Men
 

Can someone please explain them to me? Thanks.

Wish I could Kristy. Whats going on?? You ok? Need to talk Im here for ya girl.

"Men are like toilets, the good ones are taken and the rest of them are full of crap."

I wouldn't even try!!!!!

They are their own species!!!!

Trust me, I live with one from Mars!!!!

Which a great book to read is--Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!!!

And Mars and Venus On A Date!!!-- great read!!!!

2 very interesting books!! :rolleyes:

Children in tall bodies.

Stupid/funny man joke!!!!

Whats the diff between Men and Gov't bonds???????????




Gov't bonds mature!!!!

Wish i could also but i got a good one so i see myself as very blessed not to have one that is an a**hole.

Hey, I found a funny joke that might cheer you up if you're down.


How dogs and men are the same:

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both mark their territory.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither understands what you see in cats.


How dogs are better than men:

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas (okay, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Men, when youve got them by the (base)balls their hearts and minds will follow.

Good One!!
 

That is a good one that made me LMAO. :lol tears

LOL!!! Been married for 13 years and still don't get my husband sometimes.

i agree on that well except my hubby does the dishes and vacuums and cooks man do i have it good glad i found my hubby i am one lucky 20 yr.old.

kelly, that's a good one.

Big Daddy is cool and he does understand that happy wife makes happy life, he understands who's boss and he doesn't call me The General for nuthin', BUT he is freakin' ornery as hell sometimes and when he gets like that I just call my girlfriends and go out for a cocktail ;)

What's up K?????

I knew you guys would make me laugh. Hehe.

Ummmmmmm... What's up? Nothing. Just having a bit of a hard time lately. Stewie is the only man I trust!!!!!! :D

i meant not an a**hole

Another silly/stupid man joke!!!!

How are men and noodles alike?????????




They are always in hot water, they lack taste and need some more dough!!!!!



I hope we are cheering you up a bit!!!!!

Grate joke
 

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind
him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura
Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of
the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good
explanation.

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and
hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, "What was that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called."

LMAO!!!!! hahahahahh Good one!

Hahahahah!!

2004 WORST MAN OF THE YEAR WINNERS 3rd place
 

They can be real jerks!

2004 WORST MAN OF THE YEAR WINNERS 2nd place
 

just when you thought it couldn't get much worse!

And The 1st Winner Is,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 

This made me laugh!

Those pics are funny. A friend sent them to me for a laugh but at the time I just quit a job because my boss sent me a porn email entitiled "If Men Could Knit" that I freaked out over. Only good thing about it - I ratted on him at the temp agency I worked with - since it was over porn - I've been on unemployment for the summer. My boss got in bigtime trouble. I guess everyone will have to go through sensitivity classes. LOL! I worked with all guys in customer service. I still laugh knowing my boss is going to have to sit through classes.

Oh my gosh you guys have me doubled over laughing!!!! Esp. with those pictures and 'how men are like toilets'!

And how men are "children in tall bodies" - gosh no wonder I feel like a wife and mother and I don't even have kids yet, LOL! (other than Sully of course)

So many funny jokes!

I hope you're not all alienated in terms of men.

It's true that "Men are from Mars..." is a good book, though it is somewhat "simple" in it's perception of both sexes.

This might give you a clue - or it might not help you at all:

Every relationship we are in comes down to this:
You get what you think you deserve
This might be provoking to some but that is the painful truth.
So how do you determine what you think you deserve?

The answer is to look at yourself and your selfesteem - do you think of yourself as a bad person not worthy of love? A lesser being who must hide who you really are to make people love you? Who thinks that you can not demand of a relationship what is in fact important for you?

Well, the answer is really quite simple - work hard on your selfesteem and you'll get a wonderful man - because you see yourself as wonderful. It is really that simple - trust me!

Since english is not my first language I need to clear up that I am not talking about selfconfidence, but selfesteem - to me selfesteem is about how you see and love yourself.
Selfconfidence can be taught in a 3 hour lecture, that's not what I'm talking about.

So.....if a man is treating you badly and you know you are worth loving, you will just call him an idiot and move on.
(Yesterday a man caressed my ass in a café and I gave him a good tell-off, so the waiter came and asked him to leave - and I thought no more about it until i saw your post)
But if your selfesteem is low you will be very affected by idiots because somehow you feel "hit" - you feel personally harmed even if the person bothering you just is a born jerk. Somewhere inside you will feel that you deserve being treated badly and that is what will make you feel hurt and angry.

You know when it comes to relationships with men and we talk about how they never share their feelings - this is also up to you!

You share your feelings and tell him it is important for you that he shares his with you.
If you expect him to share his feelings from the start he will quickly learn that you are a safe place to do this and he will start doing it if he has the selfesteem.
If you on the other hand have an attitude saying "Men never talk about feelings and I just don't get them" - well, if I were a man I wouldn't share s.h.i.t with you...

You need to show them that YOU can share and that it is allright to share - and that you expect him to share - not by being bossy or demanding, but by telling him it is a really important thing for you. (And this is difficult if you don't see yourself as a sharing person)
If he won't share then you won't be a couple - cause if you did, you would be frustrated and unsatisfied anyway. So the right thing happens. Either he shares or he leaves. (Or you kick him for not sharing)

If you have been in a marriage where none of you have shared and you miss sharing (because you love him and care for him, NOT because you want confirmation from him - that's a whole other story) and you just haven't been good enough to tell him the importance it has to you, then tell him: "Honey really sharing our feelings with each other has always been and is very important to me. I haven't been good enough to tell you this, but I can feel that this is bothering me and so I want you to know that I really would love for you to share your emotions. It's not because I want confirmation from you or judge your inner secrects - it's because I love you and I feel we could get closer if we were more open to each other. And I want to get closer to you."

Maybe you will need some help with this process, especially if none of you have been used to sharing, it can be an overwhelming and terrifying experience.
But it really is worth it - imagine to have a partner who loves you no matter what you think, do or feel - they might not agree or feel the same, but they love you for what you are - all the way through!
This is not impossible, but you need to decide if this is what you want and then work for it :)

And when you have a relationship like that his socks on the floor won't bother you as much, you'll just go tell him, "Honey, your socks are on the floor, I'd really like you to pick them up now. :smile:
And he'll say "oh" and give out a little laugh because he again forgot that the socks should go in the laundry basket and go pick them up and put them there - because he wants to make you happy, especially when he is not scolded, blamed or judged by his actions, but loved by a woman for everything he is :)

Long thread - have a nice day everyone :)

:lol tears :lol tears :lol tears

Awww Kristy.. I am sorry you are going through this... If you need to talk, i am hear for ya!

1. He said....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said... You wear pants don't you?

2. He said...Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said...That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart

3. He said...What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror

4. On a wall in a ladies room...."My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it..."I do not"

5. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

6. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them

7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it's never happened

8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.

9. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

10. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They are married.

Ever notice how all woman's problems start with men?

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW I just never looked at it this way before:
MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist....and when we have real trouble, it's a HIS terectomy.

Never heard that one before - that is funny! :)