Needing someone to exchange thoughts on this..
 

Has anyone here ever felt lonely? Deep loneliness? Like life is going no where? I never have felt this hard before. I don't seem to be able to find any REAL girlfriends in Toronto. I meet girlfriends and usually I think everything is going well but I know its never anything real. When they need you, they expect you to be there but when you need them, they are busy with their guys. I came from a place where everyone is really friendly and girls hang out have dinner without their men and strong bonds are formed.When I have a problem, I don't know who to talk to. Hubby is a man and most of the time, they don't understand emotions. Its hard to pour your heart out to them and get them to understand and he is always busy with work. I never tell what I feel to to my family back home because I know they will worry themselves sick. On top of that, I can't work or study right now which makes it even harder to meet anyone. Sometimes, I wonder if I am having depression? I don't know.I am not able to talk to the family I have here either as we are not close to the point of pouring my heart out not even to my mother-in-law. I also barely know my way around which makes me feel stupid and incompetent at times.When I am with a big group of people, more than 4 people, I get really nevous but its been better since I have a puppy now. I feel I am crushing inside and I don't know how to tell anyone...I guess it is a good thing that I found YT coz I really enjoy being on here everyday.I really don't know what is wrong with me. I try to be happy and greatly appreciate what I have everyday but its hard. The only time is when I feel being so loved by my Siu Pao and hubby when he is actually paying attention to me.Do I have a problem?:confused:Will all these thoughts go away?The deep lonelines I meant.

im not sure but i wish you luck and here if you need to talk

i completely understand what you are talking about.. i was reading your post and thought.. been there! my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me this past june.. and ever since.. i've just felt... lonely... i live with my mom and dad (i'm 23) and i go to school everyday.. where i have "aquaintences" but no real friends that i can talk to... that was my bf.. he now has a new gf... great for the confidence! i finally went to see someone about it... a professional... they can completely help you sort things out... i felt like something was wrong with me at first.. that i needed help... but it makes a world of difference... chances are.. you aren't "depressed" just not used to having a down time in life... but i know how you feel... i still have really really bad days.. but being able to talk to someone.. makes you feel better.. and it is easier to get to meet new people.. i am in a new city too... all my old friends are back home.... 7 hours away.. and i dont' want to just call them and complain.. so i don't talk to them at all about what is going on... but we are here for you at YT... i am here if you want to talk more... PM me... i know how you feel... and yay for a fellow Canadian.. i'm in London.. where are you?

Ive been there for some time. It seems that friends are friends until they want something that I refuse to give them. Somehow, I feel like I have been a magnet for moochers all of my live. My fourleggers are the only beings that give me unconditional love. I am happy for that, and with them. I have a few friends that I cherish. Having my new baby Gracie has gotten me acquainted with some new people, but they are just acquaintances. You know, I think I have figured out that so many people in my life have hurt me, that it is easier to be alone than to face yet another hurt. I am not depressed, I used to think I was. I am quite happy in my own company. I suggest you look within yourself. When you find your best friend there, you will be able to evaluate whether others are worthy of your friendship. Your feelings of loneliness will subside, because your best friend is always with you.

I am so glad someone talk this out with me. I am lately always feeling tired. It gets heavier and heavier and I had to pour it out. It somehow stops me from functioning properly and eats me up inside. I do feel happy with my puppy. I like to bring him out with me and go everywhere and sneak him in his carrier bag.It makes me feel better than going out myself..another source of feeling lonely. My in-laws..I seem to not be able to communicate with them..just the how are yous..i don't think they understand the way i feel with puppy either because they have not had a pet before and might be thinking i am nuts to love him the way I do. They probably know how to judge what he is trained and what he is not in my home when they don't know better but for me, he is just being a puppy. Maybe I should start trying to seek peace within me and be my own best friend.Will it really work? I don't know although I do hope so.

This, too, shall pass.
 

Bless your little heart. It is going to be okay. We all feel that way sometimes.

Why don't you try being sure that you are getting your full 8 hrs sleep each night, spend some time in Bible study & prayer. Be sure you are eating fresh vegetables & fruit? Drink your full complement of water & avoid the sweet drinks, alcohol & caffeine. Make sure you get a little exercise, even if it is just taking your puppy for a walk. Stay away from the fatty, heavy foods that make you feel sluggish. Take a multivitamin, calcium & B12 supplement. I promise, try all that for a week or two and see if you don't feel better.

Usually it kind of sneaks up on me & then when I get back on track, everything looks better again.

Please keep us up to date on how you are feeling. Honestly, if you will take care of yourself physically & emotionally, life will be good.:)

Chin up we got your back!
 

I know how you feel also. I live in a remote town. I have a few good friends but they work and I only work one day a week.
I have been depressed before and I have felt lonely. The depression is a cabin fever thing for me. i get it between March and Feb and it's when I just never get out of the house! I take art classes to keep busy and that makes all the difference.
It is awful to get depressed and if you are.... then you have to force your self to get out of the house! Being home alone will make it worse. Get up and get dressed first thing and make a plan every day for what you want to do... A list can help and check things off as you do them... There is just something about writing it down on paper that helps you feel like you HAVE to do it!
i think the problem is all people need to feel they have purpose... They want to feel needed and that they matter. Friends can help with this but in the big picture aren't we all looking for why we are here??? What do we have to offer? I know that is a big thing for me.
I find volunteer work helpful. I have taught art to home school kids for free... I worked at a battered womans shelter free...(Art for the kids) I was a youth group leader for teens at my church for almost 8 years (no pay there!)
I also have gone to bible study to get out of the house, meet new people and learn about God. you can get to know people at church and most times they are very nice. I have no idea what your faith is but that may be a help to you. Also theres choir if you like to sing.
I think no matter if it's depression or being lonely the key is to get out and meet people. Friendship that is deeper then the surface takes time effort and common ground. Think about where your interest lie and see where you can tap into them. Chances will be that you will meet friends with the same interests and find some new friends that over time will grow stronger... You also have to take a leap of faith and ask some one for coffee some time! '
Where do you live? I have a great phone plan, I can talk to any one in the US for as long as I want and we pay a flat rate. If I can call ya with out it costing an arm and a leg I love to talk on the phone! I'm really social! PM me if you want! Your in my prayers from now on!;)

Thank you GracieLou, Gracie2006, Doortego, marcerella02 and everyone and anyone who is going to respond to this thread. I really appreciate it a lot. I will try everything suggested. I will start with the easy ones first like the prayer, vege and fruits, water and sleep, and supplement regime and then try to seek peace with myself and finally seek proffesional's help if I still feel lousy. We do go out for walks everyday because puppy is not letting me go by a day without his walks which is a good thing. I have to work on the other stuffs though. I will keep you updated, thank you doortego.

Brookef18 i think that is really good advice... when the breakup first happened for me this summer.. i spent the days inside crying because i didn't want to see people.. if it wasn't for my puppy... i don't know where i'd be.. she came into my life at the perfect time.. but since getting out and planning on doing something with my day (in the summer.. before school started) i felt my spirits really lift. And you are right.. you have to make the move to ask someone to do something... and once i started doing little things during the day.. things really got better for me... i can tell yuo've been there because you have all the right things to say :) and god bless you for the all the volunteer work... the world needs more people like you (i also LOVE art... i'm in my last year university for a degree in Fine Arts.. hoping to teach art in highschool)

I can't speak for everyone, but I've been where you are. Find comfort in your pup. You might want to try locating other yorkie owners in the Toronto area - I know there are at least a few on here. Making new friends always helps, but finding yourself is what will ultimately see you through. You have to choose to make each day a good one. Look for the beauty around you. Take pleasure in simple things. Read a good book, listen to music you love, cook something yummy, treat yourself to something special.

And know you can always come here for support!!!

thoughts
 

Hello, reading your post really got my attention; I am sorry you feel lonely..been there and done that! I noted that you arent working so you
are probably stuck at home a lot...that is enough to get me down....take
you precious Yorkie and go for walks...volunteer at animal shelters....anywhere you can connect with others with similar interests!!
Husbands...well I wont sterotype but... my X was never my best friend..in fact religion is why we divorced...I was Catholic and he was THE DEVIL!!! lol just kidding!!!

If you dont connect with someone in person, all of YT is here for you...we cant do lunch but we are here if you need to talk.

I will keep you in my prayers. Feeling the way you do is very difficult. By reaching out you have started the process to healing. Everyone has given good advice. We are here for you.

I know I have to go out. I have been doing it since Siu Pao is here because I know he is happy when he goes out and I want him to be happy so I force myself to take him out few times each day. At certain days when I am feeling real down, I will at least bring him out once for about 30 mins so its good. Before I got him, I literally do not feel like going out at all. I will try the paper note thing..I will try everything suggested because I desperately want to get out of the blackhole! I think after all the talking, I am starting to realize something and that is I have to start with myself..within myself.

Yes I know how you feel. I left my hometown when I was in my late 20's and I was so terribly homesick it was awful. I had 4 children at the time, then I got pregnant and became very depressed being so far away from my family.

I would write long long letters because we couldn't afford long distance phone calls. My husband drove bus for Greyhound, so he was never home. Lonely was an understatement.

I finally realized that I had to get over my depression because my kids needed me and I didn't have the luxury of sitting aroujnd feeling sorry for myself.

Some how I made it through. My kids are all grown with homes of their own. But I still to this day have no close friends. My daughters are now my friends.

I too was rather shy and not one to make the initiative to make friends, And I think most people thought I was stuck up.

I would suggest that you do some volunteer work. Maybe at the local animal shelter. Knowing that some one or something depoends on you helps to keep you going.

Good Luck and may God bless.

i understand how you feel. i have a tendency for depression myself. i take meds everyday. life is difficult. for me the transition from single to couple life was hard. it seems as you get older true girlfriends are rare to find. some how everyone coupled off and "girltime" was replaced with husbands and kids. i don't have kids.(by choice) my yorkie is my best friend. i don't know what i would do without him. i find the best way to deal is to eat right and get alot of excercise. it releases serotonin in your brain and makes you feel better.

I'm so glad you shared how you were feeling. Not that easy to do when your in it! If you want to set up a time to chat we can do that too! My screen name is Brookef18 on AOL... you can chat with me over coffee!!! Don't try to get through this all by yourself! Every one here cares and knows how ya feel... I am glad to do what I can to get ya through this. it's not forever... you will feel better soon so don't get too down! :)
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{{{{{{{hugs to you}}}}}}} It sounds like depression to me. Every one of us feels this way sometime or other. You are not alone. It may also be the time of year, too, so if you have the opportunity to get out into the sunlight, please do. Sunlight helps bunches. It's good for you and good for your puppy. You both desperately need that vitamin D.:) I hope you start feeling better soon.:)

Thank you for the touch of kindness. I am so touched I am bawling. It did take me lots of courage to write it in a forum but I know I can't go on like this..i really can't. I find it easier to write it in a forum than to tell someone face to face because I start to find myself having the difficulty to talk to people and look them in the eye because I have this thought that they think that I am ugly and I am sure they find me snobbish and my english being funny because I have no slang at all.i guess when you don't have a job, your self-worth and esteem becomes a question.i feel better after everyone's kind words. Thank you so much. It really meant a lot to me.

Oh my gosh... your gonna me start bawling!!! (It doesn't take much! Remember I'm an emotional artist!!!) I'm so glad we could all be here for you...Trust me I know how you feel!!!!:big_hug:

Hey,
I know how you feel, I had to move to a strange city before when I joined the navy and I didn't have anyone. I also had communication apprehension like you seem to. It's where you want to say something, but don't because you feel scared to.
I think a great thing to do is to try a yorkie meetup group. That way you have something in common with everyone in the group just like here on YT. I found one in Toronto on the internet. I used to go to the San Diego one. You will meet so many people and I LOVED to see how different all the yorkies look. It also gives your little one the chance to socialize. I don't think there's a better icebreaker than to talk about yorkies! Plus, it will really get you out of the house and have something to look forward to. I really think that will help you out alot. I think it would be therapeutic for you to get into a meetup and maybe even help them by baking snacks or making things for the dogs on their birthdays. It will give you something to look forward to and a sense of accomplishment.
Also, if you feel like you've been depressed for a long period of time, don't be afraid to seek the help of a professional. They have found that many cases of depression come from a chemical imbalance in the brain. So some medicine can help and there is no shame taking medicine for it or seeing a professional. I really hope you feel better. I believe you have taken a brave first step by posting here. Have you been able to tell hubby about how you're feeling?
Below is a link for the yorkie meetup.
http://yorkie.meetup.com/cities/ca/on/toronto/

All of the suggestions are very good and I hope following them will help you feel better. You sound depressed to me. Have you ever felt like this before? This may be a case of moving to a new place and feeling lonely or you may have a case of depression.

Not everyone manufactures enough serotonin in their brains. If after trying the suggestions of getting out and taking good care of yourself, you still find yourself depressed, it might help to see a doctor for some medication. There's nothing wrong with admitting you need some help. In the meantime, it's good you found this group. I'm in several and there are many people who have become very close even though they have never met in person. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Thank you for the support and encouragement. I have been struggling with it for some time but it wasn't this bad. I still could talk myself out of it but lately, its been getting out of hand...I have not talked to hubby seriously just some light hints and being him, I don't think he is much aware. I myself am not too sure which is it..whether it is moving to a new place and feeling lonely or it has been dragging so long that it is turning in to depression. I really have no idea what it is like. Just feels like sometimes it gets very suffocating and tiring and bone aching (which might be from carrying 7 pounds siu pao on the shoulder around or something else I am not sure either)..like I can't breath and I am not even working or having the stress from work! That is why I don't tell my hubby...I don't want to add to his stress or to make him think why I feel like that when I am at home with no job stress.I will try..if I can't I will sit hubby down and talk to him to get medication and help.I have to really try and make through this.

I COMPLETELY understand...
that's how I've been feeling for a while
people here are the same, I mean here no one is really friends, no one has close bonds or anything, it's all very superficial and full of deception, for a while that's really upset me. That's one of the reasons I really like YT too, like people are just friendly and helpful,and for a long time I just didn't know that in other places people were like that. I figured that everywhere was like my town.
Maybe you could join one of those community type classes? Something you want to learn like pottery or kickboxing maybe?!
I'm sorry that you feel like you can't talk to your husband, but I don't think you should feel guilty, if you're feeling this bad, I'm sure he would rather know then to think that you're fine...
I hope things get better for you, if you think you need to get help for depression, then you should definitly do that. but remember, you don't have to take the pills forever, once you start feeling better and it's easier to socialize and you find some friends, I suggest going off them... that is my personal suggestion because I've seen some bad effects of addiction to those sorts of pills, and also seen some amazing recovery from those pills.

Good luck hun! *hugs*

You have already gotten such excellent advice and support; but I just wanted to add one more thought. Schedule a physical with your doc. Sometimes there are physical causes for depression.

Thyroid troubles come to mind first. Before I found out I was hypothyroid, I was depressed, achey, and tired -- bone numbing tired! I had little interest in things and avoided socializing. I did not know why I was feeling so bad and the first doc only offered antidepressants. Finally another doc decided to do some tests and found the answer. There are lots of other physical conditions that can make a person more prone to depression too -- so a good physical could at least rule out something that might be easily treated.

I do hope you talk with hubby about this too. He may have more of an awareness than you think. Most of all I wish you well. Reaching out for support was a first step towards regaining your health.

You guys did a brave thing posting....and hugs to you all -

I have an idea what you're going thru - I used to be very social ...to the point of being always on the go and had tons of friends....But now - I just have a few close friends ...but I just can't talk to them unless it's really trivial stuff...

I guess I don't want to depress THEM so i don't talk about how much my life changed (basically because my husband is so ill) .he's sick to the point of me feeling like I'm on deathwatch now and I know people really don't WANT to hear about that kind of thing - so I try not to talk about it....but some days it really REALLY gets to me.

My way of handling it is leaving the house as much as possible but then - I feel guilty .......When I'm here I want to be out... and when I'm out I feel like I should be home - (plus I miss the girls) so it's a catch 22.

Basically - I don't talk to ANYONE including my family about how bad things are so it just kind of eats me up. The girls are the biggest joy I have and I thank God for them everyday but it WOULD be nice to not be obsessed with my own future....it makes me feel really coldhearted to worry about the 'after he's gone' part of my life...

Being online has been a lifesaver for me - I can honestly say that I've met better people ONLINE than I've met in real life. True friends are very hard to find and after years of having lots of 'friends' now I can count on one hand the real ones....but the online people I've met win hands down as far as trying to be supportive and compassionate. There's so many people i wish I could meet for real - and that's kind of depressing too - why do they all have to be scattered across the country ! lol -

so to you guys who need a shoulder - keep talking online - you'll be surprised at how many really nice people you'll meet and one day who knows - you just may hook up with someone in your own town.....I know that isn't a big help but it's helped me when I get down...

Hi Villette,

I was aware of your situation but I didn't know how you are taking it because you usually sound really cheerful. Its good that you are opening up to us too. As for you mentioning people DON'T WANT to hear about that kind of thing, real friends will understand. If they are always hanging around you and asking you questions, you know they want you to talk to them more than just the average trivial stuff. I do hope there is someone like this around you. If there is, try not to shut them off. Try to reach out. If there isn't, come to YT like I did...I never regret posting the thread now. You can always PM me also. I do understand the part about a deathwatch. Somehow, I think you have to talk about it be it online or to one of your friends. Usually, women fare better when they talk about stuffs.

Here is my favourite quote from the Bible.
"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" --Matthew 6:34

I know saying is easy than putting it in to action and an unknown future is always scary but there will always be a future and that hope will keep you going.

It may be time......
 

I used to sell medications for anxiety and depression. You may need to seek the advice of your doctor. Depression is caused by low levels of seratonin in the brain. It is a physical disorder.....

I would not use the med as a crutch.....I would see if I could find a good counselor....like at church or something......I found it very helpful when I was going thru my divorce years ago.....and I did not get meds either....but only you and your doctor can decide that......

It may be more than just not having any "friends". It could be a hormone issue too.....you never know.

But, while you are dealing with it.....we all are here for you......:D

Start typing girl
 

That is so strange that you should say you want to talk about your situations but don't . I, for one, have been very curious about your situation. I think if you post your true feelings, you will find others in the same boat. Last year, my husband went in to get a refill on some meds and ended up in the hospital diagnosed with congestive heart failure, 3 aneurysms, etc. etc. We literally spent the whole summer at St. Luke's in Houston. Not our idea of a fun summer vacation. He ended up with 3 tries to correct the aneurysm and still has repairs that need to be made if possible. He had a pacemaker/defibrillator put in and is tired all the time. This all happened right after I retired thinking now we could travel and enjoy some of that saving for retirement we had done our whole life. You feel kind of kicked in the teeth when you did without things your whole life saving for this wonderful retirement that you are now not healthy enough to do.

I kind of have a theory about why we are able to post so openly. We don't tell our friends because we are scared we will scare them away if we get too real with our feelings. This is an anonymous way of spilling our guts and if we don't like the replies, we just don't log on or if we do, we ignore the ones we don't like.

Also, I have a feeling that you are not willing to tell people how you feel because you are trying to be strong for your husband and don't want to appear selfish to others. Hey, if you are not concerned about what comes after, who is going to be?

I don't see it as selfish but wise. Perhaps it would even be irresponsible to not make preparations for your future. I do believe that all of my future is in God's hands and he will take care of me but sometimes, I'd like to see the outcome.


Oops, here I am writing another book. :)

Potter,

I am really hurt very badly just now. I had no idea about your depression or feeling lonely here, in Canada, when I first contacted you a few times and invited you to visit me and Piccolo. I even gave you my telephone #, directions to my house and locations of a go-train. I kept saying how much I wanted to meet you and your baby. And it was a few weeks ago. You never came , never called me and now I am reading how sad you are not having any friends to talk to. It really doesn't add up. If somebody offers you her/his frienship and you ignore it - you'll be alone no matter what.
I also told you that I have a beautiful parklike area around my house and we could take our babies there to have lots of fun. And since you take your puppy for a walk everyday, I thought it'll be fun for all of us.

I wish you all the best and try to think about what I wrote.

call a doctor
 

Honey thats called depresion a chemical imbalance there now linking this to all the chemicals in our food a few months on meds your as good as new your not alone 1 in 3women have this.