Exhausted, disgusted, resentful and VERY ANGRY - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Smokey2011 · 12-29-2011, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ringo1

Actually, I'm beginning to wonder if longevity is all it's cracked up to be.

From what I've seen in the nursing home, I am beginning to wonder myself. I was extremely upset there on mom's first Xmas Day without a home and one of the short term residents in Rehab who loves to see Smokey asked me why I was looking so glum.. I told her that I was seeing my own Ghost of Christmas Future.

She, wheelchair bound, CPAP, right foot amputee just smiled and nodded.

CrimsonLuvsLola · 12-29-2011, 09:54 AM

My mother had cancer and I took care of her myself. My sister wasn't involved, and when I called on her for help she was too busy or didn't have money. Yet she was going out drinking and partying and having fun. We were 20 when Mom was diagnosed, and 21 when she died. I dropped out of college, took time off work and almost never left the house while she was ill. Its hard and so draining to go it alone. The last 3 months of moms life I ended up drinking heavily when she went to bed.

My lil friend · 12-29-2011, 10:06 AM

I am SO GRATEFUL that my parents had the forthought to put money away!! Although their intentions was to travel in the RV it just didnt turn out that way.
Because my children are kept up to date on everything that is going on with their grandmother and they see how draining it has been,I have given them my permission to put me in a facility if they can not have a life and care for me.
Many years ago my great-great-grandmother lived with my father's family,he was a little boy, and everyone helped. But when you are alone and noone is willing to take the time and it be a team effort it is almost impossible.

My friends tell me " the caregiver can not give care if the caregiver is not recieving care". All of you remember to take some time for YOU so you can give the very best of care.

Ringo1 · 12-29-2011, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My lil friend

I am SO GRATEFUL that my parents had the forthought to put money away!! Although their intentions was to travel in the RV it just didnt turn out that way.
Because my children are kept up to date on everything that is going on with their grandmother and they see how draining it has been,I have given them my permission to put me in a facility if they can not have a life and care for me.
Many years ago my great-great-grandmother lived with my father's family,he was a little boy, and everyone helped. But when you are alone and noone is willing to take the time and it be a team effort it is almost impossible.

My friends tell me " the caregiver can not give care if the caregiver is not recieving care". All of you remember to take some time for YOU so you can give the very best of care.

Wow. What a wonderful post. I agree with everything you said!

I have had the same conversation with my son - please find the best home I can afford and put me there! Do NOT spend your life taking care of me. I will have had more than my fair share of life - it will be my son's turn to have his.

Upping my 401K in the hopes I will have enough money to afford the NICE AL with the fancy dining room and activities!.

katirob · 12-29-2011, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ringo1

Wow. What a wonderful post. I agree with everything you said!

I have had the same conversation with my son - please find the best home I can afford and put me there! Do NOT spend your life taking care of me. I will have had more than my fair share of life - it will be my son's turn to have his.

Upping my 401K in the hopes I will have enough money to afford the NICE AL with the fancy dining room and activities!.

Wow - I know we've kind of hijacked this thread, but I'm amazed to see how many people have told their kids the same thing I told my son - "no matter what I say or how much I complain, put me in a home" - He's an only child and I just don't want him to give up his life for me. I was able to get long term care insurance through my job (that I can keep when I retire in a few years), plus we've also had 'the conversation' so he can proceed without guilt.

4doggiemama · 12-29-2011, 04:47 PM

Blessings for your efforts. ~Joanne~

My lil friend · 12-29-2011, 09:23 PM

Having walked this road with my mother and now mother in law and her 92yr old mother. Be sure that not only are the funds there. But make sure that someone has power of attorney,both financial and medical. If you have more than one child you can split the responsibilities between them. Make sure that your kids understand your wishes as to how things are to be split up and PUT IT IN A WILL.
If you are unable (like my mother) and the kids cannt get to your funds then they can not pay your bills.

Sweeti · 12-29-2011, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smokey2011

Okay... now that I have your attention, I am looking for someone who knows what it feels like to have a parent in nursing home care and have the constant stress and pressure of being the decision-maker, go-getter, care coordinator and health care system advocate while the rest of the siblings " got their own lives to lead, ya kno".

I am in desperate need of someone NOT directly involved, with whom I can share feelings and maybe advice. Xmas day was basically the last straw.

I do understand my mom lived w/ me because none of the other kids or grandkids made any effort to do anything even visit.I was 4 hours away & made the trip every weekend to see to her meds,clean house,wash,run errors & so on,until I said mom you have to come with me I can't do this anymore. One of her sons lived with her for years till she got sick,Then left & got an apartment.Oh yes he never gave mom a dime. Talk to me anytime you need too. God bless you!!

Wylie's Mom · 12-30-2011, 05:54 AM

Just wanted to offer some support...I really feel for you. I don't have a parent in a nursing home, but I took care of my Mom as she was dying from cancer (when I was 19-21), but she was at home. I have experience in nursing - and I can tell you, nursing homes and/or elder care can be so hard on the whole family...but especially the person who is the main caretaker (like you). I wish you the all the best, and I hope it helps to talk/vent about it.

zedhead · 01-10-2012, 12:16 AM

My Wife works in an AL facility, they have support groups available for siblings going thru this. One of the staff is involved as a liazon.

Also, check out your health care provider, they can offer some assitance in certain area's.

Good luck, and my prayers gowith you. We too, will be dealing with these decisions shortly.

12-29-2011, 09:54 AM	#17
CrimsonLuvsLola Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Evansville Indiana USA Posts: 196	My mother had cancer and I took care of her myself. My sister wasn't involved, and when I called on her for help she was too busy or didn't have money. Yet she was going out drinking and partying and having fun. We were 20 when Mom was diagnosed, and 21 when she died. I dropped out of college, took time off work and almost never left the house while she was ill. Its hard and so draining to go it alone. The last 3 months of moms life I ended up drinking heavily when she went to bed. __________________ Lola (2008), Sammy (2000), Zoe (1999-2012) Love my babies!

12-29-2011, 04:47 PM	#21
4doggiemama Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: KS Posts: 3,290	Blessings for your efforts. ~Joanne~ __________________ Joanne Eli ChipperEva Snowboy Rosie(R.I.P. 1996-July 29, 2013) Cocoa(R.I.P 1998-April 26, 2012):

12-30-2011, 05:54 AM	#24
Wylie's Mom Furbutts = LOVE Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 35,889 Blog Entries: 2	Just wanted to offer some support...I really feel for you. I don't have a parent in a nursing home, but I took care of my Mom as she was dying from cancer (when I was 19-21), but she was at home. I have experience in nursing - and I can tell you, nursing homes and/or elder care can be so hard on the whole family...but especially the person who is the main caretaker (like you). I wish you the all the best, and I hope it helps to talk/vent about it. __________________ ~ A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn. ~ °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨° Ann \| Pfeiffer \| Marcel Verdel Purcell \| Wylie \| Artie °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨°

12-29-2011, 10:06 AM	#18
My lil friend Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: FtWorth,TX,USA Posts: 3,269	I am SO GRATEFUL that my parents had the forthought to put money away!! Although their intentions was to travel in the RV it just didnt turn out that way. Because my children are kept up to date on everything that is going on with their grandmother and they see how draining it has been,I have given them my permission to put me in a facility if they can not have a life and care for me. Many years ago my great-great-grandmother lived with my father's family,he was a little boy, and everyone helped. But when you are alone and noone is willing to take the time and it be a team effort it is almost impossible. My friends tell me " the caregiver can not give care if the caregiver is not recieving care". All of you remember to take some time for YOU so you can give the very best of care.

12-29-2011, 09:23 PM	#22
My lil friend Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: FtWorth,TX,USA Posts: 3,269	Having walked this road with my mother and now mother in law and her 92yr old mother. Be sure that not only are the funds there. But make sure that someone has power of attorney,both financial and medical. If you have more than one child you can split the responsibilities between them. Make sure that your kids understand your wishes as to how things are to be split up and PUT IT IN A WILL. If you are unable (like my mother) and the kids cannt get to your funds then they can not pay your bills.

01-10-2012, 12:16 AM	#25
zedhead No Longer a Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Duluth, Mn. Posts: 140	My Wife works in an AL facility, they have support groups available for siblings going thru this. One of the staff is involved as a liazon. Also, check out your health care provider, they can offer some assitance in certain area's. Good luck, and my prayers gowith you. We too, will be dealing with these decisions shortly.