I think its great that you're chiming in! :D

I had a similar experience. I'm 18 now, and have been allowed to date since whenever I wanted to. I went on my first date and had my first boyfriend when I was a sophomore in highschool, but could have done it sooner if I wanted too. I think it is because my mom was so easy-going that I waited until I felt comfortable to concern myself with all that romantic stuff. I plan to parent my future children the same way. I sincerely believe that if you put all these rules and restrictions on teens, they will rebel, and do it anyway behind your back, and even push farther than they would have on their own terms.

As for his grades dropping, I really don't think thats a factor here. I maintained a 4.3-4.7 GPA throughout highschool, and was accepted to every college I applied to (From Yale to UCLA to Whittier College, the small liberal arts school that I chose to attend). I think its important for teens to learn to balance a social life and academic and other responsibilities while they're still in high school, or else it will be overwhelming when they go off to college and finally are allowed to do everything that their parents never allowed them to (which is why I think partying, drinking, sex, and drug use is so prevelant on college campuses).

OMGOSH!!!!!! I can't handle this. i have a daughter and I am just going to DIE the day I know she has S-E-X :eek: :eek: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i honestly agree with everyone that if he is coming to talk to you about it, it says a lot about him. and it's great that he is being open and honest with you. give him the same respect :) be honest with how you feel. and let him enjoy having a girlfriend but keep it somewhat controlled. sounds like you are on the right track with him :)

Lol! :D

But won't you feel great when she comes to you and shares that special moment with you? Rather than her hiding it and hoping you'll never find out? Its going to happen regardless...;)

i hope and pray we have that kind of relationship. that is what i strive for on a daily basis. i hear people all the time "don't be her friend, be her mother". well, i think you have to be both. otherwise, you will not have the kind of relationship that is needed when times like this come up.

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Amber, I love you, but how would you feel if your parents and your teenage boyfriend's parents talked about you too having sex, over dinner!? Lol, that would be beyond embarrassing, right?

I have to say 16 and over is an appropriate age to "date" even then I would be pretty strict. I think 14 is too young..I have 15 and 13 year old boys and a 10 year old daughter...none want to date yet and that is fine..I mean they have "girlfriends" at school and they talk online or hang out as groups but alone time....no way no how...they dont sneak around as they havent asked to go out yet but when the time comes I will tell them they have to be 16 or over to go out together alone. My mom let me date at 14 and she always thought she was keeping a close eye on me...all it did was give me more adult feelings and thoughts. I was pregnant as a teenager so anything I can do to prevent it with my kids I will do. My common law calls my boys Momma's Boys but thats juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine with me lol...they can stay that way until they are adults as far as Im concerned...for now they are concentrating on school. I am only speaking from my own experiences but when I started dating young my focus was off school work and on boys and dating and partying as I was allowed to act more mature than I really was...hope this makes some sense...I vote for group dates and limiting the amount of time they spend together..:)

Dawn

I always agree with what you have to say in your posts but this time I have to disagree...I think there is a time to be a mother and a time to be a friend. At 14 its not time to be their friend...at 18 yes..but at 14 I just dont see it being possible..I have three kids 15, 13 and 10..mind you we get along famously I am still the "mother" and dont try to take on the roll of friend..they have friends and they need a mother to lead them in the right direction whether they like it or not lol...I know I sound like a drill sargent but I swear Im not...my kids know I love them and I know they love me but I am a very strict mother..I guess its because I had a more "friend" like mother growing up...and it didnt work for me...I did what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted because Mom thought of me as mature and old enough to be her "friend"..I wasnt and I needed the guidance of a Mom..someone to just say NO lol...ok ill get off my soapbox now lol..

Dawn

I let My Son go to the movies with a girl when he was 14. He didnt seriously date anyone untill he was 17 though

&tI can see that...i just think there needs to be a little of both. I think the mother role is the most important role you can play in your kids' lives. but they need to know that i want her come to me the way she would friends if it is something big.

i have a lot to learn :) my daughter is only 6 :)

EXACTLY!!!! almost everyone I know is like that b/c of their parents. My mom was like that as a teenager, & ended up getting pregnant with me. And my mom knows why she did it, b/c my grandparents were so strict on her. so she acts more like a friend to me, and that makes me feel like I can trust her and talk to her about that kind of stuff, which I do. Hoenstly I dont know how I would be if we didnt have this kind of relationship.

I am a friend AND a drill sergeant! My girls tell me everything, even things I wish they didnt.. LOL...
they were both allowed to have a "friend" at 13 or 14 but there weree no "dates".. neither of them were ever allowed to ride in a vehicle, with ANYONE under 17. My 21 year old is very mature, had the ability to make her own decisions but knew to abide by the rules of the MOM... she still has a curfew and always abides and is very open about where and when she is going where... My 16 year old had a little harder time dealing with the rules but she knows where the line is, always....
we have a super open relationship and talk about things most people would never openly discuss. This makes them have trust in me that I will trust them to make their own decisions(usually always the right one)
I beleive strongly to give them the responsiblity, then they will learn to accept it and behave accordingly.
I am so proud of the super "people" I have raised, they are caring, smart, and very respectful....
good luck to you with your baby boy...
d

i think group dating is the way to go and as far as someone talking about how young they were when they were in each others ooms for long periods and etc. My only comment is to shake my head and wonder where in the world were the parents heads to allow this.

Not ALL kids rebel...I did not rebel against my mother at all. My mother is a very sweet and loving mother, but she didn't hesitate to tell me no whenever she knew it was something inappropriate that I was asking. She let me go out with groups of friends (guys and girls). I had my first boyfriend at the age of 15, but was never alone with him, always with friends. I went on my first "alone" date when I was 17, but I never had a boy in my room, not even when I was engaged. My mom never came out and said "You can't have a guy in your room", but I knew that I would never put my mom in that position to have to say that to me, so I knew the boundaries that I needed to respect. I lived under my mom's roof until the day I got married. Never spent the night at my fiance's(now husband) house.

I think I'm gonna have to stop posting in here, I've got some pretty strong opinions about some things people have said.

I think 14 is fine.

Don't be to overly protective of him. The last thing you want is him lying to you.

Wow, thats kind of judgemental. Honestly, I would be happy to have a duaghter that I could trust to behave appropriately, even when I wasn't around. You can't always watch your kids, and its a true test of your parenting when your children are able to show their own moral values by judging what is and is not appropriate.

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is this about ME?!?!?

thank you :)

u guys are lucky... im 22 and my mom is sooooooooooo strict still ... like :confused: i know ur gonna say i can do whatever i want cuz im an adult, but its not like this in their house and i cant even move out yet cuz i just graduated and i need to find a job......

My head is reeling from this thread! My daughter will be 13 in May. I'm not ready for any of this!!!!!!!

I didn't start dating until I was 17 and glad that I waited. I've told my daughter that she can start at 16 IF she was mature enough.

I think you should let him.. I'm almost 16 and and I'm not allowed to date.. And I seriously hate it.

Wow, thanks all, you all have great points. I would like that he stay open and honest with us. I guess that a group date is fine but I think that I would prefer a chaperone to be around just to be on the safe side, after all it's not like he is old enough to drive himself around! He is very mature for his age, he has alway's been mature to the point that you tend to forget his real age when talking with him. My husband and I told him we wanted to go over a few things and then we will sit down and have a talk with him about what we decide to go about this. It's hard for me because of how strict my own mother was with me and my 3 sisters. I don't want to be too strict myself but their has to be rules if we go ahead and let him go on movie dates!

My teens are 17 & 19 and were not allowed to date until they were 16.
We did allow them to go in groups to the movies or out to eat or just have everyone over and hang out at our house. I just always made sure we had soda and juice in the fridge and snacks in the cupboard. Every Friday night we would order pizza or bbq. Sure our grocery bill went up but it gave us piece of mind as well as the kids a place to go.
We let them know we would check in on them or we would watch movies together.
We have a good relationship with most of the kids and the kids still stop by just to talk with my husband or me. It also gives you a chance to get to know the kids and make some judgement calls to interfere if you need to.We even had one friend of our sons live with us for about 4 months last year. He calls me his second mom...we really got him turned around and back on track.

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I think it's scary no matter the sex of your child. My mom always figured she had nothing to worry about with her son....wrong. When my brother was a HS senior his girlfriend got preggers. Her mom threw her out and she came to live with us. So either way your in big trouble. I have two girls and a boy and it scares me spitless watching how these kids are now a days. I have heard the most vulgur things come out of the mouths of young teen girls on teh train in the morning. I think it's great you kept an open line of communication and took her to get BC.

My mom was great with me. She was and still is my best friend. I went to her for EVERYTHING. I would go on dates and my mom would be up waiting to hear if it was good or bad. Did he kiss you? Was it good? I didn't mind sharing. I was 17 when put on the pill. I felt comfortable enough to go to her and talk to her about it. She said she respected the way I came to her to tell her that I thought I was ready instead of just going out and doing it and regretting it later. I didn't get yelled at for it, I didn't get praised at for it, I was told both sides. My mom was def. the best mom and friend I could of asked for. I didn't go out and party. I've never smoked and I drank once after I got married. Kids will do whatever they want believe me. My brother is the complete opposite of me. My parents always had a little bit different of a relationship with him. Not their choice but his. They regret that they let him get so distant from them. He dropped out of high school, smokes, parties, gets in trouble all the time, doesn't have a job, you name it. Just don't let him get distant. It's great that he is like this now. My brother was about 16 when he got distant from my parents. You can't let them get by with everything, but I think you should meet them halfway. It will pay off in the long run. :)

You're welcome. You sound like a really mature and responsible girl, and it sounds like your mom had a really big part in that. :D

yea she knows that I have the same "rebelious" attitude as her, so she doesnt force me to rebel, the way my grandparents did to her. I'm glad she understands it to, I really dont know where I would be without the relationship I have with my mom. When I told her I was thinking about having sex she just gave me a few facts and told me that she would trust me to be safe, and I'm glad she reacted that way. It just made me trust her that much more, knowing that I could even talk to her about sex.