The grass isn't necessarily greener, it just has different weeds.

Hello!!!You didn't read the title of this thread???? NOJUDGMENTS OR QUESTIONS ASK!!!

I wasn't trying to be judgemental but I think people take marriage so lightly. Divorce has become such a popular thing these days. I just think people should stay together (unless there is abuse in any way or cheating) especially if there are children involved and try to make it work no matter what (not saying you won't. Not aiming this at you at all). I think it's easy to look at a new person and like everything about them and imagine a future with someone else. But is it really worth throwing away what there is with the current family?

Life's too short to make things work for the sake of making it work. I think that people should live for themselves and what they think is best for them. Especially if their better judgement is telling them what to do. If in the end, you are happier, you're not throwing anything away.

That's not what the title says...it just states that SHE has a question, and no judgements, I don't see any judgement in my question :confused:

Sorry, I'm probably making a big deal out of your question. I don't meant to spoil this threat or whatsoever.:)

I just think you have to think about the kids too. Divorce has a huge impact on them. I think we make OURSELVES unhappy, by thinking negative, being in touch with exes, ect. We are all capable of making ourselves a little more positive and happier in our situations, thus thinking about the kids.

I agree totally with Kristy. And comming from a childhood whose parents stayed together "for the kids" I feel that my parents would have been better off getting a divorce earlier when my sister & I were young, rather than 3 years ago. Depending on how bad your situation is, in my case my parents fought daily. And my sister and & were always caught in the crossfire. It's better off for the kids not to have to go through that.

Life is too short to be miserable. Only you know what's best for yourself, and what will make you happy. Good Luck to you hun'. And don't worry about anyone judging you.

...mmmh
 

Listen the best thing first off is to take step back from the ex. Honestly do some soul searching over the issues you are having with DH. Even if there are children involved I feel that people that are seriously unhappy shouldn't stay together. I speak from the experience of being one of those children in that situation. Till this day I still tell my dad that he should just walk away from my mom. I personally being a child of a unhappy situation would like to say if you are not happy please go on and don't drag it out thinking you are doing something good for us. We can feel the tension and see the unhappiness..even when adults think that they are disguising it.

Once you can sort out that mess at home if you really want to see and play the "whatif" game with your ex then do so.

I have been married for 7 years and with DH for almost 14 (I have been with him since I was 17). We have three young children and I have to say if either of us is unhappy and can't or don't feel it's worth working out then we are going to go our seperate ways. You might no longer be a good match couple wise but you can still remain great parents no matter if you are apart.

Last thought.....
Forget the ex (or anyone else), they cloud your thinking, then consider whether or not you should remain married. If you become single then think about adding a boyfriend, not before. And don't kid yourself that divorce is painless....it is never painless...it's an emotional roller coaster all it's own.

I speak from experience when I say that I was an emotionally fragile wreck as a child because my parents fought 24/7. They never did it in front of me and never ever yelled @ me, but I just knew and spent my time worrying about them. I would spend my days and nights trying to keep them away from each other. When my parents finally split when I was 11, it was the best day of my life. I felt free and could be a kid again. So, I don't believe that divorce is necessarily a bad thing - in fact, it could be life saving. Who knows how I would have turned out if my parents were still together...

I hope you didn't get that ring tattoo! :eek: ;)

Well, I STILL have dreams about my first love, and I wake up "liking" him again. It still freaks me out. But, I highly doubt if he would feel the same way if we were to see each other. So, I can't help you in that department. I would "stick" it out with your husband if that's what you really want to do. But, don't leave him for another man. It will come back to bite you in the a**. That's just my ho. Good luck, though!

No, you did the right thing by asking. But remember, if you don't want to hear the "truth," then you shouldn't have asked. ;) (I didn't mean that sarcastically.) I just meant...the truth hurts. :(

Hi, I have read the other postings and wanted to comment. I am not one to tell anyone how to live their life but can share my life experience with you.
We just had our 50th wedding anniversary the 19th. Life is not a bed of roses no matter how you slice it, marriage, employment raising kids, friends, on and on and on. However, it is something that I found takes a lot of work on my part to have a happy life, and to be successful in all challenges that face me, so through the years that is what has gotten me thorough it all. The past is the past, to move forward and gain knowledge from things we learn in life is of great value. I pray everything will work out for you and wish you the best. Through the years my love for my husband has grown so deeply, he is now fighting a battle with Parkinsons Disease (for six years) it is a daily struggle, telling you how long we have been married, yes it tells you we are up in our years. I was told that I needed to go on a treatment a year ago but due to his illness I decided not to because he couldn't handle it, it would be very rough on me and I could not take care of him, so I opted not to. Good Lord willing HE will enable me to be here to take care of my hubby and then what ever will be, will be. I just want to say I faced many many hard times through the years but am so thankful I toughed them out and thank the Lord each day for the blessings HE has given us and for always being the one person I could lean on in those tough times. I am not a fanatic in christianity but I am a christian and know that through my beliefs it has been my crutch in life and has enabled me to become the person I am and to hold the happiness I treasure. I sincerely wish the best for you and I definately will be praying for you in your situation. Patti ~~Baby Blessing~~

OK...I think we all need to chill out. Kristy..I am not or was not mad at your question. I was just stating that hes not abusive. everybody else. The ones of you that read my thread awhile back knows that this has been an on going issue (my marriage that is). This was brought up way before the ex came into play, and im not even saying hes "in Play". The thought has crossed my mind but right now my focus is my two beautiful daughters. I have talked to my ex. yes, but not for awhile but I saw him yesterday (did not speak). I should not have brought up this thread at all so I am sorry that i did. I look to you guys for opinions and help when im down and usually at the end I feel better but i feel all that has been done today is me opening a great debate that ppl are going to get hurt on so I apologize.

LMAO...that was a dumb idea and NO i didnt

Whewww! LOLOL That's good! :D :thumbup:

What I memory I have, hugh? LOL :p

I am a christian and I feel marriage is forever, unless of course their is a scriptual reason for divorce. I feel if it was meant to be with the ex it would have been. I may be wrong but from what I have read, It obviously wasn't strong enough to fight for then as a long distance relationship. Me and my husband dated for 2 years before we were married and it was a long distance relationship. It was hard but we loved each other and wanted it to work. I often think and dream of my first love. We still live in the same town and have alot of history together, we even share the same best friends, so occassionally we run into each other. In fact my husband does work for him once or twice a year. I always get nervous and feel weird around him and the way he looks at me, I can see it is weird for him to. But life took us in different directions and I know that he is not what the Lord wanted for me. I have a great husband who loves me dearly, and I love him dearly except a week ago when he was the part of the cause of Gidget my yorkies death, but no matter what we made a promise to love each other forever. I went through alot with my parents fighting but they fought to stay together and I think that is awesome. First of all the devil loves divorce and so he is always going to tempt you where you are the weakiest. My prayers are with you, that you make the right choice. No one said marriage is easy.

Let me ask you something? Were you happy that your parents fought all the time?

Sorry, I can't get over this part: the cause of your Yorkie's death? :confused:

Not at the time but I also knew they loved each other and always wanted to work it out. Of course alcohol was part of the reason, but to see them fight to stay together shows that they really loved each other and is very rewarding. I can remember one of their fights and they were going to get a divorce and that devistated me. I was probably only 6 or 7 years old. Now they have been married 34 years and still love each other very much.

He didn't mean for her to die, but he was a little careless. It was very hard didnt speak to him much for a week. Still throw it in his face sometimes, but I know he didn't mean to and was sorry, he tried redeeming himself and bought be a 9wk old yorkie. Ritzie is keeping me busy.

Me too...:confused:

This question wasnt directed to me, but I'm going to give my personal experience. My parents faught all the time when I was little. They got divroced when I was 9 years old. I was happy when they did bc my dad always caused us so much pain. He used to hit my mom and cheat on her all the time. Now, if my dad wouldnt have been abusive, and they just had problems here and there(because every marriage does) I would have loved for them to go to some kind of counseling and work it out. I think its awesome when a couple that has problems puts in the effort to work throught the problems and makes it. Good luck to you.

PS: Children are not happy when their parents fight, but thet are very unhappy when their parents divorce as well, and if its because of a third person believe me, they suffer even more.

I can definetly see why you would have been happy. No one deserves to be beated or cheated on. My heart goes out to you. As well as your mother for keeping you safe and away from the voilence.

I want to make something clear..."my ex" may still be just that a "ex". You guys that know my past thread understand swhat i mean with my marriage. I want to know though...If you had children is it worth it for you to be really unhappy just to keep your marriage together even if one parent is bitchy and crabby all the time because they feel trapped? I have Kept my family together for the last 2 years DESPITE MY feelins or well being. I love my kids to no end and would die for them but really...shouldnt everybody have a chance of some type of happiness..even if they are alone just the there kids...If some had read one omy my latest post you would see that the ex may not be in the picture at all..he may stay right where hes at.

It is none of my business but that is something you are going to have to figure out on your own, it is worth it to you. What is it that is making you are feel trapped or unhappy???? We are all refering to the ex because that was what your original post questioned.

Personally, for me, I would do anything to keep my kids' family together. You have to worry about their happiness before yours (not to say you aren't). That for me, would mean, that I would stop being crabby and bitchy and make life easier on everyone. I would try harder and tell my husband how I feel so we can get counseling. Once the kids are grown, do what you want, but chances are by then, you will feel better that you stayed. Divorce is hard on people. Can you raise your kids by yourself, can you go through custody battles, legal proceedings, ect.? Just my opinion, but unless he's beating or cheating, I see no reason in not making it work, FOR ME THOUGH, not everyone feels this way. I would just try to be positive and more upbeat. We have control over our emotions and state of mind, not the other way around.

Honestly, what it all boils down to is what YOU want. We can just offer suggestions. Some of the suggestions on here seem to be based on religion, and that's okay too. I'm Catholic, but not really religious, but I believe that if you are unhappy and you've tried to make it work, that it's your choice to get out. Why be miserable for the rest of your life? There are so many children who are products of a divorce, and they survive.

I know..Im one of the survivers...thats why i have stayed...:(