He is creating a monster! Anyone else have this problem? What can i do? - YorkieTalk.com Forums

kelsie123186 · 03-17-2010, 07:26 PM

So my boyfriend (of 5 years whom i live with) completely undermines me ALL THE TIME with our Yorkies. If I say, dont feed them that, he feeds them that. If I say they need to be put in time out (in the backyard for 2 min) because they peed in the house or got into the trash, he lets them in. I mean, Bailey is super close to mommy and has always been that way so its not so much with her as it is with Layla. We have had her 6 months and SHE IS STILL NOT POTTY TRAINED and dosnt listen to me because EVERYTIME i try to punish her he runs over sweeps her up and tells her ITS OKAY PRINCESS DONT LISTEN TO MOMMY! EVERY TIME! When I work with Bailey on her agility I use treats as an incentive but if I pull out the treats to give to Bailey for doing something good he feels like he has to give Layla treats too. I told him MAKE HER DO SOMETHING FOR THE FLIPPIN TREATS and he says that she dosnt have to because shes daddys princess. Today he even gave her wipped cream and let her drink some of his icecream shake! I know he thinks he means well but hes creating a monster. She never listens to me and always runs to daddy when she does something wrong and then its out of my hands. The more I write this post the more I get upset. I have tryed to talk to him about this but he dosnt listen. Has anyone else had this problem? What the heck can I do?

joeyandtanksmom · 03-17-2010, 07:40 PM

Dang...I think your boyfriend has a serious respect issue. I don't want to go causing problems in your relationship - but does he do this with other things also? Like, other than the dog? I think you need to sit him down and have a very serious discussion about what he's doing to your dog, and what he's doing to you. To me, it looks like he doesn't respect you or stand by your decisions, something that a partner should be willing to do. Let him know why you feel certain things need to be the way you say - such as:

dairy and other high fat foods can cause pancreatitis in little ones, so they shouldn't have them

not being punished for doing bad things will not allow them to learn that they are misbehaving, and the older they get the harder it is to teach them

being rewarded for doing nothing will create a rude, spoiled dog. They need to be rewarded for doing things, but they shouldn't be rewarded for nothing.

I would maybe try that, and see if he maybe sees things your way a bit more...Good luck!!!!!

teacup0819 · 03-17-2010, 07:45 PM

Sorry to say, but it sounds like your bf has some issues with authority. he seems to feel as if your yorkies should be able to get away with not listening to anything you say....I hope he isn't like this in other areas of your life. Take a hard look, cuz can you imagine what it would be like with children!! I assume you have tried explaining to him that yorkies do better with set rules so that they understand what is expected of them. I don't have any answers for you, but I do feel for you and the situation you are in. Perhaps your bf needs the timeout lol!

kelsie123186 · 03-17-2010, 07:57 PM

Ya i think he has some issues. I mean I grew up with dogs my whole life so i know how to train them and what needs to be done but Layla and Bailey are his first dogs so he really dosnt know what needs to be done. I think he might kinda be getting back at me because when we got Bailey she immediately gravetated towards me and it has always been that way. When we got Layla I promised him I would back off and let him bond with her but its to the point now where im finally seeing just how out of control she is. Just today it really hit me when he was giving her the whipped cream and ice cream I yelled at him and told him that he was going to make her sick. He thinks im just really over protective. I feel like he genuinly dosnt feel like what hes doing is wrong but I dont know how to get across to him that hes really damaging Layla

QuickSilver · 03-17-2010, 09:20 PM

It does sound like something else is going on. The only thing I can suggest is having a real talk with him - don't blame or criticize, explain your concerns and try to get to the bottom of what is really driving his behavior. It could be anything. Maybe it's because he feels that he feels left out, either by the dogs or by you, which can be fixed if he gets more attention from the appropriate party.

Or maybe he is upset about some other issue and is being passive aggressive.

I think it's pretty common that one "parent" is the fun one. Perhaps he can be the fun one in a more constructive way, by teaching them tricks, taking them to the park, or just chasing them around the house.

PenniesMom · 03-17-2010, 10:25 PM

sounds like my boyfriend and I except im the fun one his dog is a pitbull/husky VERY stubborn well she ADORES him and he wont give her any affection she comes up and lays her chin on his knee and he shoves her away i let her climb in my lap and kiss me ..he hates it DONT LET HER LICK YOU i tell him shut up its my face she can lick me if she wants

DvlshAngel985 · 03-17-2010, 11:04 PM

I have to disagree. It might not be issues at all. I'm having the exact same problem with my parents. Both grew up in the fields, both had dogs and other animals. Kaji is our first "house dog" and being that he's so small, playful, and childlike, they are taking their roles as grandparents very seriously and spoiling him rotten! That means, extra treats, no correction for accidents, the wrong kind of treats (made him throw up a few times), and letting him get away with murder because he's so cute and so small that he can't possibly do anything wrong, right?

Talk to him. Tell him that yes, she's daddy's princess, and it's up to daddy to teach his princes proper princess etiquette. When you talk to him don't do it in the heat of the moment. That was my mistake and now my dad doesn't want anything to do with him because "I get mad".

If only they would meet me somewhere in the middle....

gram2k · 03-18-2010, 01:29 AM

I can assure you that this is not an issue in other areas of our life...and Chloe's "daddy" does the same thing! Most things we agree on, but when it comes to feeding her scraps or having her in bed...I just can't get him to budge! My only hope has been telling him that no one else will be willing to puppysit his precious little girl...if she's begging for food and sleeping in their beds! Fingers crossed that that strikes a nerve! LOL

It doesn't help that these dogs are adorable to begin with, but when Chloe looks up at you with those big eyes and the tip of her little tongue sticking out...well...even big, strong, grown men turn to mush! Good luck to you and by all means, if you find something that works, pass it on!

gemy · 03-18-2010, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kelsie123186

So my boyfriend (of 5 years whom i live with) completely undermines me ALL THE TIME with our Yorkies. If I say, dont feed them that, he feeds them that. If I say they need to be put in time out (in the backyard for 2 min) because they peed in the house or got into the trash, he lets them in. I mean, Bailey is super close to mommy and has always been that way so its not so much with her as it is with Layla. We have had her 6 months and SHE IS STILL NOT POTTY TRAINED and dosnt listen to me because EVERYTIME i try to punish her he runs over sweeps her up and tells her ITS OKAY PRINCESS DONT LISTEN TO MOMMY! EVERY TIME! When I work with Bailey on her agility I use treats as an incentive but if I pull out the treats to give to Bailey for doing something good he feels like he has to give Layla treats too. I told him MAKE HER DO SOMETHING FOR THE FLIPPIN TREATS and he says that she dosnt have to because shes daddys princess. Today he even gave her wipped cream and let her drink some of his icecream shake! I know he thinks he means well but hes creating a monster. She never listens to me and always runs to daddy when she does something wrong and then its out of my hands. The more I write this post the more I get upset. I have tryed to talk to him about this but he dosnt listen. Has anyone else had this problem? What the heck can I do?

Oh boy I've only experienced this mildly and in my case it was me - that was spoiling our little Razz rotten. My hubby had to remind me several times, what we agreed to do with the little one, and he was right. Not so much on food/treats, but with not discipling him when he jumped up, and not being firm enough with the potty training.

I do have a couple of suggestions .. on the food thing, maybe you can have a quiet talk with your vet and have your BF take the princess in for her next visit. The vet can ask the questions what are you feeding her? And reinforce for you the proper food for the little ones.
Alternatively you can print out some informative resources on the health risks on yorkys, proper feeding etc. Or heck do both.

Maybe you both can take your dogs together to agility classes?

Another thing how about watching some of the dog whisperer's programs, or getting a training video.

Just some "food" for thought. Good luck

jenn1381 · 03-18-2010, 03:09 AM

I know exactly how you feel... When I brought Oliver home I set tons of ground rules for him and asked my mom to please comply while I am at work. ONE treat during the day is the big one - I bought him a huge tub of all organic dog jerky for Christmas - went to give him one the other day - almost ALL gone! Then we go to the vet and he's gained like 3 pounds. Well, YEAH! I know why! He was really sick this summer, and I find out that she's feeding him CHEESE with dinner... and if he stops eating, she gives him more to entice him... I flipped on that one. Said next time I'll be handing the vet bill to you, and it stopped. I still don't let her feed him much though. The last time I did I told her to feed him 1/4 cup like usual, come home and he's not touched it and there's like 1/2 a cup in his dish. How hard is it to scoop ONCE.

Now our biggest thing is barking. I've tried to get her to shake a bottle of pennies when he barks, instead she yells at him. Yelling at a dog makes them think it's ok to be loud, that doesn't work.

My new puppy comes home in 2 weeks. I did NOT plan to get another one until I had bought a house and moved out, but Oliver really needs canine companionship. I'm sure there will be a LOT of arguing about training. She's already fighting me on the name. Told her she can spend $700 and get her own and then she can name it anything she wants. lol

Good luck with the bf. I guess it would be even harder in that situation as the dogs are both of yours. Have him read an article or two on pancreatitis. This situation would be so much harder with kids, something to think on I guess... dogs have to be taught how to behave, that's our job as their humans! Dogs are like kids, if they are taught they rule the world, they WILL! Hopefully your bf will smarten up and see that acting this way not only hurts the dog, but it hurts you as well. It's not fun being undermined.

03-17-2010, 07:26 PM	#1
kelsie123186 YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: nevada Posts: 323	He is creating a monster! Anyone else have this problem? What can i do? So my boyfriend (of 5 years whom i live with) completely undermines me ALL THE TIME with our Yorkies. If I say, dont feed them that, he feeds them that. If I say they need to be put in time out (in the backyard for 2 min) because they peed in the house or got into the trash, he lets them in. I mean, Bailey is super close to mommy and has always been that way so its not so much with her as it is with Layla. We have had her 6 months and SHE IS STILL NOT POTTY TRAINED and dosnt listen to me because EVERYTIME i try to punish her he runs over sweeps her up and tells her ITS OKAY PRINCESS DONT LISTEN TO MOMMY! EVERY TIME! When I work with Bailey on her agility I use treats as an incentive but if I pull out the treats to give to Bailey for doing something good he feels like he has to give Layla treats too. I told him MAKE HER DO SOMETHING FOR THE FLIPPIN TREATS and he says that she dosnt have to because shes daddys princess. Today he even gave her wipped cream and let her drink some of his icecream shake! I know he thinks he means well but hes creating a monster. She never listens to me and always runs to daddy when she does something wrong and then its out of my hands. The more I write this post the more I get upset. I have tryed to talk to him about this but he dosnt listen. Has anyone else had this problem? What the heck can I do? __________________ Kelsie, Bailey and Layla

03-17-2010, 07:40 PM	#2
joeyandtanksmom YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Kuna,ID,USA Posts: 557	Dang...I think your boyfriend has a serious respect issue. I don't want to go causing problems in your relationship - but does he do this with other things also? Like, other than the dog? I think you need to sit him down and have a very serious discussion about what he's doing to your dog, and what he's doing to you. To me, it looks like he doesn't respect you or stand by your decisions, something that a partner should be willing to do. Let him know why you feel certain things need to be the way you say - such as: dairy and other high fat foods can cause pancreatitis in little ones, so they shouldn't have them not being punished for doing bad things will not allow them to learn that they are misbehaving, and the older they get the harder it is to teach them being rewarded for doing nothing will create a rude, spoiled dog. They need to be rewarded for doing things, but they shouldn't be rewarded for nothing. I would maybe try that, and see if he maybe sees things your way a bit more...Good luck!!!!! __________________ Sandy: Joey & Tank's Mom Jackson Ryan

03-17-2010, 07:45 PM	#3
teacup0819 ♥Luv my Trixie Belle♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 3,010	Sorry to say, but it sounds like your bf has some issues with authority. he seems to feel as if your yorkies should be able to get away with not listening to anything you say....I hope he isn't like this in other areas of your life. Take a hard look, cuz can you imagine what it would be like with children!! I assume you have tried explaining to him that yorkies do better with set rules so that they understand what is expected of them. I don't have any answers for you, but I do feel for you and the situation you are in. Perhaps your bf needs the timeout lol! __________________ RIP Biscuit My heart belongs to Trixie

03-17-2010, 07:57 PM	#4
kelsie123186 YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: nevada Posts: 323	Ya i think he has some issues. I mean I grew up with dogs my whole life so i know how to train them and what needs to be done but Layla and Bailey are his first dogs so he really dosnt know what needs to be done. I think he might kinda be getting back at me because when we got Bailey she immediately gravetated towards me and it has always been that way. When we got Layla I promised him I would back off and let him bond with her but its to the point now where im finally seeing just how out of control she is. Just today it really hit me when he was giving her the whipped cream and ice cream I yelled at him and told him that he was going to make her sick. He thinks im just really over protective. I feel like he genuinly dosnt feel like what hes doing is wrong but I dont know how to get across to him that hes really damaging Layla __________________ Kelsie, Bailey and Layla

03-17-2010, 10:25 PM	#6
PenniesMom YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: eugene,or Posts: 907 Blog Entries: 1	sounds like my boyfriend and I except im the fun one his dog is a pitbull/husky VERY stubborn well she ADORES him and he wont give her any affection she comes up and lays her chin on his knee and he shoves her away i let her climb in my lap and kiss me ..he hates it DONT LET HER LICK YOU i tell him shut up its my face she can lick me if she wants __________________ Rachael: Owned by Penny Love and Sienna Rose

03-17-2010, 09:20 PM	#5
QuickSilver Thor's Human Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 5,929 Blog Entries: 31	It does sound like something else is going on. The only thing I can suggest is having a real talk with him - don't blame or criticize, explain your concerns and try to get to the bottom of what is really driving his behavior. It could be anything. Maybe it's because he feels that he feels left out, either by the dogs or by you, which can be fixed if he gets more attention from the appropriate party. Or maybe he is upset about some other issue and is being passive aggressive. I think it's pretty common that one "parent" is the fun one. Perhaps he can be the fun one in a more constructive way, by teaching them tricks, taking them to the park, or just chasing them around the house.

03-17-2010, 11:04 PM	#7
DvlshAngel985 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA Posts: 12,693	I have to disagree. It might not be issues at all. I'm having the exact same problem with my parents. Both grew up in the fields, both had dogs and other animals. Kaji is our first "house dog" and being that he's so small, playful, and childlike, they are taking their roles as grandparents very seriously and spoiling him rotten! That means, extra treats, no correction for accidents, the wrong kind of treats (made him throw up a few times), and letting him get away with murder because he's so cute and so small that he can't possibly do anything wrong, right? Talk to him. Tell him that yes, she's daddy's princess, and it's up to daddy to teach his princes proper princess etiquette. When you talk to him don't do it in the heat of the moment. That was my mistake and now my dad doesn't want anything to do with him because "I get mad". If only they would meet me somewhere in the middle.... __________________ Littlest JakJak We miss you Kaji

03-18-2010, 01:29 AM	#8
gram2k Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Anytown Posts: 78	I can assure you that this is not an issue in other areas of our life...and Chloe's "daddy" does the same thing! Most things we agree on, but when it comes to feeding her scraps or having her in bed...I just can't get him to budge! My only hope has been telling him that no one else will be willing to puppysit his precious little girl...if she's begging for food and sleeping in their beds! Fingers crossed that that strikes a nerve! LOL It doesn't help that these dogs are adorable to begin with, but when Chloe looks up at you with those big eyes and the tip of her little tongue sticking out...well...even big, strong, grown men turn to mush! Good luck to you and by all means, if you find something that works, pass it on!

03-18-2010, 03:09 AM	#10
jenn1381 YT Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Barrie, Ontario, Canada Posts: 427	I know exactly how you feel... When I brought Oliver home I set tons of ground rules for him and asked my mom to please comply while I am at work. ONE treat during the day is the big one - I bought him a huge tub of all organic dog jerky for Christmas - went to give him one the other day - almost ALL gone! Then we go to the vet and he's gained like 3 pounds. Well, YEAH! I know why! He was really sick this summer, and I find out that she's feeding him CHEESE with dinner... and if he stops eating, she gives him more to entice him... I flipped on that one. Said next time I'll be handing the vet bill to you, and it stopped. I still don't let her feed him much though. The last time I did I told her to feed him 1/4 cup like usual, come home and he's not touched it and there's like 1/2 a cup in his dish. How hard is it to scoop ONCE. Now our biggest thing is barking. I've tried to get her to shake a bottle of pennies when he barks, instead she yells at him. Yelling at a dog makes them think it's ok to be loud, that doesn't work. My new puppy comes home in 2 weeks. I did NOT plan to get another one until I had bought a house and moved out, but Oliver really needs canine companionship. I'm sure there will be a LOT of arguing about training. She's already fighting me on the name. Told her she can spend $700 and get her own and then she can name it anything she wants. lol Good luck with the bf. I guess it would be even harder in that situation as the dogs are both of yours. Have him read an article or two on pancreatitis. This situation would be so much harder with kids, something to think on I guess... dogs have to be taught how to behave, that's our job as their humans! Dogs are like kids, if they are taught they rule the world, they WILL! Hopefully your bf will smarten up and see that acting this way not only hurts the dog, but it hurts you as well. It's not fun being undermined. __________________ Oliver & Mya are my