn't hurt them. At dinnertime i have to lock my yorkie,Mabel,in her crate so they don't feed her table food(as they will feed her right in front of me as i say no!) This situation is driving me insane!!!! I love them dearly and caring for my aunt is the least i can do, although she can be difficult at times!!! Mabel is 7 months old and of course loves it over there! When we are at home i only give her dog food and an occasional treat(for good potty)She gives me the pitiful eyes like i'm starving her to death so i feel guilty. I guess i just needed to vent! Even if nobody reads it!!!

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

Exactly, that's why we shouldn't assume and stick to the issue at hand. The training of the dogs.

As a mother, I wouldn't be putting that "this is my house" attitude up. The younger generation is not stuck in their ways, they are a bit more up on what's new. They can offer a lot of insight to new ways of training.

If the entire household is not involved, nothing will work. So it's really a moot point.

My advice is, the first issue has to be resolved before the second one can be. Otherwise the dogs are just getting a mixed message and being disciplined for something that they don't even understand.

So my advice to the OP is to resolve your issues with your mother first, and don't discipline the dogs until the entire household is willing. Or you might end up doing more harm than good.

You also might notice that the OP is not even posting.

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by kdreamson

I have this same problem. I live 5 miles from my mom, she shares a house with her sister & brother inlaw(both in their eighties) My mom still works as a nurse 4 days a week(7p to 7a) My aunt has alzheimers,she cannot be left alone as she has been known to wander off or let strangers selling pine straw into the house! Anyway, they have a huge house with 6 bedrooms so i have one and my son has one so we stay there quite a bit. My dh works nights so he is ok with this. So basically me, kids and dog live there about 4 days a week. The problem is my aunt feeds the dogs(they have a jack russell & a poodle) and forgets then feeds em again! This goes on all day and night! Table food,dog yummies,leftover meats, you name it! My uncle is no better...he gives em huge amounts of cheese! I cannot make these folks understand this is sooo bad for them! all their dogs have lived to be 16 plus years so they swear it doesn't hurt them. At dinnertime i have to lock my yorkie,Mabel,in her crate so they don't feed her table food(as they will feed her right in front of me as i say no!) This situation is driving me insane!!!! I love them dearly and caring for my aunt is the least i can do, although she can be difficult at times!!! Mabel is 7 months old and of course loves it over there! When we are at home i only give her dog food and an occasional treat(for good potty)She gives me the pitiful eyes like i'm starving her to death so i feel guilty. I guess i just needed to vent! Even if nobody reads it!!!

Awwwww bless their dear sweet hearts. Those dogs probably make their days worth living.

[kdreamson]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

Awwwww bless their dear sweet hearts. Those dogs probably make their days worth living.

Yep, they adore the dogs! I guess I put up with it for that reason. And the dogs really love them! Well, my kids do too, who wouldn't? Whatever they want they get! My problem is that i am continualy the bad guy! I guess somebody has to do it!!

[Rachael x]

Originally Posted by kdreamson

I have this same problem. I live 5 miles from my mom, she shares a house with her sister & brother inlaw(both in their eighties) My mom still works as a nurse 4 days a week(7p to 7a) My aunt has alzheimers,she cannot be left alone as she has been known to wander off or let strangers selling pine straw into the house! Anyway, they have a huge house with 6 bedrooms so i have one and my son has one so we stay there quite a bit. My dh works nights so he is ok with this. So basically me, kids and dog live there about 4 days a week. The problem is my aunt feeds the dogs(they have a jack russell & a poodle) and forgets then feeds em again! This goes on all day and night! Table food,dog yummies,leftover meats, you name it! My uncle is no better...he gives em huge amounts of cheese! I cannot make these folks understand this is sooo bad for them! all their dogs have lived to be 16 plus years so they swear it doesn't hurt them. At dinnertime i have to lock my yorkie,Mabel,in her crate so they don't feed her table food(as they will feed her right in front of me as i say no!) This situation is driving me insane!!!! I love them dearly and caring for my aunt is the least i can do, although she can be difficult at times!!! Mabel is 7 months old and of course loves it over there! When we are at home i only give her dog food and an occasional treat(for good potty)She gives me the pitiful eyes like i'm starving her to death so i feel guilty. I guess i just needed to vent! Even if nobody reads it!!!

I know exactly what you mean!
My grandad has dementia and his dog is SOOOOOO fat, because he too will feed him then forget then feed him again.
He looks more like a pig then a dog when he woddles around the house.
The family try our best but we cant be there 24/7