That's a long time to put up with that stuff....so his own room is nice and neat and he leaves a mess out where you have to see it and deal with it?
Hmmm. I have a good idea....take all his crap and put it on (or better yet...IN) his bed.....so you don't have to see it anymore and you don't have to clean it up....just take it to his nice clean tidy room and put it under his covers. It will be like a big surprise for him when he comes home. And I'd do it EVERY SINGLE time he leaves a mess. It's a lack of respect and responsibility....even dogs GET IT:rolleyes:.

And just tell him you like to be able to sit/live/look at a nice neat home and you work to keep it that way, so you just tidied up....so now his room is like the way he must feel comfy b/c that's how he left the rest of the house

Sorry your BIL is being a slob. He doesn't sound like a 30 yr old though. He sounds like a 20 yr old college kid. I can't believe he has you and your dh buying and cooking food. what a moocher. His idea of doing the dishes sounds like my old roommate. I use to get so frustrated. I hope it gets better soon. i'd have to say something though. I've never been good with keeping my mouth shut. :rolleyes:

This is a hard thing to deal with, but it's very workable.
 

I went through something similar once, many years ago. Never again. I've had many friends who have gone through it, and I have one who is going through it right now and is really on the verge of a divorce. Really, she's on the verge of a divorce. She asked just earlier today if she could come stay with is for a few weeks.

If you've already tried to explain to the brother-in-law, and especially to the husband, what your concerns are, and that isn't working, distance yourself by pretending neither he nor his mess is there. This will be REALLY hard if you're a fastidious person, and will make your husband think you've lost your mind.

When you cook, cook enough only for two people. One of those would be you, the other would be your husband, or the BIL if he chooses to give his breakfast, lunch, or dinner to the BIL. That's his choice.

When you clean, clean up only your own messes. If you spill something on the counter, wipe it up. If the BIL does it, just leave it. If he leaves empty cans setting around the house, just leave them. If he decides to cook since you won't cook for him, and he leaves a mess, don't clean it up. After it becomes bad enough, explain to your husband that you can't cook until the stove/oven is cleaned because it's a fire hazard. See how the hubby likes either ordering pizza or cleaning the kitchen after his brother ever night.

There are a lot of other things I could say, but you get the idea. Unless slavery has been reinstated and I haven't heard about it, there's no reason for you to live like this. You can simply stop cleaning up after other people, but for a while you're going to have to grin and take all the cans around the house. I'd be willing to bet your hubby will put a stop to it once you just stop doing it. That's going to mean either he has to start doing it or get the BIL to start acting like an adult.

It would be unusual for your hubby to be willing to do this himself. Most adults aren't willing to clean up after other adults. The problem is that you're the one doing it right now and the hubby isn't feeling any pain from it. As long as you keep your own standards, you're good to go. If the hubby says, "Hey, why isn't this mess cleaned up?" and you just smile and say, "I'm not sure. I didn't make it," he'll eventually get the picture ;)

my Hubby FINALLY talked to his brother... :D but... the STUPID thing ... when my hubby told him that he needed to help clean... he said "I do" ROFL!!! than hubby said NO you dont! lol then he agreed that he would help... so heres hoping...:hands::goodluck: