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Old 06-01-2006, 08:55 AM   #1
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Unlove Wax is not your friend! (SO funny!)

*(this is a HILARIOUS story that a friend sent to me...I have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard!)*

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. " So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin
around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it
wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???


Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.

"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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Old 06-01-2006, 09:22 AM   #2
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gotta love you val
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Old 06-01-2006, 09:26 AM   #3
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that's a cute story..... Sounds like something that would happen to me

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Old 06-01-2006, 09:26 AM   #4
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OMG!! This is so funny!!!!!! I'm holding my sides and trying not to fall out of my chair!!!!!!
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Old 06-01-2006, 09:28 AM   #5
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I hope this never happens to any of you guys. FYI baby oil removes wax.
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Old 06-01-2006, 09:30 AM   #6
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that's really funny because when i was in junior high i tried those wax strips.. for my underarms LOL.. boy that was quite a rude experience..

so i've learned from my experience to go to a professional
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Old 06-01-2006, 10:46 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xtine
that's really funny because when i was in junior high i tried those wax strips.. for my underarms LOL.. boy that was quite a rude experience..

so i've learned from my experience to go to a professional
My only experience with wax is getting my eyebrows done at a salon......and when I used to do that, my face broke out big time, soooooooo I learned my lesson and no more wax for me. I'll stick with the Nair for my bikini line, thank you.

I was in tears reading this story from laughing so hard, hahaha!!!
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Old 06-01-2006, 10:49 AM   #8
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ya see what us women have to go through.... oh it drives me nut,
especially if your a gorilla like me...
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Old 06-01-2006, 11:23 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexi Rae
ya see what us women have to go through.... oh it drives me nut,
especially if your a gorilla like me...


lol a gorilla i bet not! if you are, your one gorgeous lookin gorilla! but believe me i feel like a hairy monster when i'm growing out all my hairs to go to the spa.. lol..

Val have you tried going to another place to get waxed? i know the place i used to go to a nail salon did my eyebrows and my face broke out like crazy.. i think i was allergic to the wax.. maybe try going somewhere else!

i put nair on my eyebrows once.. wow.. my eyebrows were SO swollen lol (of course i didn't put it on the whole thing lol)..
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:53 PM   #10
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OMG Val that is soo funny NOT !!!!!!
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Old 06-01-2006, 06:33 PM   #11
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a friend of mine had an experience something like that except she decided nair would do the trick. She thought gosh there is a lot of hair there so she left it on extra time. big mistake. It turns out she must have been alergic to the nair but didn't have such a bad reaction until she put it on "more sensitive skin". She said she swelled up and her skin was raw and the top layer of skin was gone. she couldn't stand for anyhting to touch her for days she said she called in to work and cancelled her appointments for the day and stayed in bed with nothing on but a tee shirt with a fan between her feet.
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Old 06-01-2006, 06:41 PM   #12
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hahahahahaha... exactly what i was going to put!
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Old 06-01-2006, 10:26 PM   #13
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That so made my night!!!

As I sat here laughing my butt off my 10 year old is asking me.... what? what? why are you laughing??? Whats so funny?? Huh?

I finally had to break down and tell her... you should have seen the pained look on her face!!! Keep in mind she just got her hoo-hoo hair this year! lol

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!
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