Diary of a snow shoveler

[matese]

PENNSYLVANIA WINTER Wonderland
December 8: 6:PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the
Landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man. I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8” last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14” of that damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. ******* snowplow came twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get dresses up to go out to shovel, then I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a snow blower on his truck for the rest of the winter; but says he’s too busy. I think Bob is lying.

December 23: Only 2” of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she ….nuts??? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s damn well lying.

December 24: 6”. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll brag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the ******* snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the *@%&^*^&$# slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “it’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.

December26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE wife is driving me crazy!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9” predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?

[gemy]

ROFLBO Well done. Thanks for the morning chuckles

[pink66]

This is so cute! I would think that most of us can relate to this on some level. Mike (alaskayorkie) should see this!
I printed it out and it's now hanging on the fridge!

[EarthAngel]

Thank you Joan for this! Had a good laugh! Most of it is true!

[yorkietalkjilly]

When my brother, born and raised in Dallas, moved to Colorado Springs years back, he sent this to us and we are still laughing!!! Actually, he lasted there 5 years and moved to Albuquerque to get away from all that Colorado snow but remain near the mountains as he and the wife are hikers. He said this story is truer than anyone can imagine! LOL. Thanks for reviving it. It's still one of the funniest things I've ever read.

[ilovejoel]

Haha! Made me laugh

[margaritaville]

Right now, it's funny. Later in the winter my husband may not think so.

[Yorkiemom1]

Thank you sooooooo much for posting this!!! When my brother first moved from Texas to Reno, Nevada flying for Super Shops, his first letter to me was sooooooo close to the beginning of this letter....then as he was there longer and longer, this very letter unfolded right in front of his eyes and became his reality!!! After a winter in Reno, He was talking just like the end of this letter!!!! I died laughing at my brother's discovery that the gorgeous white snow was NOT what it was cracked up to be!!!! A couple of years later, he sent me this very letter and asked me if it reminded me of his communications to me from Reno! I laughed my butt off, because it was so very close to what he had actually said! Thanks for posting it.....I will save it this time for future reference or a much needed chuckle!!!

[matese]

Glad you enjoyed this, I know I did.
I don't mind the snow
I don't mind being nearly pulled off my feet by my snow blower
and I don't mind all the shoveling
what I do mind is that &%$^*%^ snow plow. Boy can I relate to this lol

[Yorkiemom1]

I am still in stunned amazement at having to SHOVEL SNOW OFF YOUR ROOF!!!!!!!! OMG!!! What kind of cruel joke is that???!!!!

[ilovejoel]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemom1

I am still in stunned amazement at having to SHOVEL SNOW OFF YOUR ROOF!!!!!!!! OMG!!! What kind of cruel joke is that???!!!!

We have have to shovel our roof a lot.....it's flat and it used to leak a lot until we got it redone. Who makes a flat roof in Alaska!? lol

[ShowGirlLola]

Snow is only pretty in pictures, IRL it's just evil. Especially a few days later when it's black and nasty.

Idk what we're gonna do this winter, I have major pain issues, my mom has a torn rotator cuff (from shoveling last year), and my grandmom is in her 70's. Where are the teenage boys when you need them?

This is my mom's 3rd major snow removal related injury.
We have a snow blower, that caused one of her injuries.

[gemy]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemom1

I am still in stunned amazement at having to SHOVEL SNOW OFF YOUR ROOF!!!!!!!! OMG!!! What kind of cruel joke is that???!!!!

LOL LOL - There is a reason you see all those steep A shaped houses in Sweden Switzerland etc.

[matese]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemom1

I am still in stunned amazement at having to SHOVEL SNOW OFF YOUR ROOF!!!!!!!! OMG!!! What kind of cruel joke is that???!!!!

Last year we had a lot of snow storms, Ice storms, ppl were shoveling their roofs, I say to my self OMG, I gotta get that snow off my roof, I had just slipped on ice stepping out of the back door to let Cody out I don't know how I did not break any ribs, I never saw that ice, I also have a vertigo issue, I can't handle heights, if I wasn't near paralyzed from that fall I would have at least tried getting on my roof, it has a slight slope but that didn't hep. I am getting more anxious as I see more ppl roof shoveling, I had over 3 feet of snow in my back yard which had frozen, thinking about all that weight on my roof was scaring me. I am on my front deck watching neighbors DH shoveling roofs, a unknown car pulls in my drive way, gal comes up to me, asks, do you want your roof shoveled, I do the happy dance, oh yes, please, please, please. She says her fiance is doing roofs, she will put me on the list, cost is $100.00. I have a small house, $100. seamed cheap, I know these guys drop their price to get more clients. At 4PM 2 guys come, I have 2 bathroom sky lites one at eech end of the house, they are up there chopping at the ice. I ASSUME they are aware most house's in this area have sky lites. They are on the roof, I holler up, how deep is that snow,they say about 2 1/2 feet. I tell them since I am near paralyzed do not throw snow on my back deck as I cannot remove it do to I can hardly walk, even tho I was in severe pain I had to clear a portion of the deck for Cody's potty room which caused more damage to my bruised ribs and back, I saw they were throwing most of the snow at the back of my house in one area of my deck, well that was ok (so I thought) as long as they were not throwing snow on the entire deck. They are finished at 5PM it is dark. The sky lites are bubble shape with plexiglass under it. Next day daylight, snow is dripping off tree leave, I see pellets of water on the interior of the plexiglass, long story short, they broke both sky lites, the snow they threw off the roof at the back of the house was all in one pile, in April when the 10 foot high mound of snow from roof shoveling melted a 6 x 8 foot portion of my deck was crushed from the weight of the snow. It cost me $1900.00 to replace 2 sky lites, remove crushed deck wood, re-place deck footers and replace new deck flooring wood. Were these guys licensed, I think not, I was just happy to get the snow off my roof, but I did "assume" they knew what they were doing, they did house repair work for a living, looking for new customers, I took their card because I need a handy man every once in a while, yeah I could have went after them to repair the damage they caused, but if they were so careless with removing snow,they were rushing to move on to the next roof clearing job, I didn't want these monkeys making repairs. So for $100 bucks, it cost me $1900. in repairs. So anyone needing roof shoveling in the future, beware of who does the work..

[Magnus]

I saw this on my FB that relates to Christmas... Totally cracked me up so I thought I'd share.

Why It's Impossible To Have A Christmas Party In 2014. This Is Gold.