Thank You SO Much!!

I do know how your feeling! I went though that not too long ago. We have been married now for 14 years and there for a while I think we just lost or just lost sight of whole love thing. I know he loved me but sometimes I feel he loved the "family thing" a bit more. He adores the kids and feels that the family bond is very important. I feel it's because he grew up without a dad and he does not want to miss a thing in his childresn lives. Which totally understandable.

It started about 5 years ago. He was working nights, I was working days and we really didn't see much of eachother. And when we did get to spend time with one another, I felt that there was nothing there anymore. Besides the kids I felt we had nothing between us. I was so scared that I had just fallen out of love with him. I brought it to his attention and we talked and talked and talked and talked some more. We put some effort in this relationship and both came to the understanding that with everything that was going on at the time, us working different hours, me being upset to come home to a dirty house after working 8 hours, us not spending anytime with eachother besides as a family doing family things with the kids and never actually alone.

I ended up leaving for a weekend and was so ready to come home and have the talk,,,,, I was so ready to ask for a seperation. it was the best thing I ever did! It was when we had the talk and insted of asking for the seperation and my thinking it's what he wanted to, It was the the other way around. He realized how I was feeling and knew I was not happy. We still have our ups and downs but I no longer doubt our love. He has been there through the toughest times in my life. He is my best friend and although I want to kill him at times he is there for me and I no longer have any doubt about our relationship. I stopped working, he started working days and he made more time for "us". We do go out on dates at least once a month NO KIDS!!!! Have you done this? We go dancing, movies, dinner, the beach for dinner and walk.

I do think you need to get away. You need time to think. Don't let him make you feel like a bad mother! You need to find yourself and think things through most of all you need to talk to him. If at that time you still feel the way you do, then you need to deside what to do. I do know that if you are unhappy it will not work. And sooner or later the kids will pick up on it. It is better to be true to yourself and not put up an act for the kids sake. My oldesr daughter seen me cry countless times and I know she was very worried at the time. Not too long ago she brought up the sub, she asked me if that her dad hadent changed and paid more attion to do I think we would still be together. I hate that had to see me like that. And I just reinsure her that I am very happy with my life and not only am I'm happy, I know I am still in love! I do wish you the best!

:mad: Well i think I'm the dumbest person ever.. he was talking about his cousin and his wife this morning and their problems...going on like there both selfish and blah blah blah... and than he just kept on going on and on about women that are unhappy just leave and think of themselves only ant what not and than he looked at me point blank and said are you happy baby? I wanted to scream NO! but i didnt. I said yeah but I couldnt look at him and he just looked at me and said ok. im so stupid and i shouldnt even be on here whining but i am. :mad: I think part of it was that i have my youngest here and 4 DC kids so I knew that if I said No he would want to talk about now and wouldnt drop it and than he'd get mad and start packing his stuff and yelling and being an a$$. This is what kind of person I am. I am nurturing and eventhough ppl take advantage I try my best to help and please them/. We only have one vehicle and I just got it with my income tax money. Jeff had a truyck but it's a long story so I said that when I get my school money at the end of this month that id buy him a truck...and if I made him leave he wouldnt have a vehicle right now. The bad thing is if i did tell him to leave I would still givehim like $1000. to get one because I feel bad!!!!! Am i just messed up in the head or just stupid????

anybody????? :confused:

Awwww...... You are such a good person. You don't want to hurt peoples feelings, or have them go without. When was the last time you thought about your own feelings though, or about what you are going without or having to deal with? Sometimes when you are with someone who is controlling and manipulative, you lose sight of who you are and what YOU want and what would make YOU happy. Heck, you even lose sight of the fact that you are a good person, who is WORTH being happy!! When you told him "yes" when he asked you if you were happy, but didn't look at him, that is the saddest mental picture to me. It makes me feel that he has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to stick up for yourself because you are afraid. Think about what is best for YOU. Don't be afraid of hurting his feelings.... and if he would have packed his things and left.... would that have been such a bad thing?

your not stupid. You are a sweet caring person and those kinda people get taken advantage of a lot. I seriously think you guys need to have a talk. I would suggest sending the kids to a sitters or something so that don't hear. especially if he's gonna be an ass. You have to stand up for yourself and stop letting him take advantage of you and treat you like s**t.

I know!! :(

I want to split but him having nothing makes me feel bad..... :( Thank You for your kind words!! :)

OH MY GOSHHHHH ... THINK GIRL

And by the way... if he had packed his bags and left you think he would have sent you a check for $1000 to buy you something??????

no.......i know i was dumb but he is a big ass when hes mad and i thought with the kids here that wouldnt be a good idea considering i run a dc... :( Im just that way. I dont want to be with him but feel bad cause i have a car and he doesnt yet...:( i know i know!! :mad:

OH... not faulting you for keeping quiet with all the kids thee just saying the car thing was ....well let's just say not right ;)

I know!!!!! Im Eeyore at times...... :D

:p :p

A person can not act happy. It shows if your not. You really need to be happy in life. When was the last time you and your Husband went on a date? A date can be just a walk in the park, out to dinner, just about anywhere. It's a time for a husband & wife to be together without the kids.
If you can't tell him how you feel. I would write him a note, he needs to know. At one point you felt in love, now you either have to get it back, or move on so you can be happy. I know it's hard, my Sisters have been there. Their life didn't end, their children were fine. They became happy, and that's whats important.
I have been married for 25 years next month, we have five children. My Husband is my best friend, I think it's because we always talk. We still go on dates, and I'm sure we always will.
Try to write down the things you want out of life. What makes you happy, and what makes you sad, then read it and take it from there. It's what one of my Sisters did. She said she would have never known how she really felt, if she didn't write it down. She's super happy now, and you can be too. :)
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. :hug:

:mad: :mad: :mad: Well I told him we need a long break possibly a forever break because Im not happy and dont feel any love for him...you know what he said???"yes you do baby, we can work on it, theres just alot of stress!!!" :mad: :mad: :mad: . I pointed out it's been this way for along time and he says "well, we'll work on it and I dont want to talk about it" and goes out to the damn garage!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

This is great advice and My husband and I have did this when we were in a rut.

been there done that...dont work..all he says is it cannot happen..you can not fall out of love with somebody and that im just selfish and thinking of myself!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: I am probably one of the less selfish ppl ever.....as you can see from my last two posts!!! I dont know what to do now..... :( :mad:

can you pack a bag and stay at a relative's or friend's tonight? just to show him you meant what you said?

well i have 2 children and I run a dc out of my home. so if anybody needs to go it's him!!!!!

i'm not sure what's a "dc". but maybe it's best for you and the kids to stay elsewhere next weekend. i agree, he should be the one to go. but if he's pig-headed, there's no sense in staying there to be stubborn along with him. he can stay home alone for a couple days and figure out how are you suppose to "work on it" if you "don't talk about it."

DC..is daycare. :) My problem is I dont want to work on it ...i just want him gone...

ah... daycare, got it. :D

i would recommend that you speak to a counselor, not with him, but on your own to be sure you are absolutely certain about not wanting to work on it anymore, and not just saying that now because you're totally frustrated with him.

if you are absolutely certain, then talk to a legal advisor and start the process of a legal separation and get information regarding your options if a divorce were to proceed. imho, it's best to start the process now, while you are still sane and reasonable, rather than to wait until the both of you are frustrated and angry at each other beyond the desire to be civil.

it's also good for you to understand your legal options and financial obligations. if you are the primary breadwinner, unless you had a prenup, you may have to pay him alimony. etc etc.

If you feel you are so unhappy and that it wont work any more and theres nothing left to sit down and talk about then maybe you should separate. I really don't know. I have been with the same man sense I was 17 and I'm 45 now........ He is a real sweet man. and I think everyone has their ups and downs. I'm so glad we stayed together ..... I know he is the one I want to grow old with.
My daughter had a B/F for three years...... she started feeling like you do and She walked out one day. Her B/F cried in my arms ....He told me how much he loved my daughter and how much it hurt him not only to lose her but to lose us. I told him we loved him too. But the jealousness was to much but he was a very sweet man ........but was so very jealous that it made her life miscible.........She left him and he also said he would kill him self.........He didn't and 6 months later she realized she loved him it was the jealousie she hated. They got back together and talked it all out and He has changed so much he is now her dream man. Before he would jump on another man that would say hi to her. Now he smiles and walks on. Me and her talked the other day ...And she told me she was so glad she left him because it really did change him. My self I didnt think it would. But I have seen the difference and I have told him how proud we are of him. he knew he would lose her for ever if he didnt change and she can even talk to her old school guy friends with out him standing over her. :eek:

I am proud of you for finally telling him. But I think it was very disrespectful of him to belittle you and walk into the garage without talking about it. You need to express everything on your mind. If you have to do that by taking the kids to the babysitter, having a friend over for backup, writting a letter, or even a phone call you do what you have to do. He needs to know that you're serious. If things get ugly or if he won't leave then you might have to call the police. Everyday you are getting more and more angry that you're being held there. I remember hating my ex for that same reason, I didn't want to be with him anymore and he kept saying he wanted to kill himself. He will say anything to try to hold onto you. Stick to your guns and this time don't go back until YOU are sure you want to. It will be very hard on everyone to keep doing this. Good luck

Thank You SO Much!!

Go to a lawyer, start the process of a legal separation or a divorce...He may not be responsive to your attempts at talking to him, but I am sure he would be much more responsive to being served with legal documents! In addition when if/you file you can file for what are called temporary orders, to determine things like support, who lives in the house, etc during the pendency of the divorce or separation, so that way you could obtain a court order forcing him out of ther home...If you think there is nothing that can be done to save your message I would just start the process rolling. The longer you wait the more difficult it will be on him.

:mad: Well i know for sure I dont want to be here and it wont work.....I rather be in class last night which i was for awhile instead of staying here....I however got a really really bad migraine and had to come home!!! I think we will be talking seriously whether he wants to hear it or not!!!! :mad:

[QUOTE=ytsirk27]:mad: :mad: :mad: Well I told him we need a long break possibly a forever break because Im not happy and dont feel any love for him...you know what he said???"yes you do baby, we can work on it, theres just alot of stress!!!" : . I pointed out it's been this way for along time and he says "well, we'll work on it and I dont want to talk about it" and goes out to the damn garage!! QUOTE]

He's avoiding the situation, not taking sides, but it'd probably be the LAST conversation I wanted to have were it me too. That said if you want out of limbo land, you're going to have to make that tough decision....work on it and do, or make the necessary arrangements. Personally I'd be the one moving out. I think (and this is only my opinion....so it may stink :eek: ) you prefer for him to move out, because then it doesn't require you to make a decision more or less. You're gonna have to do as they say.....poop or get off the pot.
Many of us have "been there done that"....unfortunately all the advice in the world can't make the decisions (nor the necessary arrangements) for you, hard as they may be.

Good luck, sweetie, and please don't read my post as sounding mean...cause I really didn't mean it that way ;)

[QUOTE=bchgirl]I understand what your saying but I paid for this house and i have 2 kids and all their stuff that i gotta get settled. It easier for him to take his clothes right now and just go until I figure out if im keeping this house or not. I am not trying to be difficult or hateful but he has somewhere to go and I dont besides having to pay the payment on this house pretty much since we have had it I, yes me, should beable to stay in it until i figure out what im doing. not only besides that, I workl out of my house doing daycare if i leave now...so does my income!

[QUOTE=ytsirk27]I just noticed you're my age. I hope everything works out for you. :( Just remember, we woman are strong and stick together. :)