My 3rd graders teacher yelled at them then said "DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS!!"
 

ok, week 2 of school, and I was expecting "Third grade is HARD!" What I was not expecting was an 8 year old boy who didn't want to go to sleep, crying about not wanting to go to school in the morning.

Apparently, his new teacher yelled at several of them and made them write their name on the board. Then told them they'd better not tell their parents because the parents would be up at the school trying to get her fired!!!

What the h***???? Anybody out there have any input on this? My son and I have a very close relationship. His dad told him once not to tell me something and it just tore him up for days and days until he finally did. Now he's crying because some teacher that I haven't even got to know is thinking the parents will try to get her fired? Where there is smoke???

Any teachers out there that can reassure me about this...I'm waiting!!!

Wow! I'm not a teacher and I have no kids, but that sounds bizarre. I think you absolutely have to talk to the teacher and the principal, right away. If the teacher really said that, he or she should be fired on the spot. And if your kid is making up stories, you want to know about that too.

I am not a teacher, I am a mother of a now grown daughter and a grandmother of an 8 yr old boy. I would be at the school first thing in the morning and introduce myself to the principal and the teacher and find out what the "H" is going on. That is abuse. There is no excuse for anything like that going on. That kind of stuff went on in the '60's at private schools & that's where it needed to end. If I didn't get results with them I would visit the Superintendent of Schools & the School Board President. Someone needs to speak up for children when something like this happens. To be told not to speak to their parents is a cruel mind game. I'm sorry if my input is a little over the top.....I just don't like to see kids bullied by adults.

I would walk be up at the school first thing in the morning speaking with that teacher. That is not exceptable behaviour coming from a teacher.

I won't get into my issues, but I have had nothing but problems with my 7yr old son. He has been to he$$ and back since he started school at 5 1/2yrs. He has been to bed crying many of times.

The only advise I can offer is to get up to the school, show your son that you will not tolerate anybody putting him in such a postion and that he can trust you and tell you anything.

Good luck and please keep me posted with what the teacher has to say.

I'm a teacher. I have been teaching in an elementary school for over 20 years. In this day and age, I would never tell a child to keep something from their parents!!!
Since your child is very upset, I would write the teacher a note asking her to give you a call. (Don't write why you want to talk to her.) When she calls you can then get her side of the story. Maybe the teachers were told to use positive discipline, not negative, and she didn't want to get caught. (Not that what she said was right.). Or maybe the teacher was joking. (I once jokingly told 2nd graders that I was moving to Alaska. I had parents wishing me well at the end of the year.)
Judging by the teacher's explanation, you will know if you need to discuss this incident with the principal. Your child should not go to bed upset and not want to go to school.
Good luck.

I worked at my daughters elementary school (she is now homeschooled) for several years and this is unexceptable!!! I would definitely set up a meeting with the teacher or a phone meeting...if that gets you no where, go straight to the principal.

It is normal for kids to get their names on the board (if they misbehaive or not complete their in class work), and in most cases, they either sit in the hallway to get their work down or sit in a certain area outside at recess or sit in the office until recess is over....this is what we use to do.

But her yelling and then telling them NOT to tell the parent's, etc....that just says to me that she has had issues in the past and she is afraid of what might happen....big warning sign!!

I remember when my daughter was in kindgarten, the kids all had to sit with their classmates in the hallway until school began (teachers in the room). I would always walk her in and wait and then walk her to her classroom....there was a different teacher on "morning" duty each day; which they all had to follow pretty much the same rules....course, some were more strict, some more easy going.

This is ONE teacher for a hallway of K-4th grade students (each sitting against the wall by their rooms - K sat by the library). They all had a tub of books to look thru and read while they wanted.

On this particular morning, my daughter and I were rummaging thru the book tub by her classmates and we are talking about which ones looked good (she loved books). The duty teacher yelled to be quiet....I never thought she was talking to us.....THEN she came to my daughter and said that she had told her once to be quiet and sit down and wanted her to stand with her nose on the wall. Boy, you can imagine how pissed off I was. I had been squatted down going thru the books and I stood straight up and (being the professional I am and the good mommy), nicely told her that she would not yell at my daughter (which was bawling) and that she would not be repremanding for talking to her mother. We went straight to the principals office. That was VERY uncalled for. Later that year, the whole morning routine was changed (for the better) and I have to admit, I am sure that I played at big part in that change!

Another thing......

I was just over at a friends house and she was showing me pictures of her daughter that the daycare took.

She told me the story about the pictures.....

The parents had no clue that a professional photogragher would be taking their children's pictures....the pictures were to be a gift to the parents from the daycare owner.

Well, my friends daughter came home and said that a man was there and called them one by one into a room to take pictures.......

Can you imagine what my friend thought!!!! Just a few months before, a local daycare owner and her husband were arrested for child abuse (horrible story that I won't even repeat)....so she immediately called the daycare and the owner and to apologize and told her that it was a special surprise/gift for the parents.

Of course, the pictures turned out just beautiful......but still!

I just wanted to mention this because (like mentioned above) in this day and age, you can never be too careful!

My son had a terrible teacher last year and it's totally scarred him. Be sure you are heard, this type of behavior will only get worse as the year goes on. I am so thrilled with my son's teacher this year, he really needed her. She is lifting his confidence and spirits daily.

I would suggest that after the confrontation with the teacher and/or principal (I suggest "and") that you have your son moved to another classroom, as I think it would be afraid she may hold it against him that he told you and got her in trouble.

DEFINITELY go talk to the teacher and if nothing gets resolved then maybe talk to another parent and see if their kid said the same thing.. maybe all go in to talk to the principle together about what happened..

:thumbup: :thumbup: Yep a discussion with the teacher needs to be arranged to determine exactly what went down and how it can be prevented in the future. Nip it early in the year so he doesn't have to deal with these feelings all year.

I am a middle school Spanish teacher. I will let you know that I would never tell me kids NOT to say something to their parents. First of all, I like to keep the communication lines open. Second of all, what you tell kids not to do they will do anyway, it's like telling the sun not to shine. So teachers have to make sure that they are always doing the right thing and watching their backs. Now, I am not a person that yells, but I have done it a couple of times in extreme circumstance. But then again, I teach middle school not elementary. But when I yelled, I never would have told them not to tell their parents.

I will say though too, schools, teachers, and education DO get blamed for a lot of irrational things. We have a trigger happy and lawsuit society unfortunately. She may be TOO paranoid about something happening to her.

However with all that aside, I would definitely write a note to have her call you and for you to discuss it rationally first to get her full story. Based on her reactions and explanation, you will know if you need to seek further assistance (from principal, etc.) and/or move your child out of the class. Most of the time, things like this are just a misunderstanding/miscommunication. So, give her the benefit of the doubt until you know otherwise. Keep us posted!

I went through hell and back with my oldest daughter's 5th grade teacher. In our case she was using humiliation as a form of punishment. I won't go into details but some of the things she made the kids (not just my daughter although she seemed to catch the brunt of it) do were just horrid! She did end up getting fired. I can tell you I was up at that school in that principal's office at least 2 - 3 times a week.

I am a very firm believer in standing up for and protecting my kids. If my child came home and was crying and telling me their teacher did something and then told them not to tell their parents I would be up at that school so fast your head would spin.

First, I would be nice and polite and speak with the teacher. If it happened after that, principal. Any time after that principal and superintendent.

I'm studying to be a teacher, and she should get fired. I'd go straight to the Principal with this, and make sure you tell him the whole story. Good teachers don't teach through intimidation.

I would go to the school. period.

also I would let your son know that he has doen nothing wrong and that you have his back.

First of all, I am so sorry that your little boy is upset and I hope you can get to the bottom of this issue.
I do think that teachers have the hardest job in the world. I definitely would not want their job!!! I volunteer at my son's school alot and I see that all the teachers have a huge problem with disciplining children. There are so many rules and guidelines that teachers have to follow regarding disciplining children but I can assure you that yelling at your child is not one one them. However, I have seen the writing of names on the board used a lot....or some teachers have a system of "pulling a card" (cards have each childs name on it )....the goal each day is to not have your name on the board OR to not have to "pull a card". The first question I ask my son each day after school, "did you have to pull a card today?" No cards pulled means that he behaved well that day.
Perhaps you should discuss with your childs teacher her discipline rules then review those with your child. Obviuosly, yelling is not something that he is use to and this has upset him. Perhaps you could explain this to his teacher. No yelling!!!
I would definitely start with speaking with his teacher first. Hopefully, you can resolve the problem with her before going to the principal. This is a very delicate issue because I would not want to piss the teacher off ....in the past when I had a disagreement with my sons teacher ....I was afriad that his teacher was going to take it out on him.
I bet if you tell your son's teacher that he is crying each night because he is scared of her.....I bet she will be feel really badly. Or at least she should feel bad!!!
I hope you get to the bottom of this. Most of all, I hope your little boy is no longer scared. Keep us posted!!!!

This is unbelieveable!!! I'b be up to that school so fast it would make your head spin!! She has no right frightening your child like that!! What is she, some sort of monster or bully? You should never use fear to try and control a child ... it's just plain sick and wrong. :thumbdown

I would definitely call the school.

Heather, I know when we feel our children have been mistreated (raised voices, punished etc.) by some one other than ourselves the "mother bear" comes out in us....

At this point you really don't know what went on in the class room....but it does require a trip to the teachers room to clarify what did and it will also put her on notice that you will be watching....if she said "don't tell..." that is clearly out of line....

As for the "why's" as to her yelling, there are a lot of variables that could have went on, some kids are just more sensitive than others, so "yelling" to them is just us speaking in a stern voice, the kid gets his feelings hurt in the process and he calls it yelling....was he ignoring her directions?...Maybe maybe not....

We all as moms have had our share of good teachers and some bad ones, so until you get some answers try and remain calm til you do some digging...:)

What IS it about third grade?!
 

GET TO THAT SCHOOL -- NOW!!!

I had always loved school – until Sister Celine. She was the classic, abusive nun-from-hell that all the pre-Vatican II Catholic school kids lived in fear of. She had made the one part of my life that was usually a joy become a living hell. (Yes, I was the weird kid who LIKED school.):p

If one kid would talk, she would suspend bathroom privileges FOR EVERYONE. Other days, she closed all the windows, turned off the fan, and wouldn't let anyone get a drink -- in 90-degree heat. Inside a very old brick school ... and if you went to Catholic school, you know how impractical uniform jumpers were for hot weather!

Then, she started issuing assignments at 20 or 30 minutes before the end of the day and saying we'd stay after to finish if we weren't done. That was OK, except I was among a handful of kids who rode a bus five miles to get there. She told us we could "just walk home." WE WERE 8 -- and terrified!!!:eek:

My mom was working then so she wasn’t home most of the time when I started coming up with any excuse I could think of to stay home from school. My grandmother was a pushover so it was easy at first. Once my mom caught on though, I had to ‘fess up.

I told her about the daily dose of terror from Sister Celine. She took a day off work to go to parent/teacher conferences. (She never took off work – we needed the money too much.) After that conference, it was as if a whole new Sister Celine had emerged. I couldn’t believe it. School was wonderful again! :)

I shudder to think what would have become of me academically if my mother hadn't put her foot down. PLEASE do this for your child. Someone has to stand up for him -- and he's not the only one.

I'm not one to get into arguments...but if someone yelled at my kids, I would want to know why. I would definetly go and speak to the principal, ASAP.

Hope you get your point acrossed and everything turns out well.:thumbup:

I'm a teacher, and I think that's pretty ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, kids need to be disciplined, but I can't believe she said that. :eek: She sounds like she doesn't like her job anymore.

I teach middle school (and high school) Spanish too. :D

For your son to have such a strong reaction, something is wrong. He can't continue in that environment without intervention. Be honest with him about your concerns and what you intend to do. The secrecy thing seemed to trouble him, so I would be very up front with him about the actions you take.Good luck Mom!!!!!:)

Thanks guys! I went to the principal thru the guidance counselor. She said that I needed to tell him my concerns. I feel like a NUT because I could hardly talk for crying I was SO mad!

The teacher was absent today, so he said he'd follow up tomorrow. I did confirm with another mother who said her child said that "Yes, it did happen just like that". I know that teachers have a hard job. I probably wouldn't have even been that upset about the yelling...I know what it is like to be frustrated! But telling him not to tell me is what bothered me so much. Kids should get a weird feeling in the pit of their stomach when an adult tells them not to tell their parents about an interaction. It's what we have always encouraged him to speak about.

Thanks for all the support. We'll see how it goes!

H

Yeah, I would go to the school, punch the woman in the nose and say, "you'd better not tell the police or they'll be trying to put me in jail.":mad:

Seriously, I would do whatever it took to have my child moved to another teacher's class and not take no for an answer. It's a problem that can't be ignored, but you have to play it safe and assume that someone this unstable would take it out even more on your son if it was found out that you reported it. Do you know any of the other parents? Talk with them. Maybe they feel the same way. Remember, there is power in numbers. If the school refuses to take action that YOU are satisfied with, threaten to call the local news stations and follow through if you have to. No school would want that going public. I know that may sound drastic and will have a huge impact on the teacher's life, but you have to choose between that and your kid...not a hard decision for any parent.

My heart goes out for your poor son. :( It took alot of courage for him to come forward and tell you this. Good luck and let us know the turn out.:)

How convenient that she was not there today! Do you think she had an inkling it was going to come back to haunt her?

As a teacher with 20+ years of experience (currently teaching 3rd grade), I would also recommend that once you settle this with the teacher/administration, you, your son, and the teacher should meet and to let your son know that he is free to discuss anything that happens at school with his family. He needs to see first-hand that he will not be put in this position again, and that you and the teacher agree that communication should be positive and productive, not punitive. I always meet with the parent and the child when there is a misunderstanding. It is very important that the student see the home/school connection as a two-way street. I find that the students are quicker to feel comfortable if we all meet in person, even if I have already spoken to the parent. Just my opinion.

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