anyone else not close to their mother?
 

This time of year brings a mixture of happiness and such joy.
My mother lives about 15 minutes away from me yet I havent seen her in years.She was very verbally abusive to me as a kid and even as an adult I was hoping she would be different as a grandmother but she never really showed any interest in my kids.I finally ended it after years of begging her to call the kids once a month or come to their games she just never did and I hated seeing them disappointed.Ending it made me feel like I had some control over what happens which made me feel better but still when im out and see mothers and daughters out to lunch or grandmothers cheering their grandsons on at baseball games I feel that twinge in my heart and feel like I am the only one in his kind of situation.Anyone else in my boat?

In some ways, I'm in similar situations. My mom was my best friend growing up and shortly after I turned 18 she passed away. So I know that feeling when you are out shopping and you see a two ladies who are so obviously mom and daughter and yes, it makes me sad and I know that I am missing out on that. For me it's a bit more final than for you but I still find myself wondering sometimes what things would have been like for me and my kids if my mom was still here with us. My dad on the other hand is still alive and pretty much like your mom. He was physically abusive to my mom even as she was dieing from cancer. I've reached a point in my life where I've forgiven him but yet I'm not really sure that I want to open my life to him either....
I also find that I really miss my sister more this time of year. We always used to make plans together and now her husband is with another woman and things are just so different.....

I think what hurts most is what the kids miss out on.......what should be.

Danyell, you're definitely not the only one in that boat. My own parents live 3 miles away, but I haven't seen or spoken with them in years. My father was extremely abusive to me from the time I can remember in every way imaginable, and my mother did nothing to help me. She blamed me when it happened. Over the years I tried to be whatever it was I thought would make her love me. I have an older brother and a younger sister who were treated very well. I spent years trying to get the same. I have 3 great sons who she had very little to do with while they were growing up. The final straw was a few years ago when my great-niece was sexually abused by my sister's son, and they supported the abuser. I decided at that point I no longer wanted them in my life.
It has taken me a long time to get to the point I"m at today. It wasn't easy, but it was the right thing to do. I totally agree with you, at least it's taking some control over our lives. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband, 3 great adult sons, and 5 beautiful grandkids. There are times when I do feel that twinge of sadness, but she made the choice to miss out on a great daughter. I have a feeling your mother did the same.
It doesn't make the situation any better, but at least we know we're not alone. Blessings to you and your family, and if you ever want to talk I'm here. :heart to

I am not in the same situation as you ladies but I wanted to say thank you for sharing. Your stories have touched my heart... I have been feeling bad for myself at a few of the things going on between my Mom and me but now...I see that I am very blessed... I need to grow up a bit... and just be thankful.

Missing someone
 

I can truly understand your feelings. My mom was my best friend and she died at Christmas 18 years ago. I still feel like it was yesterday. I was adopted and told my birth mother died after I was born. Six years after my mom died I found out that my birth mother was alive and the adoption service contacted her for me. I lost my mother all over again as she wanted no contact with me, she never told her husband or kids about me. She was 15 when I was born. It really hurts when I know I have brothers and sisters but don't know where. I also have 4 sons, 2 of which I haven't seen for over 15 years. They are close to their dad who abused me for 13 years of marriage, guess they don't remember that, especially since he has money. My third son I finally saw after 14 years and we are growing closer. I guess every family has someone who either turns away or makes us choose to turn away. After all these years, I've come to realize that it's going to be them that suffers in the end. There are some things you can't take back. I would give anything for 5 more minutes with my mom.
Stand by your choice, it's the right one!

I loved your post and your honesty. I am so glad you took away what you did from this thread.
Love to all and peace this holiday season :hug:

I was close to my mom. Closer then my other sisters. My middle sister has always had trouble with my mom. They stopped talking and for a few years they didn't talk. One day my nephew (only a few years old at the time) wanted to see his grandma. So I took him over and she said some not very nice words toward him... Well I didn't talk to her for two years. I just couldn't see how a person could direct there anger at a child. My middle sister after many years started talking to my mom again. For my sisters peace of mind and not to make it weird...I invited her to my nursing graduation last December. I did it because I wasn't sure what to do, and I truly believe if there is a doubt it is better to go with her being there. I started going to functions that my mom was at. I always made sure to be polite saying hi. I am not going to lower my standards and be rude just because of someone else after all.

It is a hard decision to make. After the blow out with my mom I wrote my mother saying sorry for the way I talked to her and explained why I felt the way I felt. I never to this day have heard from her about it. I know she feels bad about what happened. But I don't care who a person is, if they do not respect you, they shouldn't expect it back. People treat you the way you let them. It is tough, and of course I wish things were different... But God gives you different experiances so you can learn from them... I feel this is just one of them. He may have given me a not so great mother but I look at what he has given me... The best Dad ever and wonderful sisters.

I miss my Mom too, she is not dead but almost, she sufferes from Alzheimer and has been in a nursing home now for almost a year. She does not remember my name or her grandkids or much of anything else. So I will be seeing her at Xmas but...:(

I feel the tears that you cry. I am also the outcast in my family. My mom was married and my dad died before I was born. I have a sister and 2 brothers
that are all close with my parents. I was shipped off to boarding school at 14. My dad was a very mean abusive alchoholic and my mom did not protect me with caused me to rebel and get in trouble. My parents never spent any time with my children but they do for my siblings children. My children are grown and my daughters have had children out of wedlock even though I raised them in the church so now they are shunned by my parents and siblings. I am stuck between the hurt and all children are gifts from GOD. He doesn't make mistakes. My children will not be going to my parents Christmas Eve fior the first time and they are all in their 20's. It is going to be hard to see the family minus mine together Chrismas Eve because of babies. I barley see or speak to my family and I will probably only spend alittle time with them this holiday. Its so sad all the hurt and pain over babies born.

I know, that was always a sore spot for me. I had very well-behaved, respectful kids who deserved to have good grandparents. I think it honestly bothered me more than it did them. As they got older, my middle son was "adopted" by his best friend's grandparents. They were so wonderful to him and I am eternally grateful for that. My
"boys" are all in their mid to late 20's now and all understand that the grandparents were the ones who missed out. Your kids know they have a mom who loves them - you're miles ahead for that.

Thank you Becky for your kind words ...having the kind of parents I had and childhood I experienced made me a stronger person and I knew what kind of parent I wanted to be for my kids...while i'm not always perfect they never doubt how deeply I care.And by having a lack of family my children realize just how precious it is to have people who truly love you surround them.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences while in my head I know Im not alone sometimes my heart feels differently.
I think I will hug them all a little longer tonight..........:rolleyes:

Bad mom!
 

I too know how it is to have a mom who is verbally abusive! My mom and dad divorsed when I was 3. She never came to see me my dad actually took me to her work so I could have 5min. with her. The time I did spend the night with her for whatever reason and god forbid I had nightmares she would beat and curse me! Then she moved to CO. Didn't see her till I was 7 or 8 she still beat and curse me when I had nightmares or cried for my dad. He stayed single all my life and raised me. After the years of visiting her till I turned 13 her and her hubby divorsed. Never saw her again for 8 more years. Then she had the audasity to say how I disgraced her family by having a son at 15 married my Hispanic hubby and OMG all the words and crying she did. For those 8 or so years she was dead to me! Besides all the moms are the best and how I need my mom speech I got from my dad. I did try to patch things up with her and let my 4yr old at the time see her. She was outrageous! I hated her and let her be dead to me for another 7 more years! She finally called a year ago and said she was sorry and accepted me and my family. So I figured fine sounds great! Yay! She grew up and loves me and my family now! I figured hay she has a 9 yr old son. She knows what it's like to be a mom finally! But no! I mean h*** to the NO! She made that week we spent with her the worst week of my entire life! One day she criticized me the next she was happy! Up and down she went for 7 days! Don't get me wrong in front of my kids she was sooo sweet! But alone she was completely horrid! I left and never thought twice about going back or calling her! I do feel bad sometimes and wish we could have something but I feel I've tried so many times I just don't have the strength to do it any more!! I feel for you I do and I wish you all the love in the world. It feel good not to be alone. I still have my daddy! :)

I don't remember a lot of my childhood as having fun. I was always cleaning, making meals, washing dishes, doing laundry, and watching the other kids. My mom would always find fault with anything I did and I ended up redoing until she was satisfied. I moved out when I was 18 and my life then began. When mom found out I was pregnant, she did not talk to me for 6 months, after the baby was born. While my son was smalll, she was very friendly. After my son andmoved to Miami for my job, she quit talking to me, only talking to my son. We moved back up north and she seldom talkd to me. My father just died November 29th and she called the other kids, but not me. I am finally in a spot where not talking to her doesn't bother me at all. My mom has her favorites, the other kids and grandkids. But as for me, we don't talk especially now that my dad has died. See he called every week to check on me. Mom won't cause I feel she doesn't care.

I'm not close to mine either. She drives me nuts. She is a self centered, materialistic, clueless, spoiled brat. She left us kids when we were 10 and 11 b/c she thought my dad didn't give her enough "freedom". To do what? To go ballroom dancing! Yes I kid you not.

She lied and said she bought her big diamond ring. I found out my dad bought it for her b/c she complained how come she doesn't have one and all her friends do.

One time on a family trip to Mammoth, she got all mad at us for being loud playing video games. The truth was it was her birthday and got mad she didn't get a present.

Also on road trips she would refuse to help my dad read maps, she said she didn't know how. It was just b/c she didn't want to be there, she deserved to be somewhere "glamorous" not a road trip in a rental car going across the country.

The clincher was a few years ago. She really wanted this purse that was like $350. I got it for her. She loved it, then the next day said it was too heavy, if she can trade it for something else. She brought it back to my shop and coincidentally a customer wanted to buy it that day. After they bought it, she asked me if I could get her another one!

Everytime I see her she has a new piece of bling, yet she always claims she is on a fixed income. Don't even get me started on her car!

She calls me for lunch for MY birthday, and I end up paying the bill! Oh and she orders extra food so she can have leftovers for later! It's only AFTER I pay and the change comes back she pretends to ask how much is the total. She knows my financial situation too, and I have never asked her for a dime.

She actually told me that when she sees me and my sis laughing and talking together, she knows she did a good job as a mom!

B/c of my mom none of us kids want to have kids.

I think I better stop now.