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06-20-2005, 09:00 AM | #1 |
Double Trouble Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: FLORIDA
Posts: 4,658
| funny email enjoy Hi I just received this and wanted to share with all animal lovers. Enjoy: You HAVE to smile. > > > > Dear Dogs and Cats, > When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions >with each other so there are still two of you in the way. > > The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The >other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print >in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming >your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the >slightest. > > > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating >me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall > faster than you can run. > > > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about >this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your >comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. they can actually curl >up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other >stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking >tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to >maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm. > > Ohhh, and my compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. > > For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by >some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not >necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under >the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door >I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or >feline attendance is not mandatory. > > The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' ass. >I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. > > I rubbed the lotion on my skin for a REASON! Not as an after-dinner >snack for you. The newspaper spread on the floor is called accident >paper... NOT habit paper! Also, I do not need your help driving the car, >never mind what you saw on television! > > To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door..... > > Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: > > 1. They live here. You don't. > 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. >3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. >To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy walks on all >fours and doesn't speak clearly. > > > Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money >all the time, are easier to train. Usually come when called, never drive >your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, >don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, >don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you >can sell the results. > > Sincerely, > Your Owner
__________________ PEBBLES AND SASHA MY DOGS ARE NOT SPOILED...I'M JUST WELL TRAINED! |
Welcome Guest! | |
06-20-2005, 09:02 AM | #2 |
BANNED! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Janesville WI
Posts: 2,483
| Ihad some one send this to me a few weeks ago. I printed it out on some really neat paper that had puppies all over on it and made a frame out of old barn wood and hung it up. So far it has been a really great conversation piece. I love it. |
06-20-2005, 09:07 AM | #3 |
and Tucker's too! Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 2,134
| Too true!
__________________ Jessica, Biddy, Tucker & Gertie |
06-20-2005, 09:07 AM | #4 |
Maximus "Lily's Love Slave" Join Date: May 2005 Location: san ramon, ca
Posts: 2,368
| Gave me a laugh..and OOOps!! woke Maximus up laughing so hard...he is VERY insulted..lol,
__________________ http://www.dogster.com/?148186 Maximus' Album: http://www.yorkietalk.com/gallery/sh...=1&ppuser=2303 Maximus Woves Lily |
06-20-2005, 09:09 AM | #5 |
I Love My 3 Lovebugs! Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: north east ohio
Posts: 4,776
| Sooo cute!!! Sooooo true!!!!!
__________________ ~Mandy~Proud Mommie to Luigi, Brasco & Livi |
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