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03-03-2006, 02:12 PM | #1 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| Need kid advice I'm at my wits end, literally. I have to teenagers, 14 & 16. As different as night and day, both girls. They seem to absolutely hate each other. I get different stories from each one and am put into a position of having to decide who is telling the truth. My youngest is convinced I hate her because I yell at her for everything... not doing homework, refusing to clean room (a year long battle), etc. Things that if she'd do them I wouldn't yell. You get the idea. Unfortunately the lying from her is out of hand, and I have no idea what to do. Her father, my ex, is a chronic fibber, also gives me some line of bs, even when we were married. I know there's typical teenage stuff, but trying to deal with this on my own has been tough. I'm stumped on how to get through to her. Any suggestions? I'm so stressed and just ready to be committed... thanks. |
Welcome Guest! | |
03-03-2006, 02:15 PM | #2 |
and Ty too! Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Denver, Nope, not Colorado
Posts: 1,235
| I'm so sorry that I can't be of much help.. Just to tell you that I have a 13 year old boy, who by the way is on YT and he is THE SAME WAY!! No homework, tells me I'm so mean, lies... Hey, they're suppose to hate us as teenagers so that they will love us when they grow up and have kids.. That's the way that I look at it.. I'm being the parent and if that means that you hate me for a few years I'm sorry.. Chin up, it will get better. |
03-03-2006, 02:21 PM | #3 |
Stewie Rox the Sox Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Chicago
Posts: 6,306
| I was her not terribly long ago. I'd say just give her space and she'll come around and talk to you when she is ready. Make her keep her bedroom door closed at all times so you dont have to see the mess (that's what my mom did to me ) Also, my brothers and I hated each other until recently. It's a teenage sibling thing and they'll grow out of it and grow closer.
__________________ Kristy & Stewie |
03-03-2006, 02:29 PM | #4 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: USA
Posts: 1,857
| Well, God Bless You. Have you tried talking to her one on one and asking her want is wrong and what she is unhappy about with no judging while she talks and no lecture. Then she will feel special. I had one who liked to munipulate things so they would look good or justified. All of mine fought thru the teen years but now they get along great. |
03-03-2006, 02:43 PM | #5 | |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| Quote:
First, thanks guys. Second, yes I've asked she insists she's not lying and then refuses to talk and says whatever and walks away or she'll just say nothing, nothing is wrong. I've tried counseling, she refused, she says all I say is the same thing over and over. I've asked what can I do. She just stares at me. Guess you just got live it to understand, it's hard to explain. I'm just afraid that if I ignore the situation she'll think I don't care and that she can get away with it. If I address it I'm hounding and pushing her farther away and possibly to the next level. I've tried to say that her actions cause my reactions, that if she'd just clean her room, etc I wouldn't harp. Just needed to vent mostly. Parenting is hard, especially when you can't lean on anyone, or say hey, your turn to deal with it. I have these girls pretty much 24/7, dad sees them maybe one night a month. Thanks for listening. | |
03-03-2006, 02:47 PM | #6 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: USA
Posts: 1,857
| I,m sorry- I guess I am not much help- I haven't had one at home for 7 years. If I can be your listening hear- I will!!!!!!!! I applaud you for not giving up - just be keep being the MOM - it is hard. |
03-03-2006, 08:31 PM | #7 |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: USA
Posts: 2,992
| I have a lot of sympathy for you. I know that my brother and I fought a lot when we were kids - as did my two children. But, all of us outgrew it and became very close friends later. BUT - it's no fun having to deal with this day in and day out. And - I don't know why girls have such a hard time with their mothers when they are teenagers. I agree with you that they should be responsible, help with chores, and do their share of work around the house. I never never tell anyone to get therapy. But, if you guys are all just batting around - and not able to solve any of your problems - therapy may be a good place to start. One of the most important aspects of therapy is that an impartial, objective, educated, third person can step in and help all of you see what's really going on. This person may also be able to talk things over with your girls in a way that you (most mothers) can't do. And, he may be able to point out ways you can change your behavior to accomplish some of the things that are important to you. My children were always the cleanest kids in the world - getting them to work or clean was never a problem, but they certainly did fight at times when they were your children's ages. And, this is no fun for anyone. My children seemed to outgrow their bickering back and forth sometime during highschool. I know by the time they graduated, they got along very well....and, of course, still do. Good luck! Carol Jean PS: I can't believe I told someone to see a therapist........ I guess there are times when even I think it might help. |
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