What age to let teen start to date??
 

My oldest son will be 14 October 25. He has liked this girl sense March. She has come over to our house a few times and they sat out on the porch talking, we have meet her parents all that stuff. Well he wants to take her to the movies and ask her to be his girlfriend:eek: I don't know if I am ready for this. My husband is fine with this but I just don't know! My mom was strict and we did not have dates and that till we were 16!! My friends were a lot younger then me when they started to date so is 14 too young? I also do not want his grades to drop he's an A student with a 4.0 grade point right now!

Well, it seems like he has been pretty open and honest with you about it, especially if you have met the girl. And you know that since he is pretty young, you would need to be there for driving, etc, and could chaperone. Maybe you should just sit down with your husband and discuss some rules and limitations, like they can't be alone together, or whatever makes you comfortable, and then talk to your boy about it. If you get to a point when you don't feel like you can trust what he is doing, then talk to him about what makes you uncomfortable. Encouraging him to be open with you and allowing things as long as you both can be upfront and honest is going to greatly improve your relationship! You sound like a wonderful mama!

If I had a girl, though, I would tattoo JAILBAIT on her head and lock her in a room until she was 21!:D

I think I was about 14 when I started to go to the movies with boys. Of course my parents sat on the other side of the theatre. As long as we weren't alone they were okay with it. I was 16 when I started to really date. They still kinda kept a close eye on me. I had to say where I was going, who all was there, and I had curfew. I believe it was 10:00. Then once I was 18 my curfew moved to 12:00 midnight, except on weekends then I was allowed to spend the night with my boyfriend, now husband. I think my parents were pretty fair with me, I never complained. :)

If he is open and honest and you feel you trust him then i don't see a problem...However i would not allow them to go alone they are to young to not have a chaperone. I would also talk with the girls parents so you are all on the same page. Sex is starting earlier now days and to be on the safe side i would limit their Alone time.. Why not invite her family over for dinner and have a nice talk about what is expected from them including keeping grades up and no sex..

OMGoodness, you are likely to kill your kids if you want to talk about them not having sex at the dinner table! Why don't you leave that to your DH when they can be alone!

But I think having them all over is a great idea.

He seems really level headed, and I think he'll be ok. Besides if they want to be together they'll find a way, and I'd rather have them open and honest. This way there's no sneaking around, which could cause you a lot more problems.

Oh boy...I feel ur pain LOL

Honestly I think its great that he came to you and was open and honest about it. I know how you are feeling but i think its better to give him permission and be able to monitor their relationship than to say no and have him sneaking out and lying about where he is. Most children will go ahead and do it with or without their parents ok.

That's a tough age. I would strongly encourage "group dates". For example...hey, do you know any others who want to see that movie? Maybe you can all go together?

It does sound like he talks to you and that's WONDERFUL!! :D I would ask him to suggest limits to set and discuss them with her parents as well. If they come up with their own rules, they are more likely to follow them. :thumbup:

I would be very careful about unsupervised times such as days off from school when parents are at work etc... You need some very clear limits about those times.

I think you would be better off letting him that saying no, as then he might just do it anyway but it will be hidden. I know thats what I did, lol.

Well, at 14 it's not like he can drive himself anywhere so you have control over where they go, that's good. I think if you're too strict it bites you in the end. I knew girls who got pregnant BEFORE they were allowed to date:(
I think communication is the best, and letting him know that you trust him.

I have two boys that aren't there yet but have started puberty. I had that uncomfortable talk about puberty and sex stuff with them because I wanted them to know that body changes are normal, liking the opposite sex is normal and that I've always felt only people in love have sex. Anytime someone has sex they risk bringing another life into the world and why would you do that with someone you don't love?

Kuddo's to you for having a son that trusts you enough to ask and for getting good grades.

My parents always told me that I couldn't date until I was 16. I was a good girl and never did anything (sneaking out, drinking, drugs, etc) so when I found a great guy a few months before I turned 16 they let me date him. We've been together for four years now lol

My sister (will be 15 on Sept. 25) on the other hand, is more like most teenagers. She's rebellious and tells Mom & Dad she's going places with girl friends when really she's going with boys and stuff like that. This is how most teenagers react to rules like that.

Now, here's my two cents, I think that you should let him go to the movies with the girl and if they start dating, tell him that he's allowed to take her out a couple times a month on weekends only & if he wants to see her other than that it'll have to be at one of their houses w/ parents home.

PS - don't go to the movies with them (like sit behind them in the theatre) that really sucks. Maybe you could go to a different movie or go to supper something so you're not bored for a few hours while waiting to pick them up.

Thank you all for the replies! I am pretty lucky that we have such a great relationship with our boy's, I couldn't ask for better kids!

I like the chaperone idea! That way we could still monitor what is going on. I do not let him over to her house unless I have talked to her mother and know that she is home. I do not work outside my home, so mostly she comes over here and they will sis and talk. They also take the 10 and 12 year old on a walk around the block sometimes, but someone is always around!

I am glad that he is a boy because if I had a daughter, I think that she would not be allowed out o our house till she was 21 too!! My husband would not be able to handle having girls!!

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

My brother just had a baby girl, first kid, and grandkid in the family! And he is already talking about getting a security system to keep the boys out and her in!!!

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I think you should let him date. I went to movies with guys at that age. But when I moved in with my Aunt, my bf and I would go upstairs in my room... and thats when I did things that I should't have done.. I think hes ok to date, but make sure they stay around you. Just have a friendly relationship!!!

[QUOTE/]PS - don't go to the movies with them (like sit behind them in the theatre) that really sucks. Maybe you could go to a different movie or go to supper something so you're not bored for a few hours while waiting to pick them up.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, and maybe you could have him spend his own money on the movie for them (assuming he has any) so that you know he wouldn't ditch a movie he already paid for! Just talking from experience of being a sneaky kid!

My really much younger sister group dated until she was 18. This was really her choice, as she had a large group of friends (both boy and girl). They would be dropped off at movies and picked up after the movie. We would go a little early and watch them walk out of the theatre!

Honestly I think 16 is a good age. I have three children and this discussion has come up with Hubby. Although there is no good age really but I think 16 is a more mature age and you have to be able to show that maturity. Mommy shouldn't have to pay for dates. I think that kids have so much pressure towards growing up and sex that it's best if we can delay them a bit. I personally feel if they start too early the other things we want to avoid will start earlier as well. I have seen it happen with my now 15 year old nephew. My ex-sil thought it was cute to say he had a girlfriend when he was like 11 or so and set him and the little girl up for a little date at the movies...well it just went on from there. At 13 he engaged in some sort of sexual activity with a little friend of his (found out by reading a blog he had created)..that only peaked his curiosity more. So on it went from there. I know now at 15 he has indeed had sex and seems to be very itchy for more. Kids really are dumb (I keep tabs on him through his myspace page) and they put their business out there. I am scared because these kids are growing up way toooo fast. I click on the pages of some of his friends....lemme tell you these girls are hot in the pants these days. God help us all.

Good luck in deciding. I personally vote for them waiting until they are 16. I think it's awesome that he feels that he can talk to you. It's very hard because you dont' want them sneaking around and it's absolutely awesome that he is comfy talking to you.

It's definetly worse with girls, because their the one's that come home pregnant. I've always encouraged and even took my daughter to get birth control. I'd rather be safe then sorry. I gave her the whole birth control doesn't keep you from getting sexually transmitted diseases. It turned out pretty well, except she told me some things I didn't know myself. LOL

I really think the group date is the way to go for awhile. My boys did that until they were 16 or 17. It just seemed to make it less awkward for everyone. You're not really saying "no" just go "as a group".

i have a 13 year old son so i think I know what you are going thru. :( My son is also a very nice boy and not one of the "mature" kids in his grade level. We talk very openely and honestly about anything really but I've always tried to explain things about sex and puberty and that kind of stuff so that he knew he could come to me and for the most part I think he does. Sometimes there are some things I wish he wouldn't ask! :eek: Well, not really, I just wish they were things he hadn't heard on the bus and wanted to know what they meant! Anyways, so far our rule has been that he could go on "group" dates. In other words, if he wanted to go to the movies with a few friends and that special girl that would be fine. Or to friendly's for ice cream sundaes or something like that. This really hasn't come up yet but there is a girl he likes at school but he can barely say "hi". As he gets older and things change so quickly now, we might have to modify that and play it by ear but that's what we say now. Good luck whatever you decide!!

I'm 15 and I have been allowed alone on dates since I was 12....

I have been dating the same person for over 2 years, we've been alone in each others rooms and home alone for a long time and I didnt do anything like "that" until this year (after talking to my mom!) and I'm almost 16.

And did I mention I wouldnt have Abby if it wasn't for him? that was my 2 year anniversary present! (w/ a $750 dollar price tag!)

I have always had good grades, I'm in 10th grade and already have $450 in scholarship money.

I'm not sure some people will appreciate my chiming in, but I just thought you might want the opinion of someone closer to his age.

I have a just turned 13 year old daughter. DH thinks it would be OK to let her group date now. I think it will be ok to let her date when pigs fly and hell freezes over - twice.

I think what we may do it let her group date while we watch without her knowing it (spy is such an ugly word lol). If after a few times we see that we can trust her, we may let her do movies with a group a friends.

Thats awsome. I was kinda in your same boat. I was told by everyone, don't do it you will regret it. Save your self for your husband.. well I was a teenager, and that means don't listen to your parents. Now I regret it. I wish I didn't do it. So when I get married one day, I won't be "clean" for my husband. You are in a teenage stage right now, later on you will realize what I am saying. I have been with my bf for almost 3 years, and I love him to death, and hopefully I will get to marry him, but I still regret doing what I did. :(

My mom did that, and we are very open. And I went and got birth control, and never used it.. bad idea on my part!

My daughter is 14. We let her go to the movies with a boy, but there is nothing else to do in our town, so all of their friends are at the movies too. It turns into a group date if they like it or not. My Husband is going to have a nervous breakdown before she grows up and gets married. It stresses him out so bad.

I don't think having a girlfriend at that age is a big deal, but I wouldn't let him be "alone" with her. Group dates, where there's a group of guys and gals is probably okay :)
I was not allowed to have guys in my room EVER, not even when I was engaged, and I respected my parents wishes(they were my wishes too).

LOL!! Speaking of girls in their rooms. My son is 20 and I STILL don't let him have a girl in his room (at our house) with his door shut. I do not feel comfortable with it, and he respects that. Call me old fashioned, but that's how it is in our house. I do think it's a little over the top though! :rolleyes:

haha, it is a little over the top...but I understand it! I'm 25, and got married 18 months ago, and it's even kind of weird for me to sleep in the same bed as my husband in my grandparents house or at his parents' homes. When we stay over there during holidays, it's kind of a weird feeling when we're laying on the sofa bed together and they call "goodnight" from the hallway...I spent so many of my teens and early 20's NOT laying next to boyfriends when parents were around that it took some getting used to now that it's "allowed".