What would you do?
 

My boyfriend found out how much I spent on the Juicy carrier and saw me in the process of trying to spend more $$ on 3 more carriers, and he absolutely flipped out at me. (In the end I wasn't allowed to buy the 3 carriers and I was so embarrassed that I had to tell this really nice person I couldn't do it...so ashamed:( ). It completely blew up into this GINORMOUS argument about how I don't even have this dog yet, and how he doesn't even want me to get my yorkie!! He's so seriously adamant about hating little dogs and not wanting me to get my baby. I mean this was like a serious all-out fight--all about me not getting this dog, and THEN it turned into how I'm a frivolous buyer/spender and I buy things that aren't necessary or things I don't need. It was so hurtful and so I was ashamed for him thinking these things of me, and then ashamed that I had to tell this other person I couldn't send her the money. I felt so bad, you have no idea. And now I feel even worse because I don't know how to convince him that I should have my yorkie. He says that since we live together and will be getting married soon, he should have a say in the dog buying. What do you guys think? He knows I've wanted one for so long and all he can say is that he doesn't "want a little rat". I'm just so upset over this :(

One thing jumped out at me, the word "permission". Since when does an adult need permission from anyone to do anything? Yes, you live together. That does not make "him" a "king" and give him permission to rule over all that live there. Perhaps you could find some middle ground. Maybe there is one room that will be off limits to the dog. If it were me, I would be thinking about getting some counseling. If he is like this with the dog, what other ways will he try to control you? I worry when this topic comes up. I have a girlfriend who was abused by her husband for many years before she finally had her fill and left him. She always had to get "permission" to spend money, to go out with her friends, to get a pet, to get her ears pierced, to do anything! Proceed with caution girl friend!

Well, I have always been of the mind that "my money can buy whatever I want for whatever reason I want". My hubby knows that if I want something or I want to do something, I really don't much care whether he likes it or not. If it is important to me for whatever reason, I expect him to be supportive.

Sounds like you guys might need to have a heart-to-heart on this one. If you don't clear this up now, it will become a larger problem once in the marriage. As far as your BF having a say as to your Yorkie, I guess you need to determine how important having a Yorkie is to you. If he wanted a doberman, would he ask you or just go get one. Don't buy into the "little rat" argument, cause unless he was raised around Yorkies, he can't make judgement on what he doesn't know. Most men fall in love with them very quickly!!! Good luck to you.

I agree w/ Gracie.

My sis just left her husband after 13 years of abuse and control.

She is back to being herself and will never look back.

Real partners support each other and comprimise on things.

What does he do or have that you don't like or agree with but support him on?

I know this definitely also worries me :( I know he "says" that it's because we can't afford to have "so many" dogs in the house (it would only be 2 or 3! that's not a lot!!!) but he just HATES little dogs and I can't break him of it! He really thinks they're rats. And he doesn't understand the concept of pampering them like I do. I'm all about that. He's definitely not abusive in any way, but this just annoys me! I guess I just thought he'd never find out about the money thing, because even if I told him he'd flip out. I don't need permission for anything else at all, but to him dogs are this HUGE responsibility and HUGE investment and HUGE money burden. To me, they're responsibility but I love that responsibility! I don't think they're a burden, when I take them everywhere with me anyway! I just feel so sad about it because he knows how much dogs are my only passion in life, and I don't understand why he can't accept this. The money thing scares me too because what if it was a big purchase, like when we need a refrigerator, or a new house, or a car? Am I supposed to wait for him to see the car I want so I can "get it"? Ugh. It's not like we're in a new relationship either, we've been together for almost 5 years. :(

Counseling?? Over a dog?? She never mentioned it was anything deeper.


And to the OP, as others have mentioned, if you're paying for it, do what you want. :) With that said, I think it's more about finding a middle ground. I'm sure it'll all work out and the dog would grow on him. I wouldn't worry about it to much.. it'll all work out.

Kyle you're right, it's nothing deeper than the dog, because he just doesn't want a 'little rat' but it does sometimes cross my mind about other stuff in the future. Also, he didn't grow up with a yorkie like I did. He had a sheltie (they're tiny enough...not real little, but it's STILL a smaller dog).

He wants a rottweiler. I love all dogs, so of course I'd never ever say "no, you can't have that dog!!!" But as for things he has that I don't like... well, he spent an arm and a leg on an audio system for his car, which I tried to pull out as an argument for spending $$ on the carriers, but he wouldn't have it. He said that I don't even have the dog yet, which is more $$, which would then be more $$ for vet bills--basically that another dog would be even more $$ for everything else. To me they're not a financial burden though, they're my babies. I guess I just don't see priorities the way he does. :confused:

Ohhhhhh, I would really be thinking about getting married! How long have you been together? If you have extra money and you want to spend it you should do so. If he's saying your spending money you should be saving for something else, that's a different story. When I want something, I don't ask anyone, I just get it. My husband of 26 years knew that before we were married.
I didn't have Princess when we were married, but he knew someday I would. It took me a very long time to find her. He had no idea the day she came home I had found her. I was buying things for her for years, I just couldn't find the right furbaby.
I think you both should sit down and talk about bringing a yorkie home. Let him know just how important she/he is to you. It's best if you talk this out before you get married. Yorkies are not dogs, they are family members.

I wish you the best of luck.
:love:

Well that made me laugh! Because before I found Princess we did get a Rottie. My husband had always wanted one, so I found a great Breeder. That's how we got Roxanne before we got Princess. Roxanne and Princess were best of friends. When Roxanne passed away at 12 years old, Princess was heartbroken, she lost her best friend. I talked with our Vet about how sad she was, he told me to look for a new bestfriend, it just might work.
Yep, it worked, our second Rottie Mandy is now Princess's best friend.
;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

He sounds very controlling - maybe you should think if this is the person you want to spend your life with.

Honestly I would kick him to the curb before it is to late.

:thumbup: What she said!!

My hubby was upset that I was getting Bruizer and didn't want me to spend that much on a dog when you could go to the pound and get one for under $100. But I told him I have ALLWAYS wanted one and that I was getting him no matter what cause I let him( my hubby) get whatever he wants without saying a word. So I brought Bruizer home and after a couple days of my hubby trying to ignor my little puppy, he finally broke down and fell IN LOVE with bruizer. Before That My Husband wouldn't let any animals on the furnature or in certain areas of the house like our bedroom. But now Bruizer can go where ever he wants cause Daddy said so! LOL Bruizer even sleeps in bed with us at night now!

So I say, If you really want this dog then get it. And get all the nessesitys like carriers and clothes for it. You will love the affection this puppy will give you and if your b/f warms up to the dog like my hubby did, thats great too. But if not Just make sure he dont hurt the baby, not even emotionaly..
Good luck in whatever you decide.

Well I'm definitely not going to dump him, because he's wonderful in every other way possible...I'd really have a hard time finding someone else who treated me as nice, and had all the other qualities he has...it's just this dog thing. He seems to be on the side where dogs are a burden because you can't go on vacation, they cost money, etc. I'm on the side where they're my babies, I won't go anywhere without them, and I couldn't live without them in my life. For me, nothing is too good for them, but for him, he's willing to feed a crappy food, just buy the bare necessities and just enjoy the dog because "it" is a "dog" and nothing more. Which is true to some extent I guess but I just don't believe that. I believe that they are more than just a companion to have, and for the unconditional love they give us, the least we can do is pamper them, give them a great food, spoil them a little with treats and toys, take them out with us, give them long walks, the works. I don't think I need to adjust my morals for him, and I know I can win out on the dog, but I want him to love the dog as well. I think I need to just come home with the yorkie baby one day :D He'd be mad, but once he saw such a sweet face I don't know how he could stay mad. It just doesn't seem to be an issue to me that I'd break up with him over...We've been together almost 5 years, and I know he can learn to do with this, I just agree that when the time comes we need to have a real :love: 2 :love: like you all have said. He's not a big pre-planner like I am (I mean here I am planning a year in advance) so maybe that's the bigger part of the problem...that he just doesn't agree with planning so far ahead...

I was concerned about two comments "not allowed" and that you "feel ashamed".

I can not for the life of me figure out why you feel ashamed...

I'd suggest you work this out first before bringing yorkie into the mix. Don't count on the dog to change the man.

Good luck to you whatever you choose to do!

I felt ashamed because I felt sooo bad telling the person that I was supposed to buy the carriers from that I couldn't :( It made me feel absolutely terrible. I also felt bad because I felt that maybe bf had some truth in that I shouldn't be spending on a dog I don't have---when I'm getting another puppy first. So that's why. I felt more embarrassed about telling this nice person I couldn't buy her stuff :(

So are you spending his money or yours? If it's yours then he has NO say how you spend your money, my dh just shakes his head when I walk in with a new Coach bag, he shakes his head when the fur kids get new things but IT'S MY MONEY, not his, I don't ask what he does with his and as long as the bills are paid then SO WHAT?

Seems like a controlling person and you are jumping when he says how high. You can go on vacation with pets we have someone watch our babys and it's all good.

They are a joy and I wouldn't trade them in for anything!
added: You have to have things ready for the puppy when they come home you will also need a bed,crate, water bottle, food bowl, toys, carrier, blanket, food, and so forth. So your not just throwing your money away, you will need these things!

Meredith -- don't worry about me. I was a little disappointed thinking I had made some good progress on my "cleaning out the guest room" project .... but no worries. I am sure I will find a home for the carriers or I will just find a place to relocate them here ;) Life's too short to worry over the small stuff.

But -- you and your BF do have to find a meeting of the minds on how purchase decisions are made. But it is up to the two of you. I know lots of people have his money and her money. My hubby and I have "our money." We discuss any major purchase like a car or appliance and most certainly family pets -- but not the small stuff. We both know the limits of our extra $$ and stay within. That is how we retired early!

PS -- Don't stay on the couch too long!

I'm so glad you're not upset with me. You have no idea how bad I felt (and still feel because I wanted them so badly!!). The only thing I get really excited about are dogs, mine, someone else's, it doesn't matter...dogs are my only passion, and I just love to plan ahead for things. I guess I need to work on my pre-spending and my bf needs to realize what's really important. I'm not the kind of girl to go out and spend a couple hundred dollars on an outfit- it sounds stupid but dog stuff is the only thing I go wild and crazy about!!

I agree with you...this is certainly no reason to "kick him to the curb". You are a grown woman and can make your own decisions however, (and don't hate me ladies) I can see where he would get upset about 3 carriers. I can understand 1 but, not 3...I know items for our little darlings can get pretty expensive and there's alot we want for them...I would wait until you get your furbaby, then start buying for him/her. And as for the "rat" statement....You can give him this info....Yorkies were actually bred to be ratters so....he really isn't insulting them he actually knows something about the breed!! My husband is a big macho biker guy...although he never called the girls rats he couldn't see himself owning a small dog or...any dog at all for that fact...I had to fight tooth and nail to get the first one! (the second one was easy lol) You should see him with these little ones...they get hugged and kissed when he comes home before I do..Wait until he sees that little face...he will just melt..

Your a adult, and if you can afford to buy these Juicy carriers, then you should be able to buy what you want. No one not even a boy friend should tell you what you can and can not buy, your an adult, not a child. If money IS a issue, then you need to put a limit on your spending.

You may want to take a long deep look at your relationship, if he is this controlling now, it's not going to get any better after you marry, more then likely it will be worse.

He also may feel jealous of you getting a yorkie, really think hard to what you want.

Good luck!

i agree with the others that he is trying to control you. But, if you stay with him, I wouldn't get a small puppy. if he resents it, he will take it out on the puppy and be mean to it.

I agree! and also if he wants a Rott, I would never have a Yorkie with a Rott!!!!

Well... this is something that doesn't have to be a huge issue...I WOULD take him with you to see a yorkie...let him hold one and see how it goes. If you actually do bring one home make sure you include HIM in caring for the puppy and try to get him to bond with him/her....

IF I were in your shoes I'd hold off on the spending till you actually get the puppy - then by that time he'll be used to the idea and maybe get so attached he'll want you to buy anything you want :D ....They have a way of growing on even the Big dog lovers....I hope you work it out cause it sounds like you really love him

THREE more Carriers after buying a Juicy ?? lol - I think my husband would have a hissy fit too

You love him and you share a life together, including plans to get married, so I can understand your not wanting to think about ending it. I would give the relationship some serious thought though. He may be wonderful in many ways, but still be controlling. Couple's counseling might be the thing to do so that you can straighten out any big issues before you get married. He may not want to go, but as someone who has been divorced twice, I would say that you have to put love aside for a while and make sure this marriage will work. You really don't want to have children and then split up. If he won't go to counseling, maybe you can go yourself. There's no reason a beautiful young woman should feel ashamed because someone else is making some of her decisions.

You can probably work it out with him, but a good marriage takes enormous effort. Don't ever love is enough to carry you through. Fight for your relationship to work - and not with him.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll be able to straighten this out.

Judy:heart to

I think the decision to get a dog should be a mutual decision. It's a life that you will be bringing into your home, so if your husband does not want it in the home, it will affect you and the dog. A dog knows when it is not wanted...
When we first thought about getting a dog, I really wanted a yorkie, and at first, he wasn't too keen on the idea until I actually showed him pictures of yorkie pups and saw some...He fell in love, and agreed that this would be the perfect pup for us :) We looked at a few different breeds (even though I my heart was set on a yorkie because I wanted a dog we both wanted) but in the end, we BOTH loved the yorkie. Of course, my hubby is so sweet and would do anything to make me happy.
But my point is that if you really plan on marrying this guy, you both need to compromise :)
My hubby would freak out if I bought 3 carriers at once! LOL :p

I haven't read any of the other replies but I wanted to chime in.

first of all....I can't stand that you feel like you have to have "permission" to buy ANYTHING. second...what happens when he has his heart set on something...does he have to ask for permission? do you have a say so in what he gets?????

I wanted a yorkie for many years and when I met my husband he had a dog and I already had a dog and he just REFUSED to get a 3rd dog. well, me in my independent nature just simply told him that I will not be asking for his permission to fulfill my dreams in life, and that my marriage will not be like that. So he can either agree to the yorkie and learn to like it, or we would have bigger issues. because I would NEVER tell him that he could not have something that meant so much to him. never. he wants things that I don't care for but I wouldn't dare keep him from having things that truly make him happy. Well, I dropped the subject for a while because I knew we were going to be doing some traveling late last year and thought it would be best to wait until the first of the year. Then he asked for a Christmas wish list and a yorkie was #1 on the list. Guess what I got...

yep...my maggie. and guess who Maggie has WRAPPED around her paw. Yes...my hubby. He adores her. ADORES her. he never thought he could get attached to her like he has. he melts over her.

I guess I don't really know what I am trying to say other than I don't think in a marriage it is fair to control what passions one person might have and might persue. especially if he has indicated in the past that he is ok with bringing a yorkie into the family. and now suddenly when he see's you buying things for her, he nixes the idea. I'm sorry, but if you are anything like me...animals are my passion. especially dogs. and if that is how you are, you will NOT be happy until you are able to live those passions out.

I have to say also that his comment about "little rats" is insane. I have always had Great Danes. I have always thought "if you are going to have a dog, get a DOG". but i was sooo wrong. these little guys have more life and more spirit than any dog I have ever been around. They are the most loyal, passionate, faithful, protective, loving animals I have ever been around. Trust me....he will love your yorkie. they really do have a way of coming in and taking over your entire world. He will love it!!!!!!!

hope I have not stepped on any toes...i will go read the rest of the thread now to make sure I am not out of line :)

good luck hun!!!!

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your replies and comments. I really appreciated them...and I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who is crazy for my dogs and thinks they're my babies!!! I can tell all of you feel the same way about your little furkids. I just sat down with my boyfriend and we had a serious talk about it, and he said that he'd try to be more accepting of a tiny dog. He's concerned that it's going to bark all the time and be annoying, and he's never had something so small so he's afraid of the vet bills costing more for a tiny dog and what if it gets stepped on, etc. So I think he's concerned about money for the dog but also it's wellbeing, if he's concerned that it could hurt itself. I told him that I really didn't think she'd hurt herself unless I got a little 1 or 2 pound baby and I was really really clumsy (or drunk, and I've never been drunk in my life so I don't think that's a problem). He just wants to concentrate on our own lives together now, and he wants his own dog soon, which I think is fair because we'll have two then. I think maybe he's jealous that I would have 2 and he'd only have his one. Then there's the issue of when we'd have kids and stuff like that (if we do). He did apologize to me for getting all crazy at me and said it was just because he doesn't understand how this dog passion is for me. His passion is cars and car stuff, but he justifies that as a one-time expense, and dogs are an on-going expense. Something like that. We ended it on him saying that when I think I'm ready (which wasn't going to be till a year from now) we'll both talk about it, and he promised he'd be open to the idea as long as we seemed to be in a comfortable spot in our lives that allowed for a new baby (house, location, jobs, etc.). So we'll see. I'm just glad he said he's sorry for blowing up at me, and that he said he'd consider it. He really is this macho guy and maybe he thinks tiny dogs are a sign of 'weakness' for big guys... who knows, it's like he has PMS or something. I'm just glad we're on a good note and it seems like he's willing to work with me on this one. Now if I said I wanted two...FORGET IT!! LOL!!

So thank you everyone. I'm so glad it's not just me that loves their furbabies this much. I love this forum because everyone seems to love their dogs so much, and that's just how I am. Thank you!!!

my opinions on relationship counseling.....

every good car runs better with an occasional tune-up.

there is NOTHING wrong with couseling.

I am not going to pretend to know anything about your relationship but if there are passions in your life that he does not support, you really will do much better with a counselor to talk to about it. I agree with the others that have said that a marriage should be a compromise. And I agree that you should not bring a dog into a home unless you are really ready for it. Does he like dogs at all? or does he just not like small dogs? because if he does like some dogs...then he will love your yorkie. If he isn't a dog person at all, it will be very hard to bring a dog into the home and not have issues. the first time he/she pee's on the floor "see...this dog is going to ruin our home". and you will start to resent him for his comments. and the dog will sense every last bit of it.

only you know your relationship and wether or not bringing a dog into the home will work. but if he is a dog person but not a "yorkie" person...he will get over it :)

I have never like cockers but now I have a 6 year old cocker that I would lay down my life for.... it is possible to fall in love with a breed of dog that you never thought you would want.

me again :)
 

ok...sounds EXACTLY like what me and my hubby went through. he kept saying "what if rex or daisy hurts her...she will be so little...anything could happen. What if we step on her?? It will be such a big responsibility...training, etc." Well, I explained to him that it wouldn't be any more of an inconvenience (traveling and stuff) than it is with our 2 dogs we already have. I told him that I have no problems being the one to do the training...as I think I am much better at it than he is. And I told him that I was not worried about us or the dogs hurting her...they have never hurt anything in their entire lives and we are responsible adults and are able to look where we are walking. He started talking about wanting kids and I went on to say that a child would be a LOT more "responsibility" than a puppy would be and that we could just as easily step on a baby crawling around. Or one of the dogs could just as easily hurt the baby. He realized that his excuses were "no good" and that he just needed to trust that I knew what I was getting into. He finally came around and we couldn't be happier that we added maggie to our family. In fact, he has mentioned wanting to get another one LOL

this time, I am the one saying no LOL I told him we can get another one when we get a bigger house LOL (that would be 4 dogs in the house!)