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05-31-2006, 10:19 AM | #1 |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: North wilkesboro, NC
Posts: 2,785
| I know this is morbid I was just wondering how your kids handle deaths. Ethan is high functioning autistic and well he does pretty well. When we were up for my grandfather's funeral, I asked him if he wanted to go or if he wanted to go to see his Aunt Kathy? Well I knew he would say Aunt Kathy so I didn't push him. He's 9 be 10 on the 28th of next month. Kathy came after him the morning of the funeral, we stopped by and seen him just to check on him after the cemetery and he was fine and still didn't want to go with us. We went back to my mother-in-laws on Friday evening and they said that he just started crying really hard, they thought he had hurt himself and he said he wasn't hurt he was just upset. So we all figured it was over papa and I knew it was. I didn't ask him anything about it that evening. The next morning we were going to Wal-mart to get a few things we were going to be cooking out at my mother-in-laws that evening. Jimmy asked him on the way if he got upset over his video games and he said no it was something else. He asked him if he was upset about Papa and he wiped his eyes and got real quite. We didn't say anything else to him. Sunday morning we got an early start we had to go back by my grandfather's to get our stuff it's about a 45 min to an hour drive. Anyway as soon as well pulled off the main road to Papa's Ethan immediately wiped his eyes and when we went in the house we got to missing him, I went upstairs and looked in every room Jimmy looked downstairs and outside and then it dawned on him to look in a closet in the living room it's a very deep closet underneath the stairs and he was in there laying down. I told him to just leave him alone until I got his breakfast fixed and then he came and ate and went back in there for a little while and then he came out and was ready to go home. Sorry it's so long. Thanks for listening.
__________________ Sheila, Mollie & Wyatt Ethan my pride and joy Mollie www.dogster.com/?176293 Wyatt www.dogster.com/?205723 |
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05-31-2006, 10:30 AM | #2 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member | Well, even though he's autistic...he's still behaving pretty much like children do regarding death....albeit one younger than he is now. Children have a hard time comprehending that death is forever. I've been to wakes, have seen children playing (and I mean children directly related to the deceased), and seemingly very happy and not bothered by the situtation. Children are more concerned with their own little worlds...they feel secure if their world hasn't change...same parents, same homes, everything is the same in their world, just not yours. Personally he may have been reacting more to your emotions than the loss. He's picking up that something very very bad has happened. He just unable to express it. Please accept my deepest sympathies and I would have made the same decisions you made in this situtation.
__________________ Deb, Reese, Reggie, Frazier, Libby, Sidney, & Bodie Trace & Ramsey who watch over us www.biewersbythebay.com |
05-31-2006, 10:36 AM | #3 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: South Carolina
Posts: 2,419
| Awww...I am sorry that you are having to go through this. It is hard to watch our kids learn these lessons of life. One way I think made it easier for boys to deal with the deaths of both Grandfathers and one Grandmother was that we told them everything and the youngest was 9 when my Dad died, but we didn't hide anything from him either. But I know that your situation is totally different than mine so I'm not sure if that would help Ethan or not. When the boys would talk about their grandparents right after their deaths, I would remind them of something fun that they did with them because I want all their memories of them to be good and even when they think of them now, I don't want them to be sad because they are gone, but to be happy because of all the good times that they had with them when they were here and to know how much they were loved. I'm sure it will just take time, but maybe you can encourage Ethan to talk about your Grandfather so that he will know that it is OK to talk about him and to cry because he will miss him. Hugs to both of you
__________________ Bonnie's Mom SSLS SouthernCheesestraws.etsy.com <------ Please visit my site |
05-31-2006, 10:46 AM | #4 | |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: North wilkesboro, NC
Posts: 2,785
| Quote:
We talk about it and he asks where papa is and then he will say in heaven with angels. We have had to deal with death a lot in the last 5 years and I've answered whatever questions he has had. My grandmother has been dead almost 5 years actually it will be 5 years on the 7th of this month she died on my birthday and my dad passed away 2 years ago in January from emphysema and our middle son died this past august in a horrible accident. We also had to have our 15 year old Shih Tzu put to sleep after christmas this year so, it has been a rough 9 months. He has done very well under the circumstances.
__________________ Sheila, Mollie & Wyatt Ethan my pride and joy Mollie www.dogster.com/?176293 Wyatt www.dogster.com/?205723 | |
05-31-2006, 10:49 AM | #5 | |
Donating YT 10K Club Member | Quote:
Take care and treasure your memories.
__________________ Deb, Reese, Reggie, Frazier, Libby, Sidney, & Bodie Trace & Ramsey who watch over us www.biewersbythebay.com | |
05-31-2006, 10:57 AM | #6 |
Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY
Posts: 10,455
| i am so sorry for all your loses.... i feel terrible.. god bless you and your family. my heart goes out to you
__________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ... |
05-31-2006, 10:58 AM | #7 | |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: South Carolina
Posts: 2,419
| Quote:
__________________ Bonnie's Mom SSLS SouthernCheesestraws.etsy.com <------ Please visit my site | |
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