Originally Posted by ladyjane (Post 4102013)

In my career, I spent some time working in the addictions field, so I learned a lot about letting go. Trying to control another person is an exercise in futility and honestly anyone who feels that they have to brow beat a person in to doing what they think is right needs help themselves. I always recommend Alanon to people...it is an awesome program!

None of us has a crystal ball. If the OP was being beaten then I would be a bit more vocal, but she is not in any danger to my knowledge. We don't know that her boyfriend is not going to change...he very well might. Improbable? Perhaps. But, the other thing is, she is the one who is living with him....not for me to tell her who to live with. IF she is unhappy, she will discover that and leave. We all have to live our own lives...and learn as we go. We can share with others, but when we insist people do as we feel they should, we are out of line imho and need to do a self check.

Originally Posted by Carmeow (Post 4099463)

So I've been in a relationship for 5 years. Before me, when he still lived with his parents, Tony said he always kept his room extremely clean. We've lived together for a year and honestly I really feel completely miserable sometimes. Why? Because despite the fact that I am in love with him, I feel like I'm almost "doomed" to a life with a total freaking spoiled, lazy brat. His mom did all the cleaning. I mean ALL of it. His parents got divorced because his dad is disabled and his mom felt trapped and smothered.

Like I beg Tony to help around the house. He will help, but only after I'm about to cry because im so frustrated. He does nothing until I ask him. We have talked about it many, many times. I go on and on telling him how I feel and he sits there and finally says "What doyu want me to say?" And then I'm crying again because...he's just...not a man...he needs to grow up because I am not his mom and I feel like I have to be. Otherwise our housoe is a wreck. He lets dishes and trash pile up, he NEVER EVER changes Lumas potty pads...I do both of our laundry...I have to remind him to take a shower. Seriously. I am living with a child. I don't know how much more I can take.

Why is he like this? His mom did everything for him. Don't even get me started on anything to do with money. He acts so annoyed when I want him to split the cost of something with me. His grandparents pay our rent and his tuition. I pay the electricity. He buys groceries but we fight every single time we go to the store over how much we can spend. Idk what his problem is. He's 21. All he does is play videogames and leave a mess. His only responsibility is to write the damn check for our rent and he even screws THAT up, forgetting to write the check even though I remind him and even write it on a calendar. Like really?

Please, someone tell me how I can get him to grow the F up. Sorry, I am just totally at my wit's end...I'm sorry to complain...I just needed to vent and I know most of you here are older, married or more experienced women.