Originally Posted by kewtee So many funny jokes!
I hope you're not all alienated in terms of men.
It's true that "Men are from Mars..." is a good book, though it is somewhat "simple" in it's perception of both sexes.
This might give you a clue - or it might not help you at all:
Every relationship we are in comes down to this:
You get what you think you deserve
This might be provoking to some but that is the painful truth.
So how do you determine what you think you deserve?
The answer is to look at yourself and your selfesteem - do you think of yourself as a bad person not worthy of love? A lesser being who must hide who you really are to make people love you? Who thinks that you can not demand of a relationship what is in fact important for you?
Well, the answer is really quite simple - work hard on your selfesteem and you'll get a wonderful man - because you see yourself as wonderful. It is really that simple - trust me!
Since english is not my first language I need to clear up that I am not talking about selfconfidence, but selfesteem - to me selfesteem is about how you see and love yourself.
Selfconfidence can be taught in a 3 hour lecture, that's not what I'm talking about.
So.....if a man is treating you badly and you know you are worth loving, you will just call him an idiot and move on.
(Yesterday a man caressed my ass in a café and I gave him a good tell-off, so the waiter came and asked him to leave - and I thought no more about it until i saw your post)
But if your selfesteem is low you will be very affected by idiots because somehow you feel "hit" - you feel personally harmed even if the person bothering you just is a born jerk. Somewhere inside you will feel that you deserve being treated badly and that is what will make you feel hurt and angry.
You know when it comes to relationships with men and we talk about how they never share their feelings - this is also up to you!
You share your feelings and tell him it is important for you that he shares his with you.
If you expect him to share his feelings from the start he will quickly learn that you are a safe place to do this and he will start doing it if he has the selfesteem.
If you on the other hand have an attitude saying "Men never talk about feelings and I just don't get them" - well, if I were a man I wouldn't share s.h.i.t with you...
You need to show them that YOU can share and that it is allright to share - and that you expect him to share - not by being bossy or demanding, but by telling him it is a really important thing for you. (And this is difficult if you don't see yourself as a sharing person)
If he won't share then you won't be a couple - cause if you did, you would be frustrated and unsatisfied anyway. So the right thing happens. Either he shares or he leaves. (Or you kick him for not sharing)
If you have been in a marriage where none of you have shared and you miss sharing (because you love him and care for him, NOT because you want confirmation from him - that's a whole other story) and you just haven't been good enough to tell him the importance it has to you, then tell him: "Honey really sharing our feelings with each other has always been and is very important to me. I haven't been good enough to tell you this, but I can feel that this is bothering me and so I want you to know that I really would love for you to share your emotions. It's not because I want confirmation from you or judge your inner secrects - it's because I love you and I feel we could get closer if we were more open to each other. And I want to get closer to you."
Maybe you will need some help with this process, especially if none of you have been used to sharing, it can be an overwhelming and terrifying experience.
But it really is worth it - imagine to have a partner who loves you no matter what you think, do or feel - they might not agree or feel the same, but they love you for what you are - all the way through!
This is not impossible, but you need to decide if this is what you want and then work for it :)
And when you have a relationship like that his socks on the floor won't bother you as much, you'll just go tell him, "Honey, your socks are on the floor, I'd really like you to pick them up now. :smile:
And he'll say "oh" and give out a little laugh because he again forgot that the socks should go in the laundry basket and go pick them up and put them there - because he wants to make you happy, especially when he is not scolded, blamed or judged by his actions, but loved by a woman for everything he is :)
Long thread - have a nice day everyone :)
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