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Not sure what to do... My daughter is in 1st grade this year. It seems like at least once a week she gets a mark on her folder that she has been talking in class. I really don't know what to do. I have been trying to think of things I could ground her from but I just can't think of anything. I almost grounded her from gymnastics but we pay a lot of money for that each week and I don't think it would do any good anyway. It would be different if she was in trouble for talking on a day she has gymnastics...then I could see incorporating it into that...but she hasn't. so...today, I made her write "I will not talk in class" 20 times. she was ok with it for the first 9 times but after that she REALLY did not want to do it anymore. But I made her sit an do it...through her tears. do you think this is a good idea? and then if she continues to do it...I can take it a step further?? This is my only child so this is a learning experience for me...I just don't know how to keep her from talking in class. Her getting marks on her folder doesn't seem to be helping. Oh..and when they get in trouble in class, they have to move their star (on the magnetic board) from green to yellow, if they have to move it to red, the parents get called. so she has to do this in front of the classroom. so far she has only ever gotten to yellow. but you would think that getting reprimanded in front of her friends would make her want to stop. apparently not! she is really a good kid. never gets in trouble for much of anything...but she is a talker!!! I should have named her Gabby LOL any advice??? |
We had the same problem! I made them write sentences too. It WORKED. The key is to be consistent with it and make her do it - with or without tears. My oldest daughter would cry and drag it out until it would take her 5 or more HOURS to write 25 - 50 sentences. So then we gave her a set time to have them completely in and for every minute she went over that time that was one more sentence she had to write. I am not kidding you we sat up until 3am one night until she finished every single sentence. She didn't think I'd make her do it. I think after that she only had to write them one more time and she got them done in the time she was supposed to. I also take neatness into account. If I can't read it, they have to write it over. |
My suggestion would be to go talk to her teacher and if your daughter gets into trouble have her take away her recess for the day. Recess is the social event of the day for young students, she will still get to talk to her friends during the lunch hour, but missing out on recess will really get her attention. If she is acting up at school she should be punished at school not at home. just a thought! |
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I am planning on talking to the teacher to see what she thinks about this. I do think she needs to have some discipline at home as well. she needs to know that i will not tolerate bad behavior at school. she knows as soon as she gets in the car that she has to tell me she did something wrong and that she will be told that she is in trouble. so it's not like she forgot what she did and suddenly she is being punished. she understands what is going on. |
I think the key is finding something that lets the child know you mean business and ultimately stops the bad behavior. You will be able to tell if the punishment works if they stop doing whatever it is you are punishing them for (if she continues to come home week after week and is still talking and still having to write sentences----it's not working). You know what I mean? You have to figure out what works for your child. I'm was an English teacher before having my girls, so I personally wouldn't do the sentence writing, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't work for someone else. I want my kids to like writing and not view it as a punishment. JMO. My girls LOVE Hannah Montana (the tv show on Disney Channel). Since they don't get to watch a ton of tv, it is a big deal to them to see the show. I took it away once for bad behavior and it was a big enough disappointment that the problem stopped. Now I can say, if this happens again---you won't watch the new episode........blah, blah, blah. Hopefully you will be able to figure out what works for your daughter. :) :) :) |
Dont know exactly what you should do... but whatever it is, you must be consistant. If kids see that you dont enforce the rules/discipline - it will never work... Hope this helps.... |
Mandee I had this problem allllll the way through elementary school w/Christian. He is a talker, still is at 16 ( not in class though ) Anyway, he was a great honor student, teachers loved him he just could not shut up....not everyday, but you know. Anyway, what REALLY helped him was in middle school he took Drama 6-8 grades and I didn't have anymore problems. In Drama they got to get out and use all their " clowness " Maybe you can look into drama for kids until its offered in school for her. Good Luck! Angie |
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man...her attitude is killing me today. she is just pissy. she was fine for a while. but now she is just NOT listening. she is not allowed to play with maggie. she just isn't. she plays too rough and that is just a rule in this house. well...the only exception is that she can play fetch. well, she was playing fetch with the dogs and she decided to act like a dog and start running around on all 4's. well, she ran right over maggie!! now...maggie is recovering from a broken leg where my daughter dropped her (maggie was trying to get out of her arms and the accident just happened). so we are on edge with maggie anyway. well, i heard maggie yelp and told trinity to stop playing with her. the response i get from her is "i'm not playing with her" A flat out lie. so i told her that i know she is lying. she THREW the toy across the room and made this snotty little "umph" and so i sent her to her room to sit on her bed. now, she has just started going to girl scouts and her meeting is supposed to be tonight. i am debating on wether or not she should be going. she is super whiny and just all in all "pissy" (for lack of better word right now) |
I had the problem with my daughter and now with one of my granddaughters. I don't believe in taking away recess though and I know that is what a lot of teachers do. These little ones have to release their pent up energy and recess is the only time. My granddaughter is in kindergarten and has gotten her mark moved over to red several times. When asked why she talks she says she has funny stories to tell. Mandee I think your idea of writing sentences is great. Maybe at school she could eat lunch at a table by her self instead of missing recess. good luck |
man...kids are heart breakers. she wrote a note...and on the back of it it says "i don't like my mommy" :cry2: :cry2: then when i asked her if i could read it, she crossed out "don't" and wrote "do" what am i going to do with her??? |
Well, as far as the note I think she was just expressing her anger. That's OK. That is actually a HEALTHY way to express it. I understand what you are going through though. I have 3 of those little heartbreakers. |
I had a huge problem with my son when he started 1st grade this year also. I give him a quarter everyday that he doesn't get his name on the board for talking. (A little positive reinforcement) If he does talk, he gets a favorite toy taken away for the night. The last week of school he had an awful week and I took his playstation away for 3 days in a row and he had a FIT and I hated having to deal with him about it. But you know what? This week, he has been AWESOME!! LOL His teacher said he has been so well behaved this week.:D |
Someday our children can be a challenge. ;) How long has she been back to school? She might just be "adjusting" to all the new things that come with a new year? Where is she sitting? Does she need to be moved away from a person or a distration? Did you ask her what see was talking about? My oldest DD has ADD so I completely understand a gabbby child. Mine talks non-stop from the time she get up in the morning until she goes to bed...literally!:) |
I just Bought the book How to talk to kids so they will listin and listin so they will talk. I have not gotten to far but I am loving it :) Sabrina is adhd and we have struggled with her talking in class and other things for a while now. she is in 4th grade. But I have been trying some of the things they tell you in the book and they work:) http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-.../dp/0380811960 here it is an amazon. |
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and it encouraged her to talk to me about how she feels. it just kills me inside every time tho. i try not to let her know that :) |
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You guys are breaking my heart!! Mine are 18 and 21 now, but boy do I remember the days......... As I said before in other threads, I used a lot of Cesar Milan's dog psychology on my kids. ;) Firm, tough LOVE - lots and lots of love. But I am the boss, albeit a fair boss. Our cardinal sin in our house was lying. You could get through the discipline of whatever you did if you owned up to it (IMO the biggest lesson in life). Lying got you into BIG trouble, and they learned that early. I think you're doing a GREAT job trying to be firm and fair. It's not going to feel like you're winning at the time.... only will you truly believe that you were a good mom (who, by the way WILL make mistakes along the way) until they are grown. Up until then, you just have to keep at it and have faith in yourself. The talking is frustrating... but remember, of all the things you could be dealing with, that's something that you can get through...... Hugs to you to get you through. I'm so impressed!! |
I have a 13 year old and a four year so I've been there and will be there again. :) What I would say first of all is that having to turn her card once a week is not bad for a first grader. It's hard to have a lot of self control at that age. I think that if you are not being called by the teacher because she has not gotten to the red star or whatever then I would probably discuss it with her and talk about how she could remind herself before she starts talking but I wouldn't make too big of a deal out of it. She's only what 6? Remember when we were in school and we had that long recess and it just seems that kids have to grow up too quick nowadays and they don't have that much time to just be kids. She's more social and that is not a bad thing and in life later on it may be one of her very best assets. Yes, she needs to learn when to listen and not talk but she will. My oldest was always a talker and my youngest is more on the shy side. I love how Anthony (13yr old) can go into a group of people and seem to make friends right away. I was always on the shy side and had a lot to be nervous about growing up and I just love how he can be so outgoing. I know the teachers don't always like it so much.... but he controls it now and doesn't have any trouble at all in school. I'm sure your little girl will too. |
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so i know where her teacher is coming from...we deal with this at home all the time. even eating dinner...she will suddenly get up and go do a cartwheel. we just look in amazement...and she will say "sorry" and come back to the table to eat. she just has so much she wants to do...and not enough time :) yes, one bad mark in a week for talking is not bad...but at the beginning of this month...she has 4 days one week, 2 days another week, and then this week...1 day so far. so it is not a one time deal...she has been doing this a lot lately and she just needs to learn that there is a time to talk, and a time to pay attention. and i'm sure that the teacher does not give her that mark at the first sign of her talking...she was more than likely told several times to stop talking, then had to move her star and put a mark on her folder. that is the part that she needs to understand....if you are told to stop talking by your teacher...you need to do it. bottom line. |
Hi Mandee...sounds like you have a wonderful little girl going through a not so wonderful phase right now. I don't have any children yet, but I LOVE children, and have worked in many daycares, after school programs, and for a few years as a full time nanny. Here's my advice: -I think you should ask your daughter why she talks in class? Why does she think it's OK to talk in class? Then ask her what SHE thinks should happen at home if she gets in trouble at school-sometimes, you'll find that kids have GREAT ideas on how they should be disciplined! She might decide that if she gets in trouble at school, that she should lose privileges, write sentences, or do chores for her behavior-all great ideas (you can help to guide her to an appropriate consequence). The next time she gets in trouble, you can help her to follow through with her own consequence that she decided on! -I know she's been on your nerves (the note, lying about Maggie). You might give her a special notebook that is just for her to draw and write in to get these things out! Call it the "feelings" book or something like that, and make it available to her at all times-put it in her room, or on a shelf in the kitchen where she can easily get to it. When she feels like acting up, or when you catch her acting up, ask her to go and write down or draw a picture in that book about her feelings. Then you two can read it together and talk about her feelings, her behavior, and how to remedy what is bothering her. There could be something else that is on her mind that is causing her to act up at home and at school. -I might also recommend that you give her a new time out place, rather than in her bedroom. A stair, a rug, a chair, or other designated area would work well. If you need to get away for a bit, YOU leave the room, but it might help the situation to keep her in the room where the offensive behavior occured, rather than sending her away. In my experience, using childrens' bedrooms as time out spaces sometimes leads to bedtime/naptime issues. Just some ideas I had...I understand how difficult kids can be sometimes! You'll get through it, and you're a great parent-just hang in there! Hugs to you! |
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thank you so much!! |
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I think I'm sentimental today, it's my mom's birthday (she passed away almost 7 years ago, when I was 17). |
awe, i'm so sorry about your mom. i never had my mom...so i strive to be the best i can for her. it is so hard and so many times i feel like i am not doing a good job. so it means so much to have you say that :) and yes, she is a great kid. she really is. super smart!!! and a total sweetheart. we are just going to have to figure out how to get past this :) and we will...and we will be better for it :) thanks again good night :) mandee Quote:
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Anyways, enough about me..... I think you're a good mom and you'll find the best way to handle it.... good luck! |
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i sometimes wonder if i am too strict. but i grew up in a VERY strict "childrens home" (almost like an orphanage) and even tho i hated it there, i learned sooooooooooooo much. i don't want to be like they were...and i'm not even close...but i do try to instill the same values (just in a nicer way LOL) I want her to know that if she is in trouble at school, i will know about it, and i will not be happy. so she needs to really try to stay focused and pay attention. about recess, i totally agree with you. i think they get a half hour for recess. and on days that they have PE, they don't get recess at all :eek: :eek: a lot of us parents have a big problem with that. i, too, think that they need that time to "release". she is a super smart kid...she can read and write better than anyone in her class, she catches on to her math really quick. and seems to be able to work things out really easy. i guess i worry a lot that she will end up like i was in school and not do good. she is so smart and i see so much potential with her, so when i know she is talking instead of paying attention, i want her to know that it is not ok. but maybe this is just a phase and will pass :) but if the teacher feels the need to discipline her at school, then i think it is my responsibility to re-enforce that. she needs to know that it is not ok to disobey the teacher. |
If that doesn't work make her right why she talks in class 20 times. Then how she can stop talking in class 20 times the next time. She'll get tired of it real fast. You'll have to right the first sentence after she tells you why, and how, but she then can copy over the sentence. I use to do that and when they got older I made them right 100 word essays. |
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