Pain and suffering... - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Missiemiss · 10-28-2008, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 143julz

I'm so sorry for your loss, i know how hard it must be for you....I cry all the time now and i just know the end is near, i feel it inside.
I know i would want another yorkie soon, but i feel i would be comparing to my Julz and it wouldn't be fair. I know Julz adn god will guide me when the time is right. How long before you got your new pups?

=Missiemiss;2303189]I lost my baby Roscoe in June to Kidney disease. He was 8.

The bad breath is one thing to "smell" for. The end of his tongue started turning white. He lacked energy and even tried to eat.

I had him on my bed one night as I was very upset that I was going to lose him. I laid with him and just cried and cried. He came up to me, slowly and snuggled in with me and I continued to cry. He just wanted to be so close. I wiped my tears and looked into his brown eyes and he talked to me. He didn't talk but his eyes told me that it was time. He told me he was so tired and he wasn't going to get better and I knew.

I took him in to the vet the next day and we ran tests - his numbers were off the charts. I called my family home and told them about our little Roscoe. All of them came home to be with him. We were there when the Vet injected him. We cried and loved him all the way until he crossed to the Rainbow Bridge. I knew he was there because his eyes were completely dialated. I knew at that point he had energy again and the love of a strong and healthy body.

I still cry, and am even as I type this. Each day I am outside with the other pups I go to his stone and tell him how much I love him and how much we miss him.

RIP my little Roscoe.

I know it's painful for you. I truly believe that our babies tell us when it is time. That was the 2nd Yorkie that I assisted - the first one was full of cancer at 16 years old. It will never get easy and with the kind of love they give me, I wouldn't want it to be.

Sorry this got so long.

[/QUOTE]

Oh hon - I'm so sorry. It does appear the end is near. Yes, God will guide you and so with Julz.

My hubby was concerned we would compare all dogs to Roscoe. I knew, by having Tyler before Roscoe, that it was not true. Dogs are social creatures and we still had Bear-Bear at home and he needed companionship. I got Gracie about 3 weeks after Roscoe made his journey to the Rainbow Bridge. Gracie is so very different than Roscoe. Froto, my little male, came afterwards. While he has some similar features as Roscoe his personality is so different (a "good" different). Then came our little Blair. She is NOTHING like Roscoe. Roscoe still is in my heart for his unique way. Yes, I do have 3 more Yorkies - they are about the same size, they all have hair, they all hate it when I cut their toenails (like Roscoe) but they are nothing like Roscoe. I do not feel bad about it as Roscoe has his own place in my heart that non of them can touch.

Know that my heart breaks for you in what you are going through. I would NEVER wish it on anyone because their love for us is unconditional as ours is with them. Roscoe and Tyler "told" me and I recognized it and know they did not suffer. ~ Missie

143julz · 10-29-2008, 04:04 AM

My heart is breaking as i type....Julz did not eat last night liked i hoped after SQ treatment. She woke us up at 2:30 in the morning vomiting. This morning she ate a treat for my husband and was in the kitchen while i made her cream of wheat but in the end she turned and walked away.
She just lays in bed curled in a ball, when i hold her she wants down and wants to be by herself.
I am really torn with my thought that she is just having a bad day since she has been like this before and has gotten better...of course she would get better after a trip to the Dr. and get SQ, but now we've been giving them i just don't know whatelse could possibly make her feel better...she doesn't cry, but gosh from i read, the breath, not eating, she now walking a bit hunched too....i need direction.
I'll call her Dr in a few minutes and see what he suggest..

IlovePepper · 10-29-2008, 04:54 AM

I am crying as I read your post. I know how much your heart is breaking. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.

143julz · 10-29-2008, 05:51 AM

Well the phone call wasn't a relief, i was told that we could take "aggressive" measures and have IV therapy verses SQ. Meaning she would have to go to the vet office for 24 hr for treatment until the next relaspe and do it again. They could insert a feeding tube for nutrition.... OR make the decision.

I asked about knowing if she is suffering or in pain if we just let her be. He said since she is not eating that her body is absorbing it's own muscel and protein for nutrition and that eventually she would slip into a coma and pass, there is no timeframe of that process, each dog is different.

My husband is not home, but knows of the conversation i had with the vet. We had discussed a few weeks ago that if we were ever left with that option we would not choose IV and feeding tube, what quality of life is that really?
He gets home at noon and we will give her SQ then and see if there is change.
We have not been able to get her to take her thyroid med, Carafate, or vitamin, I'll try putting them in cheese and seeing if she gobbles it up. I hope she doesn't get sick without food in her stomach. *fingers crossed*

143julz · 10-29-2008, 07:50 AM

My hubby came home early b/c he couldn't see us wait until noon. We gave her SQ (100ml) OUR DECISION TO INCREASE W/O DR. MENTIONED.
So 30 minutes has passed and i made her wheat pasta and more boiled chicken, SHE ATE ALOT!!!! He gave her the med's in cheese and down they went.
We'll give her another 100ml this evening and see how things go then. I know this is "short lived" but for now we'll take it, while she gives it to us, just her and another sign that it is not her time (at least today) it's day by day....Very heartwrenching to live this, see it and keep hoping.
Can i tell you i feel a relief typing all this knowning I'm not alone....Thanks for giving me a place to talk about it.
My supportitive husband can only take so much himself since it's his baby too.

xmasbaby75 · 10-29-2008, 08:33 AM

I know exactly what you are going through. I already wrote a bit about my experience in one of the above posts.

I remember that some days, after getting the SQ fluids, it really seemed to make a difference (increased hunger, a bit more energy, etc.) so we too, increased the fluids. How often is she getting them now?

You really do have to take it one day at a time. It is very difficult, but each day is a blessing, and someday you will look back on this and know that you did everything you possibly could. My thoughts are with you.

143julz · 10-29-2008, 10:35 AM

She was started her fluids 11 days ago, 50ml x 3 days then to every other day then Monday when her BUN was 210 we were told to increase 50 ml 2x daily, Monday night she didn't get a full dose, then yesterday she get it twice daily. Today we decided to increase it 100ml, whcih was about 10:30ish this morning, she ate, but now back to sleeping....
Tonight we'll give another 100ml and see what happens. Weather or not she eats, she is not drinking water at all the vet said OK as long as she is getting SQ??

You're so right that every day is a blessing and that's why I'm home from work today and possibily the rest of the week..

DAY BY DAY

pebstheyorkie · 10-29-2008, 04:09 PM

I have been reading you posts about Julz. I went through the exact same thing 6 weeks ago with my 15 year old Yorkie Pebbles. You will know when it is time. You will also know you did everything in your power. I don't know what I would have done without my friends at yorkietalk when I lost Pebbles. The people here have been through it and really do know how you feel. I'll be thinking of you and Julz.

pea496 · 10-29-2008, 04:54 PM

I am in tears reading this. I don't have any experience with this, but I wish you luck with your baby. I hope you have some more quality time with her.

Grizzley Bear · 10-29-2008, 07:11 PM

Your post has touched my heart. I don't have any advice to give for I have not experienced what you are going through. I know Julz is one lucky girl to have you as parents. What a blessing you are to her. Please accept the hugs I am sending you and know that I will be thinking of you and I will say a prayer for all of you. Hugs to you and Julz.

143julz · 10-30-2008, 08:13 AM

Thanks for all your support, it really means more to me than i can even begin to tell you.

Last night went so-so, my husband thougth by giving her 100ml might be too much since we just increased her ourself, without talking to the vet.
While we were having dinner Julz started to beg (nothing new there

)
I made her pasta and chicken, she wasn't all that into it like she was what we were eating, just so happened to be Olive Garden. Well I gave her a clean piece of a pasta noddle, she ate it, same thing as in her bowl, so i gave her pasta out of her bowl, nope! So i rinsed off the Alfredo sauce and gave her about a 1/4 c. of mine...GONE

Well 3 am she woke us up vomiting (again) and it was the pasta. Confused, b/c she ate pasta and chicken earlier in the day and was fine.
This morning we gave her 100ml and she had a few kibbles of cereal. she pretty much stayed in bed under her blanket about 20 min later she had a little bit of diaherra. I gave her dose Carafate and 1/4 pepcid ..I had to leave her an hour later for work... Just breaks my heart.

Of course now I'm thikning "well, maybe she has an upset stomach and it will soon pass and she'll be a okay again" I pull at any glimmer of hope, she does eat, she did lick on some ice last night. I know there will be the "you just know its time" but at the same time, i hope we're not being selfish....she is urinating and her stools were fine up until this morning... Whouldn't another sign be, "when it's time" be when she not urinating or eating at all? She stands in the kitchen watching us for 10-15 min a few times a day....just thought I'd throw that in too.

143julz · 10-30-2008, 08:17 AM

Forgot to mention i am curently waiting on my bottle of Azdoyl (sp) i will start that rihgt away, i hope it's there when my husbans gets home for lunch. *fingers crossed*

pebstheyorkie · 10-30-2008, 08:25 AM

I've been checking the posts all morning to see how Julz is doing. She is doing all the things Pebbles was towards the end. I know how hard this is for you. It's so awful to see your little baby feeling so bad. Just hold her and lay next to her as much as you can and try not to cry in front of her (i wasn't good with that- couldn't help the crying). Praying for Julz...

Kristen

143julz · 10-30-2008, 08:30 AM

Kristen-

Thanks for your support. How long did this go on for with Pebbles? I'm seriously considering taking a leave from work to be with her her these are the final days, weeks, or month....Thanks

AND i will be updating on Julz, I feel all your support and appreciate all of you for caring for Julz and what we are going through

pebstheyorkie · 10-30-2008, 08:40 AM

Pebbles was diagnosed with kidney failure 2 years ago. She did well for almost 2 years. Two weeks before she passed things changed. She went downhill very quickly. She spent time in the hospital on IV's and still would not eat. We tried every food possible...it was beyond frustrating. Like you I ordered the Azodyl, only to find out it was on backorder. She was up several times throwing up with spots of blood in it. We took her in the next day and found she had stomach ulcers. It could have been treated with more hospitalization and daily Sub Q shots (Pebs was a biter and would have been beyond miserable if I gave her shots). If her mood had been different I would have tried the shots, but I knew we were just buying a few more weeks at best. I didn't want her last days to be in the hospital again, me giving her shots (her wondering why I was hurting her), starving herself. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but I think it was the right one. I knew when she had the bad night of throwing up that it was enough... I didn't want her having another night like that. Her age also helped me decide... at 15 we weren't going to get much more time. I'll always wonder if I should have done more, but I really think it was time.

10-29-2008, 04:04 AM	#17
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	My heart is breaking as i type....Julz did not eat last night liked i hoped after SQ treatment. She woke us up at 2:30 in the morning vomiting. This morning she ate a treat for my husband and was in the kitchen while i made her cream of wheat but in the end she turned and walked away. She just lays in bed curled in a ball, when i hold her she wants down and wants to be by herself. I am really torn with my thought that she is just having a bad day since she has been like this before and has gotten better...of course she would get better after a trip to the Dr. and get SQ, but now we've been giving them i just don't know whatelse could possibly make her feel better...she doesn't cry, but gosh from i read, the breath, not eating, she now walking a bit hunched too....i need direction. I'll call her Dr in a few minutes and see what he suggest.. __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!

10-29-2008, 04:54 AM	#18
IlovePepper Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Riverdale, NJ USA Posts: 38	Prayers for you and Julz I am crying as I read your post. I know how much your heart is breaking. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.

10-29-2008, 05:51 AM	#19
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	Well the phone call wasn't a relief, i was told that we could take "aggressive" measures and have IV therapy verses SQ. Meaning she would have to go to the vet office for 24 hr for treatment until the next relaspe and do it again. They could insert a feeding tube for nutrition.... OR make the decision. I asked about knowing if she is suffering or in pain if we just let her be. He said since she is not eating that her body is absorbing it's own muscel and protein for nutrition and that eventually she would slip into a coma and pass, there is no timeframe of that process, each dog is different. My husband is not home, but knows of the conversation i had with the vet. We had discussed a few weeks ago that if we were ever left with that option we would not choose IV and feeding tube, what quality of life is that really? He gets home at noon and we will give her SQ then and see if there is change. We have not been able to get her to take her thyroid med, Carafate, or vitamin, I'll try putting them in cheese and seeing if she gobbles it up. I hope she doesn't get sick without food in her stomach. fingers crossed __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!

10-29-2008, 07:50 AM	#20
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	My hubby came home early b/c he couldn't see us wait until noon. We gave her SQ (100ml) OUR DECISION TO INCREASE W/O DR. MENTIONED. So 30 minutes has passed and i made her wheat pasta and more boiled chicken, SHE ATE ALOT!!!! He gave her the med's in cheese and down they went. We'll give her another 100ml this evening and see how things go then. I know this is "short lived" but for now we'll take it, while she gives it to us, just her and another sign that it is not her time (at least today) it's day by day....Very heartwrenching to live this, see it and keep hoping. Can i tell you i feel a relief typing all this knowning I'm not alone....Thanks for giving me a place to talk about it. My supportitive husband can only take so much himself since it's his baby too. __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!

10-29-2008, 08:33 AM	#21
xmasbaby75 YT Graphic Artist Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: RI Posts: 9,607 Blog Entries: 2	I know exactly what you are going through. I already wrote a bit about my experience in one of the above posts. I remember that some days, after getting the SQ fluids, it really seemed to make a difference (increased hunger, a bit more energy, etc.) so we too, increased the fluids. How often is she getting them now? You really do have to take it one day at a time. It is very difficult, but each day is a blessing, and someday you will look back on this and know that you did everything you possibly could. My thoughts are with you. __________________ Shadow Dancer (RIP) , Gellica, Li'l Sapphire, Phantom, & Brandi Blu (RIP)

10-29-2008, 10:35 AM	#22
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	She was started her fluids 11 days ago, 50ml x 3 days then to every other day then Monday when her BUN was 210 we were told to increase 50 ml 2x daily, Monday night she didn't get a full dose, then yesterday she get it twice daily. Today we decided to increase it 100ml, whcih was about 10:30ish this morning, she ate, but now back to sleeping.... Tonight we'll give another 100ml and see what happens. Weather or not she eats, she is not drinking water at all the vet said OK as long as she is getting SQ?? You're so right that every day is a blessing and that's why I'm home from work today and possibily the rest of the week.. DAY BY DAY __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!

10-29-2008, 04:09 PM	#23
pebstheyorkie Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Hingham,MA Posts: 84	I have been reading you posts about Julz. I went through the exact same thing 6 weeks ago with my 15 year old Yorkie Pebbles. You will know when it is time. You will also know you did everything in your power. I don't know what I would have done without my friends at yorkietalk when I lost Pebbles. The people here have been through it and really do know how you feel. I'll be thinking of you and Julz.

10-29-2008, 04:54 PM	#24
pea496 Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Connecticut Posts: 1,511	I am in tears reading this. I don't have any experience with this, but I wish you luck with your baby. I hope you have some more quality time with her. __________________ Conner - my best buddy

10-29-2008, 07:11 PM	#25
Grizzley Bear MY HEART AND SOUL Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sacramento Posts: 566	Your post has touched my heart. I don't have any advice to give for I have not experienced what you are going through. I know Julz is one lucky girl to have you as parents. What a blessing you are to her. Please accept the hugs I am sending you and know that I will be thinking of you and I will say a prayer for all of you. Hugs to you and Julz. __________________ A + = My Grizzley Bear 10/12/95 to 10/10/2007:

10-30-2008, 08:13 AM	#26
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	Thanks for all your support, it really means more to me than i can even begin to tell you. Last night went so-so, my husband thougth by giving her 100ml might be too much since we just increased her ourself, without talking to the vet. While we were having dinner Julz started to beg (nothing new there) I made her pasta and chicken, she wasn't all that into it like she was what we were eating, just so happened to be Olive Garden. Well I gave her a clean piece of a pasta noddle, she ate it, same thing as in her bowl, so i gave her pasta out of her bowl, nope! So i rinsed off the Alfredo sauce and gave her about a 1/4 c. of mine...GONE Well 3 am she woke us up vomiting (again) and it was the pasta. Confused, b/c she ate pasta and chicken earlier in the day and was fine. This morning we gave her 100ml and she had a few kibbles of cereal. she pretty much stayed in bed under her blanket about 20 min later she had a little bit of diaherra. I gave her dose Carafate and 1/4 pepcid ..I had to leave her an hour later for work... Just breaks my heart. Of course now I'm thikning "well, maybe she has an upset stomach and it will soon pass and she'll be a okay again" I pull at any glimmer of hope, she does eat, she did lick on some ice last night. I know there will be the "you just know its time" but at the same time, i hope we're not being selfish....she is urinating and her stools were fine up until this morning... Whouldn't another sign be, "when it's time" be when she not urinating or eating at all? She stands in the kitchen watching us for 10-15 min a few times a day....just thought I'd throw that in too. __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!

10-30-2008, 08:17 AM	#27
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	Forgot to mention i am curently waiting on my bottle of Azdoyl (sp) i will start that rihgt away, i hope it's there when my husbans gets home for lunch. fingers crossed __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!

10-30-2008, 08:25 AM	#28
pebstheyorkie Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Hingham,MA Posts: 84	I've been checking the posts all morning to see how Julz is doing. She is doing all the things Pebbles was towards the end. I know how hard this is for you. It's so awful to see your little baby feeling so bad. Just hold her and lay next to her as much as you can and try not to cry in front of her (i wasn't good with that- couldn't help the crying). Praying for Julz... Kristen

10-30-2008, 08:30 AM	#29
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	Kristen- Thanks for your support. How long did this go on for with Pebbles? I'm seriously considering taking a leave from work to be with her her these are the final days, weeks, or month....Thanks AND i will be updating on Julz, I feel all your support and appreciate all of you for caring for Julz and what we are going through __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!

10-30-2008, 08:40 AM	#30
pebstheyorkie Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Hingham,MA Posts: 84	Pebbles was diagnosed with kidney failure 2 years ago. She did well for almost 2 years. Two weeks before she passed things changed. She went downhill very quickly. She spent time in the hospital on IV's and still would not eat. We tried every food possible...it was beyond frustrating. Like you I ordered the Azodyl, only to find out it was on backorder. She was up several times throwing up with spots of blood in it. We took her in the next day and found she had stomach ulcers. It could have been treated with more hospitalization and daily Sub Q shots (Pebs was a biter and would have been beyond miserable if I gave her shots). If her mood had been different I would have tried the shots, but I knew we were just buying a few more weeks at best. I didn't want her last days to be in the hospital again, me giving her shots (her wondering why I was hurting her), starving herself. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but I think it was the right one. I knew when she had the bad night of throwing up that it was enough... I didn't want her having another night like that. Her age also helped me decide... at 15 we weren't going to get much more time. I'll always wonder if I should have done more, but I really think it was time.