My mom and dad were never married, she was 21 when she had me. I later learned she had gotten pregnant at 16 and her dad made her get an abortion. My grandmother said she never forgave my grandpa for making her get one. Everyone in my family tells me how she would go out and party and leave me with my grandparents. My grandma is my hero. She raised me alot. My mother ended up meeting a man named Rusty. She got pregnant with my brother by him and got married.Before my brother was born I was Rusty's pride and joy. Once Jake ( my brother) came, I was like they say " the red headed step child".. only I was the blonde headed step child. I always came second. Jake was mommas little boy. My grandma got onto her and Rusty all the time about treating me like a second class citizen but it didnt matter. Well they got divorced and then got married again within about 2 years. They were into drugs and alcohol during my childhood but I was so young that I just thought they were naturally mean people. I always got the material things I wanted just like my brother but the emotional relationship was absent.

They ended up getting divorced again and it was pretty nasty. My mother of course got me ( my dad was never around ) and Rusty got Jake. My mother is an alcoholic. She fought in court to get weekends with my brother only to go out and get drunk and leave me to babysit him. I ended up in foster care at age 17 and stayed until I was 18. I have had an on and off relationship with me mother. My brother refuses to talk to her to this day. My ex-step father was killed in a car accident this past may and still, my brother won't talk to her.

To this day I will only call my mom if she has sent me a card to say thank you. I don't like talking to her. She goes through men like toilet paper and is a user ( gold digger ). While I was living with her in my teenage years she would come home with a different man every other weekend and I heard alot of things you don't really want to hear your mother say ( sexual things ). One time this man she brought home was so drunk he came out of her bedroom naked and was peeing all over himself. It was disgusting.

So all in all, I am so glad my grandmother was there to support me. I never got any support from my mother. I call my grandma at LEAST once a week to just check on her. I found the love from a parent in her. She will even tell her friends she feels like I am hers. So what do I have to say about all of this? God put me through all of this for a reason. I am sure of it. It made me stronger and built my character. I know what kind of a mom I don't want to be. I really don't want children. I think my childhood has alot to do with it. I was always being tossed from mothers to grandmothers.... but hey I am still alive and kicking. Married, awesome husband and two beautiful dogs. I am blessed no matter what my past is!

Sorry for rambling... just want you to know you are not the only one out there! Take care and PM me if you ever need anyone to talk to !

I love my Mother, I love my father too, but they gave me the worst childhood ever, the never care about what I like or wanted and Im not talking about material things, my dad was and old fashion kind of man,so the belt was always close, my dad would beat us up in front of her, also my grandmother would and she wouldn't say a word, my older brother was also a bully and i never got help from anyone in my family, i started to work at the age of 16 and moved out if my house when I was 17, as soon I started to make my own money I always helped them but they never tried to help me, I got married and my ex husband was a monster he use to beat me up every day and I never said a word to any one bc of the shame, when they found out, they told me to tried my best ( my ex is a sucessful man who runs his own business and have money), untill the day he almost kill me with his car........anyway after I came here, we talk more and its ok, but lately Is just about the money they need and things like that.....I stoped talking to them and my mother was very sad, so was I, my sister talked to me and convinced me to talk to her again, so I did, just to pay $1500 to the bank for a loan they couldn't afford to pay, so ok I paid and after that she is still asking me for more money everytime I call her.....:rolleyes:, I do love my family but I don't feel close to them...

No perfect families
 

I have heard a few people that all they can talk about is how perfect their childhood was and what a perfect family they have. I've come to the point in life where I figure they are either fooling themselves or trying to fool everyone else. No one has a perfect family life, some are just worse than others. For those of us who grew up with bad parents, we are stronger for it. Even though it hurts, we have stood up to the pain and loss and have done what we needed to to protect ourselves and our kids.
My parents never knew that I had an abusive marriage, I just couldn't bring myself to admit that I made that big of a mistake. My ex was such a con that they probably wouldn't have believed me anyway. Until after 13 years it came to do I kill myself or him? I called my mom and finally told her, she agreed to help me, my kids needed their mom. Apparently not as much as she thought they did! It hurts to hear them say that they think I was a bad mom, they don't remember me protecting them from a drunken
sadistic father. I have given up trying to explain to them, all I can tell them is that they never went one day without a mom that loved them. Some kids can't say that. I have learned a lot of lessons in life and am blessed that my 3rd marriage is to a wonderful guy who I know loves me and would never hurt me. If my kids can't deal with that, it's their problem, I am always here for them. My husband has kids and grandkids that I adore and they are so good to me. It's hard sometimes to understand the way things work. I guess we aren't suppose to understand, we are suppose to learn from this life. I have learned and I know for sure that I have lived previous lives, but I also know that this life will be the last. When it's time to go home to the other side where there is no anger, no violence, no lonelyness only unconditional love and peace, that's where I am staying. God bless you all for everything you have endured. It's a tough way to learn but it's what we chose and we must fulfill that life.

I am not the only one..
 

I can see my my moms apartment from my office buidling and I haven't been there in months. My mom and father (aka sperm donor) were married right our of high school and had an awful marriage. My mom even stayed with him after finding out that he had a baby with my babysitters daughter. Yea I know how great is that? I have a sister and a half sister that are two months apart in age. My mom stayed with him because she was a stay at home mom and he was a disabled vet. He was our only source of income. The split about a year after my baby sister was born. My mom remarried several years later to a man who was a mean self centered pig. My sisters and I constanly saw my mother choose him over her own daughters and he was verbally abusive to all of us. I just wanted to see her stand up for us just one time. He has since died and she has remarried to a guy who has completely pi@@ed off her entire family. I have a daughter from my first marriage and have since remarried. I understand what it is like to have "steps" involved but I also know that my daughter will always be my daughter but my husband might not always be my husband. She does come first. (please understand she isn't allowed to be a brat.) But, I would just like to know that my mother put her girls first. My current step father doesn't like my sisters dropping by to visit or her three grand children coming over to do with crafts with their grandmother.

It sounds like we could all write a book.

I want to open my heart to all of you who posted in this thread. hugs
and kisses to each and everyone of you.. my heart is hurting for all and im sorry for all your pain.. I dont know how any of you feel because i have the best mom in the whole world and i would die if she werent here.. and this is no joke. :ghug:

Some people are not equipped to be parents for one reason or another, but end up with kids they are not mature or emotionally ready for, thus, they do not have any parenting skills or the desire to have them. The kids then are targets for their miserable existence. Some parents just "practice" on their kids and don't really get anything right till they have grandkids to spoil, and some never change. We just need to pray for them because they must be very unhappy souls.
When you don't have parents to share with, there are always friends. Just don't let the past bring you back. Move ahead and make sure you become the parents to your kids like you would have liked for you. ;)

My mom moved 2500 miles away, my brother followed her a year later and my other brother has been military and around the world for over 10 years. I see my mom 3x a year maybe if that... we were never really close but since she moved and my brother followed I feel so seperated from my family now. I hear my friends talk about their moms and shopping and dinners and lunches, and I get harried phone calls b/t her visits with my nephew (my brother and his wife had a baby) and phone calls from my brother in the military. I just seem to be an afterthought. I know its not the same, and I don't have kids of my own for her to neglect and me to be mad about... its just me but I understand part of how you feel. Part of you misses her, part of your resents the h*ll out of her!

I didn't used to be close to my mom. Not at all. There was no real reason for it, she wasn't mean or abusive, she was just not open. We didn't have the kind of relationship where I could talk to her about my life. I was raped when I was 18 and I couldn't tell my mom. She didn't seem to care to know about my life or my friends or my boyfriends or what I was doing with my time. I moved 4 hours from home and would only talk to her maybe once a month, if that.

Earlier this year she had a stroke and it was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. My dad didn't even call my brother and I to let us know what was going on. We got calls from my mom's friend asking if she was in the hospital and if she was okay and my mind just went into frantic WTF mode. When we called the hospital they could only tell us that yes, she was there, but they were not allowed to tell us her condition or what was wrong with her at all. Of course the worst possibilities were running through my mind and I thought I was too young to lose my mom and instantly regretted all the years I haven't even tried to make her open up.

That night is the first time IN MY LIFE that I told my mom I loved her. Thank God she is now okay, and I now make a point to call her almost every single day.

I ADORED my mother though she has long passed. My father is still here and I absolutely adore him as well. I cannot even fathom feeling the way you feel. It would drive me insane! But also, I cannot imagine having parents like the ones you speak of. I'm sorry for you and your children. How hard that must be for you to have to go thru this especially this time of year. You have to figure its her loss. You can't change the way things are because you have tried. You gave her many opportunities and she has ignored them all. You've done your part.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't believe your Mother would be so heartless as to not tell you herself about your Father. Believe me, I know all about trouble in families and am convinced there is no perfect "Leave It To Beaver" type family out there but, whatever problems she has with any of her kids stops at something as serious as death. Sorry, but she sounds pretty small minded.

As far as the rest of you who've shared your stories, thank you for your sharing and I truley hope you all have found inner peace.

I am heartbroken reading this thread. :( but how wonderful to see that you guys have turned out well and some of you are even doing a great job of raising your own families. My mom and I are incredibly close, she is litterally my best friend. I'm 16, and most of my friends right now "hate" their moms for one reason or another (usually a stupid one. Not like you guys, who have legit reasons to not be close to your moms), and I'm so grateful that I'm not going through that stage. I think a lot of the reason I have skipped the "parents suck" stage is because my mom became sick & disabled when I was about 12...so it kind of changed everything and the way I view the things that happen to me.

My dad and I don't get along as well as I'd like, though. :( We love each other a lot, but he works really hard to take care of the family (since my mom can't work), and doesn't sleep much, and is constantly stressed about money, so he's not such a pleasent person to be around all the time. I don't blame him, because he's under so much stress with taking care of my mom and all of us. I'm sure that one day when this is past us my dad and I will be very close, because the times when he's not thinking about all of his problems, we have a great time together.