[babi1542]

Hi I just received this and wanted to share with all animal lovers. Enjoy:
You HAVE to smile.
>
>
>
> Dear Dogs and Cats,
> When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not
switch positions
>with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
>
> The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The
>other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print
>in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming
>your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the
>slightest.
>
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating
>me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall
> faster than you can run.
>
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am
very sorry about
>this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch
to ensure your
>comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. they
can actually curl
>up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
to each other
>stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking
>tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the
other end to
>maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> Ohhh, and my compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by
>some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut, it is not
>necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or
get your paw under
>the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door
>I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for
years--canine or
>feline attendance is not mandatory.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dogs or cats' ass.
>I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple
change for you.
>
> I rubbed the lotion on my skin for a REASON! Not as an
after-dinner
>snack for you. The newspaper spread on the floor is called
accident
>paper... NOT habit paper! Also, I do not need your help
driving the car,
>never mind what you saw on television!
>
> To pacify you I have posted the following message on our
front door.....
>
> Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain
about our pets:
>
> 1. They live here. You don't.
> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture.
>3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 4. To
you it's an animal.
>To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short,
hairy walks on all
>fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>
>
> Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't
ask for money
>all the time, are easier to train. Usually come when
called, never drive
>your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't
drink or smoke,
>don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear
your clothes,
>don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they
get pregnant, you
>can sell the results.
>
> Sincerely,
> Your Owner